Being young on a mom forum...

Myzticsunshine · November 2013

Blows. Just saying.

stephbethpeth · November 2013

Oh no, why? How old are you? Why do you feel that way? I'm sorry that you feel that way. I think that this particular group wouldn't be so bad.

wholenewworld · November 2013

Sorry?

Drea926 · November 2013

Why? What happened?

PhieryBFly · November 2013

On the internet, no one knows your age (or gender or location or anything) unless you provide that information or act in a way that makes it obvious.

theimpossibleastronaut · November 2013

"Gee, can you vague that up for me?"

Points to anyone who gets this reference.

DublinMama · November 2013

TarheelMama202 · November 2013

I am still confused by this entire post. But, I also appreciate engaging the OP for amusement. So @myzticsunshine, please expand.

Myzticsunshine · November 2013

Lol honestly I didn't expect replies haha. Sorry guys I had a rough day yesterday, my little man got me sick and I was just super irked because he's still sick and very very clingy. So no *good* sleep for either of us for days.

Admittedly, I have been feeling a little odd on the boards. When I was preggers I felt a little more like I had some sort of connection on the forums on here, but lately I've just been noticing that being on these forums feels a lot like talking to myself. Which is the exact opposite of the reason I started using this forum. But maybe I need less of a forum and more of a support group. Lol.

The "young" thing is pretty much just cause I'm part of a ridiculously screwed generation. I'm twenty one an I don't think half of my age group should ever reproduce. Then again I do live in shady like south florida so it could just be that lol. So when I go to post anything in relations to life with my little one I feel like it's just gonna get shot down by some mother who makes better life choices than me and is married (or ever was). Basically being on these boards makes me re evaluate my life in the worst way.

That's also not anyone else's fault. I guess this post was just initially meant to be the shortest vent ever.

Myzticsunshine · November 2013

"sym

PeanutR1 said:
Please see #7, the "sympathy baiter"

https://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/20/annoying.facebook.updaters/

Funny article. But nah. Just really felt like typing it out and hitting "send" there's something really satisfying about that to me

wifeofadam · November 2013

I just want to say that I don't know anything about your situation. All I know is what you just shared about yourself - you're 21 and not married. I can see how some of the posts about husbands and marriage would not relate to you, but otherwise, you're a mother of an 8-10 month old just like the rest of us. Most of the questions on this board are about sleep, feeding, diapering, and how to juggle being a mom with the rest of your life. All of that, I would think, still relates to you.

I hope that you do find this board a source of encouragement and support. Many times on these boards I feel odd or that I am different, just like you do, but then I remember that people don't have to be exactly like me in order to offer me support or encouragement in my mothering journey. Our bond here is that we have babies the same age. That's about it. Hopefully that's enough to make you feel welcome.

Rosebean · November 2013

Well said by adamwife. It reminds me of something my neighbour said to me once. She had a NB and was complaining about a mommy group she attended. She said she had "nothing in common" with them all because she would prefer to go back to work than be on mat leave. And her hubby worked from home, so she couldn't relate to being "home alone with the baby all day long". I remember walking away from the conversation thinking how maybe she shouldn't be disappointed, but be intrigued by the differences. Had I been I her shoes, I would be asking the other mothers what it felt like to be different, not upset about it. Sometimes, similarities are boring. It's nice to hear of a different perspective. Oh, and my mother was young and unwed with a baby too. So even though I am in my different place than she was at that age, or than you are, I would never judge. That would be like judging my mom.

tamarar5 · November 2013

I was the same when I had dd. I was 26 at the time but every one treated me like I was 16. I had been involved in an abusive relationship and got out after I discovered I was pregnant. So I lived at home with my parents, but I didn't get any respect. Ever.

Myzticsunshine · November 2013

Ya, didn't mean to seem like I was complaining or anything. I do like reading about everyone's kids and situations. It's fun.

Like I said, I was just more so facing a negative outlook on my own situation. I can't help to wonder if I've done everything right by my baby when I read about all the things all the more experienced and well researched moms do with and for their kids. And I try to keep up but I'm stuck working a minimum wage job for countless hours leaving me neither the time or money for it.

