Meltdown at Best Buy...

lavril · January 2011

Yesterday my DH and I decided we were going to venture out of our house and do something to get our minds off our loss, even for an hour. We went to Target to buy a few things, and I did such a great job. I avoided looking at the all the baby stuff, the cute Christmas outfits, and all that. Not to mention every patron of the store seemed to be pushing a cute newborn. I survived the trip and felt pretty good about myself.

Then......we went to best buy.... No baby stuff, no cute newborns, just lots of electronics. Seems innocuous right? Then it happened. As we stood staring at all the beautiful flat screen tvs and picturing which one would look just right in our bedroom, it happened. SHE walked by. The cutest little pregnant woman all dressed up for NYE. Then it hit me - I should be a cute little pregnant woman dressing up for a fun night and hanging out with my friends. I should be drinking fake bubbly and announcing the pregnancy to all my friends who would cheer and be so excited. Instead I've been sitting in my house for an entire week greiving over my lost baby. I wasn't all dressed up - it was the first day I'd even taken a shower since my procedure. So there I stood in Best Buy crying my eyes out while my hubby just stood and hugged me, telling me someday this will get easier. He didn't try to rush me out or stop my tears, just held me tight. We decided we'd had enough of the real world after that and headed for home. Maybe today we'll go back and get our tv....

It gets easier right?

npilcher506 · January 2011

I don't know when it gets easier, I have moment where I feel like I'm doing really good and moments where I fall apart. I think its just part of the ride. I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope that it gets better for you soon. Its a New Year, and I say good things are going to happen!! Go get that TV girl!

ambs21 · January 2011

I think over all it gets easier, but I still have meltdowns. I still cry at least once a day. I am able to go out and carry on normal activity. I now am able (almost always) to keep it together in public. So sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. Hang in there.

LDW80 · January 2011

When I read your email about this it just broke my heart. I went into Walmart the day I left the hospital to pick up pads (I got rid of them all when I got pregnant) and the first thing I saw (besides people with missing teeth and smelling of ashtrays...ugh) was a pregnant lady. I had to look away immediately before I lost it. I am hoping it does get easier. I am not there yet but I haven't been out all week either. Next week when school for the kids is back in session and things return to "normal" I will be out and about more and I am really nervous. GL!

MrsAtch · January 2011

It hits me at weird times- but I know what you mean. It's been over a month for us and at times it still feels as fresh as the first day. Losing a baby is like having a wound that never heals- it starts to scab over but then something rips it open again. My mom has been a huge support to me- she and my dad lost three babies and she's watched me lose two. It can just be so damn frustrating watching women around you having babies, celebrating, etc. I'm so sorry that you all know what I mean. Let's pray for sticky 2011 babies, and smooth, fast adoptions for those going that route!

fireflies0306 · January 2011

i am so sorry---but its completely normal, and while i'm sure it gets easier--i had the same thoughts today (we went to ocean city, nj, where we tried a new family tradition, since i slept through nye last night, of laughing at the people who went into the water!!)...but there were pregnant women galore--looking so cute. and i just have to turn away, blink away the tears, take a deep breath and focus on my task at hand. but you aren't alone, and i am so glad your DH took the time just to help you through that moment. i'm learning that in order to survive this, you have to take each bad moment, and try not to reflect on it, but instead, when its over, go "ok, i made it, and i'm still here (hopefully not worse for the wear!)"...i am really bad at this, but i'm finding i'm using this frame of mind to help me through the public appearances/ aka seeing pregnant women and newborns. i also (like so many of us here) work with pregnant women, and this is where i find myself breathing through the tears b/c its just not right, or easy to see them waddling down the hallways. i'm just hoping they don't bring their babies back to school in june---isn't that totally selfish of me?!?!

if i saw you in best buy i'd like to think i'd give you a hug, b/c i'd be the other sobbing woman in the next aisle after seeing the pregnant lady too. now, go get that tv, and spend the evening cuddled up watching some movie!!

WifeyWynn0626 · January 2011

I'm sorry you had a meltdown in public, I do it too. DH and I are on our way to SC to visit my inlaws and it seems like at every stop, there's either a cute little pregnant lady or a cute little infant. We stopped for gas and bathroom breaks and I actually made my DH go to the next stop because as soon as I walked into the bathroom, there was the most precious baby ever. I immediately teared up and walked back to the car. It does seem like "they're everywhere" (which is DH and I's new saying), so hopefully someday it will become easier for all of us.

ewilliams1127 · January 2011

I would thank God for that DH of yours! I'm so sorry that happened in public, but I've learned to just let it come out when it does. It helps me get rid of the sadness. I sobbed in CVS while buying my super strength pads that were located right across the isle from the pregnancy tests. It happens. (((hugs)))

lavril · January 2011

Thank you all for your kind messages. I know there will be bumps along our road to healing, and I'm so thankful to have you all to help me along my way.

clarks415 · January 2011

I went out for the first time today also. I actually did better then I thought I'd do. But for me it comes in spells too. It can be the littlest thing I see or that someone says and I completely fall apart.

Your husband sounds like a great support. Mine is too. I try to remember what a wonderful thing that is. To have a man who can feel the pain but know it is a different pain for us.

I agree with the above. I feel like I have to let it out when it comes. I have to surround myself with positive, supportive people to talk to about it.

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