Director said NO to allowing us to observe!

Fixie · November 2013

My son has anxiety disorders and was recently diagnosed with selective mutism. A little background (he is 2 and 1/2 now) ...he started school at 16 months during that time I was under the impression he was doing great and thriving. Then at the END OF MARCH I was informed by his teacher that he does not speak in class and was asked if he talks at home (he had turned two at this point) I was SHOCKED! I thought they were talking about a different child. He not only did not speak a single word- but also did not smile or show any emotion while in the classroom. Long story short at that time I was 9 months pregnant with our second, I asked to observe the class and participate and see how my son interacted with peers. I was told NO, this was not something they did. I then had pregnancy complications very soon after finding out about the situation and was induced with our second. After months waiting to see specialist and finally getting a diagnose I again asked to come in (on the advice of the dev ped.) I was told NO again! I was so livid! Have any other parents have had issues with not being allowed to come into your childs class? I went above the director (he goes to to school at our temple- and I contacted the temple director) At which point a "lets fix this asap" meeting happened and I was called and told I could come in. Is this normal? ?? Also the fact that I was not told about his not talking for so long is very unsettling. I thought that I was sending him to a good school....but now feel lost. Everyday my son says he doesn't want to go (which is the anxiety talking) We have interviewed a new school which we fell in love with but they don't have an opening until next August. I hope this makes sense, as I have been in tears most of the day dealing with the fact that my wonderful happy boy doesn't speak at all in school and the fact that there is NO parent involvement makes me wonder about everything. How can they say no to a parent wanting to see how their child is doing?? Especially when they are aware of his diagnosis???

Littlejen22 · November 2013

Get him out of there. You have no idea if the sole reason he does not talk there is because something is happening to him there. I would pull him out immediately and fine a formal complaint with every agency possible, I would be scared of anywhere that says I could not observe my child who is having serious issues including an actual diagnosis.

groovygrl · November 2013

Wow that is bizarre to say no to that, esp given the circumstances of why you're asking, it isn't like you're asking to come sit in class every single day & hang out (not that asking to observe should ever be 'not' allowed!!!! it just seems even more important in a case like yours!)... I would also find a new place, sorry

Good luck. Maybe a new environment will help him come out of his shell a little!!!!

meg1974 · November 2013

I would be very upset if the school didn't allow me to observe, for whatever reason. Ours has an open door policy about that, in that you can observe your child's classroom at any time, even without notice.

I'm not that familiar with your son's diagnosis, but I will say that my DD went a few months without talking to her teacher last year, when she was 3. She talked to a few of the students here and there, but even when the teacher asked her a question she would shake or nod her head rather than speak (she always talked a lot at home and with people she knows well). I talked to the teacher and the director about it, and they said she's just shy, and they have had other students like that as well. As long as she was thriving academically, they weren't worried. Eventually, she started warming up to the teacher and the other kids.

The teacher continuously kept me informed about it though. I never observed b/c I felt that DD would cling to me the entire time if I were in the room. I did look through the window a lot before I picked her up though.

If you can't change schools quickly, I say just continue to work with this school as much as you can. I'm sure if other parents were in the same situation, they would speak up.

Fixie · November 2013

He has been seen by a developmental peditrician and had a very thorough evaluation done (I took him to the best in our city and waited months for the appt). Also have been seen by a child psychologist. This is the age where they are diagnosed with selective mutism. Its strange, he will talk in the office at school and in the hall--but not in the class setting at all. Not a single word. Even during drop off when I walk into the classroom even if he was talking on the way in...once we go into the class he stopshe won't. He also has never spoken a word to the train conductor at the park we frequent. He does speak to the children in his class outside of school. On playdates, birthday parties...etc. Talks to complete strangers. When we signed him up for school he was the youngest in the class, and all children at the time were verbal and speaking (for their age at least). We are working on getting him a "brave buddy" Someone to attend parts of school with him so he starts to feel more comfortable...we are also working on setting up more playdates and slowly increasing in size (we think it may be large groups that brings on his anxiety) Although- that isnt always the case. At any rate, we are going in tomorrow morning to spend some time in his class. I am fully prepared for it to be awkward now...I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much, between thinking about school...and my 7 month old who is teething. Wish us luck!

Littlejen22 · November 2013

Is this tr only school he has gone to? Have you ruled out that someone there did something to him from as simple as correcting him to actually hurting him and he is too scared to talk? Can he tell you why? Unless this is not the first time I would remove him from the school.

Director said NO to allowing us to observe!

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