What would you do different the next time around?

Oohgurl · January 2014

Is there anything that you would do different for the next baby knowing what you know now?

I think that I would not use the RNP. I am not sure if it contributed to Jack's flat head but something did. I think next baby I will put a crib straight in our room and move baby and crib out later.

I also think that having him nap in the living room when he was tiny was a bad idea. I don't know why this kid is a 30 minute napper but next baby I will start in a room with sound machine from the get.

I would definitely limit visitors the first 2 weeks to basically none.

What do you got?

emmy236 · January 2014

More just cuddle time when he was first born. I had a very scary delivery (doctors admitted they let me go too long and next baby will never go past my due date) and it was very difficult to move after and I couldn't hold him much the first week. After that everyone else wanted to hold him. I needed more skin to skin time with him. Once I got my fill of him, all the baby blues went away and I feel like I healed faster. Also I'm going to make that on call pediatrician's life hell. We had this guy who was like 100 years old and couldn't tell a baby from a cumquat. We saw our regular pediatrician the day after we left and within 3 mins she saw he was tongue tied (why he lost more than 10% of his body weight, not my boobs), a dimple on his spine and a minor (family history) heart defect. I had to go to three other specialist all back at the same hospital after her diagnosis. If Mr Magoo over there saw any of it, it all could of been taken care of during the WEEK we were there.

Once he was home Id be way more lax on schedules. Once I calmed down he got on a great schedule naturally. Also, not let DH and my mom make me feel like I was broken. Yes I needed a lot of help in the beginning but after about 10 days I was ok to do things on my own. My mom stayed with us for 6 weeks and it was way too long.

Oohgurl · January 2014

LOL @couldn't tell a baby from a cumquat!

emmy236 · January 2014

Seriously the guy had glasses about 3 inches thick, needed a step stool to see into the bassinet and kept asking how Ryan was. My son's name is Reed

coffeeandbooks · January 2014

I would put more effort into breastfeeding. This time around, I didn't like it very much, thought it was painful, had no support, had some vocal unsupporters and wasn't committed to it and so gave up pretty early on. Next time around I would make sure I had the support I needed to at least really see how it worked for us. If it was still a no go, than fine, but I think I would try harder to see if it is the bonding experience everyone says it is.
We are co-sleeping now and dealing with lots of MOTN feedings. I really struggle with whether I would do LO in a crib on his own from day one. We have not successfully transitioned LO yet to the crib but despite some of its drawbacks I do like sleeping with my baby.
We also would have no visitors after the birth except maybe my mom who would just be there to bring me food and clean.
I would also definitely give LO a paci and train him to take it.
And I'd never save the "good" outfits for a special day.

MOMama987 · January 2014

I'd stress less and enjoy it a lot more, because now I know how fast it goes.

jayro10 · January 2014

I would try putting LO down for naps instead of holding him/her for every nap. I never wanted to put M down for naps and 7 months in, it's safe to say we have a habit and she won't nap anywhere but on someone now.

I would also take more pictures and videos.

MAdams728 · January 2014

If we have similar breastfeeding issues again, I will not be so upset over giving formula. I tried for a long time to nurse her, and then went to ep'ing until 4 months. I wont be able to do that again. L has done well on the formula, and I was a happier mom when I gave up pumping. I was so stuck on ebf'ing that I didnt allow for circumstances beyond my control. I really, really hope the next one nurses, though.

c-elizabethf · January 2014

I would put more effort into breastfeeding. I won't stress as much as I did with Madison. And probably put the baby right away in the crib...who knows?

bes12 · January 2014

I would definitely hold off on visitors after delivery. I had h(lo) at 5:01 and had our parents in the room by 6. I'm pissed about it to this day! H never latched well which I blame on him being passed around like a sack of potatoes instead of where he should've been doing skin to skin! Which also led to me weaning him way earlier than I wanted to. That also goes back to having too many visitors at the house. Next time I will limit visitation and will breast feed my child in another room I don't give a damn if people have to wait 2 hours to see the baby! Now I'm pissed thinking about all of this! Sleeping arrangements have worked well for us he was in our room in a pack and play for 3 months (he wouldn't sleep in rnp) then went to his crib.

