DW cheated (updated)

jensavicci · December 2013

Just wanted to let you ladies know that Ana and I have come to a decision. We're going to take some time a part for now. Kind of like starting this relationship over. We're going to take baby steps towards building up our relationship again. She's still my best friend and I really do still love her. I know she loves me too but she totally screwed up my emotions and my faith in this marriage. I just need to know its safe to trust her again so that I don't just have my best friend but my wife again. There will definitely be counseling and we're going to try and keep things normal for our kids. So, I'll let you ladies know when things get better. And I know in my heart that things will get better. Thanks again for your support. You're the best!

I found out tonight that my wife cheated on me. She found someone on Craigslist and had a quickie in our basement. She came up to me later and told me. She cried her eyes out and told me that I didn't deserve it and that she was sorry.

I'm not going to leave her. I love her far too much to do that. I'm just so fucking angry and upset and i feel like crying for hours. I'm scared that I'm putting too much of my stress on the baby now as well. I have no idea how I'm going to face her in the morning either. I'm not going to tell my family but I needed someone to tell.

AmericanInOz · December 2013

That really sucks ((hugs))

Ylvelill · December 2013

Wow I can't even imagine what you are going though

*hugs*

tourqeyes · December 2013

I'm sorry. I would also feel angry and upset.

bewilderingstar · December 2013

Wow... thats awful. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

cupcake529 · December 2013

So sorry you're going through this. Obviously you love her but are you ever going to be able to trust her again? It can be so miserable and stressful trying to have a relationship with no trust. Is this the 1st time she has cheated? IMO you deserve someone that is COMMITTED to you. Theres just no excuse for cheating.

biglewzer · December 2013

Oh, jensavicci, I'm so sorry. What a shitty fucked up thing to do. As cliche as it sounds, I think a counselor would be the best course of action, especially individual. I think you're going to need a 3rd party to help you process and move forward. (or at least I would).

LuluPMW · December 2013

I cannot imagine. I'm so sorry you're going through this!

AllisonLaurenn · December 2013

So sorry and thinking of you and your baby.

Csmama123 · December 2013

Some of the strongest couples I know went through this, 18years later they are rock solid couples. I agree with therapy 100%!!
I'm sorry you are going through this!

flajewel · December 2013

I'm so sorry. I do agree that you need to stay as calm as possible for the baby's safety. If you are really going to stay together, try counseling. It can really help.

cuntasaurusrex · December 2013

That's horrible. I agree, counseling is totally necessary especially if you're not comfortable telling anyone you know outside of this board

pfeilele · December 2013

That makes me so sad and angry for you. I'm so, so sorry.

reils500 · December 2013

So sorry you are going through this. You may also want to have her get tested for stds, you don't want to expose your baby to that.

pantherRN · December 2013

::hugs::

I'm so, so sorry. I second PP's advice about finding a counselor. Hang in there!

nicole336 · December 2013

I'm so, so sorry. I cannot imagine going through that right now. *hugs*

cakebatter27 · December 2013

That is so terrible. ((Hugs)) please find a counselor to help. And you're allowed to be angry, upset and sad.

biglewzer · December 2013

cakebatter27 said:

That is so terrible. ((Hugs)) please find a counselor to help. And you're allowed to be angry, upset and sad.

YES! Every single emotion you're feeling is 100% justified and you did nothing to deserve this. Please do not blame yourself for a single moment. You deserve better and she deserves to see the raw emotion of what you're going through. Let it out.

mrscurlygurl · December 2013

Big hugs girl. That sucks so bad. I agree with @biglewzer and @cakebatter27... Y'all need to find a counselor. There scariest part of this is her turning to Craigslist to find someone. It didn't just "happen" in the heat of a moment. For the sake of your soon to be four children together, I hope y'all work this out to where you can both be happy.

starlight0412 · December 2013

Wow. I don't know how I would handle that. But from what it sounds like you're doing a much better job than I would.

Salsera29 · December 2013

I'm so sorry :-( ::hugs::

TugboatSheila · December 2013

I am so sorry this is happening to you. When trust is broken it's the worst feeling in the world and I hope you both can find a healthy place to be. I agree with everyone else, therapy does wonders if you can let it, both individually and as a pair. Stay strong, you've got a lot of solidarity here and I completely understand not wanting to tell your family. We're all pulling for you.

