FTMs: Starting to feel bittersweet?

Luna C · December 2013

I realized last night that after 13 years of it being just me and my sweetie, pretty soon it will never be just the two of us again. And it made me a little sad.

Don't get me wrong: We're both really excited about the baby. But when I think about some of the rituals and habits we've developed as a twosome that are going to change, it made me tear up. I know that we'll have new rituals with our LO, but ... I'm still going to miss the little stuff like just chilling in the breakfast nook late on a Sunday morning with nothing to do but read and joke around. I keep thinking about our last Christmas just the two of us, our last vacation for just the two of us, etc.

I can't be the only one...

chaysefaith · December 2013

I'm not a first time mom, but I can relate. My kids currently leave us 3 weekends out of the month leaving us the freedom to go wherever we want, whenever we want. Part of the reason I wanted another baby was simply so I could be a full time mom all the time, and I'm really excited that this LO will be with us all the time, but I will miss just being the two of us on weekends.

LegalLadyBug · December 2013

There are a million things DH and I used to enjoy doing that we just can't do now...like going to the movies. We used to go all the time but I think we've seen maybe 3 or 4 movies in the theater since DD was born, 2.5 years ago. Life is definitely going to change. There will be new things to do. DH and I take DD to gymnastics on Saturday mornings and then out to breakfast. She loves it and we enjoy seeing her having a good time. Not the same as going to dinner and a movie, but more fulfilling.

nunzchucks · December 2013

I think the weirdest moment is the car ride to the hospital when you realize it is the last time it will only be the two of you.

amackattack · December 2013

I'm with you. I don't think I've even comprehended what a huge change it will be yet. @LegalLadyBug I love your breakfast example...I'm hoping my H and I can find times like that to become closer and replace some of the things we do together now.

babygabe614 · December 2013

I have been thinking about this recently, too. I do have a stepson but he is only with us every other weekend so the vast majority of the time, it's just DH and I (and the cats, lol). Our big thing is going to concerts together so I will miss having the freedom to do that as often as we do now. We also do an annual trip down to the NJ shore with our friends in the summer and all split a condo or shore house for the week - so I will definitely miss doing that. Of course we're excited for the changes ahead, but I can't say there won't be things I'll miss as well!

Ebbitluv11 · December 2013

I feel you! My Hubby and I have been married for 12 years and I really haven't put alot of thought in to the fact that it will not just be the two of us anymore. Reading this made me cry (but what doesn't these days lol) guess just try to enjoy the rest of the quiet time we have left and on to the next chapter of life.

Cherylwang · December 2013

I forget what life was like before babies. I made sure I did a lot of one on one fun things w my son before daughter was born and this time I'm sure I will do the same. It is bittersweet

SecondTimeinMSU · December 2013

After almost 3 years it still sometimes feels weird that we have another family member. I think it is mainly lately since DS is becoming such a kid and not just our baby or our toddler he is his own independent family member with a rich personality that the new dynamic still sometimes surprises me when I think about it since it was just DH and I for so many years. The newborn phase is tough but then they eventually start sleeping. I remember when DS started sleeping up to 12 hours in a row and it was like what do I do with all this free time? Granted we couldn't pick up and head out but we had a lot of fun date nights in. Plus new kid routines are pretty awesome. I love on weekend mornings going to get DS and we all snuggle for like 15 minutes while he chats our ear off.

flerlgirl · December 2013

I went through this with DS! I love that kid and wouldn't trade him for anything, but it was an adjustment for sure. Suddenly if we wanted to go out on a date we had to find a babysitter... whaaaa? And every once in a while I just think, how in the WORLD did anyone deem us responsible enough to have kids?? I hear the same thing happens for the second.

deepoceanmama · December 2013

DH and I are pretty much homebodies, so I'm not worried about losing time because we're stuck at home. But I do wonder a lot what it will be like when we can't sleep in on the weekends, or when I can't take a nap just because I have a migraine. I think I'm more mentally prepared for it than DH is...but neither of us is REALLY prepared, I'm sure.

Saturday morning, my dogs were being really manic in the morning, barking and jumping all over me while I was trying to sleep. Half asleep, I found myself yelling "JESUS. CALM DOWN. CAN'T I JUST SLEEP FOR ONCE?!" And then I totally laughed at myself, because they're nothing compared to what this LO will do to my sleep schedule!

mrs_drc_rn · December 2013

I agree with PP about DH and I being homebodies. We've also both been in school pretty much the entire time we've been together so that doesn't afford us a lot of time to go out and do things. I haven't really thought about this too much, and mostly just think about things we can do together as a family. I will miss little spur of the moment trips to Atlantic City or Vegas, but we'll get back to that some day

purtz · December 2013

Yes, life will change, but don't fall for the hype. You can maintain some of the things you love doing with DH. You just need to compromise on some things and get creative on the non-negotiables.

Kinipela7 · December 2013

I will miss it, but I really think this is just the beginning of the best times we will ever have. We can still go on vacation and drop her off at grandparents and have date nights if we really really want to.

bumpuser9343355 · December 2013

I've definitely thought about this too, especially as we get closer to our last Christmas as just a couple. We decided that our Christmas presents to each other should be something we won't get to do (at least for a while or not very often) once the baby is born. I'm taking him to a hockey game this weekend, don't know what he's doing for me yet! We are big sports people and live within ten minutes of our favorite baseball, hockey, and college football stadiums so we go to a ton of live sporting events. That's definitely going to be something we are going to have to cut back on for a while, but eventually, we will be able to take our kid with us. Hopefully he/she loves sports as much as we do!