Oohgurl · January 2014

Yes, these reminded me of some. DH took 1 freaking week off. Next kid, he is taking at least 3.

I will start next baby in the baby bjorn earlier.

I let our original pedi freak me out that my milk didn't come in for 4 days and supplement with formula. It caused too many issues trying to get him back on the boob. And I am STILL freaked out about his eating near 8 months later because she had me thinking he was going to starve to death. Next time I know that 4 days is normal and the baby will be fine on colostrum.

JoJo716 · January 2014

I also felt like I went too long. Even though I was only a week overdue, It led to complications and a csection. Next time, I will request a NST at 40 weeks. I will also try to be healthier and more active in my pregnancy.

I also didn't think breastfeeding would be so hard. While we are still going, it is only by sheer luck. Next time, I will be more aware and try to be less stressed out.

Schell2013 · January 2014

I am going to limit visitors for the first week we are home to parents and siblings. I had constant friggin people and I could never get any naps (I'm talking for me I had a CS and just wanted to rest).

I am going to premake suppers and freeze them. Take out got old quick.

DH will take more time off work to help me.

I'm going to cuddle more and relax, and hog my own baby. I felt like I always had people wanting to hold her (due to all the visitors). They just grow too quick to not do this.

SpanFran · January 2014

Next time, I will deliver at a hospital that has a nursery. I was so sleep deprived by the time I got to the hospital. Then I stayed up all night with the deliver, had M at 5:10am, and never really slept until maybe that night, and even then it was 2 hours because the nurses came in to remind me to nurse.

I feel like the nurses in general gave me a very negative experience. I don't look back on my delivery and think What a magical time!! Rather, I feel like I've blocked it out of my mind. I also thought the moment when I first nursed would be special, but it was this cunty nurse smashing my babies head into my boob, and making me feel stupid because I didn't know which hold was my favorite. This was also right after my surgery, as he was already ready to eat. I feel that the nurses, sans one, were very judgmental. I felt as if I wasn't able to ask them for the help I clearly needed.

NO VISITORS. I have one vague memory of trying to bottle feed my son (we had to supplement bc of low blood sugar, whatever.) which was tricky because he hadn't been drinking much from the bottle when we needed him to. I'm looking down, trying to make sure he's staying awake and eating enough, and when I lift my head, no shit, I have DH's ENTIRE family circling my bed. Just staring at me. I had not showered. I had not changed clothing. My hair was piled on top of my head in a way that would attract some tropical bird. Then my MIL got PISSED when I politely declined to take a picture. Seriously, the nurses asked me, after MIL left, why she was so mad? Fuck if I know, nurses. Fuck if I know.

I will MAKE DH take leave. I don't care if it cuts into anything. He went to work the morning after we got home from the hospital. So my first day home with my baby, I spend alone, with the baby. And he works 12 hours shifts, so he leaves the house at 5:30, and gets home at 7. I will force him to help me, I don't care if I need to pump or feed baby formula or what. I MUST HAVE SLEEP. My OB yelled at me for not getting sleep, because a mama with a history of depression and who is on antidepressants and not sleeping is not what is best for baby. He actually told me to ease off on the breastfeeding thing, my sanity is more important to that child than breastmilk is.

I feel like so many of my choices since then have related to sleep, or my lack of it.

Shoegal36 · January 2014

Oh, I love this...great thread idea.

Even though LO wouldn't take a bottle until about 5 months, I will still wait a few weeks before giving one (unless I have to, of course). She never had any issues with her latch and while I know some babies take bottles right from the get go and their latch is fine...I'd still rather wait until we are both comfortable with breastfeeding. What I WILL do is give bottles more often once I do start. At least one every day so she is comfortable with them.

