WWYD-IL Drama

teachingmama11 · December 2013

My grandmother-in-law is arriving for a two week vacation tonight. Last night we heard that there was a possibility she may not be coming because she was sick. For a little background, my MIL has a history of trying to undermine our parenting choices & not giving the whole truth about situations if she feels that the truth won't suit her interests. DH was told she had "the flu".

As we tried to ask more questions, they changed her symptoms to "just being a little warm & having a runny nose." Tonight, we find out that she DID have a fever the other day (from DH's aunt). MIL won't give us a straight story, and GMIL won't ever say she has any illness because she "doesn't want to speak it into existence." She also will not be going to the doctor.

I have had my flu shot (so has DS), but I am still uncomfortable knowingly spending a lot of time in close contact with her if she is sick enough they considered canceling her trip. MIL got all crazy when DH told her this.

I go to my OB tomorrow, so I will not be seeing her until then and will definitely be asking (and following!) his advice. I just wanted to hear what others would do in my situation because my in-laws think I'm overreacting. IMO, I am being safe & not taking unnecessary risks with my health (or LO's). What would your plan be in my situation?

loveyoga7 · December 2013

Flus and colds don't last very long. Can your GMIL stay with another family member until she is well and then come stay with you once the flu/cold has passed?

nikki912 · December 2013

I wouldn't let her come if she still had a fever. Once the fever is gone it USUALLY means serious contagions have worked out of the system.

I think it's a B move of your mIL to push her on you if she has a fever. Fevers are dangerous during pregnancy.

joyfullyfound · December 2013

It wouldn't even occur to me to worry about it. I'd happily let her stay with us without giving it a second thought...

loveyoga7 · December 2013

jellysparkles said:

LalaMama81 said:

loveyoga7 said:

Flus and colds don't last very long. Can your GMIL stay with another family member until she is well and then come stay with you once the flu/cold has passed?

It wouldn't occur to me to be worried about this, much less ask my midwife. That said, flus and colds are not short lived at all. A typical cold lasts 10-14 days and the real flu will keep you in bed for a week, minimum. That doesn't mean you are contagious that whole time - but saying they are short just isn't true.

...particularly in that age group.

14 days.....um, okay. I've had pneumonia and that lasted 14 days. I doubt after five days she is even contagious. If you don't want her staying with you then you should say something sooner than later. Put your foot down and say your health and the health of your growing baby is very important and say your OB insisted on not having anyone around you who is sick.

loveyoga7 · December 2013

For some clarity:

https://www.m.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/cold-guide/flu-cold-symptoms?page=3

Avion22 · December 2013

Well, if what she has isn't the flu then it won't matter that you've had your flu shot. Or if it happens to be a strain of the flu not covered by this year's vaccine.

Common courtesy dictates not going to visit people when you're sick and possibly contagious. Especially if you're visiting pregnant women or young kids. I would make it clear that you will be happy to host your GMIL if HER doctor (not yours!) can assure you that she isn't contagious. If she wants to visit that much, then she'll go to a doctor. Your OB/midwife can't tell you what type of disease she has, so it doesn't really do much good to ask them....

teachingmama11 · December 2013

Thanks for your input, ladies! As far as why I was concerned about this (I know some said they wouldn't be), it really sent up a red flag to me that she was considering canceling her trip, which is non-refundable, and DH's aunt said she was worried about pneumonia. Those things make it seem like more than a little cold. @Avion22, I agree with you. Those are the same points we made with MIL. I know for a fact, though, that GMIL will not go to her doctor, so I will not get an official diagnosis of what's going on. (Plus the story of her symptoms keeps getting changed, so I can't even get a straight answer about that.) My hope in talking to my doctor is more that maybe it will keep my crazy MIL quiet. Thanks again for your input everyone!

jsoubel · December 2013

You don't want to be pregnant and sick, and your selfish MIL should know better than to put you in that situation. If your DH is supporting you, cancel the trip. She can visit another time.

LolaX2 · December 2013

Wow I am surprised that some people wouldn't even think to be concerned? Maybe I am even more sensitive to the subject being HR pregnancy with a LO that was a preemie? When pregnant your immune system is not as strong plus you can't really take much medication if you get sick and fevers can be very dangerous. My doctors always tell me to avoid being around anyone sick if at all possible.

I am with you that I would not want to be around someone that may or may not have the flu or even a bad cold that may or may not include a fever. I would ask that if she comes she stays with someone else and since it is a planned 2 week vacation maybe see how she is doing toward the middle to end for next week.

LittleLady77 · December 2013

I would be pissed and not let her come. How rude.

Mustardseed2007 · December 2013

When Ds was sick with a virus right before a huge family reunion, we were told not to come. We were not offended at all b/c we were already thinking that it may not be a good idea, and everyone was very worried about DS getting his great grandmother ill. That makes total sense b/c the folks that get ill quick and then are effected most seriously when they get sick are pregnant people (that's you!) and old people.

The only reason we had considered still coming was that it was a once in a blue moon type event and we already had hotel reservations and all that. But oh well, life happens! You can't use that as an excuse to put people at risk!

KelleAlward · December 2013

I work at a coffee shop and get exposure to every kind of sick every day. I'm not worried about it. It's part of life. I came down with a head cold last week, first time being sick in months. I recovered from it faster than I ever have before, 2 days. I certainly wouldn't exile family who is sick. It seems like there is a deeper issue with Grandmas visit than the sick exposure.

Rrrrrachel · December 2013

Being exposed to a customer at work is very different than exposure to someone staying in your home.

JuneDay2913 · December 2013

The Inn is closed until further notice, that is how I feel

nicole mackenzie · December 2013

Stand up for yourselves now and set boundaries. You don't want them to get in the habit of disregarding your wishes. They'll walk all over you.

If you are uncomfortable with something, say no and stick to your answer.

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