Luna C · December 2013

purtz said:

Yes, life will change, but don't fall for the hype. You can maintain some of the things you love doing with DH. You just need to compromise on some things and get creative on the non-negotiables.

That's not actually what I'm talking about...

TheMrs820 · December 2013

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, not only how the fun sweet little things that we do just us, but also how we will evolve from a couple to a family.

I wonder if we will look at each other differently & how our relationship will change. I remember after we got married we got si much closer & I had such a deeper. Love & respect for DH.

texasmama2014 · December 2013

Definitely. I've been married a year, and we've only known each other for 2 years. We planned to give ourselves at least another year before having a LO, but God had other plans and here I am pregnant! Wouldn't change it for the world, but its definitely bittersweet!!

Valie18 · December 2013

When the LO is born DH and I will have been a two-some for nearly 9 years. I am sure that we are going to miss it, but we have been wanting a family for a very long time now.

LKHoffa · December 2013

Be been thinking about this a lot too. I live in a different city from my family and best friends, and it's already tough to visit as much as I would like- and I wish I could see them all more, not less! I'm nervous about being home bound and feeling lonely when my husband goes back to work. I don't have the luxury of having people 'stop over for an hour.' So I definitely understand this and am very nervous about it, too!

Reasons2Smile · December 2013

It's only for a few years, or 10, and then they make friends and go to sleep overs and go on school trips and church trips and vacations with friends, and you find yourself alone more than you thought you would.

verydisgruntledpelican0091 · December 2013

Made me cry too. I was looking forward to an all girls trip to Vegas in Feb for my bday.
Not going now because I'm pregnant and my friends will be drunk the whole time and it doesn't sound fun anymore. I am greatful tho

katekat8721 · December 2013

It's definitely weird to think about all the changes. We can still go on vacations together, it'll just be different (and more expensive probably lol). Going to the store Saturday mornings together will probably take longer. Deciding to drop in on a movie Sunday afternoon will now have to be planned around nap times. It's the little things like tonight, just sitting here quietly bumping, the dogs sleeping and hubby playing on his phone, that are going to be the weirdest for me I think. Just the normal day-to-day stuff

crossfitkiwi · December 2013

A little. DH and I have moved around and traveled a lot over the past 4-5 years. Music is a huge part of our lives and we were always planning for the next show or music festival mission. Sometimes I get little pangs that those carefree years are over, but they are quickly eclipsed by the excitement and joy I feel about finally starting our family

kjohnson1002 · December 2013

I think about this a lot too. We've been working so hard to have this baby it got to a point that I thought we would never had one. It's just been us for over 15 years so this will be different. But I'm super excited to start new things with the baby. But I will miss it being just the two of us.

MrsAMB07 · December 2013

LilNunz1 said:

I think the weirdest moment is the car ride to the hospital when you realize it is the last time it will only be the two of you.

Or when you get home and realize you're not babysitting, and no one is coming to take the baby back. This is your new reality.

MrsRage · December 2013

Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, but I'm super excited for the baby to get here and for us to do things as a family. My husband and I have lived together for 7 years so we are totally ready to have a little munchkin join us.

mschware · December 2013

I don't think it's quite hit us yet since we still have 6 months left and both of our jobs are also drastically changing within those 6 months so it's hard to focus on "baby" right now (hope that didn't come out wrong). We talk about baby all the time and how excited we are, but I don't think we will have that feeling of things really changing until we get much closer to the due date. We are still in shocked that we have been blessed with a baby because my docs thought it would be nearly impossible! For now, we are enjoying the time we get together to relax and have fun

not only that, but both of our parents live 5 minutes away from us (that might get annoying come next Summer) but if we ever need a day/weekend to be alone, I know our parents will gladly babysit.

elsa1688 · December 2013

Everything is changing and I don't think my SO quite gets it yet. I just told work I won't be returning so that feels like a big sacrifice. All those casual, late night dinners at our favorite non-baby friendly restaurants: over (at least without advance planning and then it certainly won't be at 9 pm). I'm so excited for this baby and new adventure but I'm mourning this life going away.

Luna C · December 2013

elsa1688 said:

I'm so excited for this baby and new adventure but I'm mourning this life going away.

This is exactly how it feels to me. I'm looking forward to the baby and all these new experiences, but things are so good now and it feels dumb in a way to toss that aside, if you know what I mean.

elsa1688 · December 2013

Luna C said:

elsa1688 said:

I'm so excited for this baby and new adventure but I'm mourning this life going away.

This is exactly how it feels to me. I'm looking forward to the baby and all these new experiences, but things are so good now and it feels dumb in a way to toss that aside, if you know what I mean.

I can totally relate. I love the life we have now, I'm sure I'll love life with baby. It's just bittersweet to give up things in anticipation of what might be.

jjva · December 2013

I feel you guys. When this baby is born DH and I will have been together for 10 years, married for 9 -- it has been just-the-two-of-us for so long! We are definitely excited about starting our family, but I'm going to miss some of the same stuff you guys have mentioned: vacations to faraway places, heading out for dinner at 9 pm as a last-minute decision, etc. One reason we felt ready to have this kid is that we are such homebodies anyway; we are big music fans and used to go to shows all the time but in the past two years we have ended up skipping two out of every three we buy tickets for, just because we're like "nah, I don't feel like leaving the house." But I wonder if when the LO comes we'll start thinking the grass was a lot greener!

Nancy1250 · December 2013

I was at a xmas party last night and it hit me as I sat to rest while everyone else danced non-stop and drank. I would typically be them... And then I realized my life is about to change.

I just hope that we (dh and I) continue enjoying life as we have so far as a couple. I also hope that I someday feel as sexy as I did pre-p.

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