As far as her flat spot goes, I think next time I will just try to do more tummy time and hold the baby in positions that keep them off of their head more. I wasn't really comfortable holding LO in any position other than cradle, but I think with my 2nd I will be more at ease.

I'd like to try harder to put them in their crib drowsy and let them fall asleep on their own more. I never even really gave LO a chance to try. She would fall asleep nursing, and I would gently place her in the crib. Eventually when she was a bit older and I did try, she would just instantly start screaming when she hit the matress.

I held LO for a lot of naps when she was a newborn, and I will probably do the same with the next. The difference is that next time I don't want to feel guilty about it. I would always be thinking about how she should be in her crib, and how I need to do housework, shower, etc...next time I'm just going to enjoy the snuggles and TV time because she did eventually learn to sleep in her crib and the housework did eventually get done.

Shoegal36 · January 2014

Oh man, you crack me up @SpanFran LOL @ "My hair was piled on top of my head in a way that would attract some tropical bird"

fancefpp · January 2014

I'd try to establish more of a schedule but it was so hard with DS1 to think about. If I have three I'm sure it will be way worse. Also, I will use the co sleeper or crib more at nap and bedtime. DS2 won't sleep alone now and it's becoming a problem, not one i want to address yet, but it's still a problem. He was colicky though, so I felt like I had no choice.

Blueyed228 · January 2014

If I ever get pregnant again I'm jumping off a bridge.

That will be different.

FmrAFBrat · January 2014

This time I axed MILs 5 day visits (she did with DS1), limited MILs time at the hospital, & was able to EBF for a few months because I didn't have MIL looking at my boob.

If there is a next time, I'd let most well intended but unsolicited comments go in one ear and out the other.

emmy236 · January 2014

Should be post this thread on May '14 and pop their pre-baby bliss balloon?

snowgirl427 · January 2014

I would try to work harder to get LO to take a bottle.

I would also relax and enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy which was hard living in a hotel last time.

I would have LO sleep in the crib from the start... But still in my room!

bes12 · January 2014

Blueyed228 said:
If I ever get pregnant again I'm jumping off a bridge.

That will be different.

I find this hysterical!!

blush64 · January 2014

A is my 3rd so I kind of did things the way I wanted from the beginning. If I could, next time I would hire a maid for the first couple of months. I would still do some cleaning but that way it would be easier if the next one is like A.

1and1is3 · January 2014

I would hire a birth photographer. We missed so many special moments with Autumn and daddy (DH caught her and also cut her cord).
I would also hire a cleaning service for my house while we're in the hospital so I can come home to clean house. Also have more premade meals.
Oh and I will have my mom stay and help me with breastfeeding. I let DH have his way last time (he didn't want her to stay with us) and I think not having help was part of the reason I had to pump instead of being able to nurse.

CNJ4EVA · January 2014

I will ignore the doctors/nurses/LC's and give a bottle immediately when they insist that LO is getting something from nursing and I KNOW he or she is not.

Boo0512 · January 2014

Give a bottle consistently for the entire duration of BFing. Hopefully I won't have another 7+ month old that won't take a bottle.

Definitely not start the habit of holding for naps. She used to be a good napper but not anymore.

Try to get out of the house more, this time it wasn't an option with my complications and DD's breathing monitor but hopefully next time goes smoother!

ALP514 · January 2014

I will stop googling the second I get pregnant again. I was so consumed in the negative I didnt get to really appreciate the little things.

As far as LO , I would def. work on a better nap schedule in the beginning. I spent alot of time with A napping on me.

Stop being so paranoid about every little thing and certainly go to the doctor sooner if I have anxiety as bad as I did with A. It consumed my life and that was not a good memory.

