May 2014 Moms

Do I really have to be the one to bring up circumcision?

ykristosykristos member
edited January 2014 in May 2014 Moms
My partner and I disagree on whether or not our son should be circumcised. He thinks that if we choose not to do so, our son will face social issues and will be confused as to why he doesn't "match" with his dad and older brother (despite the fact that 80% of men in the world are not circumcised, only 60% are in the US, and rates are falling as people become more informed, and the matching argument is the silliest thing I've ever heard). My argument is that it's a painful, elective procedure that is no longer recommended nor known to have many actual benefits beyond... aesthetics. I know that the risk of complication is rather low, but I still see no reason to do it as it's not medically necessary. We're normally on the same page with these sorts of things, but we're at a stalemate.

Anyway, for those of you who know you're having a son (or are team green), have you dealt with any similar issues? We've tabled the discussion for now, but I'm a bit worried that he's not going to come around to the fact that I'm right and I don't see myself ultimately consenting to the procedure. Conundrum! 

If you have nothing to add, you can just use this space to talk about penises in general. Whatever works. 

Edit: Oh. and, if you already have a son who has been circumcised, feel free to share your experiences with how it went and if there have been any issues!  


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Re: Do I really have to be the one to bring up circumcision?

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  • You'll get a million answers on this. I agree the procedure is horrible. My husband is an MD, is circumcised, and has more reasons than not why he prefers circumcising baby. We will opt for the procedure.
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  • I was scared to have it done to DS.  DS was so tiny (early and IUGR) and it just seemed unnecessary.  I was really torn. The only real reason I had it done is because my brothers are not circumcised and one of them had some sort of blood flow complication of diabetes and had to be circumcised at age 40 and it was terrible for him.  It turned out to not be as big of a deal as I thought.  But I can completely understand people who elect not to do it.  Neither my Dad nor my other brother have ever had any problems that I am aware of...not that we talk about it around the dinner table.   
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  • Miles2Go said:
    If that is his main argument, ask him how often he plans to compare penises with his son. 

    We are not doing it, and have agreed on that. Good luck! I know it is hard to change someone's mind on this topic. 

    Yep, that is what I said. I mean, I know it's external so it's a bit different, but it's not like my mom and I, or my sisters and I, ever sat around comparing whether or not our vaginas looked alike. I don't think I'd be crestfallen to find out it looked a little different, anyway. Ugh. 


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  • I'm not sure where you live but when I was researching info to present to my h I found a map of percentages by state. In a lot of states its actually more common not to circ. So where you live if he was circed he could be in the minority.
  • We circumsized DS. He wasn't traumatized. The official "ruling" is that it is neither recommended for nor against. It's a personal choice and one you two will need to figure out together. Maybe each of you should pull up some research and can each "argue" your case then together weigh pros and cons.

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  • My DH and I went through the same thing months ago! But luckily we came to an agreement right before we found out that we are having a boy. I was like your DH and didn't see a problem with it. But we are both very factual people, so I asked him to provide solid facts and he did. He firmly believes that it falls under genital mutilation and that it should be his choice on what to do whit his body part. Also, like you said there are reports that less and less people are going through with it. Before we know, it will be the norm and all this arguing won't matter. Once I really thought about it, I agreed to not circumcise. I feel like someone with a penis might know more about penises :).

    That being said, I don't judge people who chose either way. As for your husband, maybe keep showing him facts, articles, and what not. It's a tough decision to make. I can see both sides. But it was the whole fact that less people are doing it, and it will soon be the norm made me change my mind. If STDs are a factor, then that's his (DS) problem for not protecting himself. That's what I told my Mom!
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  • My H is actually the one who felt more strongly about not circumsizing, but I think after I read up on it more, I was just as convinced as he is, if not more. I guess his reason was 100% based off watching a video of the procedure. I did some research to make sure it was the right choice for us, and the information out there is very convincing. I would recommend screening stuff before showing him anything because like any hot button issue, there is some stuff out there that is a bit sensationalized, and I like to avoid that kind of stuff when trying to present my case rationally. Good luck, you still have a few months to work this out!
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  • Seriously, do men stand around looking at each other's penises to see how matchy they are?  Even if they do that, would a little boy really care that his doesn't match his dad's?  That argument makes no sense to me. 

    I sort of assumed Jews circumcise and everybody else skips it and didn't realize how completely wrong I was until I was pregnant with my son.  My husband definitively said we shouldn't circumcise, and that was that.  I didn't especially care, but it seems like not the best idea to have a healing incision in a diaper.  (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)

  • Miles2Go said:
    If that is his main argument, ask him how often he plans to compare penises with his son. 


    Bwahahaha!  No kidding.  Do guys look that close at each others wankers?  That is kind of creepy if they do.  I have never looked at another girls vagina in person and I have no desire to.

