Unexpected pregnancy

moores2015 · December 2013

Hello all,

I am 24 and just found out that I am pregnant. I'm currently a student and unemployed. Meaning I don't have insurance. I am overwhelmed with looking for insurance and I don't know what all that I need. I am currently looking for internships and I do not want to stop school because of this. I am almost done with my masters degree. This pregnancy is coming at the worst time possible. I need any advice, similar stories, or encouragement anyone can give me.

Jags8 · December 2013

Hello! I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed with this unexpected surprise. I do not have any kids yet. However, as for insurance, can you go sign up for insurance through the Marketplace? That's what DH and I had to do since we lost his insurance when he got out of the military. With the Affordable Health Care Act, all of the insurance plans have to cover maternity (and any other pre-existing conditions).

Is the father around that he can help out with expenses and raising the child? Do you have a supportive family that can help out in any way? I wouldn't want to quit school yet either. When is the baby due, and when are you done with school?

toribrite · December 2013

Also, I'm not sure what state you live in, but many (all?) will give medicaid to pregnant women.

soontobemrsbuccheri · December 2013

toribrite said:

Also, I'm not sure what state you live in, but many (all?) will give medicaid to pregnant women.

I agree. Medicaid will work. It covers everything with little to no co-pay from your pocket. Check it out. It's also good after the baby is born too. Also, sign up for WIC (Women Infants and Children). It'll help with milk, eggs, bread, formula, etc.

Kristinmo · December 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

toribrite said:

Also, I'm not sure what state you live in, but many (all?) will give medicaid to pregnant women.

I agree. Medicaid will work. It covers everything with little to no co-pay from your pocket. Check it out. It's also good after the baby is born too. Also, sign up for WIC (Women Infants and Children). It'll help with milk, eggs, bread, formula, etc.

Agree with all of this. Hugs to you.

moores2015 · December 2013

Hi! Thanks for the reply! He is around and I'll have the support of him and his family as well as mine. Everyone's excited pretty much but me and him because were so scared. I haven't been to a dr yet since I don't have insurance but I calculated it and i should be due aug 11. This kind of sucks because most internships start in July or August and school starts in august. My mom is willing to put me on her insurance but you have to be a full time student and I don't have enough classes left to take to be full time. I tried looking at the marketplace and this thing on DHS's website called mommies and babies which covers the pregnancy and the child. I just found out Friday so waiting until Monday to get all the info I need is killing me.

barely · December 2013

I know it might not seem like it right now...but being pregnant is truly a blessing. You'll figure it out and 5 years down the road, while it might be difficult, you probably won't want to change it for the world. Good luck

moores2015 · December 2013

Thank you! I live in Illinois

moores2015 · December 2013

Thank you! I love in Illinois

bugandbibs · December 2013

Good luck to you. Please check out Medicaid and WIC. If you can, try to stay in school- going back is really hard and many don't. Struggling through it now, may make for a better future.

DebateThis · December 2013

moores2015 said:

Thank you! I love in Illinois

Call your Gyn. You will not need to use the Marketplace to get immediate/emergency insurance in IL - the Medicaid program is called AllKids/Healthy Women: https://www2.illinois.gov/hfs/MedicalCustomers/MaternalandChildHealthPromotion/Pages/healthy_births.aspx

Good luck to you. You sound like you have your head on your shoulders and a good support network around you and I wish you all the best.

Jags8 · December 2013

Barely5feet said:

I know it might not seem like it right now...but being pregnant is truly a blessing. You'll figure it out and 5 years down the road, while it might be difficult, you probably won't want to change it for the world. Good luck

Maybe if you have been wanting it, or or ready for it. It is not a blessing if you have no insurance or financial stability (or any much worse circumstances, such as a result of rape). I'm not saying that every unplanned pregnancy is a horrible thing...but it is not a "blessing" in every case. Not only is this comment unhelpful, but it's kind of rude.

cleaneatingmama · December 2013

I agree others - call your state and find assistance! You have 9 months before the baby is born - stay focused on your school and get as much done as you can! It will work out in the end

You didn't mention the father in the OP but I hope he can help financially, emotionally, etc.

