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December 2013 Moms
malamutemommy
member
My birth story (long)
malamutemommy
member
On October 30th, I woke up in a lot of pain. Right upper quadrant abdominal pain and back pain that was excruciating. I was sweating and couldn’t breathe so I had DF stay home from work for the morning because I was debating going into L&D. I just chalked it up to being pregnant, and I figured it was just my neurological disorder acting up. The next week leading up to the 6th was miserable. I was in pain every day, tired, swollen, and it wasn’t until the last night that I started getting a headache. I figured I had the flu and called my doctor to get a prescription for Tamiflu. My OB appointment was scheduled for the 7th, but I never made it that long. The early morning of the 6th, I spent it downstairs in my recliner. I was miserable, my back was hurting and my abdominal pain was terrible, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I couldn’t sleep, and I was sweaty. Around 5:30 in the morning I was texting my mom and telling her that I was thinking about waking up DF because I didn’t feel right, and I had gone a week in pain and I thought that maybe I should just go to L&D to be checked out to be sure I wasn’t in labor or something. She kept texting me and saying, “if you think you need to go, wake him up.” So around 6am I woke up DF and we headed into L&D, with my mom about 10 minutes behind us. They hooked me up to the monitors and I was having some mild contractions but nothing to be concerned about, and they did a cervical check and my cervix was closed. They hooked me up and took my BP and it was 218/104. I never saw this, but my mom told me a few days ago. My mom is a nurse and knew at that point I would not be going home. I was admitted, and then told at that time that I was very sick, and they gave me IV medications to try and get my BP down, and unfortunately it only kept rising. By the time they made the decision to do an emergency C-section, it had been a half hour since I had been admitted and my BP had rose to close to 280/100 something, I can’t remember the diastolic number but it was past 100. I was 32 weeks at this point, and they told me that we would be doing an emergency C-section. I was terrified and I started bawling. I was scared, but I was more terrified that my baby would not make it. That he was too young, and something would go wrong. He wasn’t ready and I was terrified. I was crying, my DF was crying, and my mom was crying but trying to hold it together for both myself and DF. My mom said, “it will be okay, Andrew will be okay when he comes out, they’ll be ready for him,” and she was holding my hand. My DF kissed me and said, "don’t worry, it’ll be okay, I love you." At this point they wheeled me out and into the OR. I remember them asking me if I could move from the bed to the OR table and I couldn’t because at this point I was so weak and in so much pain I couldn’t do it. They moved me onto the table, and strapped my arms down. I somehow ended up stripped from the waist up but I don’t remember how. After my arms were strapped down (not normal protocol while the patient is awake btw, but they were so pressed for time because I was so critical that they had no choice but to rush) they numbed my wrist and inserted an arterial line. The anesthesiologist that was in there with me was a younger girl, she looked to be in her mid 20’s and she was so sweet to me, I’ll never forget her. She explained to me everything that was happening as I’m crying and trying to calm down. She kept reassuring me everything is going to be okay, and my baby will be okay. They moved the mask over my face and I remember breathing in a few times, then starting to feel tingly all over and then I fell asleep. While the surgery was taking place, my mom and DF were put into a consult room, and both kept getting sick while they were in there. DF’s mom came up because she left work after DF got a hold of her (she’s also a nurse). They were all in the consult room together and I know that they were a worried mess. No one told them how serious it was until I woke up. When I was on the table, my BP reached over 300. The OB that rushed in to perform the surgery (he’s a part of my regular OB’s practice but I had never met him) almost got sick in the OR while performing the surgery. He told the nurse “I don’t think she’s going to come out of this. I don’t think she’s going to make it.” He almost lost me twice. Writing this is so hard, and I’m crying writing it because I just can’t imagine. I can’t imagine not being here, and not meeting my son, and leaving behind my fiancé and my mom like that. It’s going to haunt me for a long time. I woke up in extreme pain from the C-section because I didn’t have any sort of spinal beforehand, and my right upper quadrant abdominal pain was still terrible, which I found out was from my liver. I was rushed up to the surgical trauma intensive care unit and I was in and out of it but remember at least 5 nurses working on me at the same time, getting me hooked up to machines and trying to stabilize me. Once I was finally stabilized they told me Andrew was okay, and perfect and that he was in the NICU. I kind of went unconscious at that point I think because I don’t remember waking up again until they told me that they were going to put in an IJ central line in me. I woke up with a central line coming out of my neck, oxygen tubes in my nose (which later turned into a CPAP machine because I couldn’t breathe), and hooked up to a lot of different medications, including magnesium and a bunch of other nasty stuff. At this point I was so swollen with fluid, my liver wasn’t functioning correctly, I had fluid in my lungs, swelling in my heart, and high blood pressure. I wasn’t able to walk, and had to use the bathroom in a bedpan and have people change me and bathe me. I had a catheter in because I couldn’t urinate correctly. I couldn’t be laid flat in bed because I would have drowned essentially in the fluid that was in my lungs. I couldn’t see Andrew until 3 days after my C-section. That was the most horrible part out of everything. I was wheeled down to see him on the 9th, and I was able to hold him for the first time. He had in a feeding tube, and had oxygen on, along with an IV. I felt horrible. I had been pumping breast milk to feed him, and within the next few days I was allowed to try and breastfeed him. He’s done better and better each day. He is now without his oxygen, and without his feeding tube and IV. He turned two weeks old today (11/20) and he’s doing so well. They think we will be able to take Andrew home in about 5-6 weeks. I was discharged on the 17th, and have been up to see Andrew every day except for once. I’ve been very weak and it’s very hard for me to walk or do much activity. I’m getting stronger every day and hopefully within the next week I can start going twice a day, or even stay with him. I’ve been looking into maybe going to some counseling because I have a lot of feelings of guilt, fear, and just “what ifs” and “I should haves.” I’m lucky to be here and I’m trying to count my blessings but I think the emotions are still so raw at this time, that it’s still hard. I’m just very grateful and blessed that Andrew is well, and is continuing to do better and get stronger every day. He’s wonderful and I can’t wait to bring my baby home.
For more information on HELLP syndrome, please visit this website: https://www.preeclampsia.org/health-information/hellp-syndrome
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My birth story (long)
Met 9/2001
Please don't feel guilty or like you could have changed it. You really can't blame yourself. With that being said, it is understandable that you do fe that way. Talking to someone is a really great idea! Good luck and t&p for you and your family.
ETA: this is all making me cry. Even pregnant, I don't cry very often
Bless you all. Many, many thoughts and prayers to you and your family and that sweet little baby.
I will really try and rest and listen to my body now. I have been ignoring every ache, pain, feeling tired etc, just trying to push through it. It is just not worth ignoring anything. Again, thank you!