Hitting

Re: Hitting

• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  @beccaga16- You are the first person who actually made a lot of sense to be honest. Enlightening about a kids reasoning ability is an amazing way to respond.  That's NOT how this post started which got me really upset. I will NOT judge a parent who said they swatted a kid or spanked and say they are horrible people. Saying they might not understand is a hell of a lot better.

  If people on here actually responded like that instead of judging, maybe you could actually change some behavior vs. getting people pissed off by being judged.

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  Please. I didn't say I would want someone to hit their kids because they misbehave. How could I say that if I don't do it?

  And I don't judge parents I see whose kids are misbehaving because I have no context.  I judge parent who sit there and do nothing about it while the kids are annoying everyone around them. I judge my friends whose kids misbehave all the time because people don't know how to discipline or punish  ( I didn't say hit here- I said punish and discipline. Whether that is losing privileges, toys, time outs, spanking, etc- to each his own).

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  So, have a good night. Making a point about judging people's actions turned into the most ridiculous debate. Didn't really mean to do that- I just get way too upset when people are told they are bad parents by complete strangers who have no clue how they live their lives. You can't make that judgment in my opinion because someone swatted, bit or spanked their child. I am sorry- no matter what anyone says, I still don't think people have the right to decide that parent is a bad one based on that type of action.

   

   

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• magentawarped member

  November 2013

  janinekrause said:

  So, have a good night. Making a point about judging people's actions turned into the most ridiculous debate. Didn't really mean to do that- I just get way too upset when people are told they are bad parents by complete strangers who have no clue how they live their lives. You can't make that judgment in my opinion because someone swatted, bit or spanked their child. I am sorry- no matter what anyone says, I still don't think people have the right to decide that parent is a bad one based on that type of action.

   

   

  Actually, we can judge. We did. And I don't feel bad about it.
  
  

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

  janinekrause said:

  Please. I didn't say I would want someone to hit their kids because they misbehave. How could I say that if I don't do it?

  And I don't judge parents I see whose kids are misbehaving because I have no context.  I judge parent who sit there and do nothing about it while the kids are annoying everyone around them. I judge my friends whose kids misbehave all the time because people don't know how to discipline or punish  ( I didn't say hit here- I said punish and discipline. Whether that is losing privileges, toys, time outs, spanking, etc- to each his own).

  You need to map your thoughts out a little better, I think.

  
  

  You said that maybe parenting has gone down the wrong road, essentially.  Too many people are taking time to be nice to their children, speak gently to their children, and being overly worried about traumatizing them.  This was your argument in favor of sometimes using spanking as another method.  Am I right?  Still with me? So one could conclude that you think these parents should be spanking instead.

  I do think people are too scared about traumatizing their kids. And I think parents are too scared to yell, punish, spank for fear they aren't good parents.  Personally, I don't think spanking is super effective but that's me. Getting yelled at or disappointing my parents was a lot worse punishment for me.  What I am saying is I think people have gotten so wrapped up in reading how to parent that they don't use their instincts anymore, and live by what people say vs. what works in their house.

   

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  November 2013 edited November 2013

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  Nicb13 said:

  
   

  janinekrause said:

  Please. I didn't say I would want someone to hit their kids because they misbehave. How could I say that if I don't do it?

  And I don't judge parents I see whose kids are misbehaving because I have no context.  I judge parent who sit there and do nothing about it while the kids are annoying everyone around them. I judge my friends whose kids misbehave all the time because people don't know how to discipline or punish  ( I didn't say hit here- I said punish and discipline. Whether that is losing privileges, toys, time outs, spanking, etc- to each his own).

  So it's ok for YOU to pick and choose who you judge but we are awful for judging the person who hits/bites/swats her baby?
  

  
  I will absolutely judge someone who (in the absence of a real issue) can't control their kids. I have kids come over who have hit my 1 year old who are 4, broken things in my house, etc.

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• missyishere member

  November 2013

  You don't like when a 4 y/o hits your kid, but you would be okay if that parent hits their child?  Am I understanding this correctly?  If they disciplined their child by hitting them as a result of hitting your kid, then you would be fine with it, right? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Parenting Floozie Brigades official motto:  We welcome to you the board with open legs.  Also, open beers. ~@cinemagoddess
  

  
  

  
  
  

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  Absolutely will step away. I judge parents who can't control their kids, not someone who swats their kid. Give me a break.

  The sad thing is I have been on this website for 5 years and used to really enjoy the feedback. There were always judgments but it has gotten so much worse.

  Back to babycenter where when I searched biting- it actually had lots of parents saying they did that same thing (one because their doctor told them too). Maybe that's closer to the real world than this site.

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• ShakeyJakey member

  November 2013

  Absolutely will step away. I judge parents who can't control their kids, not someone who swats their kid. Give me a break.

  The sad thing is I have been on this website for 5 years and used to really enjoy the feedback. There were always judgments but it has gotten so much worse.

  Back to babycenter where when I searched biting- it actually had lots of parents saying they did that same thing (one because their doctor told them too). Maybe that's closer to the real world than this site.

  
  

  ------------------

  Sadly, it probably is. Still doesn't make it right. If they all said, my pedi said I could turn my kid forward facing at 9 months, would you think that was okay? Logic. Use it

  Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

  
  

  There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
  Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
  Without you I'll never make it out alive
  But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
  

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

  J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 

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• [Deleted User] member

  November 2013

  Ahh, perfect, ending with a GBCB. FWIW, @janinekrause, when you stepped in with your intial "stop judging" post, most commentors had criticized the METHOD (hitting, spanking) turner suggested. I don't think anyone told her she was a bad parent in general. If so, you should have quoted that person and responded to their comment.
  

