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Had a meltdown last night that carried into today

MimalooMimaloo member
in May 2014 Moms
DH brought up child care last night and it's an issue I've kind of been avoiding.  I desperately want to be a SAHM but that's not feasible where we live right now.  The only daycare centers around here that I know of are Tutor Times and other corporate run places - they are baby prisons and they scare me.  Our daughter will be 4 months old when I go back to work and the idea of sticking her in a daycare literally sent me into full meltdown mode last night.  And when my mom called me this morning, I explained the whole thing to her and had another meltdown.   

DH also brought up a nanny but again, how do I know who I'm letting in my house? DH's solution is to install cameras - because that's not creepy or anything. 

I feel like my options are either to move, stick my daughter in a daycare with 20 other kids, or spend a fortune on a nanny.  I've talked to people at work and they all (yes, all) rely on family so they don't worry about it.  I have no family here and DH's family NEVER offers to help.  In fact, my MIL already made it clear that she doesn't like to watch babies until they're at least 6 months old because "that's when they're fun".  She'll be coming around when it's convenient for her but that's about it.  And, if it comes down to moving, she'll be the first to complain that we're taking her grandchild away from her.   

I think the last two days my hormones have completely taken over.  I'm a mess and I can't stand it.....but can't help it either :(

What are all of you ladies doing about childcare and if you can't stay home or rely on family, how do you feel about it?  
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Re: Had a meltdown last night that carried into today

  • cnbeancnbean member
    I don't know where you are at, but here it's way cheaper to hire a nanny than to put a kid in day care. Also we have a lot of in home day cares. It might be worth checking out. 

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  • awisernawisern member
    I have a daycare on campus at the hospital I work for. It's not owned by the hospital but by Bright Horizons. It's a developmental center instead of just a daycare. DS loves it and learns a lot. He only goes two days a week when I'm at work and we are very happy with it.
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  • Miles2GoMiles2Go member
    I work from home. There are times I can't work and be with dd and my mom and FIL help me out. Sometimes I'll hire a sitter I know.

     However, my brother and SIL both work full time. They hired a nanny - a girl right out of college. They pay her minimum wage and it ends up being way cheaper than daycare. They had her start while my brother had some time off so she could get used to their 4 month old and he could make sure she was someone they trusted. A nanny might not be a bad route for you to go. 

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  • sisterjanetsisterjanet member
    DH and I actually work opposite schedules so we don't have to do daycare.  I work part time in the evening and he works the more traditional daytime shift.  Would something like that work at all for you?
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  • dragossoul84dragossoul84 member
    What about working part time could you swing that? 
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  • nickinbrandonnickinbrandon member
    I prefer daycare centers over in home daycare because they are more regulated and I feel like my child is in a safe environment, but you do have to find the right one. I judged by cleanliness and activities, especially for babies. They shouldn't just sit there all day in a swing or bouncy chair, a good daycare has curriculum built for even the small babies to stimulate them. Don't be afraid to try some out and switch, I did twice before I found one I was happy with!
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  • MissLadyTayMissLadyTay member
    I'm probably not the right person to ask since I "stick" my child in a "baby prison" every day. Where he has a ton of friends, is learning his ABCs, and spends 2-3 hours playing outside every day.
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  • katesy21katesy21 member
    My girls go to a small church run daycare that we are very happy with. However the tuition for 3 kids is not feasible so I will be pulling them out and working weekends instead. I'm a nurse so I have that flexibility.

    FWIW, they used to go to 2 different in home day cares and both were really lacking in structure and they didn't learn anything. I'm much happier with the care and education they are getting at the daycare center.

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  • LeeLee86LeeLee86 member
    I'm so sorry the options near you are ones you're not comfortable with. I would ask around at your OB apts and see what moms in your area are doing. I am going to go part time until the baby is older. My sister has a arsenal of private home daycare, babysitters and family help that works for her. You have to find ppl you trust that's #1.
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  • ns1ns1 member
    I will say while pregnant with DD and after starting DD in daycare (we ended up with her in a daycare I didn't like for a week, so that was especially rough) I had these types of meltdowns a lot!  Once we found a daycare (she's been in two daycare centers we adore) I felt a million times better.  I feel zero guilt about putting her in daycare, and I know she is incredibly happy and well taken care of.  If you haven't visited centers yet, I urge you to do so.  It's all about the director and staff, and if you can find a place you like, it will be a huge relief and a good experience for your LO.  Good luck to you!
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  • CopperPoppyCopperPoppy member
    I understand where you're coming from, it's impossible to think about leaving a tiny little thing with a stranger or group of strangers. Right now. I think your perception is a little too black and white. Yes there are dangers in the world but not all nannies or child care centers are terrible. I think we hear the horror stories because that's what tends to spread. People don't regularly boast their awesome nanny and how she doesn't even steal from them.

    I was a nanny and a "daycare prison guard" in my past life. You should absolutely research. One scary thing I learned in my schooling in child Dev was that most adults spend more time researching the car they want to buy than where their child will receive care.

    You won't know a nanny until you know them. But having an overly cynical outlook is only going to make you more resistant to leaving your child with anyone else and possibly cause other issues/resentment in other areas of your life. Figure out how much you really need to work and then move from there. You gotta do what you gotta do for the time being. Being a good mom sometimes means makin the best of the situation you have not making the perfect situation.

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  • TeamKruegerTeamKrueger member
    I know centers can seem kind of sterile or what have you, but I worked in a child development center, in an infant room. We busted out humps to keep those kiddos happy. To be a lead teacher at my center, you HAVE to have a bachelor's degree in something child-related. I agree that the director and staff make the difference. I will be looking into both centers and in home myself because I like the regulations of centers, but the flexibility of in home. But FWIW, while in homes don't necessarily have a "curriculum", they do have LOTS of regulations, and it's more similar for the child to being at home. If you're in a college town, you could also probably find an Early Childhood Ed/Elem Ed/Child Development major that would be a reliable nanny. 
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  • MimalooMimaloo member
    I have yet to hear anything positive about my local corporate or private run centers.    

    When I was in college I interviewed at one of the child care centers in my area and even as a college student, I didn't want to work there (although I was offered a job with no degree).  I also have a neighbor who, let's just say is unstable, works at one of the local centers.  She has no college degree.  So for those of you who are saying how qualified the employees are: maybe in your area they are - but certainly not here.   

    This past summer I worked at a camp which has a fully functioning day care center (it's a private elementary/middle school during the school year) which I actually wouldn't mind using, but putting DD in there would eat up my paychecks every month so at that rate I may as well just stay home.   

    I think a center is fine for a toddler because they can socialize and learn.  But I personally don't want to put my infant in one.  

    Unfortunately my working part-time isn't an option because of DH's job - his hours are long and often unpredictable (especially during his two busy seasons) and he travels at times.  Who knows.  

    But thank you for the useful advice that many of you gave.  

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  • HedgessmHedgessm member
    Around here (Northern VA) there's an organization that helps families find home day cares. They have extra regulations above the state ones, handling all the billing, and require extra training. So it adds some Ezra comfort to the process. Maybe they have somehow similar in your area
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