Announcement Woes

ShinyFirefly · December 2013

So we haven't told anyone yet (survived Christmas with both families and not a peep was mentioned! Although my SIL did ask how things were going, knowing I was planning on going off BC I was able to brush it off with a simple "Meh") but my plans for telling my mom & step dad have derailed completely. They live half way across the country and I've been planning on sending them a "For Sale" sign for their house, along with a onesie that says "Hi I'm new here" or something along those lines. Because they have been talking about moving back home and I was going to make their newest future grandchild their motivation to finished re-doing their house and get it sold.
Tonight, I found out they are spending Christmas building a new bathroom and bedroom in their house, for my grandparents who are going to move in with them. From here with us. (My grandma just had a stroke in October, and she and my grandpa are really struggling to take care of themselves alone, as grandma was the primary caretaker of grandpa).
So now.. my "Hey time to move back home!" plan isn't going to work.. and my announcement will just depress everyone because not only will my mom & step dad be around less than I was hoping, but we'll be losing the grandparents (who are already depressed about the way life is going in general, now they will miss out on a new baby).
Not that they won't be happy for us and excited, but that they will be stuck so far away and miss at least the first couple years of our babies life. And now I'm depressed about it. It takes away from my excitement of telling them. AND I need to come up with a new way to tell them. I'm happy that my grandparents will be with my mom who was great at helping take care of them while still enabling them to be independent back in October, that is a great thing for them. I just wish it wasn't happening across the country. At least they can miss out on new baby together?
Anyway.. sorry. Just needed to complain to someone, since not telling anyone means I don't have anyone to whine too yet.

ElleBeeDub · December 2013

I'm sorry

It seems like a really tough situation. You want this to be a %100 joyful thing, and instead the timing has made it as much stressful as anything. We've had a tough time with distance too as we've been overseas since before we had DS (and now we have a new LO on the way too).

As far as announcements... a friend of mine had a really cute idea for theirs. They framed a photo of them, then they put an ultrasound picture behind their picture in the frame. When their parents received the photo, they called and told them that they'd added more pictures of their family behind the first. It was a fun discovery for their parents.

FemShep · December 2013

I understand you're sad because things won't be exactly as you envisioned them, but technology can be a huge help. Skype and iChat are easy for anyone to use and allow people far away to see LO very frequently. And there are fantastic things called planes which make traveling pretty easy. As your parents look at being caregivers for your grandparents, which can be a very difficult role, they may also want to look at nursing help or temporary care so that they're still able to travel somewhat.

pandalamb · December 2013

that is a tough situation, but try not to get yourself down about it. Instead, think about it as your grandparents are so fortunate that they can be cared for by your parents. PP is right, Skype and facetime are such a wonderful new innovation for families who are so far apart-my family is also across the country so I know what it's like to want your family with you during this time.

kboydbowman · December 2013

OP, please ignore the doom-and-gloom patrol of the PPs. It's normal to be a little disappointed, but remember that things have a way of working out how they're supposed to. This may not have been what you envisioned but if you and your family make the efforts to stay close to your parents, it will still happen, regardless of distance.

