For those of you who are not married...

jessech89 · December 2013

...do you get asked rather inappropriate questions by people you don't know that well? Because it's happened to me at the doctor's office, at a sport's bar, and in the mall. I get asked:

"So do you know who the father is?"

Yup, pretty damn sure.

"Well you're going to marry your boyfriend, right?"

No, we'll do it when it's right for us.

"You're a single mom? Is the father even involved?"

Not that it concerns you, but we will be coparenting.

"Aren't you afraid your boyfriend will leave you if you're not married?"

The chances of him leaving don't decrease after a walk down the aisle. Ask his ex-wife.

"Were your parents disappointed?"

Let me just clear this up, we're not teenagers. We both of good paying jobs to support ourselves. Our parents are both thrilled to have a grandkid on the way.

Please tell me I'm not the only one dealing with these kinds of people!

Holljade · December 2013

I dealt with that with DD

The night before our wedding (DD was 6 months old) a woman said " You know, just because you have a baby doesn't mean you have to get married" THANKS.

Emmalou05 · December 2013

Your not the only one!. I told a lady I worked with and she said "your not married are you" I replied with no but we are engaged she then said "so when are you setting the date" and I simply said when we can afford to.

Like what the hell has it got to do with these people!. As long as we're happy y don't they butt out lol

Serenla · December 2013

Dude I'm married and people have asked me if I knew who the babys father was. People are stupid.

Sarahjess06 · December 2013

I got it with my first, and really understandably so... We had only been together a few months.

This go around we have been together for 3 Years and everyone in our life knows neither one of us is going anywhere. We chose to have another kid before getting married. Mostly bc planning a wedding (the wedding I want) is a lengthy process and we didn't want our kids far apart in age.

That doesn't stop SO to make dumb comments about DS being his "it's not proven" he thinks he is funny. He's not. Finally had to tell him he was getting a paternity test for Christmas if I heard it one more time.

natpirt · December 2013

My family asked me these..... They don't like him!

deidremaria · December 2013

Damn. I've been asked by my boss if we're gonna have a shotgun wedding. I haven't been asked half the questions you have. I'm sorry people were ass faces to you.

amhah09 · December 2013

I am married but I still get inappropriate comments because I look too young to be married/have a good job/have other kids. Or I get comments related to my reproductive knowledge - "don't you know how that happens?" or "you know you can prevent that right?"

I think there are people who will make rude and inappropriate comments regardless of your circumstance. I usually offer little in response. "Yes, we are aware of how babies are made and we are grateful we've had such success" or simply "yes, we do!"

Mamamonzo · December 2013

I've gotten "but you've only been married a year, how can your relationship be ready for kids?" Bite me!

amhah09 · December 2013

Vinny424 said:
Do you know you the father is, is such a rude question. I'm married so I don't face dumb questions as often (but still do) but I just feel like that peticular question warrants a response as rude like " there were a lot of Johns that month I was working the street so who the fuck knows?!?!"

Hahahaha

AmberLiz99 · December 2013

My friend was married, but didn't have a wedding band. Her coworker told her she better get one before she started showing or people would think she was unmarried and pregnant. We had a good laugh over it

Stace0616 · December 2013

I got married a month after we found out and STILL get accused of a shotgun wedding despite sending out Save The Dates over a year earlier. After watching my sister struggle with multiple rounds of IUI and IVF, we wanted to get a head start--I honestly didn't even think I would be able to get pregnant on my own.

New flash: this isn't the 1950's. Babies happen and are a blessing.

danamarie421 · December 2013

I'm married but I still have had people ask really ridiculous questions. Mostly, "so was this baby planned?" I don't understand how anyone would think that it's okay to ask this or any of the rude questions that PP have listed. People are just crazy!!!!

Lexii2385 · December 2013

I get all the questions too! We just laugh because some come from people we know who are divorced...lol people are crazy!

amhah09 · December 2013

Not to mention these days people have families unmarried intentionally and with a divorce rate of like 50% why not? Just because someone is married doesn't mean their relationship/partnership/family is any more stable or substantial than an unmarried couple.

sking72 · December 2013

Not married and dealing with all these. I love the "well if you're not married what if he leaves?" (Sarcastic response) well ill probably just not be able to live anymore, ill have to sell my baby so I can survive because it's not like I can get a job without him and it's not like single moms do this all the time, and do it damn well too"

sloger · December 2013

I'm married but since we had only been married a month when I got pregnant I always get the, "Didn't wait long did you?" or the, "Well that must be a honeymoon baby." People are crazy.