Best of luck to you and wishing you a very healthy, happy pregnancy! XxOo

barely · December 2013

I don't find it rude at all, its called being supportive. Letting her know that things will be difficult, but they will be alright. Every child is a blessing. I know many who have been pregnant very young (including my sister) and it was very difficult at first, but they all did what they needed to do to make it work and are all in a place now where they wouldn't trade their child for anything. I don't know her exact situation, but I know she has schooling behind her and can get help from government programs if needed.

Jags8 said:

Barely5feet said:

I know it might not seem like it right now...but being pregnant is truly a blessing. You'll figure it out and 5 years down the road, while it might be difficult, you probably won't want to change it for the world. Good luck

Maybe if you have been wanting it, or or ready for it. It is not a blessing if you have no insurance or financial stability (or any much worse circumstances, such as a result of rape). I'm not saying that every unplanned pregnancy is a horrible thing...but it is not a "blessing" in every case. Not only is this comment unhelpful, but it's kind of rude.

moores2015 · December 2013

Thank you for the encouragement. I do believe in blessings so I'm sure this is a blessing in disguise!

Jags8 · December 2013

@Barely5feet why the heck did you flag my comment about getting insurance through Marketplace?

barely · December 2013

@jags8 I didn't even realize I had? Using a tablet so sometimes things get clicked accidentally, sorry!

Jags8 · December 2013

I've never flagged or been flagged, but I've heard that if you press "love it" on that same post, it will get rid of the flag

barely · December 2013

Ok @ghostmonkey, whatever you say.

barely · December 2013

@jags8... Done! Sorry about that.

barely · December 2013

@MandJs ok, so lets sit here and make someone feel worse by saying "omg this is soooo awful. Your life might never be ok" because that is SO helpful and not rude at all. Lol.

DebateThis · December 2013

MandJS said:

Barely5feet said:

@MandJs ok, so lets sit here and make someone feel worse by saying "omg this is soooo awful. Your life might never be ok" because that is SO helpful and not rude at all. Lol.

No one is saying that. ALL that was said to YOU was that you should be more cognizant of your choice of words.

Say the same thing but phrased as "I hope it will be a blessing" rather than "It will be a blessing". See? Sentiment is sent, but you're not making promises you can't keep, nor are you risking offending someone.

Try it this way. Many of the gals on here have trouble TTC. You could say "It'll happen when it's supposed to" or "God has a plan" which is rude and condescending because - what if it NEVER happens? Then what? That fucking sucks. What if the person doesn't believe in God? Etc. OR you can say "I hope you get KU soon". Which gives the same sentiment you're trying to convey - empathy. But. And this is the important part - WITHOUT the risk of making someone feel worse.

Yup, ditto. Not to mention the inherent guilt you foist on someone by telling them that every pregnancy is a blessing. OP and anyone else facing an unplanned pregnancy (or, hell, even some planned ones) has every right to feel decidedly NOT blessed. Pregnancies can screw up a lot of things and anyone in OP's shoes should not be made to feel like she has to be 100% happy about it all the time. There are also pregnancies that are as far from a blessing as you can get (the 11 yo Chilean survivor of rape, pregnant by her mother's boyfriend, who was just in the news comes to mind).

Even after years of infertility and knowing full well how lucky I am, there were certainly moments when I sure as hell did not feel "blessed" to be pregnant. It's hard and scary and overwhelming; don't trivialize those emotions - pick your words more carefully, Barely5Feet.

barely · December 2013

I said, and I quote "it might not seem like it right now". Op seems to have no issue so what is yours? Guess some people just like picking meaningless fights on the Internet.

DebateThis · December 2013

Barely5feet said:

I said, and I quote "it might not seem like it right now". Op seems to have no issue so what is yours? Guess some people just like picking meaningless fights on the Internet.

