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May 2014 Moms
softservecity
member
So I know I'm ungrateful but... (Vent)
softservecity
member
I can't help feeling like no one is taking my feelings into consideration with this baby.
A little backstory: I have a 14 year old son. I had pretty much given up hope of ever having another child. With my son I was young and let everyone take over and was miserable but didn't know how to stand up for myself.
Ok, fast forward and I've been in my career 9 years. I'm pregnant and things are going good. Then I hear that at work they are giving me and a friend coworker a double shower because this is both our 2nd babies. Now I should be grateful that they're doing anything but I can't help feeling jipped. Even other coworkers have commented that its not right they do this and every baby deserves to be celebrated in its own way. Also, they usually spread showers out due to pay days so people don't feel overwhelmed giving too much money all at once. My friend has a one year old and isnt even planning on registering since she has everything. The job thing really has me pretty upset especially with other things going on there.
The other issue is my MIL. She keeps telling DH that she wants us to register at the big well known store she works at but I hate that store! She also wants to come stay with us when the baby is born. No, no, no. Too many people trying to help but just being in the way was what made my first time so miserable. And we don't have a guest room and I just plain don't like the idea. DH wants his mom to be happy but I just want it to be us. Ok, vent over. Feel free to comment.
A little backstory: I have a 14 year old son. I had pretty much given up hope of ever having another child. With my son I was young and let everyone take over and was miserable but didn't know how to stand up for myself.
Ok, fast forward and I've been in my career 9 years. I'm pregnant and things are going good. Then I hear that at work they are giving me and a friend coworker a double shower because this is both our 2nd babies. Now I should be grateful that they're doing anything but I can't help feeling jipped. Even other coworkers have commented that its not right they do this and every baby deserves to be celebrated in its own way. Also, they usually spread showers out due to pay days so people don't feel overwhelmed giving too much money all at once. My friend has a one year old and isnt even planning on registering since she has everything. The job thing really has me pretty upset especially with other things going on there.
The other issue is my MIL. She keeps telling DH that she wants us to register at the big well known store she works at but I hate that store! She also wants to come stay with us when the baby is born. No, no, no. Too many people trying to help but just being in the way was what made my first time so miserable. And we don't have a guest room and I just plain don't like the idea. DH wants his mom to be happy but I just want it to be us. Ok, vent over. Feel free to comment.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So I know I'm ungrateful but... (Vent)
Regarding your MIL, I would put your foot down and say you don't want her staying with you. If she lives out of town tell her you guys need a few weeks to bond as a family and then you would be happy to have her come visit and stay in a nearby hotel.
I def would put your foot down about MIL staying with you. Tell her you appreciate the offer but just want some time with DH and the new baby before you have visitors. If it were me I would have DH politely tell her she will be staying at a hotel when she does come. And you should register wherever you want...unless you are doing it just to spite her (not saying you are). Just tell her you prefer to register at X place. Or maybe register at your place and hers... Couldn't hurt .
I really don't think you can complain about getting a shower...especially a 2nd shower. It is gratuitous/a gift.
Now the MIL issue is a totally different subject. If you don't want her there, that is your right. Have you DH handle it, though, so you don't get blamed.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
I would also have your husband handle his mother-- no way would I want someone here 24/7 right when we get home, let alone my MIL!
i'm glad to hear this. my mom is planning to come for the first week and i waver about wanting her to and not wanting her to. but my DH won't be able to take the time off to stay home with us (if he's not working he's not getting paid), and i'm not sure i'll want to be alone so soon.
for the OP...i think you should put your foot down about your MIL. i love my MIL, but i wouldn't want her staying with me right after giving birth! no way!
i don't think i'll have to worry about that! my mom never relaxes and she usually tries to clean my house for me when she visits, lol.
i think i'm gonna like having her now that i think about it!
As far as your MIL, definitely stand your ground. I would go crazy if my MIL stayed with us and that's not good for anybody. Just be firm and tell her "no". She'll deal because she'll have to.
Good point on the shower. And great advice on what to tell MIL! Thank you!
I'm totally having my mom come stay with us at the beginning. Specifically because of what you said about the MOTN. She said her mom did it for her and she wants to do it for me. No arguments here! Hell no to the MIL, though. I'm biased
.
I agree with others on the work shower. We always combine them unless babies are way far apart. But, for those who think it's rude to have a second shower, my work throws them for everyone. We don't pick and choose based on prior family size. Chill out with those judgements. It's not like you can decline something like that in the workplace.
ETA: By way far apart, I mean like if one is due in May and one in Aug. Those would be separate. But an April and a May baby would be together. And the last shower I attended was for people who were both second-time moms. One had a 7 year old daughter and one a 9 year old daughter. *Shrug* We were just as excited for them as for the first-time parents.
I'm totally having my mom come stay with us at the beginning. Specifically because of what you said about the MOTN. She said her mom did it for her and she wants to do it for me. No arguments here! Hell no to the MIL, though. I'm biased
I agree with others on the work shower. We always combine them unless babies are way far apart. But, for those who think it's rude to have a second shower, my work throws them for everyone. We don't pick and choose based on prior family size. Chill out with those judgements. It's not like you can decline something like that in the workplace.
ETA: By way far apart, I mean like if one is due in May and one in Aug. Those would be separate. But an April and a May baby would be together. And the last shower I attended was for people who were both second-time moms. One had a 7 year old daughter and one a 9 year old daughter. *Shrug* We were just as excited for them as for the first-time parents.
It was nice in the MOTN! My grandma did it for her after each of us were born too. I'm hoping she does it again because it would be nice to have help entertaining DS during the day!It seems odd to me that they would throw a shower for your coworker who already has a young child and is probably a bit more prepared, but as previous posters said, a shower is a gift and every little bit will certainly help. Someone just posted today about students in her class that lack winter coats, so ya, I'd say complaining about a shower seems a smidge ungrateful.
As for MIL, put your foot down. I agree with PP that if there are even a few things you like from there to perhaps register for them, otherwise just tell her no. As for her coming to stay with you, let her know you appreciate the gesture, but you'd prefer if she waited until you guys adjusted a bit to come visit. It may be easier said than done though. My mom and MIL are 6 and 12 minutes from us respectively, so there will be no staying at my house.
I honestly don't know about any other shower. No one has discussed it with me. Money is tight around here and DH is looking for another job but I'm confident we'll be able to get the bare nesessaties if we had to pay out of pocket. I'm using gift cards left over from our wedding to start purchasing and looking at things we'll need. I'm also collecting coupons. Yes there are those more in need. I have always adopted an angel from our school angel tree and taught my son that even when we don't have much and our power may sometimes be turned off (hasn't happened in a while) that there are always those that have less.
I started shaking uncontrollably the night after the c-section that lasted for days. Doc said it was my bodies reaction to the pain and the morphine. I also broke out in an allergic reaction to the anti infection meds and broke into hives all over my body. If that happens again I know I won't want any family seeing me like that! Hope it goes better this time for the both of us!