JuneDay2913 · December 2013

Were you pregnant at your wedding and just didn't tell anyone?!?! No!! Do the math does honeymoon baby mean anything to you! ugh!! It really doesn't matter if your married or not you get stupid questions.

sugarrush · December 2013

Im getting married this Saturday, and thankfully havent gotten any of these questions. But in my mind, since the filter has dropped off my mouth, ive thought about what id say to these questions... namely "wow, thats a big rude and personal, isnt it?"

Id like to think id use that, but who knows. We got engaged in May and found out we were expecting at about August. Marriage was already in the works!

Serenla · December 2013

Sugar Rush said:
Im getting married this Saturday, and thankfully havent gotten any of these questions. But in my mind, since the filter has dropped off my mouth, ive thought about what id say to these questions... namely "wow, thats a big rude and personal, isnt it?" Id like to think id use that, but who knows. We got engaged in May and found out we were expecting at about August. Marriage was already in the works!

Congrats sugar!

Emily041285 · December 2013

Not exactly the same questions but DH and I had been together for 7 years before we got married. And I moved halfway across the country with him during that time. Any time someone asked me what I would do if he left I would say "push him out of a moving car and collect his life insurance policy!"

olenkapdx · December 2013

Living where I do, there are a lot of people unmarried with kids so it's less of a big deal but still, yeah, I've had a couple awkward moments. Some people at work assume my SO is my husband and I don't bother to correct them. My mom had to let my 88 year old, stuck-in-the-1950s, super Roman Catholic aunt know that I was expecting and I was sooo glad I didn't have to be a part of that conversation.

kateleestar · December 2013

Vinny424 said:

Do you know you the father is, is such a rude question. I'm married so I don't face dumb questions as often (but still do) but I just feel like that peticular question warrants a response as rude like " there were a lot of Johns that month I was working the street so who the fuck knows?!?!"

On saturday I was at the mall, so I had my wedding ring cleaned... and the chick that was cleaning it asked me this. LOL. Like, sweetie, I just took that off and gave it to you... wow. I just stared at her with 'oh, honey.' look on my face. So so dumb.

ZebNMichelle · December 2013

I just always get asked... so when you getting married?
We're not getting married.
Then I get the disappointed look.
I think part of it stems from Zeb's mom refers to me as Zeb's fiancé... We're not engaged.

sking72 · December 2013

ZebNMichelle said:
I just always get asked... so when you getting married?
We're not getting married.
Then I get the disappointed look.
I think part of it stems from Zeb's mom refers to me as Zeb's fiancé... We're not engaged.

Yup I get that too. My response is always "never. We're only stuck together for 18 years"

MrsZ0811 · December 2013

I have gotten a lot of "was this planned?" Considering a lot of people think we are very young to be having a baby (We are both 23 and have been married over 2 years!) We are married and had gotten a lot of interesting questions right before and after our wedding because it was fast - we set a date in March and got married in August, some people are just so rude!

sugarrush · December 2013

Serenla said:

Im getting married this Saturday, and thankfully havent gotten any of these questions. But in my mind, since the filter has dropped off my mouth, ive thought about what id say to these questions... namely "wow, thats a big rude and personal, isnt it?" Id like to think id use that, but who knows. We got engaged in May and found out we were expecting at about August. Marriage was already in the works!
Congrats sugar!

thank ya

Im streeesssssed, but ready for the big day.

reginahcampbell · December 2013

I'm getting married on Saturday. Its soon than planned only because we didn't think we'd be able to plan a wedding and be new parents at the same time. He'd been planning to asking my since July, just trying to pick the right time/place. So after we found out about LO he decided to ask me then.

CurlieWhirlie · December 2013

I've gotten a lot of "was this planned?" But also "are you even divorced yet?" Good fluffy lord is it ever none of your business. Pregnancy makes boundaries disappear, apparently.

Sisimama10 · December 2013

We're not married intentionally. Don't plan to. I get side eyed.

Grace682 · December 2013

I get the same thing all the time! Just this past Saturday I saw a new doctor who asked how I planned to care for a child being a single parent. I said I wouldn't be a single parent because daddy is very much involved. Baby just came before marriage bit@h!!!

JoelleOK · December 2013

I'm sorry people are so rude. I think I'd rather deal with rudeness from strangers than my own family.

We've been together almost 10 years and living together most of that time. Married 5 years now. And my oh so sweet older sister asked me if this pregnancy was "on purpose". Well, our son is 2 and we've never been shy about saying that we want more kids!

I'm pretty sure she's not talking to me right now because she's convinced I got knocked up because she decided not to visit me for the holidays after promising that she would. Clearly I can get pregnant whenever I decide??!

nycgirlkat · December 2013

OMG!!! People are appalling with their intrusiveness!!! I would be mortified to even ask these questions (even if I thought them). It's none of my business!!! But then you are the rude one if you tell people it's really none of their business.

