Any Regrets?

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · November 2013

Just stopping by for a quick minute to throw this up here to keep this board moving. I won't be around much during the week now that I started my new job (side note, I totally bawled my eyes out dropping T off this morning, and he acted like he didn't even notice I was gone when I picked him up--go figure). So this is a post and run.

I was thinking the other day when I was talking to my sister about some of my parenting regrets from the early months, think newborn to this time last year. Is there anything you wish you could have done differently? If there's going to be another one for you, what's the biggest thing you've learned in this last year that you'll use for the next one?

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · November 2013

As for me, all my regrets revolve around breastfeeding. I wish I stuck it out longer. I couldn't understand how it could possibly be that difficult, so I wasn't prepared for the struggle in the beginning, I just believed all the nurses when they told me I was doing it wrong, and then my husband was telling me that he didn't think T was getting enough, so we started supplementing before I even was discharged.

I hope we are lucky enough to have at least one more, and this time, I will follow my instinct. I talk a lot to my husband about how I wish I could have breastfed T, and I feel like I am much more educated now. Now that I'm near to my family, and my sister and I have the same take on breastfeeding, I know she will be a huge source of support (as you ladies are!), so I think I will be much more successful next time around.

gollywollypog · November 2013

@asales727, I had the same regrets with my first...bfing was HARD and I did the same as you, supplemented, stressed, all of it. Luckily, it got progressively easier with each child and now Em has been ebf this whole time and is still going strong. It's all a learning experience.

I don't have many regrets with Em. I do more with the older two but I'm much more confidant and knowledgeable now that I have all the years under my belt.

gollywollypog · November 2013

And to kind of answer the question: I forward faced the older two right at one year. I regret that. Emery is still RF and will be for a long time. So I'm doing that differently.

SJandVA · November 2013

I go to bed almost every night wishing I could do better. I feel like there are so many parenting mistakes I've made. Although most of them revolve around DD1. As for newborn phase I'm so dumb I made the same mistake twice. Sleeping is one. I swore the second time around I wasn't going to have a child boob obsessed and sleeping like a newborn for more than a year. But... Here I am doing it again. I suck in the sleep department.
With DD2 I also feel bad because I don't have her in a playgroup and Gymboree like I did with DD1.

PaisleyRuth · November 2013

I guess not making her take more bottles because she ended up never taking a bottle and I was tied to her for 13.5 months BFing. But now that that's over, it is what it is.

I've also had less energy to deal with her crying since I have DS crying and whining too, so she has gotten away with being a pickier eater. I regret that too, but again, I did the best I could with 2u2 so I don't beat myself up over it.

zbeesma86 · November 2013

Mine would be breast feeding as well. I didn't seek help of a lactation consultant & should have when I was having issues. I had no clue about tea & cookies & other things that could help my supply. DD never latched. I wish I had keep trying. Even with no success- I should have kept at it more than I did. But I thought pumping would workout fine. & it didn't. I still remember the small cry fest I had when she had formula. I felt like a failure. (Nothing against formula- I had just wanted to BF for 12-15 months)

ccam · November 2013

My one regret would be about BFing, too. I wish I hadn't supplemented so early in the beginning - I feel like it completely sent us down the wrong path. And even though I did as much as I could to try and make it work, it didn't. I ended up EPing until I dried up at about 5 months. BFing was the hardest part of the newborn stage for me - it left me stressed and frustrated.

I'm hoping when (if) we have #2, that I can listen to my own instincts. But I will also know from DS, that formula is a perfectly fine substitute and he turned out great!

cedenton · November 2013

Another BF'ing one here. Mostly I think I did everything I could. It took almost a week for my milk to come in so I think that indicates right there that I truly didn't have enough supply. Still....

I regret falling into PPD/PPA and struggling so much last winter. But there wasn't much I could do about that. Maybe do the placenta encapsulation thing and not let DH's aversion prevent me.

That's about it...

CoUnTryBB1 · November 2013

Well mine is on the other end of this discussion. I regret stressing and worrying about BF as much as I did. Looking back, once we started supplementing and I was able to relax easier and not be wound so tightly.

AmySmolos · November 2013

Is it weird I don't have a regret? I'm far from perfect and stress too much about things but overall I don't regret anything that I could have changed. I wish I could stay home with him but I can't. I managed to pump for the whole first year while working and am proud of that decision for me. I'm thankful for this board educating me on a lot from car seat safety to reassuring me it's ok if I chose not to sleep train. I cherish every moment with ds. Maybe my one regret is not going away with dh at all since he's been born. I think dh needs that time away and for us to be just us. I haven't been ready but I know I need to soon for dh and I know ds will be fine:)

Mrs. Rohde · November 2013

Mostly sleep related. I should have started the sleep training earlier with O.