NO visitors for the first 2-3 weeks and I would probably work harder on BFing but if it does not work I hope I don't beat myself up as bad as I did this time around.

caden1206 · January 2014

I will put the next in a crib immediately. Probably because N will still be in my bed and there will not be any room anyway. I would also like to not gain as much weight. I felt great, but we indulged in excess sweets and snacks my whole pregnancy.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · January 2014

For those of you whose LOs wouldn't take a bottle, my LC told me to introduce one around 4 weeks, and to give a few bottles a week from then on. That was my plan, but we were forced to start supplementing in the hospital due to 10% weight loss. Next time (which there won't be one), armed with what I know now about childbirth and BFing, I would try harder to resist the pressure from the hospital staff to supplement. It took so much hard work to drop those 4-6 oz per day and get EBFing.

I feel like with two of them, and our BFing struggles, I got to enjoy very little of those first few months. I now have babies who won't sleep in their cribs, which is a pain - but I wouldn't have held them any less than I did if I could do things over. So I don't know if I would want to put the next (hypothetical) baby in its own crib earlier. And I'm sorry, we tried putting them down "drowsy but awake" from the beginning - it just didn't work!

kelseyhh · January 2014

Same as @ALP514 , I will get help for my anxiety much sooner if I have it again. The overwhelming worry and hopelessness I was dealing with really ruined the first few months.

Next, I will CALM THE FLUCK DOWN! I have been so worried about everything little thing with Emmett and trying to do everything correctly and it has been so unnecessary.

I will also limit visitors in the hospital. With so much family living nearby, it was a constant stream of visitors from morning til night in the hospital. We got absolutely no rest and were exhausted by the time we brought Em home.

Next time I will try not to wish away the newborn days. I had such a hard time in the beginning that I just kept wishing every day that he would grow up faster. Now that he has, I miss my tiny little guy who would snuggle me happily all day long!

Shoegal36 · January 2014

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:

For those of you whose LOs wouldn't take a bottle, my LC told me to introduce one around 4 weeks, and to give a few bottles a week from then on. That was my plan, but we were forced to start supplementing in the hospital due to 10% weight loss. Next time (which there won't be one), armed with what I know now about childbirth and BFing, I would try harder to resist the pressure from the hospital staff to supplement. It took so much hard work to drop those 4-6 oz per day and get EBFing. I feel like with two of them, and our BFing struggles, I got to enjoy very little of those first few months. I now have babies who won't sleep in their cribs, which is a pain - but I wouldn't have held them any less than I did if I could do things over. So I don't know if I would want to put the next (hypothetical) baby in its own crib earlier. And I'm sorry, we tried putting them down "drowsy but awake" from the beginning - it just didn't work!

This is what I was told too, and exactly what I did...but then at around 6 weeks she just decided she wouldn't take one anymore. For the next one I will still wait, but give them more often I think? I guess you just never know!

Also, we were told at the hospital that 10% weight loss is the norm...strange how things can vary.

And I guess I didn't do any harm then by not trying the "drowsy but awake" thing sooner! I feel like my LO was always awake (aka crying) or sound asleep...there really was no in between at first

jayro10 · January 2014

We gave her a few bottles right off the bat, but we weren't consistent and didn't give her one every day. At 4 weeks she started refusing them. So I guess in the future, we will be more consistent and give one bottle a day.

Boo0512 · January 2014

Shantxtell said:
I will let people help me. I can be such a stubborn ass sometimes, I wanted to do everything myself- and then I nearly had a breakdown from feeling so overwhelmed.

I'm the same way. I hate getting help, especially from my MIL. Even when I really need it.

huzzahuzza · January 2014

I plan to have a 2nd shower and host it myself....(jokes)

I want a rock n play or better sheets for the pack n play.

I want to give the next one a paci early.

I will know how hard breastfeeding is, remember how bitchy the nurses are about it, and do whatever the flock I want to anyway.

I'll go home from the hospital earlier if I'm healthy enough.

JulieK79 · January 2014

After a whirlwind labor, I had a c section late at night and had a rough recovery for a couple hours afterwards so I only saw T for a quick minute when he was born. By the time I was back in the room and they brought him in it was 3am and everything's a bit fuzzy. That includes holding him for the first time =(. I'm hoping since the next time around the c section will be planned, there will be less meds involved, and I can me more aware of those first few moments.

