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My husband replaced me with porn.

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Re: My husband replaced me with porn.

  • Rach7170Rach7170 member
    alextapia01 said:
    I was defending women who have multiple partners as maybe they have emotional scars.
    Um...no! I do not have emotional scars and I have had multiple partners. It is to do with your lifestyles and belief system. Not emotional scars, FFS
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  • alextapia01alextapia01 member
    This is a form where people can express theirselves freely.. Why your so amped on this topic Idk. I've voiced my opinion I'm not senselessly arguing.
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    Also, because you're free to voice your opinion, we also have the freedom to point out that you're so very very wrong. 

    YOLO.  

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    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • alextapia01alextapia01 member
    CinemaGoddess said:

    Also, because you're free to voice your opinion, we also have the freedom to point out that you're so very very wrong. 


    YOLO.  
    That's an argument you'll be having with yourself YOLO ;-)
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  • cobi166cobi166 member
    LuckyDad said:
    I feel sympathetic for any woman whose husband legitimately chooses porn over sexual intimacy with her. To me that signals a real problem in a relationship that should be addressed and dealt with.

    That said, unless your sex drives are perfectly matched, in almost every relationship someone is probably going to feel like they aren't getting enough. Porn and erotica can be useful safety valves to let off some of that energy when one's partner isn't in the mood. Like alcohol there is healthy use but also potential for abuse.
    Very well said, especially during pregnancy when sex drives for both men and women may or may not be exactly "normal" for either of them for multiple ligitimate reasons.

     

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  • HurleySeHurleySe member
    I don't see it as issue. You should watch it with him. Maybe it will spice up your sex life. 
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Would you guys be ok with your husbands telling you not to watch something because it makes him uncomfortable?  

    "I really don't want you watching James Bond movies because Daniel Craig is more cut than I am."  


    Nudity in movies is one thing, porn is completely different.  Sorry luv, you can't compare a James Bond movie to Debbie does Dallas.  
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    edited December 2013
    shaunessa said:
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Would you guys be ok with your husbands telling you not to watch something because it makes him uncomfortable?  

    "I really don't want you watching James Bond movies because Daniel Craig is more cut than I am."  


    Nudity in movies is one thing, porn is completely different.  Sorry luv, you can't compare a James Bond movie to Debbie does Dallas.  
    But the whole reason people (at least in this thread) don't like porn is because those images are replacing the wife in the husband's head.  Ostensibly because the wife no longer has the body she previously had and might not be as desirable to her husband as she was pre-pregnancy. 

    If the wife has a thing for Daniel Craig and it's making the husband insecure because the husband has gained weight or is out of shape, should the wife stop watching Daniel Craig movies because the husband feels bad?*

    Does that make more sense?

    *ETA - because the husband is throwing a fit about it.  Not because the wife came to this conclusion on her own.  

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    How many women read 50 Shades of Gray?  
    nope, never did. Probably never will. 
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    Darbie914 said:
    shaunessa said:
    Not a porn fan.  They disgust me.  My hubby had this thing for a while, but when he noticed how trashy it could be he gave it up.  Not to mention how pissed off I'd get.  Sure he watches movies with boobies in them, but he knows not to get off.  He can work up an appetite anywhere, but that mofo is eating at home!
    I'm genuinely curious as to how you prevent your DH from getting off to images in his mind.  How do enforce that?  
    by telling him Jesus is watching :)
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    shaunessa said:
    Darbie914 said:
    shaunessa said:
    Not a porn fan.  They disgust me.  My hubby had this thing for a while, but when he noticed how trashy it could be he gave it up.  Not to mention how pissed off I'd get.  Sure he watches movies with boobies in them, but he knows not to get off.  He can work up an appetite anywhere, but that mofo is eating at home!
    I'm genuinely curious as to how you prevent your DH from getting off to images in his mind.  How do enforce that?  
    by telling him Jesus is watchin
    CinemaGoddess said:
    shaunessa said:
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Would you guys be ok with your husbands telling you not to watch something because it makes him uncomfortable?  

    "I really don't want you watching James Bond movies because Daniel Craig is more cut than I am."  


