MIL rant.

h0peinasmile · December 2013

My MIL is already over bearing and picky and opinionated, this year for Christmas she does not want to see FIL at all. Fine.... FIL is coming to our place Christmas eve, Christmas day we will spend the morning as a family (unwrapping Santa gifts and cozy breakfast in PJ's) and head to spend Christmas with my family (about an hour drive). We've asked MIL what she wanted to do. She wants us to come to her house Christmas morning.... Maybe I'm hormonal and pregnant but I am just not interested in spending Christmas morning with her. She also has this weird boyfriend who lives with her that is obsessed with DS. He got DS 30 Christmas presents! He wants to be DS's favorite or something. He DRIVES ME CRAZY!! He only has Christmas day off. So I think she wants us to go out of our way to make him happy. I've offered Thursday evening, it would be much less rushed that way but she complains about how she will spend Christmas all by herself (not true, boyfriend is off Christmas). My next thought is telling her she is welcome to our home Christmas morning. If she wants to see us that badly she should be willing to come to us. Last thing, she will talk to DH about the plans and agree with what he says, but then she will wait till she has me alone and beg for what she really wants and give me the guilt trip. I am sorry if this sounds ridiculous but I just need to rant. She's been really pushing my buttons lately.

rlyttle · December 2013

I totally understand. I never knew why the holidays were stressful for people UNTIL we now have to deal with in laws. SILs are the pain for me. Scheduling with them gives me a migraine. I dread it every year. Try to enjoy Xmas and don't let her ruin it for you.

ASmallWonder · December 2013

I have a mother who is a giant pain in the ass so I definitely get dealing with PITA people. But if possible, try to remember that she's a parent who wants to see her own child on Christmas as much as you want to spend Christmas with yours, kwim? So, if possible, I'd try to find a way to spend some part of Christmas with her. You've got to understand how it looks - you're spending Xmas Eve with FIL and you're actually traveling to spend the rest of Xmas day with your family so everyone is being included in some way except for her. I actually agree with everyone traveling to the home of the small children so I don't think it should be an issue to ask her to come to you but I do think you should find a way to include her.

lorist202 · December 2013

First of all, if she will go along with whatever you say in the end, then you're all set. If she rolls out the guilt trip, just be gracious and polite but direct in explaining that you have many others to accommodate, and the alternative would be to take turns seeing different family members on different holidays. If what she wants is to be there Christmas morning, then be clear that you are on a strict schedule that day, and you would like company to be gone by X time in order to get your family out the door. Maybe that's fine for her....

My MIL is the same way, and we only have my parents, my ILs and my grandma. However, we actually have resorted to taking turns with holidays because it just became too much. Last Christmas, she insisted on coming over Christmas morning. I gave them the option of Christmas eve day all day or (begrudgingly) a time slot of 9-11 a.m. Christmas morning at our house (since DS had to go down for a good nap to prepare for the afternoon at my parents' house). They came for their brief visit Christmas morning and left promptly. Like you, I wasn't wild about the idea, but 2 hours is not a huge deal, and it gave us enough time to have Christmas morning and prepare for the rest of our day too.

h0peinasmile · December 2013

thanks ladies. I'm not the only one. phew! and i definately want to find a way to make her happy. we lived with her the last 2 years so I'm still recovering. lol.

Wufroggy79 · December 2013

I vote for asking her over to your house on Christmas. We have always done Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas morning with in laws. Once we had DD though, I put my foot down and said we'll be over later on Christmas Day and do our own family stuff in the morning.

h0peinasmile · December 2013

We made time for her late in the day. We were out way later than we wanted to be but we got it out of the way. Yay!

My new rant is MIL's boyfriend boasted about how he "loves" DS because he got him 30+ gifts (and more are coming Sat.). -_- I feel like he's going to ruin my child. MIL too sometimes. She wants to let him eat as much candy as he wants and they spoil him so bad. They don't know how to say no to him. He stays with them every Sat. too while I'm working. It's a fight every weekend to leave, either because he knows he's going to get what he wants there and they want him to stay the night.
With DS, MIL and FIL were not involved until after the first year. Now I'm expecting and I'm so not looking forward to instilling all these new rules with her. I'm going to make it a New Years resolution I think to have her cut down on all candy, all juice, and all technology. She NEEDS to learn how to say no or how can I let her watch him every week, and how will I trust her with our new baby? I've worked so hard to make DS a healthy child that loves fruits and veggies, in the last year alone she has destroyed that, he also used to never have phone obsession but they got him hooked on that. Ugh...

Sorry to rant again.

TiffanyBerry · December 2013

I don't mean to come out of left field on this one, but your MIL's boyfriend's behavior raises red flags for me. It sounds like grooming behavior and I would be alert for signs of abuse... (Not saying he is, just what you've written here raises a flag to me.)

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