Cry it out method?

Ljessen13 · January 2014

My little one is two weeks old so obviously we are awhile away from making a decision to do this but I wanted your thoughts. I did this method with my almost 11 year old but it was soooo long ago I don't remember much except for it worked. I was reading about it this morning, as I paced, rocked and soothed my LO to fall asleep bc there was no way in heck he was still hungry after eating two bottles an hour ago. ( he must be hitting a growth spurt). Apparently opinions have changed on this method in the last 10 years, just like with everything else I once was taught about raising a baby. Do you have experience with this? Did it work? At what age did you start? Thanks in advance ladies. I trust this board will give me some insight. ETA: I am not asking to try this on a newborn baby as I know never to do that. I have been reading conflicting ages to start if this was a method I chose. I have read 4 months all the way until 8 months. Not sure when those that have tried this method started.

wedbliss5 · January 2014

Emotionally, i couldnt do this with DD1. As a STM, i might be more able to try aspects of it, but who knows. I do have hopes to do the whole "put baby down not totally asleep" so we'll see.

ac1259 · January 2014

So with DD1 we did a version of it that worked amazingly for falling asleep at night but she will still off and on wake up overnight crying and I go to rock her. But I can put her down awake and she self soothes, she just needs to calm down a bit. We did it because after an illness when she was 6 months old she refused to sleep unless I was holding her- which got really rough! She cried for an hour the first night (with us checking on her and trying to soothe without picking her up every 10 minutes), the next night it only took 20, and then I could sleep without a 6 month old in my arms again! She's a great sleeper now and honestly I don't regret it, but I've heard it doesn't work for everyone!

Ljessen13 · January 2014

benjaminsmommy16 said:

2 weeks is waaaaay too young to do CIO. I would wait until 12 months to start CIO, if at all.

I would never do it with a newborn. I even stated that in the above questions. I have been reading 4 months. 6 months. 7 months.

litzo27 · January 2014

People have strong opinions on the matter so this topic tends to get heated occasionally. My boys were not great sleepers but we did not do any kind of CIO method. We decided these approaches were not right for our family. We have tried tackling the problem in other ways: many suggested in the No Cry Sleep Solution. That said I did read the Ferber book and found it very useful - he has tons of information about sleep cycles, sleep associations, etc. It's not a book that advocates "You all should do CIO and that's how to do it" - he highlights that at different ages there are many sources of sleep disruptions and each situation is unique.

Here is one of his quotes when asked what he thinks about people "Ferberizing" their kids:
"It's flattering that my name is out there, but it suggests a misunderstanding of what I've been teaching for so long that it concerns me. I've always believed that there are many solutions to sleep problems, and that every family and every child is unique. People want one easy solution, but there's no such thing. I never encouraged parents to let their babies cry it out, but one of the many treatment styles I described in my book is gradual extinction, where you delay your response time to your baby's wakings. I went to great pains in the second edition to clarify that that treatment is not appropriate for every sleep issue, of which there are many. So if someone tells me they tried my "method," I know they only read one small part of my book."

And to be blunt any approach which suggests CIOs before the age of 6 months is total BS IMO.

ChuggingWater · January 2014

Whew. I was worried when I opened this post!

We did something. Ferber? Sleep Lady shuffle? CIO? I can't remember now.. around 11 months

BabyHokie2014 · January 2014

We did Ferber with DD1 and started around 4 months. It was hard (mostly for me), but she took right to it and is a wonderful sleeper to this day. There are so many opinions out there on this, but you have to go with what feels right for you and your child.

bensmommy518 · January 2014

I tried CIO on the advice of my pedi around 4 months who said DS was old enough and stopped after 2 days because I just knew it was too soon and I couldnt handle it emotionally. I did not try again until almost 11 months and then it was so much easier. I did a modified version and I think it was really important to have the established bedtime routine before starting any kind of sleep training program. I could tell that DS knew it was getting close to bed time when we started doing certain steps at night and he would immediately start responding by giving sleepy cues. I also really advocate the putting to bed sleepy but awake method. This made nap time so much easier for us.