    Nudity in movies is one thing, porn is completely different.  Sorry luv, you can't compare a James Bond movie to Debbie does Dallas.  
    But the whole reason people (at least in this thread) don't like porn is because those images are replacing the wife in the husband's head.  Ostensibly because the wife no longer has the body she previously had and might not be as desirable to her husband as she was pre-pregnancy. 

    If the wife has a thing for Daniel Craig and it's making the husband insecure because the husband has gained weight or is out of shape, should the wife stop watching Daniel Craig movies because the husband feels bad?*

    Does that make more sense?

    *ETA - because the husband is throwing a fit about it.  Not because the wife came to this conclusion on her own.  
    Yes, you completely make sense.  But if my husband became a fat boy and didn't want me watching chip n' dales, I would completely sympathize with him.  I would not watch, out of respect for him because I love him. 
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    So you would let your husband's physical appearance dictate what you did or did not watch?  

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Chip 'n Dales = Chipmunks

    Chippendales = Strippers.


    Haha!  Thanks for the correction!  And if he was feeling down and uncomfortable...yes i would.  And yes, I do have a thing for Disney Characters.  My husband dressed up as Mr. Incredible one year....hubba hubba!!!
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    justAphase said:
    What if my husband is an atheist?
    what if?  I dunno, figure it out. That's your deal, not mine sista!
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  • Rae1105Rae1105 member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Rae1105 said:
    shaunessa said:
    Darbie914 said:
    shaunessa said:
    Not a porn fan.  They disgust me.  My hubby had this thing for a while, but when he noticed how trashy it could be he gave it up.  Not to mention how pissed off I'd get.  Sure he watches movies with boobies in them, but he knows not to get off.  He can work up an appetite anywhere, but that mofo is eating at home!
    I'm genuinely curious as to how you prevent your DH from getting off to images in his mind.  How do enforce that?  
    by telling him Jesus is watching :)
    OH. Makes sense.  Does Jesus watch when you bone too? He is allowed to get off then? I am genuinely curious.
    Only if Mary Magdalene says he can. 
    Well that makes sense, all things considering....


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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    You are all wayyyyyy too serious about this whole porn issue.  Look if he does squeeze one out every once in a while, thats his deal.  I don't care to know.  HOWEVER, we do not watch together or own any sort of XXX material.  We work the same hours, so the only time he could really squeeze one out is at 5am in the morning when he's showering.  And I doubt he does that b/c he's frankly lazy.  Now that I'm pregnant, and my sex drive is low...we resort to other things.  Anything else you'd like to know?  
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    shaunessa said:
    You are all wayyyyyy too serious about this whole porn issue.  Look if he does squeeze one out every once in a while, thats his deal.  I don't care to know.  HOWEVER, we do not watch together or own any sort of XXX material.  We work the same hours, so the only time he could really squeeze one out is at 5am in the morning when he's showering.  And I doubt he does that b/c he's frankly lazy.  Now that I'm pregnant, and my sex drive is low...we resort to other things.  Anything else you'd like to know?  
    Or at work. 

    Or in the middle of the night. 

    Or when he's taking a "30 minute poop". 

    People are not up in arms about the porn.  They're up in arms about being told they're emotionally damaged because they have sex with more than one person. 

    We're also laughing at the idea of Jesus giving a damn about whether or not someone has an unauthorized orgasm.  He would be all "Bitch, please.  I have too much legitimate stuff I'm dealing with to have any time for this nonsense."  
    ha, if he jacked off at work that would be hilarious.  I'd call him a doofus for that one!

    Quit trying to argue, geez.  What works for one, might not work for all.  And the whole Jesus thing was a joke.  Like i said wayyyyyyyy too serious!!!!
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    shaunessa said:
    CinemaGoddess said:
    shaunessa said:
    You are all wayyyyyy too serious about this whole porn issue.  Look if he does squeeze one out every once in a while, thats his deal.  I don't care to know.  HOWEVER, we do not watch together or own any sort of XXX material.  We work the same hours, so the only time he could really squeeze one out is at 5am in the morning when he's showering.  And I doubt he does that b/c he's frankly lazy.  Now that I'm pregnant, and my sex drive is low...we resort to other things.  Anything else you'd like to know?  
    Or at work. 

