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3rd Trimester
sunnidazze12
member
My husband replaced me with porn.
sunnidazze12
member
Today I found out why I haven't been touched in 4 months. He kept saying he didnt want to hurt the baby. The truth is that it turns out I've been replaced with XXX videos & images.
I'm heartbroken. I feel betrayed, ugly, and my trust is gone.
Is there anyone out there that can relate?
I'm heartbroken. I feel betrayed, ugly, and my trust is gone.
Is there anyone out there that can relate?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My husband replaced me with porn.
If you do talk about it, you can either expect one of 4 things (in my opinion) 1. He stops knowing how much it bothers you. 2. He lies and just keeps up his search history better. 3. You both compromise and find a solution that works for both of you. Or 4. You learn to accept it and not let it bother you.
With that said, I personally chose to accept it and not let it bother me... I dnt know a single guy who doesn't watch porn... its easily accessible, it turns men on, and its about their favorite subject. After talking to my dh about it, he understood that it bothered me and he stopped for a while but then got back at it. He told me that it doesn't in any way replace our sex life and that nothing compares to a woman's vagina.
I'm not trying to stick up for your dh, but I'm sharing my experience and perspective. The only way to fix the situation is to talk about itand compromise.
I understand you are feeling vulnerable & hurt, but I also think you are over reacting. Have you talked to your husband?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I can't help but feel like the ugliest, worthless, piece of crap.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Redpeppah- I wish.
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A
Not trying to push my views on anyone, but sometimes it's not a bad thing. Adding it in the bedroom every once and a while keeps things interesting and changes it up. The problem arises when it happens too often, and you can't be intimate alone anymore.
Can't wait to tell him he has issues when he comes home.
Why do you find this hilarious?
I'm with you here.
But not here. Too far.
OP, I'm sorry. That sounds really tough. This part especially.
It doesn't sound like you have a moral objection to porn, though that is ok if you do. You're allowed to object to that in your relationship. And it's understandable that porn is hurtful to you especially while feeling like your body is changing. It's going to be up to your Dh to decide to get some help. Until then, all you can do is help yourself. I hope it helps to hear that your body is so much better than the most stimulating porn. You are real, you respond, you are the full and complete sexual experience. Dh's best jerk off to porn is only ever just him looking at a 2-D screen that's a fake, polished caricature of a woman, who doesn't even know he's a live and is probably faking the whole experience for the paycheck. It's so detatched from the real thing. I hope it changes but in the mean time, do what you have to do to minimize the impact on your self esteem as little as possible.
*sighs* at no point should anyone watch images or pictures that are degrading to humans period. You have bought in to the whole thing it's ok to masturbate. Secondly women who have multiple partners are referred to as whores, home wreckers well they do it because their trying to fill the void that I don't expect someone with your close minded ness to understand. Any therapist will tell you that.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
I think PP's have said it best already that there is a difference between an addiction & someone who simply enjoys watching it here & there. Men, typically, are very stimulated by things they see. Women, typically, by things they feel. We are just different! - which is normal. To the extent we take things is where you cross the line of addiction and/or respect to your partner.
I used to struggle more with MH & his enjoyment of watching it, & still sometimes do. Since he finally upgraded to a smart phone, his phone has really been his best friend. I felt very similar to how you described your feelings. We had terrible fights over it. (We were much younger/immature & he is a very head strong independant man personality type. Both of us with lack of life experience in mature long-term relationships.) I also had low self-esteem to begin with. So it really affected me. I frequently felt I "wasn't enough."
Things have gotten better over the years as we both grew up. Not to say it never comes up as an issue, but it is better. I can handle him looking at whatever as long as he isn't downloading video after video taking up memory on our computer. He doesn't keep stacks of magazines anymore or hang up posters that make me feel uncomfortable. I accept more that his need to look doesn't mean he loves me less. The only time it comes up as an issue is when he brings up things he wants to try & I am not on board with the idea. (After the 10th time of me saying no - it causes an issue for me. )
If he is admitting to an addiction, as you say, counseling is probably the right choice for the 2 of you. Both of you have things to get across to the other so you can both understand each other. Each of you have different needs from the other one for a happy relationship & those needs are individual to you & your H. My needs from my H & his needs from me are not going to be the exact same as every other couple. Counseling can help with that part as well.
My 2 December boys
Mom to Carter (6), and Calianne (1).
Proud VBAC, natural birth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering momma!
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Looking at pornography is normal. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less. I'd say the majority of the guys watching porn would NOT want the mother of their children doing half the stuff other women do in porn. Porn satifies because it's vicarious, anonymous and they can get into it without judgment. Your partner shouldn't have to feel ashamed about watching porn.
Counseling is an option, but I think talking with your partner about his desires can often inspire solutions. If things in the bedroom have been a tad vanilla or nonexisitent, then you both need to put forth an effort to try new things and spice it up. Just talking with my husband about our fantasies is enough for us to get into the bedroom and feel that we're connecting sexually where we both need it.
That said, porn can be taken to extremes, and some men may feel ashamed of the kind of porn they're into or what kind of urges they have. If it's affecting your relationship and you sex life, then there may be a problem there. If you both feel a particular fantasy or urge is dangerous, immoral or not normal, counseling is likely the best route to ensure you're both understanding what these urges mean for your relationship. If his particular fantasies are just not something you're into, then maybe the porn is the not the problem and you both jut need to decide what can be tried in the bedroom vs. what's best left for the porn to satisfy.
Some women may not look at or understand porn, but I'd say there are plenty of women reading smutty romance novels with heaving bossoms and throbbing members that basically serves the same purpose, so I don't think watching porn is anything to condemn. What's the difference between watching strangers bang vs. reading about strangers banging? I'm hoping the millions of women reading that 50 Shades of Grey crap aren't imposing some double standard on their men because they download hardcore porn.
Feb. 2014 Moms January Siggy Challenge: Cute & Clumsy Animals
Maru!
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.