WWYD for a colleague whose mom died?

melody921 · December 2013

The mother of a woman I work with died on Christmas Eve. She was only 57, and it was after a 1.5-year battle with various types of cancer. She seemed to be doing better for a little while, but then two weeks ago, they sent her to hospice. I feel horrible for my colleague and even worse because of the timing of this at the holidays. A few of us are going to the services tomorrow, but is there any other appropriate gesture in this situation? We are friendly at work, but don't socialize outside of the office.

ETA: Colleague is very religious, if that makes a difference.

willy_gert · December 2013

Something we did for a colleague was to send a small catered meal over to her with our condolences. We did it the day or the day after the mom/grandma passed away. She said it was very helpful because it was one less thing she had to worry about and her kids got fed.

Other than that, I think just condolences would be kind or a small plant.

Unknown · December 2013

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Hyaline · December 2013

I think the most important thing is being there for her and being understanding for a while. She may need extra help or leniency on projects, for instance, for a few months as she grieves. Or she might cope really well at work but be a mess at home and that's her style. Work can be tricky because some people prefer not to be emotional in the workplace, so I would follow her cues. If she accepts condolences and then asks "So how about that staff meeting Tuesday?" just roll with it and don't push her.

Maybe participate in or set up a takethemameal.com type thing? Pitch in to send flowers or a donation to the nonprofit of her choice*? And definitely go to the service or visitation--as many of you as can, IMO. Many of my aunt's colleagues attended my grandfather's service and it meant a lot to her (she was the only one who worked in a large business).

*ETA: You can almost always find this in the obituary.

melody921 · December 2013

Hyaline said:

I think the most important thing is being there for her and being understanding for a while. She may need extra help or leniency on projects, for instance, for a few months as she grieves. Or she might cope really well at work but be a mess at home and that's her style. Work can be tricky because some people prefer not to be emotional in the workplace, so I would follow her cues. If she accepts condolences and then asks "So how about that staff meeting Tuesday?" just roll with it and don't push her.

Maybe participate in or set up a takethemameal.com type thing? Pitch in to send flowers or a donation to the nonprofit of her choice*? And definitely go to the service or visitation--as many of you as can, IMO. Many of my aunt's colleagues attended my grandfather's service and it meant a lot to her (she was the only one who worked in a large business).

*ETA: You can almost always find this in the obituary.

Thanks for the suggestions, ladies. A few of us are definitely going to the services. They're tomorrow morning. She's single and young (25ish), so maybe the plant route would be better than the food route since she doesn't have kids to feed. Also, I don't know where she lives/when she's coming back to work to get a meal to her.

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