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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
julialynn23
member
Hitting
julialynn23
member
SO my 2 yr old has started to hit out of frustration. How do you deal with the hitting issue?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hitting
If I'm holding her I immediately set her down. Same with DH.
If she doesn't and we aren't holding her she goes in the PNP for a 15 second timeout then she comes out.
Just be consistent in what you do and they will learn. DD does it way less than she used to. I've telling her to 'use her words' and 'hitting hurts, please don't.'
Hitting your kid to teach them not to hit - brilliant. Ahem.
Anyway, DD is 22 months and does this when she is overtired/overstimulated. In addition to just trying to watch for these situations, we will put her down if we're holding her, tell her firmly and seriously "we don't hit, that hurts," and have recently had some success with "time out" in the form of having her go sit in a specific chair for just a minute, more as a way for her to cool down than as punishment. Then I'll usually ask her "do we hit?" and she'll say no, and I'll ask her "can you tell daddy/grandma/the dog you're sorry?" and she does.
It is an age-appropriate thing, as they have more emotions and thoughts than they know how to handle or express. I think we, the parents, just have to stay calm and not make the situation worse by getting mad, respond to it consistently. I also think it helps sometimes to talk about it outside of the moment, like when everything is going great and LO is happy and calm, maybe you are reading a book or something and can mention "do we hit people? No. Do we use gentle hands? Yes. Show mommy how you use gentle hands," etc.
Just to defend for a second. I personally don't hit or spank, but know people who do, and was spanked myself. Whatever. I don't think it is necessarily wrong how someone chooses to discipline- shes not beating up her child. And I was afraid to do things wrong in my house growing up and had great parents.
As for the comment about biting your kid back, there are TONS of parents who actually do that if their kids are biting a lot. Its not as unusual as you think- many kids don't even know it hurts- so it is showing them that it can. again, not something I have done but seen in a lot.
Yes, we use time outs, we yell, we explain, we read books. Depends on the instance.
Stop with the judging. Seriously.
@curlyQ284 - I think it was more judgmental than that. If you posted if spanking was acceptable, 99% of the people here would judge it.
I agree in some ways about mixed messaging but that is a newer philosophy in parenting. People used to not think that way and raised many happy, healthy children.
DH and I do not discipline hitting with hitting but DS has been spanked. When redirection fails and fails and fails and I'm afraid that what he is doing could seriously maim him it is a last resort. Like flipping over the back of the couch to get to the furniture barricaded antique china cabinet, or attempting to touch the propane wall heaters or pulling out his toy drawers to use as steps to get on top of his dresser.
DS isn't really a biter but did it a couple times around 13 months. Bit me so hard in the spot where my neck and shoulder come together that he broke skin and I lost feeling in my arm and dropped him. Then I cried because I was hurt and scared that I inadvertently hurt him. Then he cried because my crying was scaring him. He hasn't bit me since but dropping your child to prevent biting is not something I'd advocate.
From what I've read, before kids are like, 3 years old, they just don't get the whole empathy thing. A mom biting her child doesn't teach him that when he bites other people it hurts them, it teaches him that when mom bites him it hurts him. Of course this might be totally wrong or a generalization and I'm sure some kids are "advanced" in terms of empathy, but still, the logic of hitting to teach not to hit.. boggles my mind.
OP, thanks for posting the question. My DS has started hitting and I'm not sure what to do about it. I appreciate all the helpful suggestions!
How about stopping hitting a CHILD, seriously? How is HITTING A CHILD going to teach them HITTING IS BAD, instead of "HITTING IS OKAY, MOMMY DOES IT"!? Really. Please explain this to me. I'm very curious of this logic.
Do you see how ass backward that is? @janinekrause
ETA I see parenting has been liked. @turner215 do you have a response?
Harry Styles = Life Ruiner
There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing
Lots I people=/=not bad parenting.
Harry Styles = Life Ruiner
There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing
Also, I'm impressed that time outs work so well for you people. My kid LOVES timeouts. It was a reward somehow for her so it was not a good consequence.
Like I said earlier, I don't hit or spank. But that's me. I have done a swat on the hand before if she went to do something dangerous. I don't think a swat/nudge (like poster said she did)= hitting.
Sometimes I just wonder if the radical shift in the parenting community towards more talking, reading books, speaking softly, worrying about tramatizing them has gone way too far. Because I can tell you I know many many many parents who approach parenting that way, and their kids are all nightmares- they don't listen, are disrespectful, talk back, etc. Maybe your kids aren't but a lot are.
Example of going too far with the fear of ruining their lives- I can't figure out what study/research the person did who said putting a kid in a time out in their room is going to ruin them for good.
@fredalina As for the biting example- funny that you compared a needle to biting. You WERE explaining what pain felt like and saying that helped her understand - just because you didn't give her the shot doesnt change that. Not understanding that reasoning. But I am not going to have my kid get kicked out of daycare, because I want to be nice about it.
Well, sometimes people don't have the time it takes to teach it nicely- with books, etc. Yes, my friends kid almost got kicked out of daycare- they couldn't afford for it to happen. The husband bit him back one day. and it ended. Harsh? Maybe. The reality was they didn't have the option of him not going to daycare.
You win for dumbest excuse I've heard today.
I am curious if all of your parents sat down and read books like hands are not for hitting. How did they handle these situations? I got swatted, I got spanked here and there, I got yelled at. They were/are amazing parents(my mom is only still alive) and we were so close growing up. Of course, I think they could have handled situations differently or more calmly sometimes but I felt loved, cared for, trusted them, and was happy. If I was doing what they did and posted here, people would all tell me I was a bad parent, shouldn't have had kids, etc. REALLY? There is a difference between not handling a situation in the most ideal way and bad parenting.
I don't hit or spank or bite. What I am saying is to be a little more open about how you look at people. Is my friends husband who bit his kid back one day a bad father? Actually hes a great father who made a choice that he thought would stop it. Sure, they tried other stuff first but it didn't work. Do I judge him for biting his kid once? No. Would I judge if he beat up his kid or hit him hard? Yes.
@fredalina- how can you decide what my friends kid decided and what kind of kid he is? He has empathy, he is a sweet kid. Don't decide someone turns into a horrible kid and is going to ruin the planet because someone bit them one day.