WhtRssnGrl · November 2013

I regret not supplementing with formula for so long. In my head (for me), breastfeeding was black and white: all breast milk or no breast milk. Breastfeeding contributed to my PPD and it sucked. Big time. I'm not planning on having more children, but if I do, they'll be FF from the start.

CourtneyEeps · November 2013

I regret not asking for help. DH was always willing but I never told him how overwhelmed I was around the 3-4 month mark and just kept chugging along, exhausted and frustrated.

With the next baby (God willing), he WILL do more.

I regret ever reading the Baby Whisperer when I was pregnant. I was so nervous that we were going to get off on the wrong foot that I didn't enjoy my newborn as much as I would have otherwise.

twinkletoes3126 · November 2013

My main regret is not relaxing. I was so nervous and anxious about everything that I don't think I fully enjoyed the newborn stage. I spent so much time googling and worrying. If we have another baby, I will be much more calm and probably will get to enjoy the newborn stage more.

shakinros · November 2013

pregnantchick said:
Yes, I definitely feel the same way, I wish I had been able to bf longer. It tanked after I went back to work. For the 3 months I was on maternity leave it was working out great, but I wasn't disciplined about pumping at work and he also got used to the bottle. I really regret that I didn't do more - I stopped at 5 months and I wish I had tried harder and done things differently.

This for me too. Wow, BF'ing is so fraught for everyone! While I appreciate knowing I'm not alone, I'm sorry so many of you also had bad experiences.

I regret not dealing with my anxiety sooner. My maternity leave is a haze of sleeplessness, fear and worry. I don't think I started hitting my stride till she was 5 or 6mos old.

I regret trying a baby Bjorn and a K'tan instead of just shelling out for an ergo. Next kid, I am getting my baby wearing ON.

sadeathe · November 2013

I regret not sleep training earlier. Dh was worried about annoying the downstairs apartment neighbors, so we waited until we moved into a house. I'm going to try it around the six month mark for the next one we have instead of nine or ten months like we did with Albert.

brandyleighxx · November 2013

Another one for breastfeeding. The nurses and lactation consultants made me feel that if hurt, something was wrong. I wish I'd known it got better. We started supplementing first day home because he became dehydrated and reproducing small amounts of orange urine. Anyhow, I started pumping and supplementing and rarely nursing. I wish I'd toughed through nursing and rented a hospital grade pump because he started getting way more formula than BM by about 10 weeks, thinking I had a low supply when I'm pretty sure it was my cheap pump. We're about 90% sure we're not having another but if so, I'm going to try harder at breastfeeding. Other things I'd do differently is baby wearing more and sleep training/moving him tohis own room sooner. I did surprise myself however how naturally everything else came. I love that little boy to the moon and back and I think he feels the same. Even my husband, father of 4, asks me how to do things for ds (when/what to feed, schedule questions, etc) so I feel like I've got the whole mommy thing down... mostly

SpruceGrouse · November 2013

I realize now that I should have done more skin to skin at home, epically those first two weeks when he cried most of the time. I think it would have helped him (and me too). IF I have another (likely not), I will do more skin to skin.

SpruceGrouse · November 2013

Thanks C&N!

sdlaura · November 2013

AmySmolos said:

Is it weird I don't have a regret? I'm far from perfect and stress too much about things but overall I don't regret anything that I could have changed. I wish I could stay home with him but I can't. I managed to pump for the whole first year while working and am proud of that decision for me. I'm thankful for this board educating me on a lot from car seat safety to reassuring me it's ok if I chose not to sleep train. I cherish every moment with ds. Maybe my one regret is not going away with dh at all since he's been born. I think dh needs that time away and for us to be just us. I haven't been ready but I know I need to soon for dh and I know ds will be fine:)

I don't think it's weird - I don't really have regrets either. Even though we stopped EBFing at 3 months (intolerance issues), it really worked out fine for us. It made the transition back to work a lot easier, and DD is the healthiest kid I know, so I don't feel like not BFing longer was bad for her. I hope to be able to EBF this baby longer, but if it doesn't work out, oh well. Like you said, I'm very far from perfect, but I feel like we made the best decisions for us at the time. I also acknowledge that my baby was very easy as newborns go, and that definitely helped.

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