STMs to FTMs - sharing is caring

MamaAllison · December 2013

Hey ladies! We are getting closer and closer, some of us even have outside babies!!

I thought it might be fun to do a thread from STM+ to FTMs with things we wish we had known.

Here's mine: Most of the time there is no reason to check for dilation or effacement at your regular OB appt. it tells you nothing! You could be tight as a drum and be holding your baby 24 hours later or you could walk around at 4 cm for literally weeks. I had a particularly rough check at 35 weeks and spent the night in L&D with painful but non productive contractions. Not worth it!! My cervix has a do not disturb policy this time around, unless otherwise medically required.

Also, if you are going to breastfeed a side table next to your nursing chair for drinks, snacks, books, burp clothes etc. is great! And bring your boppy to the hospital, it really helps get LO in a good position. And lastly, BFing is hard, but never quit on a bad day!!

What else you got experienced ladies? Hopefully this is the one place where unsolicited advice can actually be helpful!

keags5496 · December 2013

The best advice I got was to parent from the heart and trust your gut. Babies don't come with a manual and sometimes its easy to doubt your inner mommy voice. Most of the time though it is spot on.

versed · December 2013

* don't worry about "training" your baby. Your baby will eventually not want to nurse/rock/cosleep to fall asleep. Enjoy it while they want it - this too shall pass.

* Your parents and others in their generation will give a lot of outdated advice and may even be hurt you are choosing to parent differently. Just smile and explain this is working for you. You can always blame your dr if that doesn't work

* those first weeks, baby just wants to be held, and that's okay. The Moby saved my sanity by allowing me to have hands free while baby was being held

* find your village. If there are local moms' groups, venture to one. It was great to talk to people in the same boat as you, and just as great to get out of the house!

* and as PPs said, trust yourself - you were made to do this

TessyMessy · December 2013

Don't try to do it all. You are not super woman. It is totally ok if the floors are dirty and dishes pile up in the sink as long as LO is getting love. Consider hiring a cleaning lady if you will have a hard time turning a blind eye to the mess.
A friend brought over a bunch of frozen meals (I know we have had a few threads on this) when we got home from the hospital. What a lifesaver! I was so fixated on BF that I hardly had enough energy left to plan a real meal.
I kept a basket of diapers, wipes, nursing pads, coconut oil, burp cloths, bottle of water, magazines, phone charger, etc by my nursing chair upstairs and also another downstairs in the living room. So much easier than lugging LO and all that crap from one floor to another.

ramfan05 · December 2013

- Trust yourself to make the right decisions about what to do for your little one.

- Sometimes, when DS was really little and we were having a rough day, I didn't want to pretend that everything was just perfect. It was important for me to have someone I could talk to at those times who would understand and just let me get it out and move on.

- Get out of the house when you can, even if it's just for a walk or to get a cup of coffee. It will be tough the first couple of times, but it is so worth it!

- The best piece of advice I got when DS was born - don't wish it away. I tried really hard not to ever wish for the next phase, i.e. saying things like "oh, I can't wait until he's sitting up, I can't wait until he's able to play in his exersaucer, I can't wait until he can crawl, walk, etc". Just enjoy you LO as he is now, because you won't ever have that time again and it really does go so, so quickly.

slwprincess · December 2013

Line up extra help right now. Don't wait till baby is here and you can't think straight. Those first few weeks are always a blur. Let it go.

Breastfeeding sucks for the first few weeks but I promise it does get better. You do have to work for it- it doesn't come as natural as people think it should. Educate yourself now. But also, don't beat yourself up if you need to supplement. It's not the end of the world and your baby will be just fine.

Happy Mom = Happy Baby. Take care of YOUR needs first and you will be better able to take care of your baby.

Sleep... OK so this is a team sport. Do not fall into the trap of handling it all alone b/c "DH has to work." That's some BS. He can get up once or twice and help change a diaper, reswaddle baby, and hand the baby to you to feed. It will make you love him more, make him respect you more, help him bond with baby, and ultimately strengthen your marriage/relationship. I remember DH sleeping on the floor of the nursery while I BF at night. He just wanted to be with us and be a part of it all. I love him so much more for this and it only confirmed that I married the man of my dreams. Not all guys will do this, and that's fine. But speak up and ask for his cooperation now. I get really pissed off at the moms who let their SO's sleep all damn night b/c they are at home on maternity leave and he has to work. So if you do this and you complain about it, I may have some slightly snarky comments ;-)

Also, on a sleep note... install dimmer switches in the nursery/your bedroom. This way you can gently turn on low lights to see to change a diaper and reswaddle and then feed baby without totally waking baby up. This is truly our secret to having 2 good sleepers so far.

Happiest Baby on the Block DVD is the most important newborn information I can offer. You can order the disc from netflix or buy it for about $20 on amazon. It teaches you how to soothe your baby and it also has THE most effective white noise I have found. We used to sleep with that DVD on in our room all night b/c the white noise was so calming for DD. DS, on the other hand was fine with a sleep sheep or any kind of white noise but she needed THAT one.

