All by myself...

Snugly Ael · December 2013

I can't stop crying. This is my second day alone with my twins and my boy is sucking the life out of me. I bought a swing just because majority of the MoMs here told it is helpful, and it is, but he's still got something going on. No matter what he keeps getting fussy and cries to the core. His diaper is changed, he's freshened, he's burped, fed and everything's done. But all he wants is not to lie down and just wants to be talked and held until he falls asleep. Many times when I am busy doing something in the kitchen he wants to be held and look around. I am losing all my confidence. I feel terrible because of him my girl is getting neglected. When it's time for his feed, my girl also feels hungry, but many times she cooperates and holds her hunger. But this chap takes his own time to drink. I tried feeding them sitting in their bouncers and my boy doesn't like it. He cries very loudly and scares and makes my girl cry.

I hate how paternal grand parents spoil their grand kids and later the mother has to suffer. My mil spoilt him by holding him every time he cried, feeding him every 1 hour even though he was fed. I'm losing my mind and more than that I'm feeling miserable because my girl isn't being fed the way she's suppose to.

My twins are 3 months old and they are bottle fed. They'll be 4 months old on 9th. Please tell me what should I do? I haven't slept since the past two days. My hubby is out of town for his work and I don't have any friends to turn to as we just moved to Illinois. Please please help. I am feeling terrible and helpless.

LegalLadyBug · December 2013

Is it possible he has colic? Have you considered purple crying? I'm sorry I don't have any experience with this but those were the two things that came to mind. Thinking of you!

Snugly Ael · December 2013

He used to sleep very well until now. He immediately stops crying as soon as I or hubby hold him. He laughs out loud in fact. He's a happy baby, but just gets crabby after playing. There's no specific timing for his crying. I feel its because there were a lot of people in the house before and now it's always me and sometimes hubby. He doesn't like sleeping in his crib either. He cries to be held n falls asleep in my or hubby's arms. I Donno what to do. If I leave him in the crib, he'll okay for sometime and then cries continuosly.
I feel so miserable.

LottaLattes · December 2013

((hugs)) It is hard. Do you have a Moby you could put him in? It was a lifesaver for me the first few weeks alone. And what I also did was to get out as much as I could for sanity.

Have you gotten him checked for reflux? I know my refluxy twin was way crankier. Hang in there, it does get better even though these early days seem terribly long.

Momof8inSC · December 2013

Try wrapping him TIGHTLY in a swaddling blanket OR wear him tighty in a wrap (moby, woven wrap, ETC) and give him gripe water. Walk him.

jocie2581 · December 2013

I can relate. My boys are two months old and I am just now staring to be alone with them. For me baby a is loud and vocal. Baby b is chill. I often feel that I am neglecting b to handle a. I feel so guilty. I tell myself that I am doing the best I can. And I give myself permission to put a crying baby down in the crib if I need a break and their needs have been met. Hang in there. I've been told it gets better.

Snugly Ael · December 2013

That's exactly what I'm going through jocie2581

Snugly Ael · December 2013

Momof8inSC - I swaddle him and my girl every night. He kinda likes being swaddled but there are moments he struggles to get out. I don't have a moby wrap, but I sometimes use a carrier to hold him and walk around as I do my work. I've been giving him gripe water since quite sometime. He's being spitting up a lot of milk lately and I only feed him every 2-3 hours. I guess it's because my mil used to feed him almost every 1 hour and now I'm changing his habits.

Snugly Ael · December 2013

LottaLattes - I've noticed that he cries only to be held and many times it's when he's feeling sleepy. He doesn't like being put in the crib to fall asleep on his own. He wants to be held tightly by the chest with his pacifier in his mouth and falls asleep in minutes then. He's the opposite of my girl. How can moby wrap help with his crying and being demanding? Won't it again make him addicted to being held? I want him to fall asleep on his own. I don't want to end up spending more time with him while my daughter is being neglected. It's really tough.

(

LucyRicardo3 · December 2013

hugs, momma!

Miss B was my refluxy girl.. Everytime I would lay her down, she would scream within a few minutes until she was picked up and held upright. She wouldn't have the massive spit up until later during the day. Another IRL friend of mine had a baby with "silent reflux" that did not spit up at all because he was actually swallowing it.