Ljessen13 · January 2014

Thank you ladies ! I will def continue to research and make the right decision for him WHEN the time comes

the opinions on this method have changed so much in 10 years and researching it on the internet just confused my once opinion I had on it. I am glad to see it has worked for some and I am glad to see others didn't need it. I love the dynamic of our board. It helps me make a better decision based on research and personal experience.

aessary03 · January 2014

Like you, it's been so long since I dealt with that with my 10yo that I don't remember what worked. However, I was a single mom then so I didn't mind as much if she wanted to also with me or had a hard time and needed to be held. I do remember it was just like bam, one day she was done and hasn't been in my bed since.

I, personally, am too much of a wimp to have CIO be successful when the time comes. If you are considering that method, I'd suggest waiting until at least 6 months.

lolinshag · January 2014

Right now start a sleepy time routine. And then stick to it. With DD1, we did bath time, lavendar nightime lotion, pajamas, feeding and rocking to sleep while singing one lullaby over and over...and over. To this day, we still use the same basic structure (2y/o) and she sleeps like a champ. She automatically gets droopy eyed if i start humming the song, haha! She has STTN since she was 4 weeks old. Fingers crossed this works for number DD2!

Ljessen13 · January 2014

@lolinshag I did the nighttime routine with ds1. I just can't remember when I started that either... Right now this LO feeding is sporadic bc he is cluster feeding on the bottle. I also think his nights and days are mixed up. He sleeps awesome during the day and up all night

lol

ksonne · January 2014

We did a modified cry it out with periodic check ins. Did our bed time routine (lotion, pjs, book, song), placed in crib awake. Checked in at 5, 10, 15 minutes if he was crying. We did not pick him up, just spoke in soothing tones and rubbed his tummy. We did sleep training at 8 months but I would still nurse 3 times a night (just picked him up when he was sleeping). He went from waking up 6-8 times per night (and as much as 20+ times per night) to being a much better sleeper. Really saved my sanity.

brideandbreve · January 2014

I couldn't do CIO with DS until he hit about a year. We had some nights where he just wanted to be held, and so I'd go in his room, rock him in his glider until he fell asleep, and then upon putting him back in his crib, he would wake up and cry. There were some nights when we had to let him cry for anywhere from 2-5 minutes until he would settle down and go back to sleep. Those nights were hard, but they only happened every once in a blue moon.

MrsGraham06 · January 2014

DS1 we tried the CIO, we tried the checking in, we tried a lot of stuff. The only thing that got him to sleep was us laying down next to the crib with him holding a hand/finger. We'd usually fall asleep before he did. We did that for months! I can't remember when he started to finally sleep on his own, but I think it took having a little brother for us to take care of for DS1 to stop needing us as much.

peanutmuse · January 2014

Ljessen13 said:

benjaminsmommy16 said:

2 weeks is waaaaay too young to do CIO. I would wait until 12 months to start CIO, if at all.

I would never do it with a newborn. I even stated that in the above questions. I have been reading 4 months. 6 months. 7 months.

@Ljessen13, if that information was in the original post, @benjaminsmommy16 likely would not have responded that way. I also thought you meant trying sooner rather than later, based on how your original post reads. It wasn't until I read this^ post from you that I realized your intentions. We are not mind readers.

Jackapatamus · January 2014

CIO is not for us. We instead established a sleep schedule and pattern. It worked well for us. He still goes to bed well. As others have said, not every baby is the same, and something different works for everybody. We did a lot of reading and discussing with our family and friends, and in the end, CIO just doesn't work with my and my dh's dynamics.

Ljessen13 · January 2014

peanutmuse said:

Ljessen13 said:

benjaminsmommy16 said:

2 weeks is waaaaay too young to do CIO. I would wait until 12 months to start CIO, if at all.

