Update in OP I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

RedTwizzlers · January 2014

You guys, I am a total mess. Last night I slept a grand total of 20 min. My heart was pounding and I couldn't sleep. Probably partly due to jet lag, partly due to stress. Today I had to escape to the bathroom to keep from falling asleep at school. I figured I'd be able to sleep tonight.

Wrong. I have been lying in bed for 2 hours. Can't sleep. Heart is pounding when I try to sleep, but not otherwise. I must be anxious. Hmmm, I wonder why?! I am terrified and convinced this pg will be another cornual BO (which, btw, who even gets one of those, let alone 2?) I will have to do the whole m/c thing, which will ruin my graduation joy. On top of that, I think a cut I got on my leg from some coral is infected.

I'm talking to insurance people about the pg and my leg, and people in Sweden about my pg. I am really stressed about some school stuff that I don't need to get into.

DH isn't here to hug me. Can I please get some hugs? And any advice you have on how to fall asleep when you're like this?

Sorry to be an AW. I am just lying here crying and I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. And scared. And I don't know what.

Thanks for listening.

Xoxo,
Red

****UPDATE:
Thanks so much everyone for your support and ideas. I did sleep about 5 hrs last night. Hoping for more today but we'll see.

Neither clinic called me today. Sooo upset. But I called the clinic here. They said they'd see me at 7 1/2 wks. I said I had to be seen this week (6w2d today). She (nurse) said that you can't see anything this early, which is obv complete and utter bullshit. I asked if they had transvaginal US and she got all snippy, saying "yes, that is the only way to see anything early on. this is a specialty clinic, we are very experienced in this." Oh my god I almost yelled at her, lol

But after 1 hr on the phone, I got an appt for thurs (6w4d). I'm expecting the worst but I guess there's always a chance.

And I'm heading to urgent care now for my leg

Thanks again. You guys are the best.

angelaclev · January 2014

I am lurking from TTCAL but wanted to offer some ((HUGS)).

kateitho · January 2014

One word. Benadryl. I usually don't take OTC meds, but I figure it's safer than my anti-anxiety meds, and it knocks me out cold for 6-7 blissful hours. Take a warm shower and try to breathe. It seems we're all having PgAL brain tonight.

OSUWifey09 · January 2014

I second the Benadryl. I'm about to take some because I haven't been able to sleep the last few nights, either. I'm so sorry that things are tough right now; I really hope it gets better. *hugs*

kateitho · January 2014

And smear your wound with Neosporin, so it doesn't get worse

RedTwizzlers · January 2014

kateitho said:
And smear your wound with Neosporin, so it doesn't get worse

Already did it! Haha. I was considering Benadryl but i only have 1 pill and I just realized it expired feb 2013. Might still work but I have to be up in 7 hours. And I was worried it might hurt the baby even though I know it's safe. Ugh

Thanks guys

kateitho · January 2014

My doctor told me as long as I'm not taking it regularly, it's fine up to a 3 nights a week. I have super bad eczema (which nothing I can take while pg makes it go away), and sometimes I get so itchy I just cry instead of sleep. It helps. Also (((((HUGS))))) PgAL is hard!

kateitho · January 2014

I know this also sounds stupid, but old Disney movies, Home Alone, or A River Runs Through It always put me right to sleep.

MollySm · January 2014

((Hugs)) I've got nothing, but just know that you aren't alone. The terror is a terrible feeling. I wish none of us had to feel it.

Unknown · January 2014

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Emma2370 · January 2014

Hugs and more hugs, sorry things are so tough right now.maybe take a warm shower to relax. You will get through this. You are strong, you are amazing.hang in there.

Rachaeleigh · January 2014

...lurking...

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I say go for the benadryl. This may sound silly but after you try sleeping for 20 min or so, flip in your bed ( with head at foot of bed). Of course try this a different night or tonight....( I'm not sure where you are our what time you originally posted

) )
Another sometimes useful trick is to try and stay awake... go to a different room and start reading a book or watching one of those movies Katie mentioned.
GL and (hugs)

kimmyberly26 · January 2014

Hugs to you hun. I'm sorry that DH can't be there with you right now. Try taking a warm shower, taking your last benedryl, turning the lights down and listening to some relaxing music.

I suffered from a few panic attacks this pregnancy. DH told me that I need to be optimistic and shouldn't stress about the things that I cannot control, like snedge said.
Try to find a way to rid yourself of the anxiety. You can do this!

SandSunBliss · January 2014

I second the kids movies. Something that makes you happy from your childhood. That has worked for me before. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Big (((hugs))). I've definitely been there with the crazy out of control anxiety. I'm sure your leg wound isn't helping your cause... I hope you are able to calm down and get some sleep, and peace, love.

EKGibs · January 2014

(((((Huge hugs)))))) I hope you were able to sleep some. >:D<

RedTwizzlers · January 2014

Thanks so much you guys. I ended up sleeping 5 solid hours which is not a lot but much much better than nothing. It's a start at least. Waiting for Sweden to call.

MrsHamon09 · January 2014

Oh hun so many ((hugs)). Try not to stress PP have given wonderful advice and I agree take some benadryl you need sleep love after some sleep you should feel hopefully less anxious. I am not sure what your asking insurance about but I would see if maybe they can do some BW if not an u/s if you can afford it to put your mind at ease. We all understand anxiety. I hope you can rest soon.

LM915 · January 2014

I'm glad you got some sleep!! ((Hugs))

MyFirstRaspberry · January 2014

I want to send more hugs. Jet lag is no joke so be kind to yourself.