Maybe call your pedi and ask for him to be seen.

Does your swing have a seat that will sit close to upright? or maybe a bouncy seat that has the vibrate setting?

Sometimes babies react to gas or intestinal discomfort by wanting to suck on something, even when they're not truly hungry..

My only other suggestion is white noise. Our entire family is addicted to the "sleep machine" now. I bought mine at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I've seen them in Target and Walmart. 5 or 6 sound choices- "ocean waves" put them out everytime....

I totally understand where you are. I was 3 states away from family and DH was traveling a lot with his job. I thought I was going to lose. my. mind.
After she was diagnosed with Reflux and we had to try a couple different rx and got it manageable, she was almost a different baby.
Oh, I also ended up changing formulas for her to Gentlease, which also seemed to help and at the dr's advice started adding small amounts of rice cereal to help keep it down and make her feel a little full..

yinyang124 · December 2013

Huge hugs. Both of my kids had colic until 5 months. From 2-4 months, I spent 4-5 hours every single night bouncing them both in my lap until they fell asleep. They never slept anywhere except on me or next to me until 6 months. It was rough. He's a tiny baby though, you are not going to make him addicted to being held. He's growing and developing rapidly, and it can be so overwhelming for them (and us!). He just needs soothing and comfort from his mama. You will stress yourself out more by not responding to him. My boys are only 13 months now, and I can honestly say that the colicky phase is a tiny blip in my memory. Hang in there.

Wishing35 · December 2013

Maybe he is going through a wonder week? One of my girls was like that until only very recently, the moby was the only way I could get anything done and my poor Katie was so relaxed but I felt guilty she gets less attention. My other girl has turned a corner recently and is becoming way more happy and relaxed, she will actually let me sit with her on my lap now without screaming. Maybe your little guy is going through the same thing she was and it will get better soon, until then try wearing him and somehow take a break! Can you have a friend or relative come by so you can get out for an hour or take a bath? It's so hard I know but it will get better.

kari.sandall · December 2013

My son was super whiny to begin with and I felt like I was completely neglecting my daughter who was very laid back and chill. Someone told me they'd take turns being the needy one and they were right. Good luck!

xnbride · December 2013

I have no twin experience but it does sound like he has reflux. Does he smell acidic? Does he arch his back in pain when he cries? Does he spit up alot?

All my boys had reflux and the meds made a huge difference. Gripe water can also be helpful too. Wearing him is my best advice (as others already mentioned). I suggest getting a k-tan or a Moby because they get a tighter more snuggly hold. Make sure he sleeps at an incline and especially stays upright after he eats. Also you may want to consider cutting out dairy from your diet. It can make a world of difference.

Big hugs. This too shall pass. Soon it will be a distant memory!

edit to add: you definitely can't hold him too much at this age. I wear my babes everywhere for the first few months. Then they become very independent and good sleepers and can self soothe so don't worry, it won't spoil him. In fact, the better he sleeps during the day, the better he will sleep at night.

raraavis28 · December 2013

I agree w/ the advice to wear him in a Moby....it helped me so much when one of my LOs was having a need-to-be-held day. Sometimes that would be the only way he'd sleep. At 3 months I wouldn't worry too much about teaching him how to fall asleep on his own. I mean, you want to get there eventually, but right now, you are in survival mode and need to do what works. Trust me, you really can't spoil him at this age.

Hang in there.....it is so so hard at the beginning, but just breathe deeply, take it a minute at a time, and know we're all here for you when you need to vent!

CNYBride05 · December 2013

They are too young to "get addicted" to anything. If he needs to be held, Moby would be good, leaving you with free hands to attend to your daughter.

xoexpat · December 2013

Agree with PP--wear that baby!

I know it's so hard when you feel like one baby is getting (sucking) all the attention and the other is a little left out. But don't feel guilty about it, you're doing the best you can. We can tell you a million different things but the truth is just that it's very hard! Do what you gotta do to survive, and you will.

How long will your DH be away?

Snugly Ael · December 2013

Would a baby carrier do instead of a moby?

Wishing35 · December 2013

Snugly Ael said:
Would a baby carrier do instead of a moby?