While my views tend to be a bit more on the traditional side, I am divorced and remarried so when I get judgy mcjudgerson questions I always reply with, "why would you like to know?" Only a few people I've spoken to have the stones to tell me that they are just being nosy, most of the time it's silence.

jessech89 · December 2013

MrsZ0811 said:
I have gotten a lot of "was this planned?" Considering a lot of people think we are very young to be having a baby (We are both 23 and have been married over 2 years!) We are married and had gotten a lot of interesting questions right before and after our wedding because it was fast - we set a date in March and got married in August, some people are just so rude!

Ah I forgot this one! I'm in the same boat, I'm 24 and my BF is 23. This is his second child so he's probably used to it but everyone I work with asked me if it was planned.

luvU2theMoon · December 2013

jessech89 said:

...do you get asked rather inappropriate questions by people you don't know that well? Because it's happened to me at the doctor's office, at a sport's bar, and in the mall. I get asked:

"So do you know who the father is?"
Yup, pretty damn sure.

"Well you're going to marry your boyfriend, right?"
No, we'll do it when it's right for us.

"You're a single mom? Is the father even involved?"
Not that it concerns you, but we will be coparenting.

"Aren't you afraid your boyfriend will leave you if you're not married?"
The chances of him leaving don't decrease after a walk down the aisle. Ask his ex-wife.

"Were your parents disappointed?"
Let me just clear this up, we're not teenagers. We both of good paying jobs to support ourselves. Our parents are both thrilled to have a grandkid on the way.

Please tell me I'm not the only one dealing with these kinds of people!

OMG!!!!!! i have had all those questions!! It is so frustrating to me when people ask stupid irrelevant questions! the first thing everyone asks..."Are you guys going to get married?" We have been together 6 1/2 years... if we wanted to get married dont you think we would have done that already??? Its 2013 almost 2014 people!! not everyone wants to get married! I am not going to marry him just because we have a child together. I want to marry him when i am ready. Divorce is waaay to easy for people now and i dont want to be one of those people... Our family is thrilled!! thanks for asking asshole! i am not 16 and pregnant (no offense to anyone) I am a responsible 24 almost 25 year old in a very commited long term relationship who is ready for a baby and i dont need your 100 questions on why i am not married and whether the father of my child is a dirt bag or if hes going to "commit"and marry me.

If someone asks me any of these questions now, i just return the question and say "were your parents married when they had you? were their parents dissapointed?

Sure being Married before having kids may be a better choice but it was not my choice and my child will be very grateful to grow up in a family with two parents who really love and care about eachother because they didnt rush into marriage and divorce two years later.

I seriously want to throat punch every single person that has a negative comment about non married people having kids! I also would like to TP people who have negative comments about gay people having kids...but thats a whole different topic.

jessech89 · December 2013

@luvU2theMoon I want to like your comment a thousand time! You definitely get it. It takes just as much commitment to stay in a relationship that's easy to walk out of as it does to get married and not get a divorce.

lokimau · December 2013

we get the "was this planned"
We are in our early 30's!!! No we werent neccesarily trying but we werent not trying either. Why do people care?

luvU2theMoon · December 2013

jellysparkles said:

I got all of that and more with DD1. A friend of my dad's got furious every time he saw us and we still weren't married, as he is a staunch Republican and thought we were not getting married in order to get a bigger tax refund. Sorry, asshole, we believe in deciding to get married when it is right for us, not because society is pushing us to. I dunno, I'd like to STAY married. Gah. We finally just eloped this summer... which pissed off more people. Seriously, apparently DH and I need lessons on being grown-ups, since we can't do it to other people's liking.

Someone asked me if we were waiting to get married so we could get a better refund. My response was "absolutely! is that not why all unmarried couples get married?" some people i tell ya!

Sheybre · December 2013

My grandma was so appalled that I'm pregnant before marriage that she will only refer to Dustin as my "future husband"... We aren't even engaged. Whatever makes her feel better.

BiggerinRealLife · December 2013

Gah! People are so rude! Old people I kind of give a pass to - kind of - but I just wanna yell, "Why is it your business?!?" What part of being pregnant means our lives are open for public consumption? I must have missed that chapter in What to Expect...

patunia7321 · December 2013

We are just newly married and were together for a very long time (years and years of "When are you getting married" type comments) But now we get it from the other end- "clocks ticking" "You're not getting younger" etc etc. But my absolute favorite about most comments: they tend to come from the most miserably married or miserably divorced people. Begs the comeback- Well how'd that all work out for YOU?

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