FWIW, when I lay down, I feel my heavy/powerful pulse. My acupuncturist says this is a good thing. Sometimes it "sounds" so loud in my head, it's difficult to fall asleep. I'm getting used to it.

alleycat39 · January 2014

Sending you many hugs! I am glad to hear you did get some sleep!

CaitNMatt · January 2014

Sorry I am a bit late to this post, but I wanted to offer my ((hugs))!!! I have to echo the other ladies in that Benadryl truly does help. I only took it once with DD but it knocked me out for like 10 hours! I also have been practicing certain mantras and sayings during this pregnancy to help my nerves and anxieties. I try to not "push" praying on people, as I know it's not for everyone, but it's what I rely on in every aspect of my life. So, whether its a mantra, praying, or even hot baths or pedicures... you have to do what works for YOU. Again, I am not saying any of these things work for everyone, but it's what helps me. I am sorry that you are finding yourself struggling and I am sure that not sleeping makes it worse. I truly hope that you find something to help you sleep, and hopefully a good nights sleep will help you. I know you have a lot of support from the ladies here, but feel free to PM me anytime if you need anything!! I will keep you in my prayers @RedTwizzlers

carlsonbaby2014 · January 2014

Lurking

I am late to this but wanted to send lots of big ((((((((hugs)))))))) your way. Hoping this is all just a minor bump in the road and that there is smooth sailing ahead.

Serenla · January 2014

(((((Hugs)))) I'm glad you got some sleep hun, tonight try a warm shower before bed and all of the kids movies. You can always come here for hugs.

Edit spelling.

rmpar29 · January 2014

::Lurking::

Sending you lots of ((HUGS))!! I hope you are able to get your insurance figured out soon. My OB also recommended Tylenol PM when I couldn't sleep. Obviously not something to take every night, but once in awhile is OK. Thinking of you Red!

MrsWallick · January 2014

Big squishy (((hugs))) Red!!! So sorry you're feeling anxious and having trouble sleeping. I think you got great advice from PPs so just more (((hugs))) here!

ksyknelvr73 · January 2014

I was going to say Tylenol PM - that would be one of my last resorts - but others have offered good suggestions as well. I'm sorry you're so anxious and worried. ((HUGS))

km_md · January 2014

I don't really have any advice for you, but I can offer lots of ((hugs)) You are going through a lot right now, so your stress makes perfect sense, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

princezjk · January 2014

So.Many.(((((HUGS))))) I am glad you got some sleep last night, hopefully tonight is better!

buggirl72 · January 2014

***lurking***

So many big (((hugs))) being sent your way. I'm glad you were able to get some sleep. Only ten more days until graduation. You are so close to being done. Hang in there.

Since you are at a hospital is there anyway you can get someone to take a quick peep at your cut? Coral is nasty stuff and you may need to do a round of antibiotics.

MsAmandaPants · January 2014

Oh, Red, I am so sorry. Sleepless nights are the absolute worst, particularly when you are trapped in an anxiety spiral. My heart goes out to you. The only thing that really, really helps my sleep is exercise. I know you are exhausted, but if you can manage to get in a little exercise to generate those fabulous chemicals that are responsible for REM sleep, it can make all the difference in the world (and help with the anxiety, too). Otherwise, sometimes it is a matter of just eventually caving to the exhaustion. Big, big (((hugs))).

Stasi · January 2014

Internet hugs for you! You are going to get through all of this...just take a couple deep breathes. Hope your day starts to look up soon!

LifeofCat · January 2014

I'm sorry I'm quite late to this but I just want to send you some love & (((hugs)))...good to see that you got at least a few hours of solid sleep. I hope tonight treats you a bit better xox

MommaAshley12 · January 2014

Big hugs! Hope you got some sleep.

meli1025 · January 2014

HUGE (((HUGS)))

Caz1984 · January 2014

Huge ((hugs)) coming your way. I'm so sorry your going through all this. I'm glad you got some sleep though.

Amores0121 · January 2014

Aw I'm so sorry ((hugs)). I hope you are able to relax and get some sleep tonight.

KMW08 · January 2014

Lurking...

(((Hugs))) I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now & feeling so anxious.

RedTwizzlers · January 2014

Wow, I am overwhelmed by all your support. Thank you all so very much.

My clinic in Sweden never called. I am super upset and annoyed, and this is not going to help me sleep better, that's for sure. I had a phone appointment and she didn't call. I feel like they're not taking me seriously which is really obnoxious, not to mention medically irresponsible considering my history. I really like my regular dr and I really wish she wasn't on sick leave.

Now I'm just crossing everything that the clinic here calls me today like they're supposed to. This girl needs an ultrasound for realz.

JAW2 · January 2014

(((Hugs))) sounds like there's been some good advice. Try to hang in there with the PgAL brain. It gets to all of us.

alm288 · January 2014

LURKING from TTCAL . . .

Oh I get really emotional with jetlag - that lack of sleep and time zones do funny things to me! I also find laying in bed at night, I have the worst ideas. I always feel better in the morning.

I hope you are able to get some rest tonight and over jetlag soon! Maybe you will feel better in the morning >:D<

tbiscuit18 · January 2014

I just wanted to send some more ((HUGS)). I hope you're able to get some sleep tonight. Take care of yourself!

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Update in OP I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Re: Update in OP I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

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** Update in OP** I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Re: ** Update in OP** I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Began trying for a baby January 2012BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

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Update in OP I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Re: Update in OP I am a total mess. I can haz hugs? (Long AW post)

Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014