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• janinekrause member

  November 2013

  @rocknrollfriend- there were 4 or 5 nasty remarks so too many too quote.

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• turner215 member

  November 2013

  I've been reading all of this and staying quite.  But, I mean really?  I work as a family counselor and most of you have a very hands off parenting style.  Some of you don't.  Its okay to have either.  Its not a right or wrong, however some of you seem to believe so. So you dont like the way we discipline our child, i don't like the way to try to reason with a toddler.  Doesn't make you wrong. However, talking it out with a less than 2 year old doesn't work well.  They don't have the cognitive understanding of an older child. Also, kids this age don't understand exterior emotions.  So if you say it hurts, they don't get it because it doesn't hurt them.  They have to get an understanding that their actions will hurt someone else not just themselves.  Spanking or "biting" a child is not nearly as extreme as you all seem to have made it.  You should look up  behavior replacement therapy; it's taking a bad behavior, giving them an acceptable behavior that takes the place of it and giving them a consequence for using the negative behavior.  My kid gets a spanking, a light one on her diaper, that's a far cry from "hitting my child" as you have come to describe it. You all need to take a time out and realize not everyone will parent like you.  Although at this point I've realized this board is mostly women who just want to argue when you don't agree.   So thanks for the unnecessary drama... I will never be back here. 

      
  
  

  

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• aglenn member

  November 2013

  2 GBCB for the price of one!  It's a special day.
  

  

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• ShakeyJakey member

  November 2013

  You'll both probably fit in better at baby center. It's a good place for people that are too dumb for the bump.

  Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

  
  

  There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
  Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
  Without you I'll never make it out alive
  But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
  

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

  J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 

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• BluepointToasted member

  November 2013

  turner215 said:

  I've been reading all of this and staying quite.  But, I mean really?  I work as a family counselor and most of you have a very hands off parenting style.  Some of you don't.  Its okay to have either.  Its not a right or wrong, however some of you seem to believe so. So you dont like the way we discipline our child, i don't like the way to try to reason with a toddler.  Doesn't make you wrong. However, talking it out with a less than 2 year old doesn't work well.  They don't have the cognitive understanding of an older child. Also, kids this age don't understand exterior emotions.  So if you say it hurts, they don't get it because it doesn't hurt them.  They have to get an understanding that their actions will hurt someone else not just themselves.  Spanking or "biting" a child is not nearly as extreme as you all seem to have made it.  You should look up  behavior replacement therapy; it's taking a bad behavior, giving them an acceptable behavior that takes the place of it and giving them a consequence for using the negative behavior.  My kid gets a spanking, a light one on her diaper, that's a far cry from "hitting my child" as you have come to describe it. You all need to take a time out and realize not everyone will parent like you.  Although at this point I've realized this board is mostly women who just want to argue when you don't agree.   So thanks for the unnecessary drama... I will never be back here. 

  
  Holy shit. You have no fucking idea what behavior replacement is about. You replace an unacceptable behavior (biting) with an acceptable behavior (hitting a pillow? Saying you are mad?). What the fuck are you talking about?

  

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• zbeesma86 member

  November 2013

  turner215 said:

  I've been reading all of this and staying quite.  But, I mean really?  I work as a family counselor and most of you have a very hands off parenting style.  Some of you don't.  Its okay to have either.  Its not a right or wrong, however some of you seem to believe so. So you dont like the way we discipline our child, i don't like the way to try to reason with a toddler.  Doesn't make you wrong. However, talking it out with a less than 2 year old doesn't work well.  They don't have the cognitive understanding of an older child. Also, kids this age don't understand exterior emotions.  So if you say it hurts, they don't get it because it doesn't hurt them.  They have to get an understanding that their actions will hurt someone else not just themselves.  Spanking or "biting" a child is not nearly as extreme as you all seem to have made it.  You should look up  behavior replacement therapy; it's taking a bad behavior, giving them an acceptable behavior that takes the place of it and giving them a consequence for using the negative behavior.  My kid gets a spanking, a light one on her diaper, that's a far cry from "hitting my child" as you have come to describe it. You all need to take a time out and realize not everyone will parent like you.  Although at this point I've realized this board is mostly women who just want to argue when you don't agree.   So thanks for the unnecessary drama... I will never be back here. 

  

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• sschwege member

  November 2013

  CurlyQ284 said:

  @janinekrause none of the comments are directed at using spanking as a disciplinary tool in general but the faulty logic in teaching your child not to hit by hitting them. Or not to bite by biting them. It sends a mixed message saying "this is a bad thing for you to do but im doing it to you"

  This exactly.  

  
  

  We have never spanked, swatted, tapped our children and I hope we never do.  But I can tell you one thing, I would NEVER try to teach my child not to hit by hitting.  I used to always say to DD, "It is not OK to hit people.  Does mama hit you?"  That felt good to be able to say that, to lead by example.  

  
  

  OP: Aggressive outbursts are pretty much the only reason we use time-outs.  There are no warnings, DD goes behind the gate for 3 minutes or so, then we talk about what she did and she apologizes.  It worked well for us, just make sure you are consistent with it and she will get it.  

  
  
  
  
  
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