Sure, maybe try to get one on consignment or from a friend. You don't want to spend a lot when you don't know if the baby or you will like it.

xoexpat · December 2013

Baby bjorn is not my favorite carrier but it has a very easy learning curve! Look for one on craigslist.

Snugly Ael · December 2013

I already have a baby carrier from infantino and it's great. But it isn't great on my back, but neither is carrying a baby... So I'll see how things go with me wearing DS when he's crabby. Thank you all. XOXO

Snugly Ael · December 2013

xnbride - Yes! He arches his back when he cries to be held. Is that a sign of reflux? He never used to spit up, but since the past 1 week he has been and I started gripe water for the twins again and so far I've noticed he reduced spitting up after every feed. It hasn't completely stopped, but has reduced. My daughter spits up after every burp and she's been like this since the time she was born. Her pediatrician said it'll go with age.

I'll talk to my pediatrician when I take them for their 4 months immunizations. Thanks once again!

thetwinsmama · December 2013

aaaww poor thing!! I can relate to the exhaustion and frustration. My baby b was way more fussier and clingy in the beginning and I just figured that he was fussy and wanted to be held be cause he needed to be held. When a baby is that young what they want is exactly what they need. This too shall pass and the only advice I can really give is too drop everything, housework, errands, and just focus on loving on and feeding those babies. See if you can get help during the day. You will make it!!! It is hard but it is worth it!!

kellibelle0417 · December 2013

My twins are now 4 months and I can completely relate. My girl is my loud and vocal one. But, if I catch her before she gets too sleepy and put her in the swing, she will fall asleep after a little fussing. If I miss that window it is all downhill and I'm stuck comfort nursing. My boy is the more relaxed one, but will only take naps in my arms with a pacifier in the nursing position. He usually wakes up as soon as I set him down. At night my girl will only fall asleep in bed with me. Then I have to ninja transfer her to the rock n play. She wakes up in the crib. She only sleeps 3 hr stretches. My boy will fall asleep nursing or with me holding him then will sleep 6 hrs at night in his rock n play. The crib has been a failure so far. It is rare if I get anything done around the house. My hubby is amazing and helps with the house and dinners. Feeding suggestion for you - I know you are bottle feeding... But, maybe get a twin nursing pillow anyways so you can easily have them both on your "lap" close to you and bottle feed at the same time. Or, when I do bottle feed I sit on the floor with two boppies, one between my legs and one next to me and I prop them up in them. You can get your fussy one pretty close to you. I do wear a twin when needed. But, I find it uncomfortable and still tricky to do anything having to reach around them. Hang in there, mama! I do know how hard it is. I found myself saying the other night when I couldn't get my baby girl to stop crying/screaming "I can't do this!" But, we can.

Snugly Ael · December 2013

kellibelle0417 - what you mentioned about your daughter is exactly what I'm facing with my son. Word to word. I recently noticed his sleeping patterns and when exactly he gets more fussier and WALA! It's the exact same thing with your daughter. If I too miss the windown of him feeling very sleepy it's an uphill battle from there. He also sleeps for 3 - 3 and a half stretch at nights and wakes up for feedings or is just too crabby for no reason and needs a pacifier. It's with my boy that at bedtime and sometimes during naps, he wants to fall asleep in my arms with the pacifier in the nursing position. And the upsetting part is he wasn't like this before. My mil got him habituated to that position and being held up so close. My girl sometimes sleeps like your boy i.e 5-6 hours a stretch.
I'll surely give the boppy pillow a try while feeding them. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. Hope things get better with DD. Take care!

JGior1031 · December 2013

My god! I read this and I felt like I was reading exactly to the T what I came on here to write about!! I am alone, my son is demanding, my daughter gets neglected, my mil makes my life a living hell, I haven't slept and life just sucks right now!!! I'm sorry if this sounds strange but I'm glad there is someone else going through the same thing. I feel like a terrible mother. Sometimes I just want to shut the world off for 5 min and I can't! This is so hard!

kellibelle0417 · December 2013

Yep, our twins sound the same! I'm not sure if it is me who made them both want to be held/snuggled or if it just in their nature at this point in time. I hope to be able to crib train soon.

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