It gets depressing but I'm usually over it after a few minutes of soaking in needless self pity. Lol

Boonhilde · November 2013

At first I read your post and rolled my eyes. Complaining about being young, blah, blah, blah. It happens a lot around here and can get on a 33 year-old's nerves.

But being YOUNG doesn't seem like your problem. Anyone at any age can make "better life choices." It's just that older women have gotten around the horrible, HORRIBLE choices they made in their early 20's.

There will be people who will judge you even if you're doing everything right. These people need to be ignored if you're going to do anything besides feel guilty all day.

Like I said, I'm 33 and I often feel like the worst mother ever. We all do. Let go of the guilt, and don't worry about where you are RIGHT now. Just worry about making your situation better. Even if it takes 10 years, just work on it.

Drea926 · November 2013

Myzticsunshine said:

Ya, didn't mean to seem like I was complaining or anything. I do like reading about everyone's kids and situations. It's fun. Like I said, I was just more so facing a negative outlook on my own situation. I can't help to wonder if I've done everything right by my baby when I read about all the things all the more experienced and well researched moms do with and for their kids. And I try to keep up but I'm stuck working a minimum wage job for countless hours leaving me neither the time or money for it. It gets depressing but I'm usually over it after a few minutes of soaking in needless self pity. Lol

Sounds to me like your heart is in the right place and in my opinion, that's what matters. Most of us are just doing the best we can. No one on here is perfect and has all the answers. Just keep caring for and loving your LO.

Rynleigh · November 2013

It gets better. I had my first just a month after I turned 19. I was in a long term relationship with an asshole, and I put myself through 60+hrs a week of working swings and going to school on an absurdly high tuition. I still work my ass off, even with my partner of nearly 9yrs there to help pay the bills. We both put in 50hrs a week. We don't get every moment of every day with our kids. But our kids are happy, healthy, cared for, independent, compassionate, thoughtful, educated, and kind. The time I have with them is quality time and they are supported as best I can manage. I am making a better start for them than I had for myself. I'm 30 and I definitely don't have it all "figured out". But you fall and you get up and you make it a point to never expect anything from others that you wouldn't expect from yourself.

If you want it, you will find a way. Most of us don't get the kind of opportunities to work our way all the way up from just below the poverty line to some amazing upper class lifestyle... but we can do our best to give our kids the opportunities to get there. If you love your kid, you will persevere and manage to do what you are capable of doing to ensure their safety and wellness and happiness.

Myzticsunshine · November 2013

Well thanks ladies. Sorry for being so vague at first

holly321 · November 2013

verovladamir said:

Myzticsunshine said:

Ya, didn't mean to seem like I was complaining or anything. I do like reading about everyone's kids and situations. It's fun. Like I said, I was just more so facing a negative outlook on my own situation. I can't help to wonder if I've done everything right by my baby when I read about all the things all the more experienced and well researched moms do with and for their kids. And I try to keep up but I'm stuck working a minimum wage job for countless hours leaving me neither the time or money for it. It gets depressing but I'm usually over it after a few minutes of soaking in needless self pity. Lol
I read about what other moms are doing and feel like I'm failing. I'm married, but I just turned 25 on Friday and I have two kids already. My house is always dirty, my toddler doesn't know his alphabet, my baby can't say any words, and she hasn't eaten any vegetables yet. You will figure it out! I always remind myself that even though I may not do everything "right," I love my kids more than anything in the world and I show them that as much and as often as possible. That's what they will remember best anyway!

Can I just says standards today are ridiculous. You should not feel like your toddler needs to know the alphabet. If they do, great, if they don't that's great too. I feel like I learned mine in kindergarten,or right before. And half the time, I think people of full of it when they say all their kids can do. Sorry for the sideways rant, but it gets old.

holly321 · November 2013

FYI I didn't mean that about you about things getting old, I just don't understand why everything is such a competition.

wifeofadam · November 2013

holly321 said:

Can I just says standards today are ridiculous. You should not feel like your toddler needs to know the alphabet. If they do, great, if they don't that's great too. I feel like I learned mine in kindergarten,or right before. And half the time, I think people of full of it when they say all their kids can do. Sorry for the sideways rant, but it gets old.

