Is announcing a pregnancy at a Christmas Dinner cliche?

greenteabee · December 2013

Hi ladies!
My H and I recently found out we're pregnant with #3, our boys were born in late Jan so we're having 3u2 and I am totally freaking out but excited all the same.
Is announcing a pregnancy at Christmas Dinner cliche or trashy? When I was pregnant with my boys I had some aunts who were hurt that I told so-and-so first, so I feel that if I announce it to everyone there'll be less hurt feelings.

SGC29 · December 2013

*double post

SGC29 · December 2013

I wouldn't, but that is just me. I know that some people really enjoy telling family around the holidays. Personally all the attention being on me would make me uncomfortable. Especially when people are trying to eat, open gifts, catch up, etc.

I really think it is whatever you are comfortable with. Personal preference I guess.

JKGordon · December 2013

I plan to do it during gift time, and it's a really small gathering. I wouldn't consider dinner in my family because we all love our food, and I wouldn't want people to feel obligated to get up and hug us in the middle of a nice meal.

egyptluvsgummybears · December 2013

im telling my family at christmas, only because my mom is baby crazy and "all her friends have grandkids and they allhave babies of grandkids and all she has a picture of my pug" lol... and my whole family is wondering when im going to have a kid (all my cousins have 2-3 kids) so im going to wrap up picture frame that has to do with being grandparents and give it to my mom and dad...

Erin1510 · December 2013

I don't see a problem with it. I live almost 3,000 miles away from my family but we're flying to see them for Christmas. I'm not missing the opportunity to tell my parents in person. I can't think of a better Christmas present for them than a new grand baby!

laura308 · December 2013

Ya I agree with this. I think it totally depends on who you are around. We are telling our family at Christmas I'll be 13 weeks, but my husband & I are both the babies of our family. Our sisters & brothers all have kids & are done having kids. We are the last ones. So no one to hurt. And it's a small group. (We won't be around aunts uncles cousins etc) But if you have people in your family you think could or might be trying & don't know their story it can be upsetting for them if you aren't sure what they are going through.

hfooter · December 2013

I wouldn't do it. I don't really like being the center of attention.

However, if your family would be excited and there would be no hard feelings of you "taking over Christmas dinner" then do it.

Also, I didn't even think of people struggling. This is because I have no experience nor do I know others in my family/circle that have. So, as others pointed out, that may be something to consider as well.

Also, Christmas isn't about one particular person (unless you're religious) so it's not like you're announcing it at a birthday party, baby shower or god forbid a wedding.

Just my thoughts.

hfooter · December 2013

GhostMonkey said:

hfooter said:

I wouldn't do it. I don't really like being the center of attention.

However, if your family would be excited and there would be no hard feelings of you "taking over Christmas dinner" then do it.

Also, I didn't even think of people struggling. This is because I have no experience nor do I know others in my family/circle that have. So, as others pointed out, that may be something to consider as well.

Also, Christmas isn't about one particular person (unless you're religious) so it's not like you're announcing it at a birthday party, baby shower or god forbid a wedding.

Just my thoughts.

Bullshit, unless you know less than 8 people. And that's just for infertility. Throw in miscarriages and you have a much higher number. Most likely you do know someone, you just don't know you do.

And you're right, it's not about one person. But announcing when you have a captive audience that can't walk away is making it all about one person.

In my circle I have one friend who had one miscarriage. However, she wouldn't be offended if someone announced it at a friends/family Christmas dinner. And she doesn't consider it a fertility issue since miscarriages, as you know, are very common.

When I think of fertility issues I think of people who have had multiple misscarriages or who have taken over a year to conceive. So no, I don't know anyone in my circle with fertility issues. Maybe all my friends have just got lucky. All of them have gotten pregnant within a few months of trying.

I think everyone understands your opinion on what she wants to do. Just because you think it's a bad decision doesn't mean it would be in her case. It really depends on her family dynamics.

Kind of like gender reveal parties. Some people think they are completely AWing where as my friends begged me to have one. I declined because like I mentioned, being the center of attention really isn't my thing.

Or like second showers. In my circle this is very common and nobody side eyes them.

curlylocks3 · December 2013

hfooter said:

hfooter said:

I wouldn't do it. I don't really like being the center of attention. However, if your family would be excited and there would be no hard feelings of you "taking over Christmas dinner" then do it. Also, I didn't even think of people struggling. This is because I have no experience nor do I know others in my family/circle that have. So, as others pointed out, that may be something to consider as well. Also, Christmas isn't about one particular person (unless you're religious) so it's not like you're announcing it at a birthday party, baby shower or god forbid a wedding. Just my thoughts.

