MIL drama - as usual

Re: MIL drama - as usual

• SidraJedi member

  December 2013

  Lame. I'd be pissed too.

  
  

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• Blondie1212 member

  December 2013

  You have every right to be irritated. If she felt like watching your LO daily was too much she should've spoken up and asked you if you felt comfortable with this friend.

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• jamu member

  December 2013

  Yeah I'd be pissed too. At the very least this super tan woman sounds like someone she knows well.

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• MrsG071809 member

  December 2013

  I would be pissed too!  Why couldn't she take your LO with her?  My mom watches DD for us, and takes her to run errands and to appointments all the time.  The couple of times she needed to go somewhere without her, she left her with family and talked to me about it first. 

  
  

  Maybe you can look into part time daycare, so MIL will just watch him a few days a week and can do her errands and appointments the other days?

           

  
  

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• mhickey426 member

  December 2013

  I would be pissed too if I didn't know that someone was babysitting for her.  At the same time, there is no way I would send my lo to daycare instead of my mil.  It is not like she grabbed someone off the street.  She picked someone she knows well and obviously someone who can be trusted.  Nothing bad has happened to your lo while in this woman's care.  You definitely need to have better communication with your mil and lay down some stronger guidelines.

  
  

  

  
  

  

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• Crequito member

  December 2013

  I'd be so angry that she didn't even mention it to you.  My mom and my MIL alternate days and they're both very accommodating to each other when one has an appointment they can't miss.  And if push comes to shove and neither can watch DD either I or DH take off work or DHs aunt can help out in a pinch.  Maybe meet with the tan one yourself and get your own take?  It's helpful to have more than 1 babysitter.

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• kk1160 member

  December 2013

  I've come to accept that we've just got one of those relationships where my opinion doesn't count. Anything I say is highly offensive, so I just keep my mouth shut. DH doesn't want to create a bigger rift, so he tries to be neutral.
  I'm so so so grateful that she's helping us out... ABSOLUTELY. However, she's constantly doing things we ask her not to. I just don't get why he can come to her GYN appointments (gross) but not this one?? Any you're right, she trusts really-tan-lady enough to care for him, she's not a random stranger.
  I guess I should have worded the rest differently... she's not really in good shape to be taking care of a baby his age and activity level. She can't get down on the floor with him or take him outside (it's still 80 degrees here) or go to the park or anything. And then she's still working on top of that and doesn't need to. He's always alone plopped in front of the blaring TV or confined in a PNP. He's not getting the attention and stimulation he needs. It's just not a situation that I would enjoy being in and not something I would do to my future grandkids. My mom doesn't even live here, but she retired just so she could have the free time to spend with him. It boggles my mind why his primary caregiver wouldn't do the same and spend that time doing something more important?
  
  Thank you all for your input, btw. DH and I talked about it last night and it's just something we'll have to decide on our own.
  

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• haileyq member

  December 2013

  ... Um, this is going to sound snarky and I really mean it in a more supportive way, but if I KNEW that my sitter had my kid in front of the TV or in the PNP most of the time... he would've gotten a different sitter a long time ago. Switch already! Do your kid a favor.
  

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• smfdjo member

  December 2013

  This.  Daycare won't love and care for your child like your MIL will. I know you are upset but really think about how much this will her your MIL and your child.  

  
  

  pavlovcat said:

  My mom is in her 60's, works from home, and watches our daughter every day.  It's a huge sacrifice for her and I am eternally grateful.  We actually encouraged her to find someone to help her out occasionally so she could run errands, go to appointments, or just have some time off.  Imagine working a full time job and never being allowed to have a lunch hour, go to the dentist, etc.
  
  Your MIL most definitely should have told you she needed someone to help out, but if she is otherwise an excellent caregiver I don't see why you would stick your child in daycare.  If this is just another example of her not following your wishes or doing things without your knowledge, that's a different story.
  
  Talk with her about some ground rules - things you maybe just expected her to know.  Some examples that we went over with my parents:
  

  1. Call us immediately if she gets sick or is injured
  2. Do not give foods unless we've approved them
  3. If you need to go somewhere with her, let us know where you're going
  4. No TV
     

  
  

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