If "rocky" and "rough patch" mean the same thing to you, your viewpoint is skewed IMO.
Can you explain to me what the difference is? I know different words have different meanings to different people depending on how and where they were raised. I have never used either one because I don't discuss my relationship with most people especially family. If I do I just say we are having problems or issues. To me they all mean the same thing. Your relationship is not in a good place. Its in those times where you as a couple decide whether to work on it or walk away. For me and where I am coming from is that I have heard couples say both "rough patch" and "rocky" and end up deciding to walk away from a marriage or relationship.
Rough patch- difficulties for a short-ish period of time, mainly due to outside forces (usually money, but can be other things)
Rocky- A shitty relationship that never should have made it in the first place, but they are still together for some reason. Beer flavored nipples perhaps?
DH and I have had rough patches, and they are almost all related to money stress that spilled over into other areas of our relationship. His niece has a boyfriend that doesn't work, treats her life shit, they literally only fight with each other, and they break up/get engaged about every week. That's a rocky relationship. And she's 45, so don't try to give her a pass for being a kid.
Thank you for explaining how you view those words.
Clearly your entire family (including you) have horrendous communication skills.
I think you mom is lying about the whole "sharing her love" bullshit.
This may be true. We need serious help with the whole talking about things. Anytime anything happens that someone doesn't like or isn't a good idea this is how they treat it. They just talk about or bash you behind your back say snide comments in your face and never really say what they are feeling. Even when you ask them straight up they avoid or make up shit. its crazy. And im not really any better with it because obviously this is how they showed me to communicate. This is why Im trying to talk to people that may have better communication skills then ours and kinda help to to communicate with them.
Update: Talked to my mom for starters and got to the bottom of her issues. She says she isn't thrilled right now because she doesn't know how she will be able to give enough love and attention to two grandchildren and doesn't want to neglect my son. Shes also said having to children is hard and she doesn't want me to be under to much pressure financially taking care of a family of 4 compared to 3. Shes just worried (which is her nature she worries about everything) that now we will be struggling since Ill have 2 kids. I'll just have to show her that I can handle it with no problem. She doesn't know exactly how much money I make or take home any of that so she is just going on her experience not my income. Finances are not my issue Ill just have to reassure that I can handle it. Next Ill talk to my dad then grandma
Wait, this is a thing? I've known moms who worried about that with their own children when they were having a second/third/etc, but I have never ever heard a grandmother feeling that way toward her grandchildren.
@triumphgrrrl - when I told my mom that we were expecting #2 in 2011 she totally freaked out about this. She was like "how am I going to love on two at once?!" why can't you have them far apart like I did so your first son won't mind the baby getting all of the attention?!?!" - literally her exact words. I don't think I spoke to her for two weeks I was so mad.
I mean my mom spoils my son to no end. He has gets everything maybe she doesn't think she can handle doing that with both children and not falling short. or maybe she blowing smoke idk.
you know "blowing smoke". Its a saying we use to say bullshit basically.
Thanks for the explanation, but I am really not an idiot, bro.
Excuse me all you said was Huh I had no idea what you were talking about. That was the only thing that I could think of which was in the last post. May bad Bro
@whocanitbenow there is really no "sides" to jump on. And yes I can spell. Just don't be all on on my best punctuation and talking all good while on a forum of my peers so excuse me. All im saying is there is a certain way that you should talk to a person, point blank. now im not saying not to feel the way they feel. I have no control over that. All im saying is there is a way you talk to someone about your feelings where its not rude and snobby. Thats what I was looking for. A way to address the problem where I don't come off all bitchy because i feel pretty bitchy because of they way i was treated. And you only have one side of the story but im telling you what i know because what ever they are feeling they have only come out and said things through rude comments. So I can't guess what they are feeling or their side with out even knowing myself. I think the PP said it best. Ill just have to ask them whats the problem and that's the best thing.