Bullshit, unless you know less than 8 people. And that's just for infertility. Throw in miscarriages and you have a much higher number. Most likely you do know someone, you just don't know you do.

And you're right, it's not about one person. But announcing when you have a captive audience that can't walk away is making it all about one person.

In my circle I have one friend who had one miscarriage. However, she wouldn't be offended if someone announced it at a friends/family Christmas dinner. And she doesn't consider it a fertility issue since miscarriages, as you know, are very common. When I think of fertility issues I think of people who have had multiple misscarriages or who have taken over a year to conceive. So no, I don't know anyone in my circle with fertility issues. Maybe all my friends have just got lucky. All of them have gotten pregnant within a few months of trying. I think everyone understands your opinion on what she wants to do. Just because you think it's a bad decision doesn't mean it would be in her case. It really depends on her family dynamics. Kind of like gender reveal parties. Some people think they are completely AWing where as my friends begged me to have one. I declined because like I mentioned, being the center of attention really isn't my thing. Or like second showers. In my circle this is very common and nobody side eyes them.

What GM is trying to say, I think, is that just because you don't know it doesn't mean its not happening. The vast majority of friends didn't know we were trying until we announced I was pregnant. If you asked them they'd probably say the same thing you did....and they would be very wrong.

hfooter · December 2013

curlylocks3 said:

hfooter said:

GhostMonkey said:

hfooter said:

I wouldn't do it. I don't really like being the center of attention.

However, if your family would be excited and there would be no hard feelings of you "taking over Christmas dinner" then do it.

Also, I didn't even think of people struggling. This is because I have no experience nor do I know others in my family/circle that have. So, as others pointed out, that may be something to consider as well.

Also, Christmas isn't about one particular person (unless you're religious) so it's not like you're announcing it at a birthday party, baby shower or god forbid a wedding.

Just my thoughts.

Bullshit, unless you know less than 8 people. And that's just for infertility. Throw in miscarriages and you have a much higher number. Most likely you do know someone, you just don't know you do.

And you're right, it's not about one person. But announcing when you have a captive audience that can't walk away is making it all about one person.

In my circle I have one friend who had one miscarriage. However, she wouldn't be offended if someone announced it at a friends/family Christmas dinner. And she doesn't consider it a fertility issue since miscarriages, as you know, are very common.

When I think of fertility issues I think of people who have had multiple misscarriages or who have taken over a year to conceive. So no, I don't know anyone in my circle with fertility issues. Maybe all my friends have just got lucky. All of them have gotten pregnant within a few months of trying.

I think everyone understands your opinion on what she wants to do. Just because you think it's a bad decision doesn't mean it would be in her case. It really depends on her family dynamics.

Kind of like gender reveal parties. Some people think they are completely AWing where as my friends begged me to have one. I declined because like I mentioned, being the center of attention really isn't my thing.

Or like second showers. In my circle this is very common and nobody side eyes them.

What GM is trying to say, I think, is that just because you don't know it doesn't mean its not happening. The vast majority of friends didn't know we were trying until we announced I was pregnant. If you asked them they'd probably say the same thing you
did....and they would be very wrong.

Oh I totally get what she is saying. But my close group of friends, 6 females, we probably know more about each other than we really want. Now if I was to say acquaintances or friends of friends that I sometimes see at gatherings, that's another story. I don't know the intimate details of their lives. So I wasn't speaking to that.

And also, this group, we were all very surprised at how lucky we have all been with getting pregnant.

Plus, there are a lot of variables we don't know that would play into how appropriate her announcing at Christmas dinner would be. Like how many people there, how close she is with her family etc.

My family Christmas dinners consist of my DH, MIL, BIL, sister and mom. So for us to announce at dinner would be more than welcomed. But if we invited my DH's extended family, I wouldn't think of it.