ShinyFirefly · December 2013

Wow RedheadBaker and WhoCanItBeNow, thanks for the freaking comfort. Not that your comments fit the type of relationship I have with my mom and family now I feel worse just because of your inconsiderate words. Forgive me for being depressed that the majority of my family won't be around to watch and play with my first child as he or she grows up. Let me just be excited about that for you.
I wouldn't have considered this way of an announcement if i didn't think moving back home was something they weren't that interested in. But last time she was here she was talking about my step-dad making some repairs and talking about getting a Realtor then. The whole idea was playful not "controlling" their lives and making decisions for them.
Also, I know, all four of them, will be depressed about missing out on this part of our lives. My Mom is already depressed about missing holidays and birthdays, my grandma is depressed already and feels left out of all the grandkids lives (which she's not..she's just thinks she is). We'll finish up a Skype call and I know they will sit around talking about how they wish they were here instead of across country. And yes, I know this, because I have seen similar conversations take place with them.
And yes, I know there are planes to visit, but that was part of her complaint and desire to move back home. Because in the past 5 years she's been here twice for weddings, once for a reunion, a graduation, two deaths and a health scare. I realized that seems like a lot, but usually the deaths are a week or less after she just left for a wedding or reunion. So they are usually bunched together with long gaps between. And she pointed out that it's really expensive to fly over that much. Not that it isn't worth and it and she wouldn't do it if she didn't want to or couldn't but it's hard on her, and I get that.
And I am glad my grandparents are going to be with them. Myself, and my brother and SIL are the only ones here with them now and we can't take care of them they way they need. They have a hard time grocery shopping, paying their bills (I've been going over once a week to help with that, going over today in fact.), eating right. They will be in good hands with my mom who cares not only about their physical and emotional well being but, but particularly my grandma's wants and wishes. The stroke affected her ability to speech and she doesn't trust the other kids who have been around to help to actually listen to her and find out what she wants to do with her money and her medical decisions, etc. My mom was the only person my Dad trusted to assist with his will when he died, even after they'd divorced and she remarried, and it appears my grandma agrees with Dad. I am glad and grateful that they will be together, and I realize it's a huge change for everyone. My grandparents have been in their house as long as I can remember (27 years?) and it's going to be quite the task to move them and quite the change for my parents.
It's just really unexpected to learn, right as I'm hoping my mom and step dad would be getting to place that they could move back home (and not just because of me and whats going on in my life, but because of their desire to be closer to family again), instead my grandparents are leaving and going to them. I know they won't move my grandparents across country just to turn around and move them back here so they will be away for quite a while still. To learn it over Christmas didn't help any. I know it's a good thing, but the news it taking a while to settle in.
And ya know, I realize this is very "me, me, me" and how it affects me. Its because I certainly won't be staying any of this to my mom or grandparents. Because I know what's going on in my life won't change this decision. And I know it's a good decision and major one for everyone involved. So, I'm here, getting out my emotions so I can have the happy face for those who need it. This is me coping, because otherwise I will bottle it in and never deal with it.

ShinyFirefly · December 2013

Why would I leave MY post just because of you? I'm saying don't judge my "forward thinking" when you don't know me or my family.

trisholiosboi · December 2013

Who's ladies, where is the compassion and understanding? We are all taking this crazy trip together. Build people up instead of tearing people down .

boymomstrong · December 2013

Being military we are a ling way away from our families too, and yes uts sad to be long distance, but my family have never been depressed ir upset at the thought of a baby coming in to the world... We have facebook, facetime, skype, pictures, videos, and yes trips BOTH ways, we visit them they visit us... Ao far no one feels like they are missing anything! I dont think ypur giving your family enough credit, they will be happy and excited and it will give them an extra chance to come visit... We see family once a qtr. we fly one time they fly another, everything works out.
You make the best with what you have and do t worry ab the rest, things have a way of working out....
Good luck with your decision...

trisholiosboi · December 2013

Ok fine then stop being a bitch for the sake of not being a bitch! I'm not really sure why a non pregnant person would want to troll a 1st trimester PREGNANCY board. Apparently, you are board. Just be positive and nice. There's enough assholes in this world to deal with. Geez

trisholiosboi · December 2013

If you're here for entertainment, then read and move on. These boards were suppose to be for information, networking and a positive place for us to vent about our body, emotions, family stress, etc. take your rude comments and drama elsewhere.

trisholiosboi · December 2013

I didn't call anyone a name. Though if the shoe fits.....

katieharpiceland · December 2013

I find this complaint odd. Some of us live really far away from our parents. I would never want or expect my parents to sell their house and move close to me because I'm having a child. Just sounds like a bit of an over reaction.

trisholiosboi · December 2013

ladies all I'm saying is why do you have to be so mean and negative that's all I was trying to say this shouldn't be about drama and anything else it should be about helping women through their first trimester

trisholiosboi · December 2013

and I didn't call her a b**** I asked her to stop acting like a b****

kboydbowman · December 2013

OP, the self-righteous on this board are going to continue to be self-righteous. Attempting to talk to them is like talking to a brick wall. You are entitled to your feelings and it sounds like you are well aware that you're feeling more mopey right now than you "ought" to. Again, things have a way of working out, so feel your feelings but try not to get drowned by them. The rational among us understand that we can't always control our immediate reactions to things. The immediate reaction is less important than how you decide to cope with the situation once you get past the initial hurt.

mamabear214 · December 2013

Okay serious question. If your grandparents live close to you right now, and your parents are going to be the ones taking care of them if they are seriously sick and all, wouldn't it make sense for your parents to move closer to them vs the other way around?

