Tummy Touchers...grrrrrr

this+gamer+chick · December 2013

I know there are similar threads to this already, but...I went to a party for my FIL at his house last weekend. Most of the attendees were older adults, some of whom I knew from my wedding. I told DH before the party that I was betting that his stepmom would be a stomach toucher, since she hasn't seen me since we announced. Well, I was wrong about her and she actually respected my personal space. Many of DH's dad's friends, however, did not. I had older MALES and females immediately reach out to rub, touch, or pat my stomach right when they saw me. One man actually began patting my stomach repeatedly, almost like you would burp a baby or slap someone on the back, to the point where it started to hurt and I had to back away.

W.T.F. I mean, seriously. WTF??

I really wanted to say something (other than the look on my face, which should have been a clue), but most of them were in attendance at my wedding, are otherwise very nice people, and I'm not really a confrontational person. I got the impression that they had that "everyone here is family" attitude (they're Greek, and I have an Italian family so I get the old school mentality). I know that not saying anything kind of allows them to continue the same behavior towards other people. But when it's your in-laws and their friends it's kind of hard to want to risk offending one of them, even if you're not the one in the wrong. I feel like I would have said something if it were someone I didn't know. I just wonder, though, where do these people even get the idea in the first place that this sort of thing is okay? Even before I ever thought about becoming pregnant I would never consider touching anyone without their permission, especially in a somewhat private and sensitive area like the stomach. That's not the way my parents raised me and it goes against plain common sense. I'm sick to death of the "he/she is from a different time" excuse - they have been living in the modern world just like everyone else, and just because someone is old doesn't make it okay to break society's rules today. Honestly it kind of grossed me out and was very invasive of my personal space. The public does not own me, my baby or my body.

Sorry for the rant. Anyone else have similar experiences yet?

alyssa719 · December 2013

My friend grabbed me the first time she saw me after I told her (totally unexpected since I'm not showing even)!! I was so surprised since I didn't think about it even, but whatever. We've done much worse things before so I'm fine with her molesting me... now, if any other crazy bastards try to get in on this, I'm going to lay the smack down!!

1982Babies · December 2013

Has not happened yet. Honestly, when I do bump out, I want to be petted like a kitty.

orchidhunter · December 2013

When I told my best friend, back when I was only 5 weeks, she immediately began petting my stomach. I just said, "That's not a baby, it's bloat, you weirdo! Quit petting my bloat!" and it was all good.

I don't know how I'm going to handle it when I'm actually showing! I was thinking I'd just pretend the morning sickness is still going (fingers crossed it won't be) and say "Watch out, I might vomit all over you." That oughta do it, right?

lindslalala · December 2013

Oddly enough I didn't mind my belly being touched (by family) the first time around. This time, I find it infuriates me. I actually shoved my grandma's hand away when she rubbed my belly on Christmas. I felt a little bad afterwards, but it was totally instinctual. Maybe I'll feel differently when my belly becomes a firm bump instead of flabby bloat.

TGager · December 2013

DH is the only one that has done this... Family and close friends, I don't think I would have a problem... but people I barely know, that is a little strange to me. Plus this early, the baby is really low and you are just patting/petting my fat & bloat... A bit strange :-O

gallifreygirl · December 2013

I got upset when my sister did this but I think it was more because it was bloat and a how fat do you think I actually am moment.

SimpleComplexity · December 2013

My aunt who I didn't tell (she got it through the family grapevine) proceeded to feel me up my belly while we were in the buffet line. Like for a whole 20 sec. O_o

TricksyPixie · December 2013

No one has touched my tummy but me and my husband, thankfully.

BW1088 · December 2013

I think everyone around me sort of knows where I stand on this one. Even DH doesn't really touch my belly often. He'll occasionally lean down and kiss my belly and talk to the baby, which I don't mind one bit. Once LO is bigger, he'll feel movements, etc. We loved that with DD!

My parents and sister (very briefly) patted my belly occasionally when I was all baby-belly with DD, but I didn't have a problem with it. I usually cross my arms over my belly or at least have a hand there, so maybe that's a little bit of a sign to "back off." I feel fat enough already... I sure don't need anyone patting/rubbing belly fat to remind me. I also very much like my personal space "bubble."

aego · December 2013

I am dreading this so much. I am very sensitive about my personal space. I'm not really even a hugger. I don't think I'll have any trouble telling people not to touch my belly. Seriously, why do people think it's okay to touch someone's stomach without asking?!

this+gamer+chick · December 2013

To clarify, I don't mind close family and even my own friends doing it. It's more the fact that people I don't know very well were doing it, and especially men who should know better than to touch a woman without permission. But even if you do know someone you should still ask!!

mamaloaf · December 2013

I've never been pregnant before and I know this will bother me if coworkers or strangers touch me. My first instinct will probably be to back up, but maybe I'll just grab them right back?

helloblueeyes · December 2013

My mom tried this a couple days ago. I stopped her and said "touch it and you'll pull back a bloody nub." She got the picture. Lol.

I rub my belly a lot because it feels good when i'm nauseous or have aches from things stretching. But that does not make it okay for anyone other then me or DH to do it.

HairBossMama · December 2013

my mom does it and I don't care at all. Some of my clients have reached under my apron. So awkward but I can't be rude. They are paying me to do their hair. I just step back and say oh that's not a baby bump! I kind of side shuffle lol especially the little old ladies

AutumnBonfire · December 2013

We told DH's family the news a few days ago and about three people came over to touch my stomach. I really don't think I've gotten any bigger yet. My stomach has looked like this since I had DS. I was wearing an unflattering sweater dress that day. They were grabbing my stomach flab. That made me uncomfortable more so than if it was an actual bump. DH wants to touch my stomach all the time and I can't stand it since its just fat right now, not a real baby bump. It makes me really self conscious. I know I'm pregnant now, but I've looked like this for a while.

jessie55 · December 2013

I hate it. My cousin went for it, I told her if she really wanted to touch baby shed have to touch my vagina. She still rubbed my bloat!

cakebatter27 · December 2013

1982Babies said:
Has not happened yet. Honestly, when I do bump out, I want to be petted like a kitty.

This is me 100%. I've wanted to be pregnant for 4 years waiting for DH to get on board. I hope my belly is showered with pats and good wishes.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

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allardr · December 2013

Last time my FIL asked if I minded people touching and before waiting for an answer started rubbing, I was a like yes. He stopped and no one else really ever did but even that was strange. No one except DH & DD are allowed lol. I don't care if I offend saying no

MrsGeekyPants · December 2013

Ive had my friend pet my belly and my sil after telling on christmas but for mil to say " your showing " to me and im like not really im just fat (in my head) i wanted to scream ... Yes im preg but just turned 12w and have a " blump" wahh i want the real bump already !!! Im dreading this lady at work who is a toucher i hate it! She will rub your arm and stuff i am not a touchy person .

Ylvelill · December 2013

I thinking once I am actually showing I won't mind

but currently it would just be weird!

this+gamer+chick · December 2013

Ylvelill said:

I thinking once I am actually showing I won't mind but currently it would just be weird!

I do have a small bump, but it was still pretty weird.

sparks2987 · December 2013

Once the belly is hard I don't care for now my bloat/fat shall not be touched. Dh rubs it but he has rights. Mil has rubbed the fat and a few others patted it. I am not uncomfortable, if or when I do become uncomfortable I will say don't touch.

I work with adults with developmental disabilities....they love the belly and can be rough...I tell them no a lot of the time.

Salsera29 · December 2013

I plan on just moving away and saying "No thank you"...just like I say to little children who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves. If it's a good friend or something I might say it with a smile, but that's about all the tolerance I have.

abunai523 · December 2013

When we told my extended family at Christmas all the cousins gathered around to touch my belly for a 'photo op' it was the weirdest damn thing I have ever seen and I was pretty creeped out. I doubt I will mind as much when they are touching actual bump instead of just fat... At least I hope that will be the case.

oscarwao · December 2013

funnibunni80 said:

I am a SUPER touchy person. I'm a hugger, we watch movies with the kids in puppy-piles, all that. Except when I'm pregnant. Then I have a big 10 foot barrier with caution tape up around me. DH is the only exception to the rule. I like it when I'm "petted like a kitty" like PP said. But when anyone else gets too close, I start backing away. DS2 is special needs, and has a habit of patting my belly, which has never bothered me, but we have to break that habit like yesterday now.

To me, it just seems like a very intimate touch, and I don't want to be touched like that by anyone but myself or DH. I wish I wasn't though. I have NO idea how I'm going to handle all of DH's family at the wedding we're going to in February. They're all Hispanic, and I've already been warned that they're gonna be grabby. Plus, it will be my first time meeting them. Our wedding was very small.