Artebellezzavita · December 2013

My DH and I just discovered last week that we are PG. As this will be the first grandchild for either of our parents, we want to make it special and decided that Christmas is the perfect time to do it. We didn't just want to "tell them" so we will be doing it with gifts, which we will give to each of our moms. And each of our families have gotten significantly smaller in the last few years (deaths in the family, family strife) so it will be very small this year. My MIL invited my parents over so it will just be our parents and siblings. And my aunt and cousin. And we will wait till gift giving, which should be after lunch, so excited! Frankly I can't see any reason why you shouldn't, Christmas is a family day, what better time that that to announce that there will be a new addition!

curlylocks3 · December 2013

@hfooter Then obviously your group of friends is extremely lucky. The people I was referring to are some of my closest friends- I see them at least once a week and have for 7-10 years. Just because we're close (and in many cases, know way too much about each other) doesn't mean they know everything.

*edited to get rid of the obnoxiously long quote*

hfooter · December 2013

curlylocks3 said:

@hfooter

Then obviously your group of friends is extremely lucky. The people I was referring to are some of my closest friends- I see them at least once a week and have for 7-10 years. Just because we're close (and in many cases, know way too much about each other) doesn't mean they know everything.

*edited to get rid of the obnoxiously long quote*

Yes we have been. I do know friends of friends who have had issues, but they wouldn't be at my Christmas dinner, and I think announcing at at house other than yours or a family member's where these people would be would be very weird.

And to the everything comment, sometimes my friends have an over sharing problem, it has definitely caused some riffs now and then because of this (specifically when the talk on abortion and vaccination came up).

But I wouldn't have it any other way as I am pretty open, honest and sometimes too blunt. It's easier to have friends like that when you are like that.

Manateearmz · December 2013

Looks like we have an expert on rudeness.

hfooter · December 2013

GhostMonkey said:
You do not fucking get it, do you?

Yes I fucking get it that you think it's rude and inconsiderate.

What you don't get is that not everyone thinks as you do. Just like not everyone thinks as I do for that matter.

Her family and friend dynamics can be completely different than yours and mine.

You have your opinion, I have mine. Get it?

hfooter · December 2013

LoisLayn23 said:
Your opinion that it is fine and dandy because everyone should SQUEE for the new pregly is narrowminded. A little sensitivity about the possibility of someone else struggling goes a long way.

Where did I say this?

cole1265 · December 2013

We are sending out Christmas cards announcing our pregnancy. Maybe you could do that?

cole1265 · December 2013

wife07mom09 said:
First off please watch your language that was rude. Life is about disappointments sometimes. Life is also about happiness . Yes I have dealt with infertility but never expected people to tiptoe around me. That's very self centered for someone not to share good news because they are afraid of someone else's reaction .

Op can announce privately or with her family at dinner. It isn't rude

I agree with this. I had to tip toe around my (now) sister in law with my first pregnancy. The feeling may suck to them but you can't please everyone.

Manateearmz · December 2013

I think some people lack some life skills in here.

SGC29 · December 2013

cole1265 said:

wife07mom09 said:
First off please watch your language that was rude. Life is about disappointments sometimes. Life is also about happiness . Yes I have dealt with infertility but never expected people to tiptoe around me. That's very self centered for someone not to share good news because they are afraid of someone else's reaction .

Op can announce privately or with her family at dinner. It isn't rude
I agree with this. I had to tip toe around my (now) sister in law with my first pregnancy. The feeling may suck to them but you can't please everyone.

This makes me feel very sad for your SIL. What a horribly inconsiderate and downright bitchy thing for you to say.

I'm seriously amazed at how clueless some women can be.

SGC29 · December 2013

Lacking compassion for those who have suffered a loss or had T-TTC makes you a downright twat.

Manateearmz · December 2013

I just can't even fathom taking the "sucks for you" attitude with my friends let alone my own family members. Seriously?!

curlylocks3 · December 2013

cole1265 said:

First off please watch your language that was rude. Life is about disappointments sometimes. Life is also about happiness . Yes I have dealt with infertility but never expected people to tiptoe around me. That's very self centered for someone not to share good news because they are afraid of someone else's reaction . Op can announce privately or with her family at dinner. It isn't rude
I agree with this. I had to tip toe around my (now) sister in law with my first pregnancy. The feeling may suck to them but you can't please everyone.

That doesn't mean you can't do what you can to keep from hurting someone else- either intentionally or inadvertently.

livkight · December 2013

It sounds like you're having a small-ish/family centric dinner with people who would LOVE to hear from you directly that you're expecting. Your question was whether this is cliche-- and I think that while it's been done before, it's a great way to announce to your family. I think it would be totally appropriate to announce it at Christmas-- during gifts or dinner, whichever you prefer.

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