re: IF & loss - Anger/frustration occuring later in pregnancy

BzeetyD · December 2013

Wondering if any moms-to-be out there found themselves, later in pregnancy, dealing with anger/frustration emotions around their struggle to get PG.

It's come up for both me and my DH several times recently and I was wondering if it was common. We're in 3rd tri now and things have been going great the whole time - but I have moments lately of such upset/sadness/anger about our 4 losses and IF attempts. I'm curious if they're happening now because things seem more certain, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel, mentally. Like I can finally BE upset because we don't have to live under a constant question mark.

Thoughts?

tryingyetagain · December 2013

I've also had four losses. So far, I've felt positive during this pregnancy, but I absolutely think it makes sense that you are finally allowing yourself to go through those final stages of grief. I think I went through what you're going through once we decided to "give up" (this was a surprise bfp after we finally stopped trying). But if you haven't already gone through it, it makes sense that you are now. Your mind has finally given you permission to feel these feelings. Just let them happen and hopefully it will give you the closure you need. (Hugs)

Roeni · December 2013

I still think about it quite a bit. I think about how my due date passed for one we lost, how I should already have a baby. I think about the twin we lost with this pregnancy. But i am really happy about this baby that I will meet in 12 weeks.

MJC1116 · December 2013

I still get angry about the struggles with infertility and when I see all of these wonderful women here and read their siggies, it infuriates me that such sweet and loving people have had this shitty card dealt to them. It especially upsets me when it involves loss. I especially feel this way about women, like two friends of mine, who are still struggling with infertility.

I look at pregnant women and my immediate reaction is one of anger. It's like I assume every woman out there gets pregnant at the drop of a hat and that upsets me. I guess I still carry an "it's not fair" attitude, even though I'm pregnant.

Like @tryingyetagain said, I think it's part of the grief process. I don't know if these feelings will ever go away but I'm holding on to hope that one day I will heal.

amb2013 · December 2013

I know what you mean. In my case, anniversary syndrome is happening. This is when I had my loss so lots of things bringing it back....the other thing I think that is happening is its starting to get real and subconsciously I am trying to protect myself. I am still seeing a therapist once a week since my loss. She said its like I worry to prepare myself. She is teaching me to answer the worry back with logic...somedays that's easier than others. On a side note, I was wondering how you're doing due date buddy...

PurpleIris30 · December 2013

Hey friend, it was actually worse for me after I gave birth, as a word of warning. Granted, I think a lot of the reason for that was the trauma around their arrival and having two babies in intensive care (so they didn't really feel like my babies). It was so hard to not be pregnant, and I felt cheated out of the normal process, as well as cheated out of the last two months of my pregnancy, and it was so hard seeing what should have been our happy ending success story be so sick and undergoing so many medical interventions.

Hopefully you won't have to deal with any delivery or nicu issues, but the post delivery hormones can make the grieving process rough after delivery too. Thought I'd mention so you can be prepared and have your DH help you.

Hang in there!

thecuddleeffect · December 2013

I am still very fearful of loss, since I had a 2nd tri loss. But I mostly get upset that I am cheated out of having a normal, happy, joyful pregnancy. IF and loss have both stolen that from me. I don't think its wrong at all to have those feelings, and I know that when I go in to the MFM I always want special attention because it was hard to get to this point in the first place. When baby is born, it will just be a "normal" baby to everyone. No one knows how special, and wanted and longed for this baby truly is.

kaf7 · December 2013

Hugs BzeetyD! I think it is normal. And most of us on SAIF still have those feelings. I still find it hard when others get pregnant without much difficulty.

megs3084 · December 2013

I hear ya. We never had a loss, but we had the multiple failed cycles. Between knowing people that had losses, esp late ones and the fact I'm a nicu nurse, my brain never stops. Istill feel angry when it happens easy for ssomeone or when I get grouped w them for being pregnant. My brain doesn't want to let me get ready for them as if that'll make it easier if something goes wrong. I bought them outfits the other day and sobbed in the store. You'd think I was crazy. My therapist says this is normal. Hang in there bzee!