Hand-me-down etiquette

zazu13 · January 2014

I am wondering if I should offer money or a gift card as a thank you for hand me downs someone is giving me? I have an acquaintance with 1 year old twin girls. Through Facebook she found out I was having twin girls and she messaged me and offered me the things her girls have outgrown. I am thrilled. We haven't gotten much for the girls and I am totally down with gently used so we can spend our money on diapers! Her twins are babies #4 and 5 and they were unplanned. She was "done" after 3. I think most of what she is offering are things they received new as gifts when the girls were born. I was envisioning a box of clothes or two. Well she messaged me yesterday to arrange pick up and she warned me to bring a big car since there are at least 5 boxes of clothes, as well as blankets, burp cloths. play mats, exersaucers and a stroller (though I declined the stroller since I already have two!) I haven't seen the stuff yet, but I'm confident it's in good condition (I've seen plenty of pics on facebook of her girls in cute outfits.) She didn't ask me for any money, but I feel like this is a lot to just give away. I know she could sell it on Craigslist or at a kids' buy-back store if she wanted. I also know that she could use the money. She has 5 kids (!!) and she lives with her parents due to her financial situation. How much seems appropriate? Or should I decline? I was thinking $1-200 or maybe a restaurant gift card for her and her hubby. Or some combination of both?

Megczapla · January 2014

Typically, I'd take hand me downs gracefully with a huge thank you. However, seems like she's passing off a ton!! Given what you mentioned about her financial situation, I think it'd be nice for you to give her a gift cert for dinner or something of that nature to show your appreciation!

LittleLady77 · January 2014

Don't offer her money, that would be weird. I think a nice bottle of wine with a hand written card is much more appropriate. Your gift certificate idea is cute too, depending on the restaurants where you live $100-$150 would be the max I would give. She probably feels wonderful for being able to help you out, don't cheapen that for her by offering her money.

csmily51 · January 2014

That is so sweet!!! I'm on board with you on the gift certificate situation, but maybe do it as a date night gift, like $25 for the movies, and $100 for a nice restaurant (dinnner & a movie), so they have a date night. I imagine with babies 4&5 they don't get date nights often. If you want to do more, you had mentioned $200, then maybe a $75 gc for a local grocery store. A piece just for her and DH and a piece for the family whole family.

csmily51 · January 2014

I meant to say, I worked as a Nanny the last year or so of college for an Anesthesiologist and her daughter, then she decided to move to Cincinnati, she knew we were trying to have a baby, and offered everything to us...Crib, PBK crib bedding (in mint condition, for a girl, 50-50 chance right?), Graco 4-1 Blossom high chair, Graco Travel System (Car seat has never been in an accident, it was only used 6 months, then baby switched to convertible carseat), diaper genie, un-used Dr. Browns bottles (2-3 packs) , and a bunch of toys (really nice toys)...She texted me yesterday to make sure we had recieved their Christmas card, and mentioned she was SO excited we were having a GIRL, and had a TON of stuff for us, just let her know when we could come to Cinci to get it!

DH and I discussed, and are giving her a GC (probably $100 )to a nice restaurant in Cinci

rockstarlaw · January 2014

I have been blessed with the same situation from a co-worker. She's given me SO much, from swings to all clothing in boxes by size up to 2T that I have her a bottle of champagne and a $100 gift certificate.

rockstarlaw · January 2014

(Gift certificate was to a nice restaurant attached to a wine store. I want to go there SO bad myself, but I'm waiting until after baby comes so mama can enjoy that wine!)

emh81 · January 2014

Typically I would say a nice thank you card would suffice. Given her situation and the fact that this will still save you a LOT of money, I would consider a thank-you card with $150-200 Visa Gift Card. That way, she can use the money wherever, or however she would like without you feeling awkward about giving cash or having to discuss whether or not she will take $ for the items. However, do what you're comfortable with, she openly offered to GIVE you all of this stuff, you're not obligated to do anything.

zazu13 · January 2014

Thanks for the suggestions ladies. I picked up the stuff today and it is A LOT and in perfect condition. I seriously don't think I need any more clothes in NB-9mo sizes and I haven't purchased any myself yet or had a shower. Plus it is all darling - totally things I would pick myself.

I ended up giving her a thank you card with a $50 Brinker restaurant card (so she can choose from any of their restaurants) and a $50 Walmart card. I sealed it so she didn't open until after I left and just said it was for her and her hubby to have a night out. She messaged me later and seemed really surprised and appreciative so I'm glad I gave her something and I will totally pay it forward when my girls have outgrown the stuff and find someone else who can use it, too.

deidremaria · January 2014

Gift card idea is great.

JulianneJacks · January 2014

That is so nice. It's so nice to see someone who is so appreciative and going to pay the gift forward!

baileymama3 · January 2014

Same situation here-- friend with twins gifted us a really nice swing and a bunch of clothes. Planning to send a $100 giftcard to a local restaurant...(they are out of town and the shipping alone was 50 bucks).

If they are local-- I agree with a nice bottle of wine and some little fun side things!

J&NL · January 2014

I think a thank you card and a small gift card would be nice. I'm sure she really just passed it down to you to just "clean house" and declutter but the gesture is still nice and thoughtful!

Rrrrrachel · January 2014

I got like 90% of my daughters stuff from a friend who had two girls and was done. It was a huge help to me and I thanked her effusively, but frankly it helped her out, too. She didn't have to hassle with selling or even taking it to goodwill, I just came and got it! I have taken stuff from her before I knew we wouldn't use and taken it directly to good will (and told her that's what I was doing) just to help her out.

A thank you note and a gift card sounds nice but not necessary. I say do it if you want to.

Want a personalized experience?

Hand-me-down etiquette

Re: Hand-me-down etiquette

Choose Another Board

Search Boards