It's not meaningless when you spout off religious babble that is neither true nor helpful and can make someone feel terrible. It's an empty platitude to make yourself feel better instead of offering true empathy.

Or, you know, read MandJS's post.

barely · December 2013

@ghostmonkey are you quoting something I never actually said...uhh...lol. I wouldn't consider it "nicely" put, but to each her own I suppose. It is the Internet, where lots of things get lost in translation and I think you all are taking my post way out of context. I think there are plenty of rude things said on here by you all and I don't feel the need to reprimand you all for every comment I might take the wrong way.

barely · December 2013

Perhaps I did word things wrong. It's hard to hear people upset about their pregnancy when that is all that you have ever wanted and its not happening for you. I'm sure some of you if not most or all can relate. But in any case it wasn't meant to be offensive at all.

DebateThis · December 2013

Barely5feet said:

@ghostmonkey are you quoting something I never actually said...uhh...lol. I wouldn't consider it "nicely" put, but to each her own I suppose. It is the Internet, where lots of things get lost in translation and I think you all are taking my post way out of context. I think there are plenty of rude things said on here by you all and I don't feel the need to reprimand you all for every comment I might take the wrong way.

Welcome to the internet. There are a few things you should learn. One is that you should pick your words carefully because they carry more weight and meaning than IRL because there are no other forms of communication (such as body language or tone of voice) to confirm what might be an otherwise innocuous comment.

The next is that you need to realize that this board attracts a wide variety of people and you should accept criticism when it's handed to you. Your words were childish and useless; your continued dismissal of MULTIPLE people telling you so is ridiculous. Put on your big girl panties and admit that you had a really shitty word choice and move on.

And since I just saw your update, you'd better not be playing the "TTC is haaaard so everyone should feel blessed by a baby!!!" card. You've been TTC for seven months without any knowledge of your cycle, which is NOT a long time- to expect someone else to be doing cartwheels over an unplanned pregnancy just bc you haven't gotten knocked up super fast is asinine.

barely · December 2013

No one is expecting anyone to do "cartwheels over an unplanned pregnancy" I said it can be frustrating for ME to see people who aren't wanting to/expecting to be pregnant get pregnant and be unhappy about, but i also completely understand, especially since my own sister was pregnant at a very young age. I simply stated that someday, she probably will feel it was a blessing and not want to change it although things might be difficult. I haven't been rude or demeaning to you @debatethis and I suggest that you treat people how you would want to be treated. I openly admitted I may have worded things wrong so why are you jumping down my throat STILL?

DebateThis · December 2013

Barely5feet said:

No one is expecting anyone to do "cartwheels over an unplanned pregnancy" I said it can be frustrating for ME to see people who aren't wanting to/expecting to be pregnant get pregnant and be unhappy about, but i also completely understand, especially since my own sister was pregnant at a very young age. I simply stated that someday, she probably will feel it was a blessing and not want to change it although things might be difficult. I haven't been rude or demeaning to you @debatethis and I suggest that you treat people how you would want to be treated. I openly admitted I may have worded things wrong so why are you jumping down my throat STILL?

No, you made half-assed excuses. "maybe I worded things poorly bc she's pregnant and I want to be so she totally should be grateful" is not "oops, you're right, I didn't realize how badly that comment came across and I won't say it again!"

I am not jumping down your throat and I'm treating you exactly how I'd treat anyone IRL who made such stupid comments. I'd absolutely tell my mother or friend how stupid and hurtful such comments can be, and I have. After years of infertility you either get real good at biting your tongue at stupid comments, or you get real good at pointing out to people how stupid their comments are.

You spoke with no malice, but sometimes the most flippant comments hurt the most, and for the thousandth time you should learn from your poor choice of words so you don't use the same ones in the future.

barely · December 2013

There you go again quoting things that were never said in any way, shape or form. You're assuming things that aren't true...never said she should be grateful, I said someday she might be. Grow up. Goodbye!

barely · December 2013

No, it's not. But I was offering insight into why I might have come off that way.

