Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
stefuge
member
Re: How do you remember your baby while PAL? (Living children mentioned)
It really hasn't been until these last 6 months or so that DD has really been bringing her up on regular basis. It is as if a light switch has gone off and she truly gets what it means. It can be heartbreaking at times but it has also helped me heal.
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
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TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
Ticker warning
I'm not PAL yet, but I definitely want our rainbow to know about our angel once she's old enough to understand (though we'll begin talk of her sister very young so it's just knowledge she's always had).
Our rainbow is due just days before Kayla's angelversary, so Boo's (our rainbow) birthday will be celebrated, but then on our angel's heavenly birthday I'd like to do a balloon release, just the three of us at the cemetery each year. We also plan to adopt a grave (where you choose an older, run down babies grave, clean it up, leave flowers) at her birthdays, so Boo can also learn about doing for others.
Our angel had a stuffed animal at her grave up until the weather got really nasty, so we decided to retire it, bring it home and wash it. We decided each Christmas, we'll get her a new one so she has something in her stocking, so as Boo gets older it will be her job to help pick out Kayla's new stuffed animal for the year. She'll also be in charge of keeping it safe until spring to take it out to her, and she can play with the retired ones, but she'll know they're extra special and cannot be taken outside and gotten dirty.
I hope this helps her feel closer to the sister she never know, and at the same time make her feel important by having these jobs and responsibility for her sister's things. I'm worried about trying to balance keeping Kayla's memory alive and letting Boo " know" her sister, and not making Boo feel like she's living in Kayla's shadow.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
I have a stepson who is 7 and we incorporate the triplets in a lot of family traditions and I've learned to be more open with talking about them with him. For example - we get him a new ornament every year when we decorate the tree. We also decided to get the trips a new ornament, so he gets to open their ornament and put in on the tree. I made the trips special candles for Christmas with their initials on them and had them on our mantel throughout the season. I also got stockings for them...
It's really difficult for me, because I want them to be present in our life, but I don't want to overwhelm him, if that makes sense. Our loss was 7+ months ago, so we're still working it out and seeing what feels right.
An AW moment - when SS was doing a project for school that had to incorporate a symbol for everyone in your family (can be really confusing when he has two blended families...) HE was the one that said the babies needed a symbol and said it should be angel wings! (still makes me tear up!)
Hugs to you!
Brynn just turned 2 and our loss was 7 weeks ago. She was old enough to notice my belly changing, etc while I was pregnant but not old enough to truly understand that we were going to be bringing a little brother home so I don't think it's something we'll really talk about with her until she's older (she's basically in that out of sight/out of mind stage). I'm honestly thankful for that because, as much as I know we'll have to explain things like this to her at some point, I'm ok with not having to do it this young.
We received a sweet little Willow Tree figurine of a child with a balloon that says HOPE which we currently have sitting on a family photo shelf in our family room. At first it was put there until we could figure out where to put it but now I think we may keep it there and that will always be our reminder and way of sharing it with our children as they grow.
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
I love the idea of having a birthday party for Annabelle's angelversary - I definitely think that is something young children can relate to. And that canvas with the rose sounds so adorable - what a thoughtful gift.
I think I struggle with worrying about overwhelming him as well. Trying to find the right balance. And I love what your SS did for symbols for your babies - so sweet! I love that. That is what I want for DS - sincere thought and appreciation for his little brother. Thank you for sharing!
We have done similar - little items and photos around the house that remind us of Colton and prompt conversation with DS about him. It is so hard to try and explain this to someone who is so young! That was one of my biggest fears leaving the hospital - how are we going to explain this to Landon? Thankfully, he took it quite well and whenever he does bring up Colton or ask a question, we make a point to really focus and have a conversation with him about it, how ever much he wants to talk.
**siggy warning**
DD#1 knows that the little boy in the picture is Jack, and when asked who Jack is, she says he is her brother (she has never asked though why Jack isn't here). I try to find a happy medium when it comes to keeping his memory alive. We had a stocking for Jack at Christmas, his picture is always out where she can see it. With Jack's birthday being next week, I have taken the day off work to celebrate him. It is a tradition for me to sing "Happy Birthday" to Jack at 8:04am, and I would like to include DDs in the tradition as well. I try to make it a goal for myself (and hope to instill the same feelings with my other children) to celebrate and focus more on the fact that Jack lived-and not so much that he died. When they are old enough to understand, I will tell them about Jack and hope that they will love him just as much as I do.