    I know they use urinals and stuff, but if I was at a urinal I think I would be staring straight ahead.

    Plus, what if you have a small penis.  Do guys make fun of you for that, too? 
    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
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  • Oh! I like this question. We were so sure we wanted to circumcise, not so sure anymore (on my behalf). I need to look up more info because I thought it was supposed to be a good thing because of "cleanliness" and "less likely to get infections".

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  •  I didn't especially care, but it seems like not the best idea to have a healing incision in a diaper.  (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)

    This part squicks me out too. I mean, it seems that there is rarely an issue with this, but obviously not necessarily the best place for an incision on an newborn.


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  • Oh! I like this question. We were so sure we wanted to circumcise, not so sure anymore (on my behalf). I need to look up more info because I thought it was supposed to be a good thing because of "cleanliness" and "less likely to get infections".
    I haven't actually researched it at all.  It just seems like if you're doing some kind of procedure that involves cutting the skin, that's more likely to have a risk of infection.  The only kind of infection I can think of that might be an issue is a UTI.
  • (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)
    Guilty. I've only ever had to clean a vag, so any penis care is completely uncharted territory for me.
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  • ykristos said:



     I didn't especially care, but it seems like not the best idea to have a healing incision in a diaper.  (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)


    This part squicks me out too. I mean, it seems that there is rarely an issue with this, but obviously not necessarily the best place for an incision on an newborn.


    We had no issue keeping it clean. It heals very quickly and by slathering vasoline on it, it kinda repels the watery poop off of it anyhow. Not to mention you are changing them so frequently (and should immediately after every poop regardless) that it's not like they should be sitting in it.

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  • @ISeeYouRN -- Agreed, but according to him -- he was with his son when he was circumcised, and while it was unpleasant, he still feels like it was the right decision. Was pretty surprised to hear him say that. 


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  • (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)
    "When intact, don't retract. Only clean what is seen." It's simple, yet there's a whole generation woefully ignorant about this. 
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  • We chose to circ DS after discussing it together. DH is, and prefered that DS be. Our hospital used the plastibell method. It was fine, until it didn't fall off. About a week or so after he was born we had to go to a Urologist to get it cut off. Nothing like sitting in the waiting room with a baby and 20 elderly gentlemen... No issues after that, but it was a hassle. I think we'll talk to the doctor and see what our other options are this time.
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  • @pistolpackinmomma -- About how long did it take to fully heal? 


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  • ykristos said:
     I didn't especially care, but it seems like not the best idea to have a healing incision in a diaper.  (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me.  Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)

    This part squicks me out too. I mean, it seems that there is rarely an issue with this, but obviously not necessarily the best place for an incision on an newborn.
    Newborn poo can be really liquidy too, so it's not like it's going to stay in the back of the diaper and make it easy to keep the baby's parts clean.
  • edited January 2014
    ykristos said:

    @pistolpackinmomma -- About how long did it take to fully heal? 

    I would say within 3-4 days it was healed but I continue d&c the vasoline until 10-14 days as a precaution. It was definitely within a week. They took him to have it done and within minutes he was back in my arms sleeping peacefully. There's also another procedure that I've heard of that involves some sort of plastic piece but I've heard of some having issues with it not falling all of the way off.

    ETA: The plastibell method mentioned above is what I was thinking of. I would avoid that if possible.

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  • @pistolpackinmamma That's useful info about the vaseline staying put and working.  I had heard that's the care instruction after circumcision, but it seemed like it would wipe off on the inside of the diaper or rinse off when he pees.
  • We did it.  Never really discussed it, just both assumed we would.  We also did the method that doesn't require a bandage or vaseline.  It wasn't a big deal.  We'll do it again if this one is a boy.  
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  • We disagreed about this for a while. My husband wanted to, but I was against it. After doing research, and encouraging him to do his own research, we finally agreed that we will not circumcise our son. I'm so happy he came around. I wouldn't be able to stomach putting my baby through that amount of pain and discomfort for an elective and unnecessary procedure.

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  • We had no problems with it healing or diapers and I would say it was fine within about a week.

    Plus, with respect to dirty diapers, not too much poop gets up by the penis at that age...especially not with the vaseline.  Even now, I rarely notice poop on DS's wanker because the penis is more on the front of his body unless it is just a really nasty diaper.  And the diaper will absorb the urine pretty well so long as you change it frequently enough.
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  • Also, in the videos you will see the baby screaming but if you really pay attention, they will start screaming as soon as they are strapped down. They are restrained for their own safety because obviously it would be dangerous if the squirmed.