And being rude to someone making them feel bad about themselves is no
way to show that you "give a fuck" in your terms. Just saying there is a
way you do everything didnt think this was the best way for them to do
it
This is the point where I decided I have no clue what you're saying and it clearly isn't important enough to try to decipher. If you wanted to be taken seriously, you'd present yourself seriously.
I don't think "peer" is an accurate word.
I wasn't being serious obviously. I'm not in English class and since i'm on my phone everything isn't going to be said spelled and written perfectly. Everyone seemed to understand and trust me "peer " may not be accurate because there is some really immature people on these forums
If someone in my family got pregnant in a "rocky" relationship, I would definitely say, "what the f* were you thinking". Better to tell them to their face than behind their back. Then I'd congratulate them and throw them a shower, because I'm awesome like that.
Thanks for the entertainment, all. (goes back to lurking)
I really didn't expect rocky and rough patch to be confusing. Would you rather travel down a rocky road (not the ice cream) or one that has a few rough patches. One is always bumpy and up and down and the other one is smooth with the exception of a few spots .
So rocky relationship +having a baby = bad and people will not support you right away. Just be mean and rude and make mean comments about your pregnancy until it sinks in and they feel better about it. Got it. Sounds like I was all wrong about what it means to be a family and support each other and have each others back no matter what. I could see if I said "hey, where TTC." But no I said I'm having a baby. So weather our relationship is rocky, or solid this baby is coming and they really need to understand that being rude or making comments isn't going to change that or any decisions I make. I guess I shouldn't have even cared in the first place. Duh WTF was I think caring about other peoples feeling and what not.
I'd rather have an honest family than a fake one. My cousins GF was 18 and pg with neither of them having jobs. You better believe no one acted like this was the best idea ever when they announced it, but we all supported them and loved the babe. You can have your opinion and still love someone.
And if my sister/daughter said "WHere TTC", I'd say sure as hell not in my bed.
Oh sweetheart, you have such an idealistic concept of family. “Family” does not equal unconditional love and support. They’re probably going to continue being offensive and rude, so your options are:
1. Continue to talk to them and expose yourself to the negativity (because it probably won’t stop) 2. Stop talking to them and cut off their “craziness”
Chances of you being able to talk to them and change their mind = 12%. They’re grown adults, they probably aren’t easily persuaded. Your best bet is to minimize the damage, take a break from them and then when you have LO #2 and are “getting along just fine” maybe their worries will calm down enough you can attempt to build a new relationship.
ddmmt9 I'm sorry you're having a rough time with family reactions/ expectations, it must be really difficult when you're looking for support and joy from them. I would suggest that you and your fiance find a counselor to work through these issues with. Counseling can help you improve your relationship communication skills so you can work to make your relationship more stable, and it will also help you establish healthy communication patterns with the rest of your family. It will also give you some good tools to deal with the stress a second baby will add to family dynamics. My husband and I definitely had some rough times early in our relationship, when we were in our mid-20's. (some would say we had "rough patches," some would say it was a "rocky relationship," whatever, it needed to get better). We went to counseling, learned how to communicate more clearly and effectively with each other, and we're now really happily married.
Not everyone has the luxury of growing up in a home where good communication is practiced (that was definitely the case for me, and it sounds like this is the case for you, given what you said about your parents' relationship being rocky). Luckily, you have the opportunity to break that pattern and model better communication for your children, once you have the right communication skills. Also, good for you for having a good job and for being the primary earner in your family- that's not easy for anyone to do, especially in this economy. Good luck!
Sorry im on my phone its not easy typing all of this. Swear im a graduate from a reputable university and Ive always had great grades in english. I'm just doing a million things and my phone is not the best on these fourms. Do excuse my grammar spelling and punctuation if I was on a computer It would be better.
I read through all of this and my main concern when it is all said and done is this: You will eventually have two kids that are in school and neither one will have a mom who understands proper word usage and proper punctuation.