This this this, so much this!!!!

My 4YO almost 5YO just learned his alphabet and doesn't know all of the sounds yet. He just started writing his name a month ago. But you know what? Who cares? By the time any of that actually matters he will be all caught up. I could sit with my 2.5 year old and try to teach her how to read right now until I'm blue in the face OR I can wait four more years until it's a little more developmentally appropriate and she will catch on in no time at all (or just teach herself, which was sort of the case with 4YO) without any stress for either of us.

I hate the standards we've set for ourselves and our children. And not just educationally. It's everywhere. We create so much unnecessary work for ourselves that serves no real purpose other than to stress us out. Why do we care if our homes are a little dirty? We live there after all. I mean, who came up with the ridiculous idea that our homes should look like something out of a magazine every day? If you live there shouldn't there be a mess?

Or what about the stupid standards we set for beauty? Painted toenails. Waxed eyebrows. Shaved unmentionables. What a bunch of ridiculous busy work. It's so silly. (No offense to anyone who does those things - if you enjoy doing it, that's one thing. I'm talking about the idea that if you don't do them you're somehow letting yourself go.)

I don't measure up at all. My house is filthy. My toddler doesn't know her alphabet. My baby doesn't nap anywhere but on my lap. My car has trash all over the floor. I forgot to read books before bed tonight. My legs are hairy. My baby hasn't really eaten ANY food yet, let alone veggies. I'm playing on the computer right now instead of doing the dishes in the sink.

FTR, I'll be 33 in a month, I'm married, and I have four kids. I doubt I'll ever get my act together. In fact, it gets less together the older I get, the longer I'm married and the more kids I have. But I'm happy, and my kids and husband also seem to be, so that's enough!

TarheelMama202 · November 2013

+adamwife+ said:

holly321 said:

Can I just says standards today are ridiculous. You should not feel like your toddler needs to know the alphabet. If they do, great, if they don't that's great too. I feel like I learned mine in kindergarten,or right before. And half the time, I think people of full of it when they say all their kids can do. Sorry for the sideways rant, but it gets old.
This this this, so much this!!!!

My 4YO almost 5YO just learned his alphabet and doesn't know all of the sounds yet. He just started writing his name a month ago. But you know what? Who cares? By the time any of that actually matters he will be all caught up. I could sit with my 2.5 year old and try to teach her how to read right now until I'm blue in the face OR I can wait four more years until it's a little more developmentally appropriate and she will catch on in no time at all (or just teach herself, which was sort of the case with 4YO) without any stress for either of us.

I hate the standards we've set for ourselves and our children. And not just educationally. It's everywhere. We create so much unnecessary work for ourselves that serves no real purpose other than to stress us out. Why do we care if our homes are a little dirty? We live there after all. I mean, who came up with the ridiculous idea that our homes should look like something out of a magazine every day? If you live there shouldn't there be a mess?

Or what about the stupid standards we set for beauty? Painted toenails. Waxed eyebrows. Shaved unmentionables. What a bunch of ridiculous busy work. It's so silly. (No offense to anyone who does those things - if you enjoy doing it, that's one thing. I'm talking about the idea that if you don't do them you're somehow letting yourself go.)

I don't measure up at all. My house is filthy. My toddler doesn't know her alphabet. My baby doesn't nap anywhere but on my lap. My car has trash all over the floor. I forgot to read books before bed tonight. My legs are hairy. My baby hasn't really eaten ANY food yet, let alone veggies. I'm playing on the computer right now instead of doing the dishes in the sink.

FTR, I'll be 33 in a month, I'm married, and I have four kids. I doubt I'll ever get my act together. In fact, it gets less together the older I get, the longer I'm married and the more kids I have. But I'm happy, and my kids and husband also seem to be, so that's enough!

PREACH! I couldn't agree more. Every mama is just doing the best they can. My house is a wreck. My kid barely takes one solid nap a day. He's not doing some of the things he's "supposed" to be doing, according to the books. However, every single day I look at him and am in awe of how much joy he has brought into my life. Really, that's all that matters.

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