Discipline

cedenton · November 2013

So we're dealing with a lot of hitting around our house. Mostly the dog, but us, too. I've been trying "gentle touches" but that doesn't seem to help. I'm trying time outs but I feel like I'd be putting him in and out of TO for the entire time we're together in the evenings. It's worse when he's tired/hungry, etc. He very clearly does it for attention. Like he'll hit the dog and then look at me and smile waiting for a reaction.

DH wants to spank him. Yesterday he popped him on the hand and then DS immediately hit me while looking at DH. Then DH got in an argument about appropriate discipline. I said it's silly to try to teach not to hit by hitting. It was very clear that DS was imitating DH in that one moment. DH says he needs to learn it hurts. DH promised not to use that tactic anymore, but it was more of a "Fine. You deal with it, then." kind of thing.

I'm almost positive the the only thing that is going to help this issue is time (it's a phase hopefully) and perhaps completely ignoring it. But, it doesn't seem fair to the dog to just let DS run around hitting him.

Thoughts?

CoUnTryBB1 · November 2013

LO started hitting a little bit as well. I tell her that is not nice and we don't hit. If she does it again, I just hold her hand and say no. She doesn't like that she can't get her hand free, I am not holding it hard, just so she can't get it free. That has seemed to help. She is very sympathetic so I tell her that she hurt Mommy or Daddy and then she hugs you. They are so little right now and doing things for attention, some of it I just tell myself is like the newborn phase "this will pass, it will only last for a season."

AmySmolos · November 2013

Maybe try working on his sleep and eating schedule since you mentioned he does it more when he is tired or hungry? I don't know. I think holding his hand, getting on his level, and saying what the pp said is a good idea too. DS doesn't hit but he will grab the dog. We have said and demonstrated soft and gentle pets with the dog since he was born so I hope he gets it most of the time. Oh and ds is a typical boy and loves reinforcement for good behaviors. So make sure to make a big deal out of his good pets. I know ds will smile and laugh and do it again just so he can get more cheers:)

cedenton · November 2013

@amysmolos I'm not sure what you mean by working on his schedule. He sleeps great, naps great, and eats well. But when we get home from DC/work and I'm working on getting dinner together there's not much I can do. He's hungry (I try to give him milk to tide him over, but sometimes he doesn't want it) and I don't want to give snacks right before dinner, though I do sometimes give him puffs in the car ride home or dole out bits of fruit or cheese if he's really a mess.

On the weekends we keep a loose schedule depending on what's going on, but sometimes the nap cue is the hitting and irritability.

Good point about the positive reinforcement and I have been trying to make sure to praise him when he's sweet.

piphigirl · November 2013

Positive reinforcement and, if you think the behavior is attention-seeking, to just ignore it. When DD hits me, I say, "Ouch! No hitting. That hurts mommy." If she does it again, I say, "When you hit, I don't like playing with you." And I move over a bit to play with another toy. She usually joins me in a few seconds and plays much more nicely.

Also, if DD hits our cat, the cat gets up and walks away. Then I can say, "Ouch! Hitting hurts the kitty. He doesn't like to play with you when you hit. Try a gentle touch." The cat usually tolerates that for a minute, so it's like the cat's behavior reinforces DD's good behavior. This may not work with a dog, though.

DD used to pull our books off the shelf to see how we'd react. Once we started to ignore it, it tapered off. Now she just gets her own books down and leaves ours alone. (She was ripping pages and covers on ours; that's why we told her no.)

Mrs. Rohde · November 2013

I hold his hand and firmly tell him "No hitting". I don't smile or use my nice mom voice. I'm not yelling or anything I just use a stern voice. If he does it a third time I put him on time out. Since it's only for a minute it's not so bad so he'll actually sit there while I tell him "No hitting. Not nice". He doesn't like being away from the action so this actually is a punishment for him.

I'm hoping it is a phase that he'll outgrow. If he doesn't then at least with time he'll be able to reason with a little and understand why not to do that anymore.

Mrs. Rohde · November 2013

Oh, and @cendenton, I also agree that hitting to teach not to hit is incredibly stupid and hypocritical.

AmySmolos · November 2013

I must have read it wrong! Sorry. I was trying to think of te reason for the behavior and if it's mostly due to hunger or being tired working on the schedule to eliminate that. But if the schedule is fine then distegard

jessalynn521 · November 2013

I agree with ignoring it. When he hits it is generally when I am holding him. The first thing I do is say don't hit mommy that hurts. If you do it again I won't hold you. If he does it again he goes on the floor and I ignore him until he is in a more calm state (he cries at first because I put him down)

cedenton · November 2013

AmySmolos said:

I must have read it wrong! Sorry. I was trying to think of te reason for the behavior and if it's mostly due to hunger or being tired working on the schedule to eliminate that. But if the schedule is fine then distegard

No worries @amysmolos. I have noticed that it escalates closer to nap times/bed time, but there isn't much I can do about that.

zbeesma86 · November 2013

Mrs. Rohde said:

Oh, and @cendenton, I also agree that hitting to teach not to hit is incredibly stupid and hypocritical.

agreed. you can't say, 'no, hitting hurts!' then smack/spank your LO- they will be like what?!

We redirect or ignore. When she gets frustrated she swats at us or the pups and I will say, 'no no- hitting hurts.' or 'do you want a timeout?'

Also when she gets tired/hungry she is super irritable and can't put into words what she wants so she throws tantrums and swats and smacks. Oh the joys of parenthood, eh?

gollywollypog · November 2013

All babies go through this. It's a phase that will pass. When Em does it now, I tell him NO firmly then if he continues (like when we're nursing down and he's beside me) several times through that tactic I hold his arms/hands so he can't hit.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · November 2013

We do the ignore tactic. I hold his hand too, but that just makes him more irritable and will make him hit again. I will sit him down if I am holding him and ignore him for a minute, and if he is super irritable and just nonstop hitting, I will put him in his crib for "quiet time." He doesn't sleep and we don't call it time out, I just let him have his lovey and his binky, lay down for a few minutes in the dark, and he calms down. I go get him when I hear him laughing or talking. He doesn't usually cry when I do this.

SpruceGrouse · November 2013

The ignoring seems to work for us. When he hits, I immediately get a blank look and get quiet and put him down and walk away. He will sit and cry for a bit then come to me for a hug. He seems to do it out of frustration or for attention. I think hitting him back would confuse him even more and get him more frustrated. He doesn't hit as much as he use to and now his thing is he will put his hand on my cheek and turn my head to look directly at him. This is pretty cute and I will stop what I am doing or looking at and give him attention to help encourage this instead of giving a reaction to hitting.

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