Keeping gender a surprise

xinightingale · December 2013

Anyone else planning to do this? I wanted to know at first, but hubby really doesn't and managed to convince me to keep it a surprise. I really can't find out without him knowing, I will never be able to keep that secret for the next several months. We'll be able to find out at my next u/s at the end of this month. I have a lot of people in my life who are surprised by this decision and think I should find out in order to "prepare". Aside from names though, what is there really to prepare for? However, my only real concern though, is registering for clothes. Gender neutral stuff is ok, but a lot of it still looks a little boy-ish. If we have a boy, that's perfect. If we have a girl though, I'm not really a pink frilly kind of person, I'm all for keeping the nursery in neutral colors, but I'd like to have a few girly things. Things on the registry are return-able though....I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone out there is in the same boat as me. Thoughts, pros/cons, etc?

sunflowermama42212 · December 2013

The clothes selection for neutral stinks! I'm way to much of a planner to not have baby clothes before the baby comes. That was my only reason for not being team green. I mean it really doesn't matter but I really want to buy as much as possible before baby comes so if emergencies came up we wouldn't have to also buy clothes on top of other things.

Kareeme · December 2013

We are planning to keep it a surprise as well! My circle is truly blown away by this decision. My mom had a full tantrum about not knowing. I think this will help me to not spend so much. What influenced your husbands decision? How far long are you?

kd&cd · December 2013

We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away

xinightingale · December 2013

"We are planning to keep it a surprise as well! My circle is truly blown away by this decision. My mom had a full tantrum about not knowing. I think this will help me to not spend so much. What influenced your husbands decision? How far long are you?"

I'm 16 weeks along right now. I think my husband has always wanted to keep it a surprise. He says there are few surprises left in life, why spoil this one? Neither of our parents found out with us or our siblings, I guess he just likes the idea. I'm a planner, but to be honest, it's kind of exciting and somewhat refreshing keeping it a surprise. I guess the planner in me just struggles with the unknown sometimes.

homediva · December 2013

I didn't find out with my son or with this one! I love not knowing. Just get enough clothes for the first few weeks - it's easy to shop with a sleepy baby! You'll get tons of girl or boy clothes after baby arrives because everyone will be so excited. I would always buy gender neutral big things anyway so
to be used for future babies, and seriously, who wants a pink stroller? A blanket can do the job if it is seriously a concern! Not knowing is so much fun!

fsumom · December 2013

We found out today, on our 8th wedding anniversary, that we're having a boy. We're over the moon!!!!

coffee-saur · December 2013

When we found out with our first two, pretty much EVERYONE in our circles thought it was odd. It is very much a 'thing' to not find out here, so it's definitely not strange. I think they mostly buy just a few neutral things and maybe one or two boy and girl things for, say, the going home outfit.
As far as the nursery and big items (like stroller, car seat, crib) I really didn't wanna have to change the color with EACH child so I wanted neutral colors anyway even tho we knew what we were having.

allrightmeow · December 2013

We aren't finding out. Im excited to have that special moment in the delivery room with my husband and our daughter.

bingbongsmama · December 2013

I'm so stupid. We wanted to keep it secret since this is our last baby. MIL noticed the pink pattern on the swing on my registry and figured it out. There were no clothes or anything else girly, I just slipped up on the swing by not choosing something blue or beige lol.
I could have lied but she would have gone and bought a ton of boy clothes!

We are 100% keeping the name a surprise though. And believe me the family is hounding us everyday trying to get it out of us

WashingtonQueen · December 2013

lyracelesti said:
Just out of curiousity, what would be the trouble with buying some pink things either way? Boys can wear pink, and it looks adorable, in my opinion!

My older boys have quite a few pink items and they love it. My personal issue with pink on a baby boy is that people assume and it gets very annoying.

Tweeks23 · December 2013

We found out with my first son and then again with the second. Assuming our second was a girl (which he is not) we always said we would wait until delivery for #3 but having two boys already, I need to know if this baby is a girl so I can start shopping. I usually end up on bed rest at 20 weeks so we have to get a majority of the nursery, etc. done before that point.