I would never do it with a newborn. I even stated that in the above questions. I have been reading 4 months. 6 months. 7 months.

@Ljessen13, if that information was in the original post, @benjaminsmommy16 likely would not have responded that way. I also thought you meant trying sooner rather than later, based on how your original post reads. It wasn't until I read this^ post from you that I realized your intentions. We are not mind readers.

@peanutmuse. I thought my original post implied that. I stated I had a 2 week old and I am obviously a long ways away from making this decision. I didn't feel the need to specify an age bc I didn't know an age to start.

ehepner · January 2014

We did CIO. DD was a terrible sleeper and i knew there was no way i could handle it long term and that for my own health and well being we needed to try something and soon. She was BF and used me as a paci so she didn't really have a 'soother' i could giver her to help. I'm going to encourage a pacifier more this time around. We used the Ferber method at first and then kind of modified it for what worked for us (went in every 5 min. then longer intervals). We started somewhere between 4-6 months. It took several days for her to 'get better' about self soothing. I would nurse her and then lay her down awake to help ease into the transition. I'm glad i did it. But even after she was sleep trained, she still got up 2-3 times a night where i would need to go in her room.

jldubb0626 · January 2014

We didn't have sleep issues until after a year old, but we did CIO and it worked. I wouldn't have tried it before 1 though.

peanutmuse · January 2014

Ljessen13 said:

peanutmuse said:

Ljessen13 said:

benjaminsmommy16 said:

2 weeks is waaaaay too young to do CIO. I would wait until 12 months to start CIO, if at all.

I would never do it with a newborn. I even stated that in the above questions. I have been reading 4 months. 6 months. 7 months.

@Ljessen13, if that information was in the original post, @benjaminsmommy16 likely would not have responded that way. I also thought you meant trying sooner rather than later, based on how your original post reads. It wasn't until I read this^ post from you that I realized your intentions. We are not mind readers.

@peanutmuse. I thought my original post implied that. I stated I had a 2 week old and I am obviously a long ways away from making this decision. I didn't feel the need to specify an age bc I didn't know an age to start.

Nowhere in your original post did you imply 4, 5, or 6 months, so there's no way that anyone could guess what age you were thinking about starting. And to be quite frank, your original post felt to me like you were implying "I know I can't start right now, but how soon can I start?" That's how it read to me. It's really no big deal, you've clarified now. It's one of those hot button topics (some people are really anti-CIO), that's the only reason why I mention being very clear about your intentions.

Firefly9 · January 2014

Do NOT do CIO or any of these other methods on a newborn. They need their needs met. I don't think we did any sort of CIO until DS was at least 6 months, and even then, it wasn't "let him cry until he shuts up." We gave him a few minutes to see if he could fall back asleep by himself, then went in. It got progressively longer as he got older, but still don't let him go forever.

BuckeyeMommy4 · January 2014

I did CIO with all three girls. With DD1, we didn't do it until 12 months. DD2 was around 6 months. DD3 was around 5 months. They were all great sleepers, but weren't falling asleep on their own. CIO worked great for us and only took a couple nights before there were no tears.

I think it's mostly about what works best for you and your baby. There's no right or wrong way. Unless someone expects it to work for their newborn, of course!

peanutmuse · January 2014

Firefly9 said:

Do NOT do CIO or any of these other methods on a newborn. They need their needs met. I don't think we did any sort of CIO until DS was at least 6 months, and even then, it wasn't "let him cry until he shuts up." We gave him a few minutes to see if he could fall back asleep by himself, then went in. It got progressively longer as he got older, but still don't let him go forever.

@Ljessen13 -- just in case you had any doubt about what I was saying (about your OP not really being clear or people having very strong feelings about it), @Firefly9 swooped in to prove my point.

