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Parenting after a Loss
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Sometimes I feel terrible.

BrandyD06BrandyD06 member
in Parenting after a Loss
My daughter passed away on July 24 2009, two weeks after she was born. My oldest son was 1 1/2 and my second son was born two years later. I have pictures of my daughter and while my oldest now knows she is his baby sister who died my youngest is still to young to understand. Sometimes when I am holding her pictures and crying my youngest will come up to me and say"its okay mommy, don't be sad." For some reason this makes me feel happy and terrible all at the same time. Happy because he is such a caring boy but terrible because no child should feel they have to comfort their mommy.
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Re: Sometimes I feel terrible.

  • Mom2anAngel2Mom2anAngel2 member
    I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think it is wonderful that your son knows who his sister is and is able to offer you comfort. I child's comfort is so precious because it is so honest and comes out of such love.

    As BandEddie noted, your boys sound amazingly compassionate. You should be so proud to be raising them. You will never truly "get over" the loss of your daughter, but I hope that you can see her in both of your boys as you watch them grow. She will always be with you and your boys. ((HUGS))

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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  • adoxyinherearadoxyinherear member
    I can only imagine how hard that must be! He sounds like a real sweetheart. And you're showing him that you can feel hurt and sadness, too, which is actually a WONDERFUL thing for him. He has the opportunity to s compassion to someone he loves. Lots of hugs.
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    imageimageimageTTC since 07/11 | natural m/c 08/11 | BFP 12/6/2011 | Elinor Anna born 8/18/2012 | BFP #2 1/16/2014
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  • BootsOrHeartsBootsOrHearts member
    I'm sorry for your loss. As people said, as your boys get older they will understand better. We plan to take our little guy to see his brothers gravestone even though he's too small to get it yet.

    I like to think DS met his brother in heaven before he came to us maybe the same is true of your younger son and that's why he's so compassionate.
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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  • crystal8503crystal8503 member
    I am so sorry for your loss.  You have such a sweet and compassionate little guy - he will be a great man one day, that's for sure. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

    BFP #1 - 12/12/11 - Missed M/C 1/9/12
    BFP #2 - 4/5/2012 - Son Born 12/12/12
    BFP #3 - 2/2/2014 - EDD 10/16/2014
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  • BrandyD06BrandyD06 member
    Thank you ladies. I hope your right and they will continue to be caring and compassionate as they grow and don't let the stereotypes of what a man should be influence them.
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