I think it is great to not find out but I'm just not one of those people who could do that. DH's whole family didn't find out (5 brothers and 1 sister- 15 nieces and nephews) and we are the only ones who did and we got :frowned upon" about our decision. I figure it is our decision and nobody else's.

Mimaloo · December 2013

WashingtonQueen said:

Just out of curiousity, what would be the trouble with buying some pink things either way? Boys can wear pink, and it looks adorable, in my opinion!
My older boys have quite a few pink items and they love it. My personal issue with pink on a baby boy is that people assume and it gets very annoying.

Pink on older boys/men is one thing - pink on infant boys is another. I've yet to see pink baby clothes that are made for boys.

Smores730 · December 2013

I have found registering for specific clothes to be a waste of time anyway. People want to pick out the outfits cause baby clothes are so stinkin cute. You could always tell people to go ahead and get you pink or blue with the understanding that you'll have to exchange it if they guess wrong! Or push for gift cards

maelic · December 2013

I can't fathom being annoyed that people would think my baby was the opposite sex (or ask). They're... babies. Pretty gender neutral for a while there.

You don't need many clothes for a newborn, OP, and anyway you really have no clue what size the kid will be when you take him/her home from the hospital. Buy the bare minimum and go shopping later if you're not satisfied with the gender neutral selection.

FemShep · December 2013

You really don't need to know the sex of the child to "prepare". We were Team Green with DD2, so I speak from experience.

Throw a few packs of gender neutral onesies on your registry. Pick a girl name and a boy name. Pick the baby gear you want. Problem solved!

In all seriousness, it didn't make things more difficult for us at all. Tons of people bought DD clothes, but the vast majority waited until she was born (as often happens anyway) or bought adorable yellow outfits. We chose an orange stroller and a beige car seat, both colors we would have picked regardless of gender. We have a green nursery, and lots of bright accessories, again choices we would have made whether we'd had a boy or girl.

And it was a tremendous thrill to have DH tell me it was a girl.

FemShep · December 2013

kd&cd said:

We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away

This baffles me.

DD2 has a pale green room, which was used by a boy before we bought this house. Does this mean it's a boy room? Or is it a girl room since that's who's using it? Do the animal wall decals make it a boy room or a girl room? Am I causing my DD permanent harm by not surrounding her in pink and purple?

And really, who the hell cares if a total stranger asks, "What's his name?" when you have a girl, or vice versa? Do you think anyone really cares? Or am I doing my baby more permanent harm by not insisting on strict gender conformity at every opportunity?

smh

maelic · December 2013

Don't you know?

Baby boys only see blue tones and baby girls only see in pink. Everything else is invisible, much like UV rays are invisible to the naked eye.

And every time someone thinks your baby girl is a boy, a fairy dies.

lorist202 · December 2013

We were team green with our son, and are again for this baby. Gender specific equipment such as stroller, etc. is NMS, and his room was green. We received endless clothes after he arrived, and I arrived at the hospital with a boy and girl coming home outfit. Like you, I'm drawn to the pinkf frilly girl stuff, and others know that about me, so if it's a girl, that's likely what they'll buy. Also, as someone else mentioned, learning the gender of your baby at the moment of birth can be the most memorable surprise of your life. There are no words to describe what it added to my birth experience, and I'm so excited for our next surprise!

rainydayluck · December 2013

kd&cd said:

We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away

It won't matter. DD had a bright pink car seat and while she was in it someone asked what his name was.

rainydayluck · December 2013

We found out with DD and we did not find out with this LO. We really want to experience the excitement of finding out the day he/she is born.

lexusolsen · December 2013

I was asked "what's his name?" while dd was wearing a pink shirt, overalls, a hair bow and earrings. Some people are just dense. Don't let it bother you.