Ljessen13 · January 2014

@peanutmuse. Point cleary taken. Yikes!! I will edit to clarify.

ababymaybe · January 2014

Did it with DS around 5.5 months. He was a horrible sleeper before. Some of that was my fault because I jumped whenever he made a peep at night.

Won't be doing that again -- won't CIO with a newborn obv but will give more of a chance for baby to self settle for wakings and will try to put down awake more.

We did exhaust "no cry" options first but they didn't work for DS at all. He actually doesn't like to cosleep (as in, he will not fall asleep with us period) and all of my "soothing" attempts were overstimulating him resulting in MORE crying overall.

It depends on the baby to a large degree. In our case I am very glad we didn't wait til closer to a year as DS is very strong willed and a) I would've died from sleep deprivation by then and b) ST would've definitely been much harder on both of us.

He was much happier after we sleep trained and it only really took a few brief 5-10 mom crying sessions. We were pretty lucky in that regard.

peanutmuse · January 2014

Ljessen13 said:

@peanutmuse. Point cleary taken. Yikes!! I will edit to clarify.

@Ljessen13 -- it really wasn't meant to be mean or pick on you. I just have seen a lot of these things explode into unnecessary arguments because of misunderstandings. When discussing a controversial topic, it just works better to be very clear about things -- KWIM?

Ljessen13 · January 2014

@peanutmuse. Completely showing my ignorance I didn't even know it was a controversial topic

. By no means did I think you wear "picking" on me. I know u better than that. I know you were trying to help. I also def don't want anyone to ever think I would try this on a newborn. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.

cnwilbur1030 · January 2014

For me, DD wouldn't fall asleep with me or anyone holding her. (She tries to pick your nose if you rock her to sleep). So I did a moderate CIO. Around 4-5 months for nap I would leave her in her crib to CIO for 20 min intervals. I did this because she refused to nap for a week, not healthy for either of us.

When i did CIO, it wasnt just leving her forever. At 20 min, I would go in, pat her back, give her pacifier back, and then leave. If she wasn't asleep after 1 hr (with the 20 min checks) then I would get her up and try again later. The first week was hard, but at week 2, she would fall asleep around 15 min.

Now, she's 20 months. So I do kind of a CIO. If she doesn't nap, I leave her in her room for quiet time for at least 1 hr. Usually she will nap or talk to her teddy bear. If she is crying really hard then I will check on her.

I think it's just different for different babies. DD literally had to be left alone to fall asleep, so modified CIO was best for her.

peanutmuse · January 2014

Ljessen13 said:

@peanutmuse. Completely showing my ignorance I didn't even know it was a controversial topic . By no means did I think you wear "picking" on me. I know u better than that. I know you were trying to help. I also def don't want anyone to ever think I would try this on a newborn. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.

Fist bump. We're all good.

Tylynngrace · January 2014

I'm a FTM so I have no personal experience but when I was 16 I babysat a 5 month old baby and his parents used the CIO method. It was hard even as a baby sitter to hear him cry but he eventually just went to sleep. I still checked on him from time to time but I never picked him up. I think I might go with this method when my babies closer to a year mostly because he's a preemie.

Ljessen13 · January 2014

No u didn't @benjaminsmommy16. I didn't clarify. It's okay

katstirdivant · January 2014

When DD was a newborn, she actually preferred to have her space when she slept. Being a FTM then, it was a blessing (even though I LOVED it when she would nap on my chest) because it made bedtime so much easier.

We moved her from cosleeper to her crib in her room at 3 mo. and we were glad we did. She was such a noisy sleeper we slept so much better after that!

Right around 6mo I decided it was time to "sleep train" and after no success for about 2 weeks realized she was going through a growth spurt and that's why she was getting up so often to eat.