Do NOT compare your baby to any other. This was a tough lesson for me to learn with DS. My friends son was only a few weeks older but seemed to hit all his milestones crazy early. It was hard not to wonder if my son was delayed when we got them together. Now at 6 years old, I can see that they are really on the same level but they each excel at very different things. Same goes for DS and DD. So unless your pedi has a concern, don't even go there.

JordyInIndy · December 2013

These are all really good so far.

Don't let others unsolicited advice bring you down. Who cares if so and so "did this that way and it worked like a charm." Do what works for you and your baby and do it with confidence.

cmsdouglas · December 2013

I know this has been said, but I don't think it can be overstated - ask for help! I was hesitant to let MIL wash dishes or to let my mom fold the laundry, but it ended up being a total life saver. I think I would have fallen apart without their help in the beginning. Also, last time I didn't let DH help because he got grumpy when he got sleepy and I didn't want to deal with it. This time, I've already told him he's going to have to get over it and help. It's not worth losing your sanity and health when DH is perfectly capable of helping.

sdlaura · December 2013

A lot of this advice is awesome, but along the asking for help thread - also don't be afraid to want to be alone with your baby if that's what you prefer! I honestly couldn't wait for the 'help' to leave so I could just hang out with my baby. That's ok too!

magentawarped · December 2013

Don't be afraid to ask for help, but don't be afraid to kick them out either. Take the advice you want, and throw the rest out the window (and there will be tons of advice). Sleep when the baby sleeps for the first few weeks, and don't worry about the housework...it can always get done later or, better yet, by DH.

versed · December 2013

Andplusalso - it's your job during the first weeks to bond with your baby. People aren't being helpful by coming over to hold the baby while you do dishes. People are being helpful by doing dishes while you hold the baby. Of course if you want someone to hold the baby so you can shower, go for it, but make sure you let people know how you need help!

Soap1 · December 2013

Man I don't have any advice. Just do your best. Formula feed or breastfeed, CIO or don't, attachment parenting or Babywise - your kids will turn out fine. Seriously.

What makes you a good mother isn't which choices you make, it's the fact that you take time to think about those choices before making them.

Nikkijo1022 · December 2013

Love this thread! Can we make it a sticky so I can read it again at 3 am in a few weeks?! Thank you all!!

ehighlan · December 2013

I know this has been said, but it is SO important to remember. Every baby is different and may or may not match what the baby books say your child "should" be doing. I can remember crying and thinking my babies are doing XYZ wrong. My mother came in, took my book, threw it in the trash (maybe a little dramatic), and said trust yourself!!! Best.advice.ever. After that I was fine. Also, PP is right, when people come over to help they are not there to hold baby while you watch (unless that is what you want)…they are there to help with what you need…whatever falls into that category for you (shower, dishes, etc.) My best friend took my debit card and went grocery shopping for us. It is what we needed at the time. Don't feel guilty. Time with LO goes so quickly…in the moment it may feel like an eternity, especially when you're tired, but it flies.

Mazingmommyof6 · December 2013

Nap when the baby naps was the best advise I ever got

tiggernorton04 · December 2013

Do what works for your family even if others disagree. We ended up co sleeping til DD was nearly 2 because it was the only way for all of us to get sleep. We hadn't planned on cosleeping but truthfully, I loved it!

mandinkapants · December 2013

I'm so excited to read this thread. I had my "whoa" moment today of how this time of being pregnant and the routine in the house is going to come to an end and begin a whole new chapter. I am also scared shitless, but all of the advice is helping so much. I know we don't have to be Wonder Woman, and I know we all just need to keep our heads together and take it all one day at a time, but the kind words and awesome suggestions are definitely going to stick in my head. Thank you ladies, so so much.

mamatobe2012 · December 2013

keags5496 said:

The best advice I got was to parent from the heart and trust your gut. Babies don't come with a manual and sometimes its easy to doubt your inner mommy voice. Most of the time though it is spot on.

Couldn't have said it better!
=D>

kracosta · December 2013

Loving this thread. I'm a TTM and I wish I had this advice with my first. Nothing to add, everything has pretty much been covered

It's actually brought back a lot for me. It's been a while since I had a baby, so very helpful for even us "old pros"

churst23 · December 2013

All of this has been exactly what I would suggest.
I had a c-section with my 1st and I pushed myself to do too much too soon. I ended up getting endometritis and had a longer recovery time than anticipated....so, make sure and rest as much as possible and eat lots of protein (needed for healing). Drink tons of water while recovering and it will help increase your milk supply! Also, I've mentioned this in a previous post last week but my son started growing little hard cyst looking things in his breasts! I was so worried but his pediatrician taught me that this was due to all of my hormones filtering through him and that they would go away if we didn't touch/mess with them.They did-but he did lactate a little which freaked us out!

BB0214 · December 2013

Thanks for all the great advice! Great post!

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