Not your typical MIL vent

susieandmarty · December 2013

My mother in law is lovely woman and is fantastic with my dd. Seriously, she truly helps me out watching her when I need. So this is not a my mil is a bitch from hell vent.

That said, this woman is getting on my last nerve. She never waits for me to ask for anything, she always just does and does things I don't want or need and cannot take no for answer.

Today she came over with two nightmares of ugly she thinks are just right for my home - a Winnie the Pooh shadow box and the ugliest homemade polar fleece blanket for dd. She said it is just right to match dds room which is pale yellow and gray. This hideous blanket is fluorescent yellow on one side and bright and light pink swirls on the other side. She kept saying you wanted something you could clean but I really wanted to buy something special and tasteful - of something that at least matched her room. At no point did I ask her to make a blanket, hint I was hoping she would or mention an interest in polar fleece. By the time I came back from my appointment, she had given if to dd and put it on her bed so dd is now "excited" about this new awful ugly blanket. When I said I would maybe hang the picture in the kids bathroom and not a bedroom I thought she would cry.

This is typical of her - she puts me in a bad position where i have to say no repeatedly, make her feel bad or just suck it up. She often buys us unrequested and undesired gifts and then becomes very upset when they are not used and remarks on them frequently. Dh steps in but at the same time gets aggravated when I say she oversteps.

Anyone have a mil like this?

jessicat2283 · December 2013

Sounds like mine. She's amazing with the girls always helpful but sometimes buys them trinkets & junk we don't need. I have been doing serious purging the last year & don't know what to do with all the stuff she gets them. I have never said anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings because she's done so much for us

Tylynngrace · December 2013

Yes yes yes! My MIL is so tacky and I can't handle it!

susieandmarty · December 2013

I just got a better look at it - it is not only pink swirls, that is what jumps off first but also bright green and orange flowers too. Why lord why. When dd is at school tomorrow it is coming off the bed and I wish i could donate it but i cannot imagine a charity that would accept it ... It is that ugly

slmille4 · December 2013

That was my DH's gramma. Loved her and she passed this year but Christmas was always a " oh gee thanks you really shouldn't have". She has given us wonderful stuff like our washer and dryer but also 2 craft hammers (back to back years) a giant book on home remedies, a giant string of purple pearls. I got really good at faking needs for things.

RedSaffron · December 2013

YES.. our mils sound like they could be best friends. My mil doesn't take no for an answer and makes situations harder. She also doesnt speak English very well so there's a lot of miscommunication. I would put those things in a box and donate them after a while.

Giraffealaff · December 2013

That's my grandma, technically DH's "MIL", if you will (long story, but she's more like a mother than anything else to us). She's super helpful and awesome, but every time she visits she brings literally a CAR FULL of things, not always 100% useful (or pretty!), but 100% of he time she means well.

Sometimes I have to throw in the occasional "no" and put my foot down on things, but it she goes through the trouble of gettng/making us something I will always be grateful and accepting. I may wait until she leaves and then put that item away for a very very very rainy day, but I make sure she knows how much I appreciate the gesture and her thoughtfulness.

This is one of those situations where I would say you would have to say yes more than no.

suupercute · December 2013

A MIL that gives you undesired gifts doesn't sound too terrible; she has good intentions but just has poor taste. Her reactions does seem a bit dramatic though. If your daughter likes the blanket, I don't see a problem with indulging the both of them, at least just for a short time. Then it can "accidently" get dirty and need to be put away in a storage bin.

brideandbreve · December 2013

suupercute said:

A MIL that gives you undesired gifts doesn't sound too terrible; she has good intentions but just has poor taste. Her reactions does seem a bit dramatic though. If your daughter likes the blanket, I don't see a problem with indulging the both of them, at least just for a short time. Then it can "accidently" get dirty and need to be put away in a storage bin.

I agree with this.

amt0312 · December 2013

Lol, sounds like my MIL, too. She's always sending us boxes of stuff (and asking my husband to pay for the shipping!) and 99% of it is tacky stuff I'd never buy. Once she sent me this plastic tray with cats on it in that Willow Blue color that is so popular on fine china because she thought I could put it in my china cabinets along with my displayed china. Just because I have cats doesn't mean I want to now decorate my house with depictions of cats!

hopeful808 · December 2013

I think for the blanket issue it's a matter of if your dd likes the blanket. The blanket was made for her, not you so your opinion of it doesn't matter if your dd likes it. If you don't wish to see it make it a room only blanket. If your dd doesn't like the blanket donate it. Honestly you sound very ungrateful that she spent the time and effort to make something special for your dd just because it's not your style. If you were looking for a blanket for your dd continue and buy one you like better.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

Sounds like my MIL, I can't wait for her to bring me more crap she thinks goes with the nursery. My nursery is jungle animals themed but my MIL secretly wants it to be all about trucks. She keeps buying and bringing over all truck themed items, like I'm going to put these over the stuff I already purchased. No thanks ma'am.

LatteLady5 · December 2013

I don't think the blanket is a big deal. My grandma's given us a handful of ugly blankets but they're warm and who really cares? I'd let your daughter keep it. I wouldn't hang something I thought was ugly though so either have your H tell her thanks for the shadow box but you have other plans or just store it away and don't mention it unless she brings it up. Then say you had other ideas for the nursery and stored it at the moment.

susieandmarty · December 2013

hopeful808 said:

I think for the blanket issue it's a matter of if your dd likes the blanket. The blanket was made for her, not you so your opinion of it doesn't matter if your dd likes it. If you don't wish to see it make it a room only blanket. If your dd doesn't like the blanket donate it. Honestly you sound very ungrateful that she spent the time and effort to make something special for your dd just because it's not your style. If you were looking for a blanket for your dd continue and buy one you like better.

I am very very ungrateful. I dont think I should have to be grateful for everything someone gives or brings me, just because they brought it for me. I did not ask, request or insinuate I wanted something. She took it upon herself to make this blanket that is not my style and does not fit into the decor of DDs room or my tastes for my home. I dont see why I have to do a happy dance because she took it upon herself to put it on DDs bed and introduce this to DD when I have spent weeks looking for the perfect blanket to help celebrate her big girl bed.

I am grateful for a mother in law who is a great help to me.

But no, I am not grateful to have her bring things to my home that I do not want or ask for and are not my taste, I am not grateful that she becomes upset when I dont use them and yet still brings them up all the time and I am not grateful that she does not listen when I tell her to stop bringing things every time she comes.

The blanket and this picture are just some of the many things that she does like this. It oversteps and makes me irritated. Is it the biggest deal in the world, of course not. Is my pregnancy riddled sleep deprived mind making more of this, probably. Do I care, no! Its annoying and I was venting.

edit: also at least ask me if you are going to do this. I would have said no, but at least she could ask for input on colors or patterns

susieandmarty · December 2013

suupercute said:

A MIL that gives you undesired gifts doesn't sound too terrible; she has good intentions but just has poor taste. Her reactions does seem a bit dramatic though. If your daughter likes the blanket, I don't see a problem with indulging the both of them, at least just for a short time. Then it can "accidently" get dirty and need to be put away in a storage bin.

you are right and it is not the worst thing at all - which is why I prefaced the whole thing by saying I genuinely love my mother in law and she does so much for me and makes my life possible.

The blanket will quickly find its way into the closet and come out for playtime and things like that - it is fleece - so i think it will make a good outside blanket.

I am just getting frustrated because I tell her no all the time for things, and she does things anyway. I then feel uncomfortable because I then I have to tell her I dont want something and it makes me feel bad to upset her. So, these most recent gifts and others, puts me in the position to upset her or be upset with things in my home and it is just uncomfortable and tough for me

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