Open letter Wednesday

Siblynika · December 2013

Dear fellow shoppers,
I am well aware how big I look. You don't need to stop me and let me know how close to popping I look like I am. I also don't appreciate you then following me around the store so you can tell me every labor horror story you can think of.

Sincerely,
I can top every horror story you can throw at me. Don't toy with me.

Dear DH,

You were so adorable running out to buy a car seat and then installing it at TEN at night. However, if you tease me about my nesting again, I will bring this up.

Love
Your wife who is eternally grateful you're finally on board with this preparation thing.

McGuireMommy · December 2013

Dear Boss,

Thank you so much for waiting until the ABSOLUTE last minute possible for getting us our company insurance information. I find absolutely no comfort in the fact that at 34 weeks pregnant, and with a 2-year-old, I won't active health insurance for the next 3 weeks. If only I didn't have 2 office visits and an ultrasound scheduled in that time period, as well as a 2-year-old that needs her wellness exam. You were absolutely correct in thinking I had nothing better to do than sit around and wait for my health insurance to kick in. NOT! I'm so glad the premiums are going up, and my hours are going down. I am thrilled with the fact that on these new plans, my take home pay per period will resemble approximately $275.00 PER WEEK!!

Not So Fondly,

An employee who'd like very much not to return after her maternity leave

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Dear Insurance Broker,

I realize that my employer has left you in a crappy spot as well. However, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and although signs are good that I won't, I could potentially go into labor at any time. I also realize that my old policy terminated on November 30th, and the new one will be retroactive from December 1st, but why in the name of all that is sacred, am I not even in their system yet? Oh, that's right. The information you gave me about my primary care physician and my daughter's pediatrician was INCORRECT! Therefore, you have prolonged the period that neither she nor I have health coverage. Amazing.

Thank you for the inconvenience,

A Protective, Pregnant Mother.

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Dear Baby Girl,

Mommy is doing everything in her power to make sure you are protected and safe. I want you to have the same pediatrician your big sister has. We love her. I want you to be able to go to the best medical facilities available to you, should you need them (but, hopefully you won't!). But, if you could help Mommy out by staying in there until your due date to make sure this insurance mess gets sorted out, that would be great. Mommy and Daddy will do the rest out here, and make sure your homecoming is safe, stable, and comfortable.

Love,

Mommy

salsamommy · December 2013

Dear Right Hip Joint,

I've stretched, popped/cracked you and tried sitting in various positions, but you are still causing me a tremendous amount of pain! I'm getting to the point where I want to pull my leg off, please give this girl a break!

-The body you're attached to.

Dear my boss,

I wish you had listened and taken the advice I gave you when it came to finding my replacement. Instead you went against my advice of going to the local college and asking the graduates if they would be interested in a contract position.

The first girl you hired to cover my Mat leave, bailed/never showed up or returned your calls. The second girl you were "testing the waters with" was a useless sack of bones who didn't know her geography (kind of important to be a travel agent), not to mention she thought she could learn a complicated booking system in a week. Seriously?! The same system that took me 2 years to learn the basic necessities and I'm still learning about 7 years later?

Lucky for you, I contacted the college I went attended, created an amazing job ad which they distributed to both alumni and current students, and you've now got several potential replacements for me! Just hope you can get them in here, before my LO decides to make an appearance!

-The employee you should have listened to!

gina0485 · December 2013

Dear doggie,

Stop being so needy and cute. I just shoveled 5 inch deep wet snow so you can tinkle more comfortably. I swear to god if you pee in the house after that I'm going to lose my cool.

moosebaby2011 · December 2013

Dear wonderful next-door neighbor:

Thank you so much for taking pity on the pregnant girl next door and offering to snow blow the driveway. Both DH and I greatly appreciate the help. I see homemade cookies in your future.

Signed,

Your eternally grateful pregnant neighbor

MrsGraham06 · December 2013

Clock,

Go faster. I'm hungry. They don't serve food for another half hour, but I want some NOW!

Signed,
Growling pregnant tummy

pinkyxboo · December 2013

Dear Boss/Owner of our preschool,

You telling me I have a "pregnant face" is not a compliment. Just say what you mean that my face looks swollen/fat. One is just as insulting as the other. You should know after 2 kids of your own that there are just some things you do not say to a pregnant women. K?thanks.