TWO, TOO, TO- they ARE NOT THE SAME!!!!!! They not interchangeable!
commas are NOT optional Its annoying when basic principals of writing that allow me to read what you are typing and not want to bash my head against a brick wall.
good luck with the family mess.... please work on your grammar and spelling skills. AHHHH.
*It's
Sorry I had to.
I've been trying to edit this entire thread with my red pen but I think it's futile. Lord help our future.
Clearly your entire family (including you) have horrendous communication skills.
I think you mom is lying about the whole "sharing her love" bullshit.
This may be true. We need serious help with the whole talking about things. Anytime anything happens that someone doesn't like or isn't a good idea this is how they treat it. They just talk about or bash you behind your back say snide comments in your face and never really say what they are feeling. Even when you ask them straight up they avoid or make up shit. its crazy. And im not really any better with it because obviously this is how they showed me to communicate. This is why Im trying to talk to people that may have better communication skills then ours and kinda help to to communicate with them.
um...if this is the history of communication with your family, why are you so surprised and whiny about the same thing happening with this particular news item? Did you think that Baby #2 entitled you to some huge shift in family dynamic? You keep saying what family "should be," but you then say that your family is not like that. Why the outrage?
You are only in charge of you. I think you will experience freedom if you stop expecting certain kind of reactions from anyone (not just family).
I'm sorry they are not as supportive as you would like. Give them time & realize that no one is as interested in your pregnancy as you are.
Take stock of what you do have vs. what you don't. Is your significant other supportive? Are you healthy? Focus on the positives & the rest won't seem terribly important.
I read through all of this and my main concern when it is all said and done is this: You will eventually have two kids that are in school and neither one will have a mom who understands proper word usage and proper punctuation.
TWO, TOO, TO- they ARE NOT THE SAME!!!!!! They not interchangeable!
commas are NOT optional Its annoying when basic principals of writing that allow me to read what you are typing and not want to bash my head against a brick wall.
good luck with the family mess.... please work on your grammar and spelling skills. AHHHH.
*It's
Sorry I had to.
I've been trying to edit this entire thread with my red pen but I think it's futile. Lord help our future.
Not using proper grammar or spelling on silly message boards does not bother me. However, what does bother me is people critiquing other people's grammar while simultaneously making their own errors.
"They not interchangeable!" Really?
P.s. I have heard that mobile bump had spellcheck; however, I have yet to find this feature. Anyone know where it is?
Lets get something straight. Living with people rather it be I their basement or what have you there is nothing wrong with that. Just being in the situation makes you more prone to their opinions because you are in their house. And to me rocky and rough patches are the same thing. Bumps in the road are just that a bump and u move on from it. And yes if your 17 year old nephew got his gf pregnant you need to support them. Obviously it was too late to try and school them the deed was done and they were going to have to learn the hard way. Plus their situation is very different from mine in obvious ways cant really compare that. But still what would be the point in being mean and rude to them. Not going to change the past. And im sure your family would give their opinions with respect
Rocky Road
A Bump In the Road
“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.” — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
Not using proper grammar or spelling on silly message boards does not bother me. However, what does bother me is people critiquing other people's grammar while simultaneously making their own errors.
Yup, exactly. Also, this sentence: "Itsannoying when basic principals of writing that allow me to
read what you are typing and not want to bash my head against a brick
wall." Whaaaa?
Clearly, many of us could use a mobile spellcheck/ grammar check (FTR, I'm sure some of my posts also have grammar mistakes).
I read through all of this and my main concern when it is all said and done is this: You will eventually have two kids that are in school and neither one will have a mom who understands proper word usage and proper punctuation.
TWO, TOO, TO- they ARE NOT THE SAME!!!!!! They not interchangeable!
commas are NOT optional Its annoying when basic principals of writing that allow me to read what you are typing and not want to bash my head against a brick wall.
good luck with the family mess.... please work on your grammar and spelling skills. AHHHH.
