Am I the only one counting down the days to TTC again? — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Am I the only one counting down the days to TTC again?

sunflwrasunflwra
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edited November 2013 in Late Term and Child Loss

Hi ladies-  I had my follow up appointment with my OB yesterday. Everything looks good but she recommends that we wait 3 months before TTC again. It sounds like part of that comes from wanting to be sure my body has healed and we have all of our test results back from this loss (most likely a cord accident but doing all of the other testing on me and the baby to be sure nothing else shows up). I think the other part, though she doesn't say it, is about trying to get emotionally ready. It all makes sense to me logically but it also makes me so sad to have to wait that long before trying again.

I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to forget the pregnancy and little boy that we lost. I know that even if what happened to us was a fluke, if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, I will worry every second of every day.  But I also don't think any of that will change whether or not we get pregnany in one month or one year. Plus, right or wrong, I feel like after all of the sadness that we've been experiencing- I'd love something to be excited about again.

My husband processes things differently and it could very likely take him the 3 months or even longer to be ready to move forward. I just wonder if I'm alone in feeling like I don't want to wait?

BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011

BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident

BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown

To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.

 

Re: Am I the only one counting down the days to TTC again?

  • I know what you mean,i also got the ok to try again in three months. It feels like eternity I wanted to try right away like right now but I don't want to risk any thing bad happening.i know that my body isn't healed but apart of me wants to be pg right now! Just think we could ttc around valentines day and have our dec babies.....

  • I totally understand. After loosing our son EJ last year in Nov we were told to wait 3 cycles and. Y husband was strict on us waiting. We waited till February around his birthday and got pregnant with our daughter Olivia in April whom we lost in Oct. I go in for testing next Monday and I know that they will probably give me a longer time to wait so that they can get results which I want also but like all of us we have the empty arms issue and we don't want to replace the babies we lost but to have a baby to finally being home. Like PP said can have some Dec babies :)
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  • I felt that way at first. But to be honest, I feel less and less eager to TTC now that time is passing. I don't know if it's the way I'm processing my grief and worries, and of course we will all go through it differently, but the thought of it terrifies me more and more. 

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
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    stefuge
  • Thanks ladies. I know that there's no telling how soon my period will come back with any regularity as well, so that will help determine some of it.  And @mingaling2 , you may be right and the fear may set in more as the time gets closer.  I guess you don't know until you get there. As I said, I know I will be terrified when we do get pregnant since we had such minimal concerns this time (clear genetics tests, etc), so it was such a suprise.  I think I'll have fear every time I walk into the OB's office. 

    I had such an easy time getting pregnant the first time that when we TTC the second time, I concentrated a lot of when I wanted to have my second child (not too close to my baby girl's birthday, good timing to miss work, etc).  If we got pregnant in Feb/March- we would likely have another December baby but it doesn't matter to me in the slightest now- we will always make each of them special. I just want to be able to bring another child into our lives. I do feel like there's a hole there without him. The things that seemed to matter before, just don't anymore.

    BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011

    BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident

    BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown

    To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.

     

    irons633diamante1181Jansheski
  • I can honestly say I am counting down in a sense, as well. My ob said to wait 2 cycles, and I don't know when my period will be back, as I was never even regular before, and we conceived via ivf. I guess we'll see what happens. I almost feel a little guilt for wanting to try so soon; I don't want to seem like I'm trivializing their life and existence. My twins are so obviously my world! 
    On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
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  • I definitely feel the same. I was all about trying as soon as we could and the doctor said to wait at least one cycle. Unfortunately I just had a weekend of bleeding complications and I haven't even asked when it will be okay to try again.
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    Lindseykooiker
  • I have a lot of the same feelings.  My situation is a little different but when we lost our 5 month old I almost immediately wanted to start trying for another child.  I know it won't help fill the hole that I have in my heart but it will bring me hope and happiness and really I think it would help me emotionally heal.  I met with my Dr. not too long ago because AF still has not returned ( I was still breast feeding when Wyatt died) and brought it up that we wanted to try again and he told me that he didn't think I should try for another baby because it sounded like I was trying to replace Wyatt.  Well if that wasn't a stab to my heart I don't know what was.  I as calmly as I could tried to explain that I could NEVER ever replace my baby and that was not what I was trying to do.  It's hard enough having to deal with this and then you have people judging you because you want another child too soon in their book.
                   image
    Mother of two sweet boys. One on earth and one in Heaven.  Sweet Baby Wyatt 3/29/13-9/10/13
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  • WOW @Jansheski - first of all, as painful as losing this pregnancy and baby at 20 weeks was, for me personally, I can't see it as being even close to losing a child I've spent even one breathing moment with, so I am so, so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure that Corbin is for you, as Brynn is for me, such a saving grace and reason to continue getting out of bed everyday.

    Also- although I love my OB, I can't imagine her ever saying to me that it seemed like I was trying to replace what I lost. I don't know if I could go back to him after that. I feel, like you, that the hole will never be filled but it would be source of hope and happiness that would help you heal. I'm sure he's trying to look out for health and well-being but this is such a personal situation (even between people have gone through similar losses), so as long as you are not harming yourself or others, what business is it of his how you move forward?

