Difficult Situation (vent) — The Bump
Military Families

Difficult Situation (vent)

I'm not necessarily looking for advice, but I wanted to vent about my situation. It's stressful and I'm looking for the silver linings to make it easier, but of course it's difficult no matter which way you go.

My DH and I are both enlisted. We've been separated since February (we've seen each other for approx 5 days every couple months, neither of us are deployed just geo-bachelors) and we have all of December together before he PCS's to Maryland. I'm 18w4d (due May 22) and in South Carolina. I won't be able to PCS his way until June at the very earliest. He has to find a place to live when he gets to MD in early January. The trick is getting a place close to his base and where ever I'll be stationed at (which could be one of four or five locations). And of course I can't even try to get orders until he already checks in, so there is zero way of knowing where I'll be working while he is looking for housing.

The not knowing of where I'll be is frustrating. But the timing of my move is bothering me more. Baby is due May 22. Under normal circumstances I can't move until mid-June. Due to potential restrictions, I might not be able to move until 4 months after I'm released from my OB's care (so LO will be about 5.5 months). Both DH and I have limited leave time, so having to wait until LO is 5 months old before we can live together is extremely disheartening. Doable, yes. But obviously not ideal.

I know things will work out, and we're already making progress. DH was originally going to a base I couldn't follow to and we were able to change that (thankfully I can follow to MD). I'm not worried about us as a couple. We've been separated for all of our engagement and marriage and are doing just fine. I also know this is the military, this is the life I chose. It's just a difficult situation, and I'd much rather our new little family be together.

Another silver lining, yes DH is missing the greater majority of the pregnancy. But since he's with me for a full month, he's able to go to the A/S, he was with me during the elective u/s when we found out we're having a little boy, and just today he was able to feel a tiny little kick for the first time (I felt it for the first time from the outside about an hour before he did).

Phew, sorry for the long post.
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Re: Difficult Situation (vent)

  • I can't add much to this other than wondering if you skype with him? I know it's nothing compared to being in person but at least you could see each other and he could somewhat experience the pregnancy with you. I'm sure this would be hard for about everyone. T's and P's!!!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers


    Pregnancy #1 EDD 1/20/13, D&C for unexplained miscarriage at 12w
    Pregnancy #2 EDD 8/28/2013, Carson was born on 6/28/2013 at 31w - spent 37 days in the NICU
  • When we're separated we skype a lot (at least once a week), and talk on the phone every day. The daily communication definitely makes it easier. We go over the big things, but then since we talk so much we also end up going over the little things that happened during the day. That's my favorite part of our conversations, because even though we're separated it still feels like we're a part of each other's day.
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  • Hugs to you guys. Definitely sounds less than ideal but you honestly sound as good as expected about it. Skype for sure, lots of videos to show him later--think his command will approve the 10 day paternity leave so you can have that time together? Sorry you're going through this, hang in there!
      It's a girl!! EDD 2/28/15
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  • We're hoping they'll approve the 10 day paternity. I can't see why they wouldn't (but you never know). He's also planning on taking whatever leave he has saved up by that point. So I might have him 2.5 weeks? Thank you! The confirmation that we're doing the right thing (as far as what we can do) is reassuring.
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