Hi ladies- I had my follow up appointment with my OB yesterday. Everything looks good but she recommends that we wait 3 months before TTC again. It sounds like part of that comes from wanting to be sure my body has healed and we have all of our test results back from this loss (most likely a cord accident but doing all of the other testing on me and the baby to be sure nothing else shows up). I think the other part, though she doesn't say it, is about trying to get emotionally ready. It all makes sense to me logically but it also makes me so sad to have to wait that long before trying again.
I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to forget the pregnancy and little boy that we lost. I know that even if what happened to us was a fluke, if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, I will worry every second of every day. But I also don't think any of that will change whether or not we get pregnany in one month or one year. Plus, right or wrong, I feel like after all of the sadness that we've been experiencing- I'd love something to be excited about again.
My husband processes things differently and it could very likely take him the 3 months or even longer to be ready to move forward. I just wonder if I'm alone in feeling like I don't want to wait?
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
Re: Am I the only one counting down the days to TTC again?
Thanks ladies. I know that there's no telling how soon my period will come back with any regularity as well, so that will help determine some of it. And @mingaling2 , you may be right and the fear may set in more as the time gets closer. I guess you don't know until you get there. As I said, I know I will be terrified when we do get pregnant since we had such minimal concerns this time (clear genetics tests, etc), so it was such a suprise. I think I'll have fear every time I walk into the OB's office.
I had such an easy time getting pregnant the first time that when we TTC the second time, I concentrated a lot of when I wanted to have my second child (not too close to my baby girl's birthday, good timing to miss work, etc). If we got pregnant in Feb/March- we would likely have another December baby but it doesn't matter to me in the slightest now- we will always make each of them special. I just want to be able to bring another child into our lives. I do feel like there's a hole there without him. The things that seemed to matter before, just don't anymore.
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
WOW @Jansheski - first of all, as painful as losing this pregnancy and baby at 20 weeks was, for me personally, I can't see it as being even close to losing a child I've spent even one breathing moment with, so I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure that Corbin is for you, as Brynn is for me, such a saving grace and reason to continue getting out of bed everyday.
Also- although I love my OB, I can't imagine her ever saying to me that it seemed like I was trying to replace what I lost. I don't know if I could go back to him after that. I feel, like you, that the hole will never be filled but it would be source of hope and happiness that would help you heal. I'm sure he's trying to look out for health and well-being but this is such a personal situation (even between people have gone through similar losses), so as long as you are not harming yourself or others, what business is it of his how you move forward?
I know not everyone will understand how we feel. One of the first questions that I asked my OB when we found out about our loss was what did it mean for trying again and how long would we have to wait. I'm a planner to the core and having that information helped me start working through this process as soon as it happened. My husband is the opposite, so he couldn't believe I asked that. Everyone works through things differently and I don't think it's anyone else's place to judge, especially if you can't say that you've personally gone through it.
Sorry to go on and on, I just can't fathom going through anything you're dealing with and wouldn't want anything to make it harder for you. I hope you can find peace with whatever your choices are and try to put others' judgment out of your mind.
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
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BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
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BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
***DS mentioned*** This is exactly how I feel. The first month or so, all I could think about was how badly I wanted a baby and how I couldn't wait to get pregnant again, but as more time passes, I drift closer and closer to waiting and needing more time. Some days, I'm not even sure if I do want to try again. We are both so happy with DS and our little family, I know we could be more than content as we are. I've been even more on the fence with the recent bloodwork results and the reality that the doctors don't know what caused our loss or the complications with DS1's pregnancy, and that is really scary. This is definitely one of those things that is different for everyone, I just encourage you to give yourself time to grieve. Another pregnancy and a newborn baby are both time-consuming and come with plenty of worry and anxiety and you need time to dwell and remember your angel.
Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS