Why do people think it's ok to touch the belly?

Shawnkm16 · November 2013

I had a run in with my MIL the other night. She came at me with the hands towards the belly with the most awful screeching I've ever heard "ah my grand baby!" I may have snapped a little quickly and told her to please not touch me. I don't understand why people thing a baby bump is an invitation to touch! Yeah I get it, it's cute, and there's a little moving person in there! I just don't know how to politely tell people to back off! Any suggestions?

springbaby03 · November 2013

Nope I've got nothing, I'd be mostly stunned. My mom, step daughter and brother do it occasionally and I'm ok with that. I don't want someone I'm not close to touching me its very creepy. I imagine I would just step backwards to dodge the attack lol

Missfunball · November 2013

Strangers - no way to prevent other than demeanor, but if its done without permission M14 says to run their belly back.

Family - have a talk before hand. Pull the protective mommy hormone card and just ask them if they wouldn't mind waiting for an invitation to touch. I invite certain touchers but only with baby moving since it creeps me out when they are just touching my stomach

YankeePeach08 · November 2013

people do it because they are excited, but it is rude, annoying and invasive.

jdmartin1020 · November 2013

Pennsylvania just passed a law that it is illegal to touch a pregnant woman's belly without permission and they could sue the person for sexual harassment. Whenever someone I know wants to touch my belly I'm all about it but their reaction afterwards is funny because they make sure I'm really not offended ! I haven't had a run-in with a stranger yet but it would be interesting to see their reaction too. What freaked me out was when DH's aunt touched and rubbed my belly at 6 weeks. Really?!?! It was literally my belly and some bloat then...gross!

lalaith50 · November 2013

They do it precisely bc they DON'T think about it! They're just excited!

KariB509 · November 2013

People think it's okay to touch your belly because they're assholes.
My mil likes to touch my belly as well. I'm not touchy so this drives me crazy. I like my personal space so just stay away.

DaisyJane11 · November 2013

I don't get why so many people get uptight about others being excited about new babies coming. Babies are exciting, pregnancy is exciting, It's the miracle of life. It doesn't bother me. I don't get offend by aquaintances giving hugs, a pat on the back,or touching my arm in conversation. Most people I know don't get offended by these things either. By extension, family touching the belly is NBD to me.

DaisyJane11 · November 2013

@CaseAndDave Creepers and strangers I get. For me if I'd hug you, a tummy rub isn't offensive. OP was talking about MIL, in my book that's someone who gets a hug.

PerkyErky · November 2013

I don't know if I give off a "don't even think about touching me" vibe or if because I was overweight before getting pregnant and people don't want to make the mistake of thinking I am pregnant if I'm not...but no one has touched me. My mom will pat my tummy but that's not weird for me. My MIL would never think to touch my stomach without asking, but I have invited her to several times because I know she is really excited (she never got to be around when her two grandsons were gestating or babies so she is super super excited to be around for this baby).

I would not be ok with someone I don't know or don't know well touching me without asking, but family and close friends I really don't care.

jennybean80 · November 2013

So far the only people who have touched my belly are women I work with (other than DH and DS). I think they do it because we work with pregnant women and are touching their bellies all the time trying to figure out babies' positions and how strong their contractions are, so it's pretty common practice around there. I still find it a little weird, though. If it was a stranger, there would definitely be a 'whoa, back off' type reaction. If you wouldn't touch my boobs (which are also bigger with pregnancy) why would you touch my belly just because it's big right now too?

Excitedmum35 · November 2013

I agree with those who say the belly is NOT free game! Just because you're pregnant does not change common decency.
I also can't stand women who have been pregnant themselves that do it. I mean even if u didnt mind surely u would've had the discussion with someone at some point with the opinion it's not ok?!?!
And WHY??? Do ppl want to touch your belly?!?!? Fine they're excited- talk about the baby, but something for the baby, think about the baby- but no need to invade the mother's personal space!!!! There's nothing in if for the baby- it's all about the person who is touching!
As far as I'm concerned, the only ppl who need to bond with baby before he/she is delivered is DH and DS. My mum has 11 grandchildren and has never needed to touch her daughters or DILS to bond with the babies and she has managed just fine.
If YOU like the belly attention, fine. If not everyone should back off!

adepreee · November 2013

I know the feeling! I don't mind close family and friends touching it, but I hate hate hate strangers thinking it's okay to do it! So usually if I'm going to the grocery store or just running errands, I wear this shirt. It's ridiculous, but it keeps belly touching creepers away.

babylimas · November 2013

I haven't really had anyone touch my belly. My sisters do, but they obviously don't bother me.

I'm starting to get the frequent stranger comments though. People have such opinions about my belly! It doesn't help that with the excess fluid my stomach is a lot bigger than normal.

Shawnkm16 · November 2013

Where can I buy this?!!!

Shawnkm16 · November 2013

I'm just glad I'm not the only person that finds touching completely invasive! Thanks ladies! I'm not nuts after all!

adepreee · November 2013

Shawnkm16 said:
Where can I buy this?!!!

Cafepress.com and then just search maternity!

BrideNamedMeg · November 2013

I'm in the "it doesn't bother me" camp, especially if it's a family member or friend. I wouldn't touch another person's belly without permission though!

Arieltnc · November 2013

You're MIL sounds just like mine. Annoying screeching and all! My SIL almost punched me in the face lifting my shirt up to see "the baby" once. Took all I had not to clock her. So far brushing away wandering hands has worked. Also not wearing tight clothes around the IL's so they don't see as much "progress" helps.

futurecody · November 2013

My policy for people I know is, if you hugged me/touched my shoulder a lot before pregnant, rub away. If not, don't start rubbing my belly now!

Funny enough, I've had a couple strangers do it to me at the gym, and I honestly didn't mind it as much as I thought I would! They were so sweet and just casually did it in the conversation--brief pat then done. The people that bother me (and that I have the rule for) are acquaintances who do it every time they see me, and in laws-- who were not huggy with me before being pregnant.

Renik20 · November 2013

My MIL not only screeched and came at me, she tried to lift up my shirt! I hope she got the hint, bc I have to see the ILs again this weekend!

clo1982 · November 2013

@daisyjane11 I think the reason people get all worked up (myself included) is that on a normal basis rubbing someone's belly is not socially appropriate. It's socially acceptable to hug or touch an arm but if someone isn't pregnant, normal social interaction would not ever involve them touching your midsection. So just because someone is excited doesn't mean the rules of personal space change to include your abdomen. a person can hug, high five, smile or just say congrats to convey excitement...they don't need to rub a belly like it's a genie lamp.

Arieltnc · November 2013

clo1982 said:
@daisyjane11 I think the reason people get all worked up (myself included) is that on a normal basis rubbing someone's belly is not socially appropriate. It's socially acceptable to hug or touch an arm but if someone isn't pregnant, normal social interaction would not ever involve them touching your midsection. So just because someone is excited doesn't mean the rules of personal space change to include your abdomen. a person can hug, high five, smile or just say congrats to convey excitement...they don't need to rub a belly like it's a genie lamp.

I agree! I really think that's why I don't like it. I rubbed my coworkers belly when she did it to me the other day. She acted shocked/offended. But she got the message. She hasn't touched me since.

kimberpoo · November 2013

I'm in the 'it doesn't bother me' boat. I think that if you are someone who I would normally hug/pat/touch/whatever, then a gentle touch to my belly is normal. like, if you were sad I'd pat you on the back, if you are happy about the baby then a pat on the belly would be the logical sort of touch to give. this includes family and all friends.

this absolutely does not extend to strangers, but I cave for co-workers. we have a tiny office (7 people total) and do hug each other for 'congratulations'. I've only been tummy-touched once or twice and it surprised me, but everyone is so genuinely happy and excited that I took it as a sweet gesture. I wouldn't want them rubbing my belly constantly, but a congratulatory touch when talking about baby is just fine imo.

Nadeau Photography · November 2013

When woman do it, I don't give it a second thought (unless it becomes an extended period of time - I recently became a little weirded out after 2 of my best friends had all 4 hands on my belly for what felt like an eternity). Big diff between that "oh your looking so cute" touch and that "let me just crouch here for a minute" touch.

I do, however, get weirded out by guys who like to belly touch. Just feels weird since they aren't typically in that excitable about pregnancy club.

lb1117 · November 2013

My family is all touchy feely...thinking strangling, holding on longer than necessary type hugs. It irks me when I am not pregnant. I am NOT a person who enjoys being touched, unless it's cuddling with my pup or DH. Quick hugs hello and goodbye with close family and friends, but random hugging/long hugs are not my thing. Pregnancy doesn't change how I feel about my personal space. However, in everyone else's mind, apparently it does. I repeated have to tell my mom to at least ask first and she is finally asking before touching. Her and my sis now ask first. Everyone else so far, myself or my DH have had to ask to "look not touch" I really offended my MIL when I wouldn't let her touch or see my bare belly. That's on her not me. And my DH has to constantly remind her to back off.

SomersIsles · November 2013

I actually heard from a friend what it's like to be on the other end of belly touching - she touched a pregnant woman's belly and was SOO offended by the pregnant woman's reaction.

Here's what happened...

My friend bumped into her cousin's wife at a wedding and they hadn't seen each other in a while and at this point she was about 6 months pregnant. My friend was so excited for the upcoming baby shower as well as how adorable this lady looked that she went over, big smile, and said something like "OMG you're showing! love it!" and then rubbed her belly. The pregnant lady instantly touched my friend's belly and very sarcastically repeated the exact phrase back to her. Needless to say my friend was shocked at the response because she had such good intentions and thought she was complimenting the soon-to-be mom. The exchange really soured the relationship. What made it worse was that despite this interaction, the mom-to-be had no problem inviting her to the baby shower and keeping her updated on baby shower gift suggestions. She has never gotten over it and just saw the mom-to-be as rude.

All in all, my friend was insulted as well. Granted my friend has never been pregnant so I guess it never dawned on her that touching someone's belly would be offensive.

I don't know if we should expect everyone to automatically know that touching someone's belly is offensive. I know it is offensive to some because of this board, but I also know that in our culture, it's also a common action. Because so many people do it, one can assume it's not common knowledge that many people hate it. Sometimes you can tell who may be offended... if they have a generally standoff-ish demeanor... but there also the same people you may not give a quick goodbye hug to when leaving a social setting.

It's complicated.