    Or in the middle of the night. 

    Or when he's taking a "30 minute poop". 

    People are not up in arms about the porn.  They're up in arms about being told they're emotionally damaged because they have sex with more than one person. 

    We're also laughing at the idea of Jesus giving a damn about whether or not someone has an unauthorized orgasm.  He would be all "Bitch, please.  I have too much legitimate stuff I'm dealing with to have any time for this nonsense."  
    ha, if he jacked off at work that would be hilarious.  I'd call him a doofus for that one!

    Quit trying to argue, geez.  What works for one, might not work for all.  And the whole Jesus thing was a joke.  Like i said wayyyyyyyy too serious!!!!
    Or you could be backtracking because you know you look really weird right now.  
    Thats exactly what it is!  Damn, you figured me out.  
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  • sunnidazze12sunnidazze12 member
    My biggest problem is he replaced me with porn . If he looked at porn but still had sex with me that's one thing. But I got replaced. I also have a huge problem with how he had no problem getting it up & finishing when we were baby making because he obviously had to figure out a way to finish & now that I think of it he was always upstairs in his office and then came downstairs ready to go. Wonder what he was looking at to get pumped up & then to admit he not only thought of the porn stars he just was looking at in order to finish but also asked me to dirty talk and when I watched a clip of what he was watching the words she was saying was the words he wanted me to say. Can u imagine? This was our baby making???

    I'm repulsed by him. I don't understand it. And I can't help but feel like the absolute ugliest piece of shit.

    And now what? Now I should go to counciling & he should stop his porn habit so then he's forced to have sex with me? Um, no thanks. First off, I refuse to be second to porn. I cant imagine knowing that he quit porn so NOW hes physically able to have sex with Me? Secondly, I don't want his dirty mind & hands to ever touch me again. Just thinking of him having sex with me is an awful thought-- the whole time id be thinking-- so who's the porn star on your mind right now?

    Our intimacy is ruined. And I honestly have no desire to live the rest of my life celebrit, but what's my choice? Knowing he's nasty & I can't trust him I still love him. ive had 16 amazing years with him, hes my highschool sweetheart and he is the father if my 2 sons. What a disaster. I feel ruined.

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  • NoelMarieFreyNoelMarieFrey member
    sunnidazze12 said:
    My biggest problem is he replaced me with porn . If he looked at porn but still had sex with me that's one thing. But I got replaced. I also have a huge problem with how he had no problem getting it up & finishing when we were baby making because he obviously had to figure out a way to finish & now that I think of it he was always upstairs in his office and then came downstairs ready to go. Wonder what he was looking at to get pumped up & then to admit he not only thought of the porn stars he just was looking at in order to finish but also asked me to dirty talk and when I watched a clip of what he was watching the words she was saying was the words he wanted me to say. Can u imagine? This was our baby making??? I'm repulsed by him. I don't understand it. And I can't help but feel like the absolute ugliest piece of shit. And now what? Now I should go to counciling & he should stop his porn habit so then he's forced to have sex with me? Um, no thanks. First off, I refuse to be second to porn. I cant imagine knowing that he quit porn so NOW hes physically able to have sex with Me? Secondly, I don't want his dirty mind & hands to ever touch me again. Just thinking of him having sex with me is an awful thought-- the whole time id be thinking-- so who's the porn star on your mind right now? Our intimacy is ruined. And I honestly have no desire to live the rest of my life celebrit, but what's my choice? Knowing he's nasty & I can't trust him I still love him. ive had 16 amazing years with him, hes my highschool sweetheart and he is the father if my 2 sons. What a disaster. I feel ruined.
    I do feel sincerely bad for the situation you are in, and if this isn't something you think you can get over, then there is only a couple more options from here on out.  Whatever you decide is up to you, but like I said, i am sorry your going through this.  If you don't want to do counselling then so be it, but it wouldn't hurt to maybe try?  

