Just a little warning before hand: I have anxiety. Sometimes directed at things and sometimes just generalized. The anxiety has gotten worse since Lily has been born.
I like my job. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be SAH, but my job is good. They were even nice enough to let me go to part time after Lily was born. There have been days, though, that I am not able to be there. I do what I can from home, but I proctor and that is not a from home thing and I can tell that my supervisor is about done with having me gone. H holds our insurance and is our main bread winner. His job told him that he needs to be to a class Friday. Not sure when he found out, but I haven't known for long. We can't get a babysitter because H's stepdad has some things to do with BIL. That's fine, but that leaves me having to take off work again. Mind you, I work 9 hour days and I'm contract. I get no benefits other than being able to work what I want.
I talked to my supervisor and she didn't seem super upset, but I get that she is disappointed. I want so badly to be a good employee, but being a good mom means everything to me. On top of that, my MIL is the head honcho here at my job and has told H that there is something good in the works for me. I am terrified that I have jeopardized that good thing by taking off. On the other hand, I need to be taking care of Lily on Friday.
Is this stupid anxiety or do I have something to worry about?
Re: Nervous and anxious
This reminded me of something a work life balance coach my company hired (mainly because they suck at it) told me. It is really hard if not impossible to have it all. At least at the same time. Work/life balance can change in percentages - right now you may need to have more emphasis on life and less on work, but when your kids are older you can revert back to more focus on work.
I totally get the anxiety as I am very career driven and love working but while I would probably try to find another babysitter option or two, I would also be ok with accepting that right now your priority is your baby and that your career is coming second. At least that's what I tell myself when I freak out over not applying for a promotion I want because I know deep down I just couldn't handle it right now