    I know not everyone will understand how we feel.  One of the first questions that I asked my OB when we found out about our loss was what did it mean for trying again and how long would we have to wait.  I'm a planner to the core and having that information helped me start working through this process as soon as it happened.  My husband is the opposite, so he couldn't believe I asked that.  Everyone works through things differently and I don't think it's anyone else's place to judge, especially if you can't say that you've personally gone through it.

    Sorry to go on and on, I just can't fathom going through anything you're dealing with and wouldn't want anything to make it harder for you. I hope you can find peace with whatever your choices are and try to put others' judgment out of your mind. 

    BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011

    BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident

    BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown

    To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.

     

    Jansheski
  • Jansheski said:
    I met with my Dr. not too long ago because AF still has not returned ( I was still breast feeding when Wyatt died) and brought it up that we wanted to try again and he told me that he didn't think I should try for another baby because it sounded like I was trying to replace Wyatt.  Well if that wasn't a stab to my heart I don't know what was.  I as calmly as I could tried to explain that I could NEVER ever replace my baby and that was not what I was trying to do.  It's hard enough having to deal with this and then you have people judging you because you want another child too soon in their book.
    I can't believe he said that to you. I'm so sorry - that must have been a terrible thing to hear regardless of what he intended. No one can replace a lost child. 

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
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    Jansheski
  • You know I don't know what you are going through either because I have never lost a baby at 20 weeks.  You just have a different type of pain, where you are grieving all of the things that could have been.  I am thankful that God blessed me with 5 months with my baby and we had the opportunity to have precious moments with him.  Even though it seemed far to short and I didn't get to have all the memories I wanted to make with him.  It wasn't my OB it was actually my primary care doctor who is also my son's pediatrician.  It was so weird of him to say it too because he is usually a very compassionate man and has been great with my kids.  His comment totally caught me off guard. 

    And yes Corbin has been such a blessing and help to me in this healing process.  Brynn and him have a close birthday! I somewhat remember you I believe from the December baby board 2011.  I may have had a different screen name then I had to change it when I changed my email.  

    I am a planner too.  A couple days after Wyatt died I even asked my DH if he wanted to have more.  I always wanted a big family and we knew we wanted more than 1 child so now its just a matter of waiting.  Yes I have just realized that people often say things before thinking and I try not to hold it against them because I know they mean well even if their words come out completely wrong and hurtful.  
    Thats cool how you tagged me in your post how did you do that? did you just type it out like that?
                   image
    Mother of two sweet boys. One on earth and one in Heaven.  Sweet Baby Wyatt 3/29/13-9/10/13
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  • I was given the clear at our 6 week follow up. We then tried for the next five months, and did not get pregnant. I have PCOS and wasn't ovulating. So, we went back on the pill and are trying again in Jan. I wanted so very badly to get pregnant ASAP. However, now 8 months out I am glad I didn't get pregnant right away. It would have been hard grieving and dealing with a new pregnancy. I think by Jan I will be ready to focus on another child and pregnancy.

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  • @jansheski - yes, just type it with the @ sign and it will tag the person. I think you have a great outlook when it comes to what people say. One of the things my OBtold us was that people won't know what to say- sadly it sounds like that even extends to medical professionals sometimes :-(

    BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011

    BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident

    BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown

    To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.

     

  • I felt that way at first. But to be honest, I feel less and less eager to TTC now that time is passing. I don't know if it's the way I'm processing my grief and worries, and of course we will all go through it differently, but the thought of it terrifies me more and more. 

    ***DS mentioned*** This is exactly how I feel. The first month or so, all I could think about was how badly I wanted a baby and how I couldn't wait to get pregnant again, but as more time passes, I drift closer and closer to waiting and needing more time. Some days, I'm not even sure if I do want to try again. We are both so happy with DS and our little family, I know we could be more than content as we are. I've been even more on the fence with the recent bloodwork results and the reality that the doctors don't know what caused our loss or the complications with DS1's pregnancy, and that is really scary. This is definitely one of those things that is different for everyone, I just encourage you to give yourself time to grieve. Another pregnancy and a newborn baby are both time-consuming and come with plenty of worry and anxiety and you need time to dwell and remember your angel.
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
    mingaling2
  • ***SIGGY/pregnancy mentioned***





    My OB told me I could start trying right away, but I got an MMR shot at the hospital and had to wait three months to start. We tried that first month, I got a BFN, and I was absolutely devastated. The pressure to get pregnant again was way too much for me to handle mentally, and I wound up pulling away from the TTC train because I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. I'm glad that we wound up waiting nine months to try again [and subsequently get pregnant], because I really wasn't ready. I wanted so badly to be ready, but I wasn't. I know everyone is different, though! I totally get the almost overwhelming desire to get pregnant NOW, because I was there for a few months.






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  • I am ready to start trying again but my DH isn't ready yet. I have come to the decision that its ok for us to not have anymore kids because we have our daughter and we will get to be with her again and raise her when we get to Heaven. That I can not wait for!   :)

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