    Either way, no one should have to go through something like what you are.  I hope things can be resolved one way, or another.
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  • sunnidazze12sunnidazze12 member
    Thank you. I will probably end up in counciling to at least support him if that what he wants/needs. I just don't know if he does go to counciling & does quit porn, then what? He explodes? I really don't want a councilor telling me to have sex with him. I will forgive him, I just don't want to have sex with him again. I also don't want our marriage to end, but I know a marriage without sex doesn't work. I'm so confused. Thanks for listening.
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  • shaunessashaunessa member
    sunnidazze12 said:
    My biggest problem is he replaced me with porn . If he looked at porn but still had sex with me that's one thing. But I got replaced. I also have a huge problem with how he had no problem getting it up & finishing when we were baby making because he obviously had to figure out a way to finish & now that I think of it he was always upstairs in his office and then came downstairs ready to go. Wonder what he was looking at to get pumped up & then to admit he not only thought of the porn stars he just was looking at in order to finish but also asked me to dirty talk and when I watched a clip of what he was watching the words she was saying was the words he wanted me to say. Can u imagine? This was our baby making??? I'm repulsed by him. I don't understand it. And I can't help but feel like the absolute ugliest piece of shit. And now what? Now I should go to counciling & he should stop his porn habit so then he's forced to have sex with me? Um, no thanks. First off, I refuse to be second to porn. I cant imagine knowing that he quit porn so NOW hes physically able to have sex with Me? Secondly, I don't want his dirty mind & hands to ever touch me again. Just thinking of him having sex with me is an awful thought-- the whole time id be thinking-- so who's the porn star on your mind right now? Our intimacy is ruined. And I honestly have no desire to live the rest of my life celebrit, but what's my choice? Knowing he's nasty & I can't trust him I still love him. ive had 16 amazing years with him, hes my highschool sweetheart and he is the father if my 2 sons. What a disaster. I feel ruined.
    I feel for you.  And I'm sorry, you're in this situation.  But try not to address the issue right away.   Focus on your baby and the happiness that will bring you.  He'll come around and say he's sorry or he messed up by replacing you.  You feel betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust the most.  But if you don't want to try therapy, the only thing you can do is wait.  Wait to see if he chooses you or the porn.   The upside to this is that at least it was porn.  It was not another woman.  But don't tell him that.  I'm sure he loves you and didn't intentionally mean to hurt you.  This whole thread got caught up on if its right or wrong, how you should join and watch too, etc.  Its pretty clear you don't like it or agree with it.  The only advice I can offer is that you guys get therapy, talk it out and explain each others wants/needs, or just wait it out.  Best of luck and don't feel like crap.  I'm sure you're an amazing beautiful Mom.
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    sunnidazze12 said:
    Thank you. I will probably end up in counciling to at least support him if that what he wants/needs. I just don't know if he does go to counciling & does quit porn, then what? He explodes? I really don't want a councilor telling me to have sex with him. I will forgive him, I just don't want to have sex with him again. I also don't want our marriage to end, but I know a marriage without sex doesn't work. I'm so confused. Thanks for listening.
    I'm still confused as to why porn is a deal breaker for you now.  Did you think he wasn't watching porn before?  Has he done this throughout your other pregnancies?  

    I agree with stepping back and taking a deep breath about this.  This is a big big big decision to make, and it will not just affect you as a person.  You've got hormones going bonkers inside your brain and body right now and those pesky jerks might be causing your brain to process things oddly.  

    Don't give up on your marriage right now.  Give it some time and talk to your husband.  No decisions have to be made this minute.  

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • sunnidazze12sunnidazze12 member
    I hope I am being dramatic. I hope in a few days I can say, everything's not as bad as I thought. But honestly in this very moment this is exactly how I feel. I feel a serious loss in trust & a death of intimacy which is something I want, need, crave & dont want to live without. Every night i had a hope that he'd touch me. He wouldnt. i tried to, hed push me away, say hes tired. what rejection. That probably does sound dramatic, but this is how I feel right now in this moment. i want my husband to want ME. To be so into ME, just ME. Not have to think of others in order to finish or not want me at all cause he's busy with porn stars.
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  • sunnidazze12sunnidazze12 member
    And I meant to ask you- how do u know it doesn't lie within me personally? What if the changes in my body from the last baby makes him not want me? What if it is me!
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