I'm genuinely curious, since it would just seem like it would be easier to move the healthier people. I'm sure your family has their reasoning for doing things this way. perhaps their current home is already big enough for everyone? idk. just curious!

katieharpiceland · December 2013

Just because you are pregnant does not mean you have to "help" people think its right to strongly suggest their parents move, invoking guilt if they don't and possibly regret if they do. This is your child. Time to be an adult, its very simple. There is no help that can be offered here, and I don't feel sorry for the OP.

mamabear214 · December 2013

NellyBluth said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

NellyBluth said:

mamabear214 said:

Okay serious question. If your grandparents live close to you right now, and your parents are going to be the ones taking care of them if they are seriously sick and all, wouldn't it make sense for your parents to move closer to them vs the other way around?

I'm genuinely curious, since it would just seem like it would be easier to move the healthier people. I'm sure your family has their reasoning for doing things this way. perhaps their current home is already big enough for everyone? idk. just curious!

I would like to know this as well.

Her parents likely still have jobs and may have a larger house to more easily accommodate the grandparents. They may also have better access to medical care.

Word.

That is what I figured too, but thought I'd ask anyway, given the fact they were already considering moving back that way.

ShinyFirefly · December 2013

Again, I wouldn't have come up with that announcement if I didn't think they would receive it well. They've been wanting to move home for a while. A couple years. This year it sounded like it might actually happen soon. It was intended to be playful and not demanding. No I didn't EXPECT them to sell their house just because I said so.
And frankly they weren't talking coming back to the same town to move next door and be my neighbor. They were talking about moving back to the state to be closer in order to making visiting easier on them. I know their are other families spread out all over the country, or the world, who aren't together at times like this. But that's not my family. I'm not used to being so far away from my mom.

And I sure as hell wouldn't expect anyone to ever quit their job to raise my child. If anyone does it will be me. And how do you know I'm not medically diagnosed with depression? How do you know it doesn't run in my family? How can you say I'm using the wrong word when you don't know a thing about me? How do you know my family better than me?
Thank you for those who have had helpful responses. Like I mentioned before, I know this is very "me, me, me, what about me" sort of topic, but again, its because I've come here to vent my sadness about it so I can get it out of my system and be stronger and more cheerful when talking to my mom and grandparents about it. Thank you for actually helping work though these emotions, which is all I wanted to begin with.

ShinyFirefly · December 2013

mamabear214 said:

Okay serious question. If your grandparents live close to you right now, and your parents are going to be the ones taking care of them if they are seriously sick and all, wouldn't it make sense for your parents to move closer to them vs the other way around?

I'm genuinely curious, since it would just seem like it would be easier to move the healthier people. I'm sure your family has their reasoning for doing things this way. perhaps their current home is already big enough for everyone? idk. just curious!

My grandparents have already sold their house, which would not have been big enough for my mom and step dad to move into if they came up here. And my parents house isn't in a state to be sold, they bought it, gutted it and have slowly been modeling the inside. They just finished the floors this year, and while the floors were unfinished, they couldn't even put it on the market to sell. Part of the idea of them moving back soon is because it's almost to a state they could actually post it on the market, and they were thinking about selling it unfinished just to be done with it.
After my Grandparents sold their house they were talking about leaving the state already, somewhere warmer with no icy roads in the winter. Which is another reason why going to my mom is good for them. I knew they were planning on leaving but that was before I learned I was pregnant. It just hit me last night that moving in with my parents means either my parents or grandparents will be around the next few years.

PrimRoseMama · December 2013

My family lives across the country. I'm confused why the announcement has to be a huge deal? Just call them up & tell them the news. I'm sure they will be excited no matter how you do it.

You are way over thinking here.

Unknown · December 2013

This content has been removed.

allardr · December 2013

I also wanted to put a plug in for Skype. I live halfway across the country from my family & DH's family. We moved away for his job. DD is their only grandchild on both sides so they miss her terribly but we skype both grandparents every week. It's a Saturday tradition. DD get's so excited for it too!

No it's not the same but let me tell you the 1 or 2 weeks a year we see them are extra special too.

Want a personalized experience?

Announcement Woes

Re: Announcement Woes

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards