Really not looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow

mingaling2 · November 2013

I thought I'd be okay with it, but now I'm filling up with a sense of dread. I just keep imagining trying to feel "normal" with all my in-laws and them sitting there feeling sorry for me. They are nice and not stressful, but I just want to blend into the background and I can't with DD there always needing me.

I asked DH how he was feeling, then he made some jab about antagonizing him. Apparently he thought I was insinuating that he wasn't "missing her enough" which I wasn't, but he's processing things as well. It was a big misunderstanding, but we got into a huge weepy disagreement and now I really, really hate the idea of going even more.

jess123456 · November 2013

Hugs to you. Holidays are so tough. I can totally relate to this same thing with my husband. We are here for you.

BrittianyM · November 2013

Sending thoughts and hugs your way! Tomorrow is going to be hard. The only thing that is getting me through it is knowing that my angel is enjoying her Thanksgiving in Heaven. There is no better place than that. I also know that she knows that I will only celeabrate the Holidays for her, not for me or anyone else. If that makes any sense. I am bad at putting things into words.

lolee465 · November 2013

**sig warning**

I never understood why people said the holidays were a hard time of year. I never understood how it couldn't just make people happy...until last year. The holidays are so miserable when you're sad. DH and I skipped thanksgiving and Christmas last year. It physically hurt my heart to think about celebrating without my Jillian. This year we're going to try, but don't pressure yourself. If it's too hard for you right now don't go. Do whatever you need to do to protect your heart. If you decide to go, I wish you a peaceful day.

angelsnight · November 2013

Ticker warning

Are you able to stay home? You're still so fresh from your loss....at barely two months I still wasn't even fond of leaving the house if I absolutely didn't have to. My niece's 4th birthday party was on the one month annviersary of our loss and I just couldn't force myself to be around happy people celebrating children's birthdays, when I'll never get to celebrate my daughter's. Everyone said they missed us, but they understood. Big hugs to you.

OSUWifey09 · November 2013

***SIGGY***

Like pp said, I never really understood just how sad the holidays could truly be until we had to get through our first set of holidays without Devon. I was a mess. I barely remember Thanksgiving last year because it was such a blur; I remember sitting on my parents' couch and bawling my eyes out for almost 20 minutes because it sucked to be at that point without my baby. Christmas was better, but it was still hard.

I'm so sorry that you have to face the holidays without your baby; I'm sorry all of us have to face the holidays without our babies. It totally blows. **HUGS**

stefuge · November 2013

Tomorrow will be hard, I agree. I am avoiding my in laws for that very reason. I would think people would understand if you weren't there?

My DH and I were having similar issues - I felt like he wasn't sad enough and he felt like I was too sad. It wasn't until we sat down with our therapist and she helped us talk through it, and explained that everyone grieves differently, and that what we were each feeling was totally normal. The best thing for our relationship was to accept that we were grieving differently and that that was okay. It's not easy, I know. ((Hugs))

CRUN2012 · November 2013

I hear you. I have heard that the anticipation is often worse than the day itself so I'm hoping that its true. This year I am bringing the scrapbook I made of Carter's pictures so there will be an excuse for everyone to address the big elephant in the room. I think it will help me to talk about him tomorrow too. I keep thinking 'well even if I was supposed to still be pregnant I would want to talk about the baby so why not now too'. I guess it just helps me feel like I have more control over my emotions...which I know can be false. I am praying for all of us tomorrow and hope we are able to at least somewhat enjoy ourselves. Hugs♡♥

diamante1181 · November 2013

I'm so sorry. I totally understand, though you wouldn't think so because we are the ones hosting this year. We are a small gathering, just my mom and dh, 2 of my brothers and a girlfriend. If we don't host, no one else ever does. I guess we did it to feel 'normal', but now i'm regretting it, as I knew we would.

mingaling2 · November 2013

@lolee465

@angelsnight

I wish I could skip it, but it would be horrible for DH to not be with his family. This is his favorite holiday and he's looking forward to it. I am just going to have to go and maybe find a quiet place to sit or take a walk if I need a break. Ughhhh.

mingaling2 · November 2013

@stefuge I hope to get him to some sessions with me soon.

schulme2 · November 2013

I hear ya! I am not looking forward to it at all! We won't be doing anything for the holidays this year which will be tough but probably better for us to not have to be around my 6 nieces and nephews. Big hugs to you and everyone as we approach tomorrow.

jonahsma · November 2013

I'm so sorry you feel that way, its all so fresh.holidays are supposed to be the happiest times but they are not when you are a grieving parent, its almost like you have to put on a plastic smile for the family, when you really are dying inside. I told dh not to be upset if I head up to my room for a while to cry. Holidays are so hard to deal with right now along with everything else. I will be praying for all of us!

mingaling2 · November 2013

It was fine. I got to escape every once in a while and get some fresh air. I cried a little outside and my MIL was super sweet and it was good.

The worst part was neither my sister or mom called me to see how I was doing.

stefuge · November 2013

I'm glad the day went okay, although I'm really sorry you didn't hear from your sister or mom. It's hard to understand why people do (or don't do) what they do. My sister almost never calls, texts, asks how I am doing. It is so upsetting, and I haven't worked up the courage to talk to her about it yet, but I just don't understand how she just acts like it didn't happen, or how she thinks avoiding me is better. So sorry. ((Hugs))

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