If you had fertility treatments

sasky · November 2013

Or even if you didn't, I guess...how do you handle questions like, "do twins run in your family?" "How did that happen?" or the dreaded "were they natural?" etc...

I have a large family. I'm one of 5 kids, 15 cousins on one side, and among the cousins we have 28 kids (with more on the way). And none have had multiples. I don't know anyone in my family on either side that has had multiplies.

I had IVF and we are very lucky and happy to be having twins. Only a few people knew about our fertility issues. We announced the good news at thanksgiving, and while people were thrilled, they also had questions like above. The one person I mentioned IVF to kinda responded with a blank stare and "Oh." Maybe it was TMI? I don't really have a problem with people knowing now (going through it was a different story), but maybe I should come up with a prepared answer to those questions to avoid any awkwardness?

Would love to hear other's experiences.

carrotcake06 · November 2013

My boys are spontaneous, but the "do twins run in your family" was really the tip of the invasive question iceberg.

I give different answers depending on who's asking. Mostly though I keep it short and simple bc the vast majority of people just say things to fill space and don't really care about details.

jennybean80 · November 2013

I've said "well they do now" when asked if twins run in the family. I've even said "I'm adopted, so I have no idea" (which is true) if I found the person was getting too personal. Usually shuts them up!

Momof8inSC · November 2013

I did IVF as well and it was bc I had had a tubal after 6 kids and we regretted it. So we told only his parents and mine about IVF. We feel it's no one's business how and when I revealed the pgcy on FB, bc most everyone knew wed had a tubal, I posted a list of responses to commonly asked questions bf anyone asked. One of them was- "Yes, I had a tubal, there are still ways to get pregnant, and no, we won't tell you how.
When we are asked about twins running in the families we just say we don't know.

rcnavywife · November 2013

It depends who I'm talking to. Most of our close friends and both of our immediate families knew we were undergoing fertility treatments. When random people ask I say we have twins and a set of triplets on my side (which is true!). I don't feel the need to explain what we've been through to strangers. I like pp response "they do now" !!

nblondheim · November 2013

I agree with depending on who it is. I usually just say we had help. We did IUI. Most of our immediate family knows our story but that's about it.

StacyH0507 · November 2013

We did do fertility treatments, but twins do run in the family as well. My dad is a twin and my grandmother had 2 sets so it almost makes it easier for us because most just assume it is because of the family. Close family members do know about the infertility, but it does get hard to explain or most people don't quite understand especially when you start getting into things such as sperm washes and all that good stuff haha!

figgs0831 · November 2013

Twins do run in my family, but these were the result of IVF. It was odd, but right from the start, everyone just assumed they were fertility treatment twins. It actually pissed me off. Now I just try to avoid those conversations. I keep my answers vague. It is not anyone's business how they came about, they should just be happy that they are here.

mylittleladies1229 · November 2013

I just say nope we did IVF and that is usually all people say about it! I think it is just natural curiosity that people want to know. Before I had twins I asked that question and never thought twice that it may have been because of fertility treatments. I like to throw it out there because it is nothing to be ashamed about and it may open up dialogue about IF.

LegallyBlonde217 · November 2013

I usually first get annoyed that they're asking personal questions and masking it with an "innocent" question. Then I answer depending on who it is.

Sometimes I say I was on meds to help us out, which is true. We did Clomid + Gonal-f + IUI. We don't usually mention the IUI part because I don't want to feed anyone a visual of DH jizzing in a cup and/or me in stirrups with a tech shoving a catheter up my vag.

Or, quite often, I lie. I basically just blow it off and say there were twins on my mom's side of the family a very long time ago.

HeavenBlessedMom · November 2013

We share a lot of info...both on the IVF of our singleton and the triplets. Get this one...my dad's one of eight. 29 cousins on that side, no multiples. Granted 2 of my cousin have twins, no others. So, twins don't really run in the family. (The cousins that have twins are 1/2 black and I know multiples are more common among blacks.) Sooo many of my cousins had a baby before they got married. After they get married, they have fertility problems. My husband says, "Don't eat your wedding cake!" I currently have 3 married cousins going through fertility treatments and 2 unmarried cousins who are pregnant. Go figure.

kari.sandall · November 2013

For strangers I just answer yes they run in the family. Everyone else knows our story.

zazu13 · November 2013

I'm not embarrassed or shy that we did ivf so often I say, no, we worked really hard to get them and they are the result of fertility treatments. If its a stranger ill never see again and don't feel like sharing the details I just say nope! First ones! And leave it at that.

ShannonSky · November 2013

My grandma had 3 sets, so that's what I say. It's very convenient

LittleLady77 · November 2013

My response is different depending on who's asking. If they ask "do twins run in your family?" I usually just say we do have one other set of twins in the family (my gay cousins who did DE IVF with a surrogate) or that "they do now". If they ask "are they natural?" I say "well they certainly aren't made of plastic". If people are direct about it I usually just say "why do you ask?" If they tell me someone they know is struggling I will be open about it- it's nothing to be ashamed of. If they say "just curious" I will usually say something very rude like... "You're just curious if I had to endure years of pokes, prides, tears and disappointment? I didn't realize you and I were that close!"

Burberry0421 · November 2013

I'm an open book about things like this. If you aren't, then just sidestep the questions. Twins/multiples aren't terribly common, so people are intrigued. I'm not bothered by the fact that we had to use fertility drugs to make it happen, so I don't mind answering questions. If you do, then avoid them. Just say "we just got blessed" or something and avoid the topic. People are interested/nosy. Just the nature of the multiples game.

SV917 · December 2013

If it's someone I don't feel like discussing my medical history with, I say "no, it was a big surprise" to the running in the family question. I've never had follow up questions with that response. It's truthful; we did IVF, but I was surprised it worked, much less resulted in twins, but it makes people think it was spontaneous. I've never had strangers ask the other questions. I'll honestly answer more direct questions from acquaintances, even if I think it's weird they would ask. No one has asked the "natural" question, which is pretty offensive IMO. The process may not have been natural, but the babies are.

bumpuser924057 · December 2013

For what it's worth, my twins were completely spontaneous and I have zero history of twins anywhere in the family for as long as anyone can remember. They do happen randomly sometimes, so you can always lie about it to strangers who don't need to know your business

kymberli00 · December 2013

I'm pregnant with triplets so this question comes up several times a day for me.
I am open about receiving assistance to get pregnant both times and most people leave it at that. But if you don't feel like getting into that just saying they do now or they have to start somewhere usually leaves it open enough!

Rynleigh · December 2013

Hand gestures required:

sweett1998 · December 2013

We have been very open about our fertility treatments. There are still A LOT of people that ask...do twins run in your family. Actually....they run on both sides of our family so people usually stop asking then.

Seldaar · December 2013

There are only a few people that know we used IVF both for DS (fresh) and the twins (frozen).

Everyone else, from strangers to family seems to ask.

Twins do run in my family (aunt/uncle are twins, and great-grandmother was and ID twin), but not in DW's family. So we usually mention that, and everyone is pretty clueless about the fact that the genetic trait comes from the mother's side, not the father's.

DW is also of "advanced materal age" at 38, when twinning becomes alot more common, so we talk about that alot as well.

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