kenwright · December 2013

For our first, I feel like there is so much unknown that I needed something that I could know, and prepare for. Preparing really only for her room and stuff like that. But now that I'm thinking longer term, I don't want to get everything pink b/c what if the next one is a boy? So, clothes, bedding are pinks and purples; but high chair, P&P, swing, stroller - all neutral. As much as I love the purple Chicco stroller, I didn't think its the most practical purchase so I'm sticking with the khaki one. I hate my practical nature! I might as well have just stayed team green! But - now that I can refer to her as HER, it makes it feel a little more real. That and the continuous kicks in the ribs.

girnyse · December 2013

We are not finding out either, and registered for only a few clothing items that can be for either a boy or girl, but in small (mostly 0-3 mo) sizes. The other larger stuff (car seat, highchair, etc.) was also gender neutral. We did this for 2 reasons - first, I really want that moment in the delivery room where DH can announce it, and also so it will work if we are lucky enough to have more children!

On a side note, pretty much everyone thinks we're crazy for not finding out. We have actually even been called 'dumb' and 'unprepared' for our decision. But U/S is done, so no turning back now! (Not that I would)

chloephoebecali · December 2013

I personally never registered for clothes despite knowing what we were having. There are plenty of other things to put on it and trying to find a specific outfit/size on a registry is a pita. Onesies are different, IMO, and I prefer white ones to go under stuff anyway. I feel the same about neutral clothes. What I did for my surprise was hit up kohls before I had him and picked both girl and boy stuff. My mil brought his take home outfit in once we had him so she could pull tags off/wash it. I returned any girl stuff I to. Their return policy is great. Not finding out was so much fun.

annabeanybee · December 2013

All of my big items for DS were neutral, because I knew I wanted another baby. I have found out sex with both pregnancies because I REALLY wanted a girl and knew I needed some time to adjust to the idea of having a boy (obviously, the first is a boy - looks like this one is a girl! Yay! I'm super excited to have one of each!), but my sister truly didn't care, and didn't find out with any of hers. One thing you could consider is buying gender neutral on the big items and basic newborn size clothes, and then have an "after baby" shower.

Mrs_D_in_KY · December 2013

We found out the sex only so we would know for our own knowledge. We knew we were having a boy but everything is gender neutral - swing, bouncy seat, high chair, car seat, stroller, nursery, etc. The only way anyone knew we were having a boy was the clothes in the closet. Which works out nicely since baby #2 is on the way and we can use the stuff if it's a girl.

RebeccaY1 · December 2013

We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else. I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again. I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral. There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.

rascus15 · December 2013

I am in your exact situation. I wanted to know and hubby didn't. He said the same as your hubby about there being so few surprises in life. I knew I couldn't know without him knowing so we are team green. I have gotten a lot of pressure from friends and family wanting to know. We do have an envelope from the a/s that says what baby is. I just wanted to have it so I felt like I still had the power to know. It was on the fridge for a while and now I have it tucked in a drawer (out of sight out of mind.....sort of)

I am now happy we are team green. I think it will add to the excitement.

xinightingale · December 2013

Thanks everyone, hearing all of your experiences has been hugely helpful! I'm starting to get excited about keeping it a surprise :-)

bingbongsmama · December 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

RebeccaY1 said:
We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else. I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again. I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral. There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.
Ew. Keeping the sex a secret from everyone to manipulate what shower gifts you get is just plain disgusting.

Lots of people prefer to buy gender neutral items for this very reason. Not seeing the "eww" factor. What a strange reaction

PrimRoseMama · December 2013

bingbongsmama said:

Bliss+Berry said:

RebeccaY1 said:
We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else. I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again. I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral. There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.
Ew. Keeping the sex a secret from everyone to manipulate what shower gifts you get is just plain disgusting.
Lots of people prefer to buy gender neutral items for this very reason. Not seeing the "eww" factor. What a strange reaction

I think it's this line:
"There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears."

It makes it sound like this poster is expecting blue/pink ASAP after the baby is born. That can raise eyebrows. I'm a little confused (but I'm sleep deprived) @bliss+berry , can you explain?

bingbongsmama · December 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

PrimRoseMama said:

bingbongsmama said:

Bliss+Berry said:

RebeccaY1 said:
We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else. I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again. I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral. There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.
Ew. Keeping the sex a secret from everyone to manipulate what shower gifts you get is just plain disgusting.
Lots of people prefer to buy gender neutral items for this very reason. Not seeing the "eww" factor. What a strange reaction

I think it's this line:
"There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears."