DebateThis · December 2013

Barely5feet said:

No, it's not. But I was offering insight into why I might have come off that way.

Your "insight" does not matter. Your jealousy over a situation that doesn't affect you has colored your comments and made you look like a petty child. HTH.

moores2015 · December 2013

Thank you! I've applied for a medical card so hopefully I can get that taken care of.

SmileyJay · December 2013

If you are an unemployed pregnant student, you should qualify for a state medicaid program to cover your pregnancy and to give your infant insurance.

This is a hard situation, but not impossible. Work on finding a job and finishing college. Use the next 9 months to prepare yourself the best you can. Don't feel guilty if you need help from friends and family. If you don't have a job, where are you living? If it is a possibility, try to reduce your costs by living back at home or something and not living on student loans. You will have to repay loans and you will have a small child when you do so... not a good situation.

If you have to put school on hold to get a steady job, that is probably the route to go. Or if you have family that can offer child care while you work and go to school. How much longer until you finish college?

Best of luck. Head over to this blog and read as much as you can. It is written for women just like you... www.earlymama.com

moores2015 · December 2013

Thanks! My boyfriends parents are retired and my grandmother babysits so child care is covered. I love with my sister now. I'm definitely going to check out that website.

Twinkie0612 · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

GhostMonkey said:

Retired =/= free daycare. My mom is retired. No way in hell would I ask her to give up the free time she has earned to watch my kid for free.

Devil's advocate here. My mom is retired as well and offered to watch DS a couple days a week. More than that and she would probably collapse. She said it gives her something to look forward to each week. Maybe that's the case for OP.

Could be, but "My mom is retired and has offered to watch the baby" and "My mom is retired so child care is covered" are two different statements.

moores2015 · December 2013

Well for my situation they reassured us it was no problem. So these extra comments are kind of ridiculous. Go back and read my original message. I was seeking advice and encouragement. if you can not offer that then please do not continue to comment.

moores2015 · December 2013

uconnhuskie007 said:

jeez louise are there some cranky biznatches on here picking fights about who knows what and everything else in between. Meow.
Good luck OP.

Thank you! I couldnt have said it better myself! Im a young newly pregnant mom, I dont need any negative vibes and I did not come on here to deal with negativity.

DebateThis · December 2013

moores2015 said:

Well for my situation they reassured us it was no problem. So these extra comments are kind of ridiculous. Go back and read my original message. I was seeking advice and encouragement. if you can not offer that then please do not continue to comment.

Just an FYI: you don't get to dictate the responses you get to things you post on the internet. I think you got plenty of solid advice and encouragement. Stick around and wear your big girl undies and I'm sure you'll get plenty more, assuming you don't post offensive drivel like some of the other newbies around here. You're a grad student and 24, hardly a "young" mom or someone who I'd expect can't hold her own.

moores2015 · December 2013

DebateThis said:

moores2015 said:

Well for my situation they reassured us it was no problem. So these extra comments are kind of ridiculous. Go back and read my original message. I was seeking advice and encouragement. if you can not offer that then please do not continue to comment.

Just an FYI: you don't get to dictate the responses you get to things you post on the internet. I think you got plenty of solid advice and encouragement. Stick around and wear your big girl undies and I'm sure you'll get plenty more, assuming you don't post offensive drivel like some of the other newbies around here. You're a grad student and 24, hardly a "young" mom or someone who I'd expect can't hold her own.

True I don't control what people do on the internet. however, you could control yourself and not give an opinion that is unwarranted. you could find another post to comment on you dont have to choose to post on this one. Opinions and sound advice are two different things, and sound advice is not what everyone is choosing to give. I put my big girl panties on to let you all know that I dont not like the negativity on my post.

moores2015 · December 2013

GhostMonkey said:

JFC.

Seriously, get a fucking grip. Reality isn't sunshine and rainbows. God forbid someone point that out for you.

Ill be praying for the people that have to deal with you in real life because you seem like a nasty overly opinionated person. Some people love to hide behind the safety of their computers and say whatever flies out of their mouths. How sad.

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