I found this critique to be incredibly painful and ironic. Principals and principles aren't interchangeable either. It's and its have two different meanings.
I read through all of this and my main concern when it is all said and done is this: You will eventually have two kids that are in school and neither one will have a mom who understands proper word usage and proper punctuation.
TWO, TOO, TO- they ARE NOT THE SAME!!!!!! They not interchangeable!
commas are NOT optional Its annoying when basic principals of writing that allow me to read what you are typing and not want to bash my head against a brick wall.
good luck with the family mess.... please work on your grammar and spelling skills. AHHHH.
Please don't bitch about others' grammar when you don't have a good grasp of grammar/spelling yourself.
I would wait a little while and let everybody simmer down. Then have an open chat with your family. Let them know how they have made you feel. Your life plans don't always have to be the same as everybody else's plan for you. The first trimester is very emotional anyway, so try to shake it off for a few weeks.
Generally, there is a specific group of people the term "hood" tends to refer to...
I agree, that you seem defensive. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress and having a poor support system from family never makes things easier, no matter what their reasons are. I hope they come around and things get better.
Edit: Not a fan of the term "race". Anthropology class got to me.
Please explain what is wrong with the term "race".
Generally, there is a specific group of people the term "hood" tends to refer to...
I agree, that you seem defensive. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress and having a poor support system from family never makes things easier, no matter what their reasons are. I hope they come around and things get better.
Edit: Not a fan of the term "race". Anthropology class got to me.
Please explain what is wrong with the term "race".
Honestly, nothing, but due to differences both in individual and cultural ideas of what the term means, and what characteristics are included in determining one's "race", for me at least, it just doesn't seem like the right word to use. Then again, that's after taking two anthropology classes from a prof who had very strong opinions about the word.
Re: Rude comments and how they should be handled need advice
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!
This. I'm confused.
Thanks for the entertainment, all. (goes back to lurking)
Also el oh el at "blowing smoke".
For realz.
And if my sister/daughter said "WHere TTC", I'd say sure as hell not in my bed.
Oh sweetheart, you have such an idealistic concept of family. “Family” does not equal unconditional love and support. They’re probably going to continue being offensive and rude, so your options are:
1. Continue to talk to them and expose yourself to the negativity (because it probably won’t stop)
2. Stop talking to them and cut off their “craziness”
Chances of you being able to talk to them and change their mind = 12%. They’re grown adults, they probably aren’t easily persuaded. Your best bet is to minimize the damage, take a break from them and then when you have LO #2 and are “getting along just fine” maybe their worries will calm down enough you can attempt to build a new relationship.
BFP 01/05/2013. EDD 09/18/2013. Low Progesterone. Gestational Diabetes. Rh Negative. Baby Ky-Mani born 100% healthy 09/17/2013. TTC#2 12/2013. BFP 02/01/2014! "Baby RaggaMuffin" due 10/07/2014.
I'm sorry they are not as supportive as you would like. Give them time & realize that no one is as interested in your pregnancy as you are.
Take stock of what you do have vs. what you don't. Is your significant other supportive? Are you healthy? Focus on the positives & the rest won't seem terribly important.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Not using proper grammar or spelling on silly message boards does not bother me. However, what does bother me is people critiquing other people's grammar while simultaneously making their own errors.
"They not interchangeable!" Really?
P.s. I have heard that mobile bump had spellcheck; however, I have yet to find this feature. Anyone know where it is?
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
Clearly, many of us could use a mobile spellcheck/ grammar check (FTR, I'm sure some of my posts also have grammar mistakes).
Please don't bitch about others' grammar when you don't have a good grasp of grammar/spelling yourself.
Please explain what is wrong with the term "race".
Honestly, nothing, but due to differences both in individual and cultural ideas of what the term means, and what characteristics are included in determining one's "race", for me at least, it just doesn't seem like the right word to use. Then again, that's after taking two anthropology classes from a prof who had very strong opinions about the word.