SimpleComplexity · December 2013

I am definitely sorry you are going through this. Definitely sending thoughts and payers for you and your family. Like others have mentioned I'd suggest going to therapist or counselor. Also, you might try journaling just to get some of the emotion out of you in the meantime or even while you're still in counseling.

allardr · December 2013

I don't even know what to say, except that I'm so very sorry.

BPer · December 2013

I'm so sorry. That's just horrible.

hgtvmom · December 2013

So sorry! I can't imagine going through that - especially right now! Thoughts and prayers for your family.

biglewzer · December 2013

I wish you'd come back and check in. I'm worried about you

INmommy871278 · December 2013

So sorry. What PPs said couples counseling is a great option if you are both wanting to stay together. Relationships can work, but it takes work to get through it. I know two couples personally that have gone through this and both are together and have stronger relationships now than ever before. Hugs!!

mamabc14 · December 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you guys can work out a solution best for your baby and yourselves.

alyssa719 · December 2013

So, I think what she did was 100% douchey... and I'm surprised that everyone is so forgiving of the DW!! It takes planning (as a PP said) to go on craigslist and actively search for someone to do this with!! It's not like she was drunk and at a bar!

Also, YES to the STDs, if for no other reason than you're pregnant... and if it was a guy (I assume not since you ladies love the ladies but I'm not sure if still applicable), I know the ghonorrhea and chlamydia can affect a baby (not to mention the other various nasties) since these are the reason that the baby has erythromiacin (sorry, my spelling is all messed up) put in their eyes at birth - it's usually checked for at a first doctor's appointment in the bloodwork!

jensavicci · December 2013

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. Believe me when I say I've thought hard about everything you guys are telling me and am taking the counseling idea into major consideration. At the moment I'm still in shock and so many thoughts are running around my mind. I've been crying all morning and can't stop thinking about it. But it feels good to know you guys care. It really does. You guys are my silver lining.

SweetTamale38 · December 2013

I think the fact that she came and told you about it speaks volumes. A couple that communicates is already on the right track. I'm wishing you the best that you can heal each other and see through this little patch of emotion and confusion. Hugs!

tealowl · December 2013

I'm really, really sorry this has happened in your relationship, and she made such a terrible choice.

I would absolutely contact a therapist and be seen, even just by yourself first, if she doesn't want to go.

Take care and keep us posted.

mamakiss · December 2013

I'm sorry doll

I also recommend some counseling together... That way you can get YOUR feelings (which are more than ok to feel) out and DW can hear them in a neutral place. Then SHE can try to work out what caused it to happen and you guys can move forward. Best of luck with all of this

acciovino · December 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a previous relationship end because of Craigslist. It's so damn sleezy. I think counseling like PPs said would be the best course of action. Then you can find out why she felt the need to go behind your back and seek someone out. It's not like she was drunk at a bar and in the heat of the moment made a mistake. This was planned and therefore it is much more painful.

I really hope you guys can work it out. I know I would be devestated and it would take A LOT for me to forgive, but I know it's possible if you two really love each other. It will take a long time for your trust to be regained, if ever.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this in your condition and I hope you know we are all here for you! ((Big hugs))

gallifreygirl · December 2013

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this, especially right now. Sending lots of hugs and I agree what everyone said about counseling even if your just by yourself.

helloblueeyes · December 2013

I think everybody else has pretty much covered it so i'm just going to say i'm so so very sorry you are going through this.

Lots of hugs coming your way.

ksuRN09 · December 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. ((Hugs)) I agree with everything everyone else said. Especially the counseling. If you truly want to be with her, both of you need to work through a lot of emotions together and separately with a third party.

TricksyPixie · December 2013

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But it's your decision to let go or try to fix it. Counseling is a great idea.. If y'all can work it out, it may even make your relationship STRONGER. Everyone messes up. Somewhere along the line, people do something that as soon as it's done, they look at it and go "what have I done?" And maybe this is just a big mistake. Maybe if y'all work this out, things will get even better. Just.. I don't wanna talk you one way or the other. I want you to look inside yourself. See past all the hurt into your heart of hearts and find out what is best for YOU. And do that. I wish you the best, I honestly do.

alygoo615 · December 2013

I have nothing else to add to what pp already said, but I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I know that once kids are involved, it's a game changer. The decisions you choose to make as a couple to go forward are not just yours, they are the family's. I'm so sorry

TigerLily12345 · December 2013

I am so sorry to hear this. I'm glad you were able to share it with the board- I am sure you will need some outlet and I can imagine it's hard to tell family/friends IRL.

If you decide to talk to a counselor, I hope that helps!

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