Lolalipsy · January 2014

1) limit visitors

2) hire house cleaner, get clothes ironed etc.

3) make more food and freeze before the baby arrives.

4) book a c-section. No more emergencies.

5) put the baby in cot from day one.

coffeeandbooks · January 2014

I feel you on the cunty nurses, I didn't know how to swaddle and one of them was like didn't you take a parenting class? They also woke the baby up to feed against my wishes. I believed strongly in on demand and they ignored me. Should have let me and my baby sleep.

SpanFran said:
Next time, I will deliver at a hospital that has a nursery. I was so sleep deprived by the time I got to the hospital. Then I stayed up all night with the deliver, had M at 5:10am, and never really slept until maybe that night, and even then it was 2 hours because the nurses came in to remind me to nurse.

I feel like the nurses in general gave me a very negative experience. I don't look back on my delivery and think What a magical time!! Rather, I feel like I've blocked it out of my mind. I also thought the moment when I first nursed would be special, but it was this cunty nurse smashing my babies head into my boob, and making me feel stupid because I didn't know which hold was my favorite. This was also right after my surgery, as he was already ready to eat. I feel that the nurses, sans one, were very judgmental. I felt as if I wasn't able to ask them for the help I clearly needed.

NO VISITORS. I have one vague memory of trying to bottle feed my son (we had to supplement bc of low blood sugar, whatever.) which was tricky because he hadn't been drinking much from the bottle when we needed him to. I'm looking down, trying to make sure he's staying awake and eating enough, and when I lift my head, no shit, I have DH's ENTIRE family circling my bed. Just staring at me. I had not showered. I had not changed clothing. My hair was piled on top of my head in a way that would attract some tropical bird. Then my MIL got PISSED when I politely declined to take a picture. Seriously, the nurses asked me, after MIL left, why she was so mad? Fuck if I know, nurses. Fuck if I know.

I will MAKE DH take leave. I don't care if it cuts into anything. He went to work the morning after we got home from the hospital. So my first day home with my baby, I spend alone, with the baby. And he works 12 hours shifts, so he leaves the house at 5:30, and gets home at 7. I will force him to help me, I don't care if I need to pump or feed baby formula or what. I MUST HAVE SLEEP. My OB yelled at me for not getting sleep, because a mama with a history of depression and who is on antidepressants and not sleeping is not what is best for baby. He actually told me to ease off on the breastfeeding thing, my sanity is more important to that child than breastmilk is.

I feel like so many of my choices since then have related to sleep, or my lack of it.

MAdams728 · January 2014

I'm so sorry that many of you had crappy nurses. Great nurses make such a difference. Mine were all very sweet and were extremely helpful with bf'ing. We had such a hard time, and had some issues mostly due to her small size, I would have been so lost without their support.

Lolalipsy · January 2014

Mine were shitty as well. Seven hours after a c section they told me I had to come to the desk if I wanted help with anything because ringing my buzzer would wake the other women up.

I got straight on the phone to my cousin who works with them to ask whether this was the procedure now and she went ape with them.

My whole experience would've been wonderful had my postpartum care been just slightly good.

I left the next day after begging to be discharged.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · January 2014

I actually had awesome nurses. I didn't think the lactation specialists were that great, but the regular postpartum nurses were wonderful. They were just pushy about the supplementing but I am pretty sure that was just hospital policy.

jayro10 · January 2014

I loved every nurse I had during my stay, and there were a lot. But the LC left a lot to be desired. She came in right when I was going to the bathroom. I literally had my hand on the doorknob to go in. She said she was there to observe a feeding and offer suggestions, and I said I really had to pee and asked if she could come back in a few minutes (because it was obviously not going to be an in-and-out deal.) She sighed heavily, said she would be back in ten minutes, and never came back. So I never saw an LC during my hospital stay and ended up having to go back when she was 2 weeks old due to latch issues that were easily corrected once I knew what to look for. Luckily, I was able to see a different LC that time and she was great.

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