First-time american mama living overseas in China, away from all who want to wish me well.
Family and friends have expressed interest in wanting to do something for me and have begun to ask how they could help or what system is available for gifting.
I'm not sure how to handle this without something personally organized by myself coming off as tacky.
We do not have Babies r Us type of stores here where I could register if someone asks. Anyway - the shipping costs for gifts would be ridiculous.
Obviously, collecting monies would be the easiest, but how to go about that?
I wasn't expecting any help setting up for the baby, though any and all would be appreciated and I'd like to do it with grace : )
I'd love to hear some ideas - something I'm not thinking of.
Thanks in advance!
Re: Any ideas for how to handle a long-distance "baby shower"?
Honestly, I would just leave it up to them. They will send what they feel comfortable with, whether that be money or gifts.
Please don't collect money. It's so tacky. If people want to write you a check or money order to put in a card then they will do it without solicitation. To mention it is gross.
People can figure it out without you having to organize.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
You should just tell them what you need when they ask but say that you know shipping is expensive to China and therefore, please don't feel obligated to buy me anything. I am sure they already know that shipping is quite an expense. If they want to send the gifts anyway, that is their prerogative and you shouldn't be upset that they are "throwing" money away on shipping. But again, I don't see how it would ever be appropriate to tell them you want money, regardless of how you word it.
There is no way to politely say "just send money". That's not a cultural thing. If someone wants to gift you a material item then the cost of shipping is most likely already known to them.
I know you'd rather have $ but really, it's incredibly poor form to outright say this to any friend/family member.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
The safest way to go about getting what you want is to start a baby registry with a Chinese online site and send people the link when/if they ask. That way you'll avoid the whole $50 in shipping charges issue. Alternatively, as some PP have mentioned, tell mom/sister/inlaws/BFF that you're really just hoping for gift cards/money or whatever else you could really use because that makes things easier. That way, when someone asks you what would help you most, you can say something like "I think my mom (or whomever) has been handling that - maybe check with her?"
People could also ship things to someone in the States like your mom or whatever, who could then ship it all to you at once. You can then often get a freight rate on shipping, which will be slower but much, much cheaper. I lived in the UK for a few years and used this process occasionally, and it was always much more economical.
I don't think that just because you're living out of the country you shouldn't have the opportunity to participate in traditions, especially since you have people asking to help. Best of luck!
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I live in Australia
my family (in the USA) wanted to do something like this
what we did instead, is I went back to visit when dd was 3 months old and they threw me a 'meet the baby' party instead
there's no good way to ask for money without coming across rude
you could set up some sort of account people could deposit into - but I'd only give people who ASKED the details. And honestly I wouldn't even do that, if you really only want money then just say no thanks to the shower and you'll get clothes/books from people who really want to buy you a gift
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015