My DH and I are fine with cry it out but don't forget that there are sometimes factors that can work against you without you even knowing (growth spurt, beginnings of a cold, etc.) Also, even though you and your SO might be OK with it, your LO might not. Each child is different and NO ONE knows your child better than you. Not even your mom or MIL

sugarland726 · January 2014

We did Ferber's CIO when DD was around 6 months old. It was harder on DH than on me and DD. After 3 days it was done and over with. We have had barely any sleep problems with DD. Maybe we just got lucky, but it absolutely is a method I will have no qualms about starting with DS when he is old enough, if he needs to guidance on sleeping on his own. It doesn't work for all kids and all families, and as the saying goes, there is more than one way to skin a cat. Ferber certainly isn't the only method. But it worked for us.

sunnyplaces · January 2014

I'm a FTM so I don't have hands-on experience but I've been reading Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby which my sister/SIL/friends swear by. This book appears to provide a balanced approach to developing a firm sleep routine. According to the author, if you know the theory early on, you may be able to prevent/lessen CIO from the beginning. That could be wishful thinking but I've heard from enough people that the book "saved their lives" that I decided to read it in advance of LO.

Here's a link to an article comparing Ferber and Weissbluth, it may help you in considering the different options:

https://www.babysleepsite.com/tag/healthy-sleep-habits-happy-baby/

Good luck!

lolinshag · January 2014

@Ljessen13 we started the sleepy time routine as soon as she came home from the hospital. We knew it would not work right away, but we figured it helped establish a routine for all of us. Oh, and i sang the lullabye only at bed time and night time feedings so she could associate it with sleep. We you feel comfortable, try keeping LO awake an extra 5 or 10 mins after feedings during the day. You know, wiggle their feet, talk to them, etc. That should translate into him falling asleep more easily at night?

rowanthefrog · January 2014

I did this with both of my boys at 5-6 months (well, Ferber, not straight CIO). But I would not do it with a newborn. I would highly recommend that you read "Solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr. William ferber for the exact details on how to do it but even he will tell you not to do it until around 6 months.

My experience with it was good...first night both my boys cried about 45 min on and off, 2nd night was around 12 min, 3rd night 2-5 min and 4th night I put them in their cribs awake but drowsy and they rolled over and went to sleep.

Two great books to help for the newborn phase and younger infant are Happiest Baby on the Block (truly amazing and applicable RIGHT NOW) and 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program (good starting around 6 weeks.)

A

Ljessen13 · January 2014

@lolinshag. Right now he only sleeps well when he is being held

as soon as we lay him down ANYWHERE he wakes up. Crib, bassinet, swing....it doesn't matter. It is making for 2 very exhausted parents who can not get anything done

lolinshag · January 2014

Ljessen13 said:
@lolinshag. Right now he only sleeps well when he is being held as soon as we lay him down ANYWHERE he wakes up. Crib, bassinet, swing....it doesn't matter. It is making for 2 very exhausted parents who can not get anything done

Have you got a sling or baby carrier? You could use that during the day to get stuff done. Also, what about putting a blanket in the dryer, heating it up, then swaddling him with it as you put him down. Keep patting, touching, talking, soithing for a bit and then s l o w l y back away. Maybe the warmth combined with your touch/voice will "fool" him into thinking he is being held? Or try one of those heartbeat mimic things or white noise machines to help mimic the sounds he was used to hearing in the womb? Just throwing out ideas that i hope might help!

Ljessen13 · January 2014

Thank u.

he hates the swaddled and kicks his feet out

we tried white noise too and nothing

wifetomrb101 · January 2014

We did a modified Ferber and CIO combo too. DD was about 8-9 months at the time. She had it figured out that if she cried, Mom would come, and by the time I figured out that she had that figured out she was waking up every 1.5-2 hours just for me to hold her! We tried all the different books, methods, whatever was out there and finally tried a modified Ferber with a bit of extra crying and within 3 nights she was fine again. We've had ups and downs since then, but now there's always a reason for her to wake up - teething, sick, dreams, etc. I honestly think it really depends on the baby. I know CIO is a controversial topic, but that's partly because non-CIO methods may for one baby and not another.

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