Signed.

Your 35 week pregnant preschool teacher who is extremely tired and is seriously running low on motivation and energy to work at your school.

Amymarie13 · December 2013

wilburbud said:

Dear FIL- you are an idiot. A stupid stupid person. You fell off a ladder last year,and never went to a doctor. Now that you are loosing sensation and strength in your legs, you finally go, and they tell you that you have fractures in your vertebrae, and a spinal compression. They IMMEDIATELY Tell you that you have been very lucky- and that your loss of sensation will become PERMANENT if you don't intervene now. You opt for injections first (fine) but then say if they don't work, you wont do surgery. REALLY? OH AND THEN you go play in a volleyball tournament against doctors orders. You are stupid.

Dear MIL- Thanks for booking a weekend trip for us 4 hours away from home this close to my due date, and christmas as a "christmas gift" to us. It's not like I have anything better to do. Like get ready for a baby. Or rest. Now I get to spend the weekend with you and your ADD Violent ill-behaved daughter who likes to hit my daughter. SO Excited!!

Dear OB/Midwife- can you please tell me Im not cleared to travel 4 hours away this weekend? Kthanks!!!

Dear DH- Can you please get it through your head that you can not come home from work and lay on the sofa the rest of the night while your very pregnant wife makes dinner and cleans the house and chases the kids. Screw you.

SOunds like my dh and mil ... hmm think there;s a genetic component to the selfishness??

Amymarie13 · December 2013

katstirdivant said:

Dear chipper OB, When I come in for a pee-in-the-cup appointment EARLY with my 2.5 year old at 5pm I DO NOT (repeat) DO NOT want to sit and wait for you for an HOUR!! Especially when there was no one in the waiting room!!!!! Ad when you said nothing but "there's not really much we can do for your (insert 4-5 ailments here)." Thanks. Ready to be Done with 6 weeks to go

This EXACT situation happened to me last appt. SO effing ridiculous to wait that long, esp when it is a 2 minute appt and you see my 3 yo melting down. C'mon!

joshsmandy · December 2013

Dear H:

Please stop acting like you do nothing in this house and blaming me for "moving" things on you. If you set it there my love surely it would be there unless you sprinkled your daughters fairy dust on it and it grew legs.

Dear boss:

Giving me that last patient was not the best idea as I am incredibly emotional and she is suffering from the same illness as my mom did. Now you try to smile in that poor woman's face everyday!

And Dear LO:
I don't know who you have been scheming with but could you please stop playing with my nerves, they are not chew toys. Btw it's cute when you make my belly button pop in and out haha

Carmlvsjose · December 2013

Dear baby Sophia,

Unless you are ready to make your grand entrance into this world, I would appreciate it if you would keep your head out of my vag!

Love,
Your incredibly sore mommy

pennstated912 · December 2013

bkrudd said:
Dear every annoying customer that I've had today,

Why, why, why do you insist on coming through my line? I swear, all of you seek me out and come through my check out just to drive me insane. "Oh, look, that cashier is pregnant. Wouldn't it be so much fun to take our annoying purchases with our billion special requests, coupons, price matches, and all of these awesome clothes with no tags or UPC codes to her? And then act like complete babies when we have to wait or when she can't give us special treatment?"

You guys rock,
The Cashier that is screaming at you in her head.

Seriously, I want to ask my manager for a sign to carry around to put at my register that says "Warning: Pregnant cashier, check out at your own risk". Because my patience is wearing wayyy too thin these days.

That's just being in retail, lol. By late in my second year at Target, I had become hostile. Guests would try to challenge me on things and I would end up being like, "Nope, you're just wrong." My favorite is the coupon ladies asking to bend the rules for them, so I just said "nope!" And called a TL! Lol

RedSaffron · December 2013

Dear Lower Back, Hips and Feet,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry Feet that I was on you guys for 6 hours without taking enough breaks. I'm sorry Hips, but I can't sleep on my back until after this baby is born.. and lower back.. I'm sorry to be rude, but do not be a butt hurt and start giving me an attitude..

K-thanks!

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