It makes it sound like this poster is expecting blue/pink ASAP after the baby is born. That can raise eyebrows. I'm a little confused (but I'm sleep deprived) @bliss+berry , can you explain?
It's one thing to be team green because you want the surprise.
I think knowing the sex but not telling anyone for the sole purpose of getting certain types of gifts is manipulative and tacky. If you want gender neutral items, by all means register for them or purchase them yourself.

She said she registered for them

XoHeather86 · December 2013

We're not finding out and I love the excitement! I think it's going to make delivery day even more special than it will already be! I've bought some neutral clothing to get me by for a first couple weeks and I can go shopping then

.. I'm sure people will buy me clothes for my shower but I have no problem putting my little girl in a blue outfit and matching it with a bow

Alot of ppl don't understand why you wouldn't want to find out (at least in my experience).. I get called crazy and stupid for not finding out but ultimately, it's your baby! Do what works for you and your SO.

Empireceo · December 2013

FemShep said:

kd&cd said:

We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away

This baffles me.

DD2 has a pale green room, which was used by a boy before we bought this house. Does this mean it's a boy room? Or is it a girl room since that's who's using it? Do the animal wall decals make it a boy room or a girl room? Am I causing my DD permanent harm by not surrounding her in pink and purple?

And really, who the hell cares if a total stranger asks, "What's his name?" when you have a girl, or vice versa? Do you think anyone really cares? Or am I doing my baby more permanent harm by not insisting on strict gender conformity at every opportunity?

smh

This. Also, this only makes sense if you're only having one kid. If you get a pink car seat, then have a boy, do you get another stroller and car seat? Or does it not matter for #2?

Tassie06 · December 2013

It's still a surprise when you find out at the 20w U/S

Twiggymommy · December 2013

We found out for one reason only... Dh kept calling him an "it" and it irked me... So now he calls him he lol

beckylynn23 · December 2013

I am 37 weeks pregnant and we did not find out...and I love seeing people's reactions when I say we don't know the gender of our baby! We registered for all neutral things so that it can be used for any future children, regardless of their gender. My mom did, in the beginning, give me some crap because she said that it was hard to find clothes, so I just told her to buy something off the registry. People will still try to buy gender neutral clothes and you can keep them or return them. Or a friend told me that if you get gender specific clothes, keep them and gift them to the next person who has a baby!

RebeccaY1 · December 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else. I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again. I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral. There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.
Ew. Keeping the sex a secret from everyone to manipulate what shower gifts you get is just plain disgusting.
Lots of people prefer to buy gender neutral items for this very reason. Not seeing the "eww" factor. What a strange reaction
I think it's this line: "There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough. I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears." It makes it sound like this poster is expecting blue/pink ASAP after the baby is born. That can raise eyebrows. I'm a little confused (but I'm sleep deprived) @bliss+berry , can you explain?
It's one thing to be team green because you want the surprise. I think knowing the sex but not telling anyone for the sole purpose of getting certain types of gifts is manipulative and tacky. If you want gender neutral items, by all means register for them or purchase them yourself.

I did register for gender neutral items, but I didn't put any clothing on the registry since I've purchased a lot of it myself.

In terms of saying there is plenty of time to buy pink or blue later that is technically very true. There will be a whole lifetime of the child being a girl or boy and people will inevitably purchase gender specific items later on. I don't see what the big deal is about thinking grandparents will make pink or blue purchases since this is very typical in my social circle. What crappy grandparents out there don't buy their grandchildren birthday presents, Christmas presents, baptism presents, Easter presents, and just because presents? All of those gifts could theoretically be pink or blue.

I also intend to get pregnant again and would like to be able to use the items again. That is also very typical of my social circle. I don't want a boy in a pink stroller, or a girl in a blue one. I prefer both to use green and brown.

Keeping gender a surprise

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