Lurking from May board, but I totally agree on the potential for Hispanic families to be touchy.i had a hard time when I married in and everyone wanted to hug and kiss- I grew up in a waspy personal space kind of family. Now I have to tolerate them KISSING my belly. Seriously, if a stranger did this I would flip the eff out on them, but with DHs family I just have to tolerate cause they mean well and what not (but seriously, at this point I feel like they hAve to be able to tell that I'm not touchy feely but they still don't really care).

agallagher86 · December 2013

Touching a pregnant woman's belly without her permission is actually illegal in Pennsylvania. They passed the law a few months ago, I believe it's a misdemeanor offense.

earichar23 · December 2013

Mana84 this is exactly what I did! The first belly touch I got ( DHs best friend whose wife just had a baby) was at 6 weeks before I even had bloat and I was so surprised I rubbed his belly back (which looks like 7 months prego beer belly). He was mortified. I was amused. I think I'll make it a habit.

unaveragejane · December 2013

When I was about 6 months pregnant with DS, a stranger ambushed me in Target and rubbed my belly when I was looking at vitamins. She was not old or from a different culture. She just grinned and said, "For luck!" Then I think she realized that I was going to slug her as soon as the shock wore off, so she got out of Dodge.

My in-laws tried to rub my bloat the first time around, too. Family or not, it bothered the crap out of me, and I let it be known that I hated having my belly touched b/c it was just fat. GMIL was the only one who persisted after that, and I just grabbed her hand off my belly ever time. Not cool, Mamaw.

TG07 · January 2014

I'm dreading when more people start touching my stomach. My MIL rubbed my belly the day after she told me I am fat..

Ecomom17 · January 2014

You asked why people even get the idea in the first place that it's okay? Because pregnant women for some unfathomable reason don't want to confront them! If you weren't pregnant, would you accept that kind of touching without defending yourself? It shouldn't make a difference whether you're pregnant. And there is a polite way to tell someone to respect your space. You don't have to offend someone to let them know you're not comfortable with their touching your stomach!

ETA: I am a hugger, toucher, etc., but random people better not be touching my belly. Thankfully I never had that happen with DS. I don't mind if family or close friends do it, but it still never happened.

SweetTamale38 · January 2014

I was also going to comment that they just made it illegal here in PA to touch a pregnant woman's belly without her permission.

I'm in the, "Please pet me like a kitty" boat. In fact, I was waiting for my SO in a waiting area today while he was in an appointment, and the office Maine coon cat comes wandering over to talk to me. He leaped up on the couch, nuzzled his head against my tummy, and snuggled in against me. My SO and the staff member he was meeting came out and found us like that. She exclaimed, "Wow!!! He never does that to anybody!" I feel kind of lucky, sort of like he blessed my LO with his intuitive cat magic.

I haven't done this in 11 years -- so I'm looking forward to having a bump and people wishing me good luck and wanting to pat the baby. Their excitement for you, even if they are total strangers, is very endearing. To me it shows a warmth and care in the world that is hard to get a glimpse of these days. For a brief moment, someone is thrilled for the blessing you have been given and wishes you well.

BoraBoraBaby · January 2014

Not too many tummy touchers and I don't mind when they do, DH however likes to pretend my belly button is a doorbell so he rings it when he wants to say hi to baby.

JenGin74 · January 2014

I'm not touchy at all (husband not included). Hugs from family and very close friends don't bother me, but I have a problem with anything beyond hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek.

If family or close friends try to give my belly a rub down, I'll politely tell them that it makes me uncomfortable. Strangers will not get the same courtesy.

Ylvelill · January 2014

@sweettamales I could not have said it better

SaraRL07 · January 2014

My younger very religous single sister asked if she could rub my stomach at 10 weeks and I quickly told her that there was no that there is nothing there. Hello we just ate at a Mexican restaurant and I ate way to many chips and was feeling fat. She gasped and said there is a baby growing in there! I said that i was fully aware of what was growing inside of me, but explained that it is mostly bloat. My mom must have seen my face and defused the sititation. I know she is excited this is the first in the baby in the family and I later promised when there is kicking and with my permission she can fell my tummy. I think I might freak out with strangers

Myanswer true · January 2014

My brother has been randomly touching my belly since way before I got pregnant; its been a running joke that I was pregnant since I came back from my honeymoon nauseated. Only now am I ready to stab him for it. And one of my students randomly touched my blump, which completely weirded me out because I don't like my students touching me AT ALL. Pretty sure I nipped that one in the bud with the "Do that again and I'll get your rear expelled" look I gave her.

DH only touches my tummy when we're going to sleep, then he holds us both.

Ktgirl1226 · January 2014

I feel the same way. I told DH to have bail money ready for when I flip out on a stranger for touching me. I need a large personal bubble.

fmb2011 · January 2014

This early it totally bugs me if people touch my bloat but later when my belly is definitely all baby, I don't mind as much.

AmericanInOz · January 2014

dd likes to pat my belly (she's 3) but other than her and close (i.e. immediate) family, that is a NO GO. I would freak out if a stranger came up and touched my bump!!!

I do love it when dd does it though:) she only started last week and this morning said 'Hi baby it's **her name**) SO sweet

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