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  • @pistolpackinmomma -- About how long did it take to fully heal? 
    I would say within 3-4 days it was healed but I continue d&c the vasoline until 10-14 days as a precaution. It was definitely within a week. They took him to have it done and within minutes he was back in my arms sleeping peacefully. There's also another procedure that I've heard of that involves some sort of plastic piece but I've heard of some having issues with it not falling all of the way off. ETA: The plastibell method mentioned above is what I was thinking of. I would avoid that if possible.
    I am pretty sure my DS had that and we didn't have any problems. We also used the vaseline with it, too, though and continued to use it after it fell off. 
    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

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  • IBackBevo said:

    Miles2Go said:
    If that is his main argument, ask him how often he plans to compare penises with his son. 


    Bwahahaha!  No kidding.  Do guys look that close at each others wankers?  That is kind of creepy if they do.  I have never looked at another girls vagina in person and I have no desire to.

    I know they use urinals and stuff, but if I was at a urinal I think I would be staring straight ahead.

    Plus, what if you have a small penis.  Do guys make fun of you for that, too? 
    Sadly, I think the answer is yes and yes. DH and I were discussing circumcision a few weeks ago and I asked the same thing. DH played a ton of sports growing up, and he said while guys don't necessarily flat-out "compare" genitals, both having a small penis and an uncirc'd penis were great cause for ridicule in the locker room. Apparently there was only one boy DH knew growing up that wasn't circ'd (we clearly live in an area where circ'ing is very popular) and took a ton of crap for it. I don't really know anyone in our families or friends with children who haven't circ'd. (but this is not something we talk about over the dinner table, of course)

    FWIW, the teasing issue didn't influence (at least my) decision. Kids can be cruel and will find something to pick on others for if they are so inclined. DH's family is comprised almost entirely of doctors and nurses, and they are pro-circ based on their medical experiences. I had a little boy friend growing up that need an emergency circ when he was 10, so that anecdotal experience scares me as well. We will be circ'ing our child if it is a boy.
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  • I felt strongly that DS #1 not be circumcised - I felt like it was mutilation of a perfectly normal body part. DH is (he's Jewish) but we're not raising our son Jewish so he didn't have that as an argument, but he still wanted to do it. Ultimately - I presented him my reasons why and he agreed. 

    Care is a non-issue. Clean the outside, and it will naturally retract as they get older. DS #1 is now almost 2 and we've had no issues.
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  • @pistolpackinmamma That's useful info about the vaseline staying put and working.  I had heard that's the care instruction after circumcision, but it seemed like it would wipe off on the inside of the diaper or rinse off when he pees.

    Actually, the vasoline repels pee. It's why if you CD you either need to use a liner or disposables because the vasoline will make diapers repel as well. I had a slight issue with my mom being paranoid about it "sticking" to the diaper and she was smearing some in the front of his disposables and we had major leaks. Once I got her to quit doing that we didn't have any leaks. And it never stuck to the diaper.

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  • IBackBevo said:



    ykristos said:

    @pistolpackinmomma -- About how long did it take to fully heal? 

    I would say within 3-4 days it was healed but I continue d&c the vasoline until 10-14 days as a precaution. It was definitely within a week. They took him to have it done and within minutes he was back in my arms sleeping peacefully. There's also another procedure that I've heard of that involves some sort of plastic piece but I've heard of some having issues with it not falling all of the way off.

    ETA: The plastibell method mentioned above is what I was thinking of. I would avoid that if possible.

    I am pretty sure my DS had that and we didn't have any problems. We also used the vaseline with it, too, though and continued to use it after it fell off. 


    I'm glad you had no issue with it! I had a couple of friends who did. I didn't think you needed vasoline with it though. I was going to look into it in hopes of easier CDing early on but then they had issues with it not falling off so I never looked any further.

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  • RachelCA29RachelCA29 member
    edited January 2014
    Miles2Go said:
    What do you guys mean that you've never sat around comparing vaginas?!? You must never have been in a sorority. How would you know if you're "cute and flat"?
    I love you for this.

    Now we just need to find a link to that chart ...
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  • I've always assumed I would have my son circ'd, but since I don't have a penis, I left the decision up to DH. Yes, if this baby is a boy, we will be circumcising him.
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  • We haven't talked about it & I honestly don't think the MW does it at home. I'm very much so against it. Despite someone linking the AAP's stance on it, there truly are zero benefits other than aesthetics to have it done. My nephew had it done & you can't even tell he did, it's such a botched job. He'll probably have to get it redone at some point, though the ped says "he'll grow into it". I'm sure DH will either go with whatever I say or he'll want articles/research to back it all up. Once he researches we're usually on the same page. Honestly after all the birth research we did with DD he was 100000% on board with NUCB & is just as excited about a possible home birth this time :) we're very much insp sync about most thing thank goodness.

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