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May 2014 Moms
Huge rant and vent about mil. Please feel free to share thoughts
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Re: Huge rant and vent about mil. Please feel free to share thoughts
P.s Her dog has been ill since I moved in. He couldn't even walk on his back legs anymore. It wasn't until about 3 weeks ago that she finally took him to the vet after a week of throwing up and bloody stool. So I blame a lot of different things on why she cant afford to take her dog to the vet. And none of that has anything to do with me or my husband. I just didn't feel like adding every detail in since I already wrote a novel that most like no one really completely read. I know I wouldn't have.
I asked for thoughts and you gave me yours. I didn't agree with yours, that is all. Thanks for reading anyways.
My DH & I own a home with no mortgage on it, we rent it out, we do charge a monthly rent plus late fees.
Just because there's no mortgage (or she's not paying it), don't expect to live there for free.
If you don't pay rent, regardless of where her money comes from, and you live in her house....well yes you're going to have to clean and cook and contribute somehow. Sorry that it sucks, but that is how it works.
Exactly. The OP is like your MIL and living for free and expecting the house to magically become her's since her MIL doesn't pay the mortgage either.
We have been living in my mother's in-law apartment in their house since We started renovating our townhouse in March. We then sold the townhouse, and will be moving back to my husband's hometown this weekend. For a short period of time, while we repair our credit and get back on our feet, my MIL will be letting us stay with her. Since we moved in with my mom, my husband has continued to bring in his paycheck to cover whatever we could, and I sold off 2 horses to cut costs and bring in some cushion money, but our credit is shot after 3 years of me being laid off often.
Note: I was the breadwinner before our daughter was born, my connections got my husband his job, I did what I could to support us when he wanted to try out a different job with lower pay but better hours. After our daughter was born, and I was laid off for the first time, we decided it was time for him to go back to the other job and make more money so we could survive. I sold off what I could, he sold his car, I sold one of my cars, gave him the other to drive, and we have been driving one of my mother's spare vehicles for a few years now.
We are very bit grateful for every single scrap of help our families have given us. When we moved back in with my mom, I took over a good bit of the child/household/cleaning duties since there are still 3 kids living at home. I shuttle to sports, events, school, pick-up when someone is sick, cook, clean as I can, and am just in general on-call 24/7 as needed. My mother and I don't always get along, but I've grown wise enough to not bite the hand that feeds. She has given us everything she can, which has been alot, and we have no way of paying her back, and that's an understood situation. But I do feel the need to vent sometimes, so instead of making an ass of myself on the internet, or blowing up at a person, I go have a good poop shoveling fit at the barn, toss around some hay, groom my horse, have a good cry and go for a ride.
What I'm saying is while we can all understand some of your situation, you need a better outlet for your issues. Something productive. And explain to me again why you aren't currently employed? I don't think I read anywhere that you have another dependent to care for... and while I understand the current job market is seriously lacking in what sounds to be a rural area that you live in... there are often unconventional ways of making money to supplement your families needs. Find something to get you out of the house. Don't have a car? Find a way to get a beater, or get to walking...
@JKBMA2014: I'm glad that your siggy has your age in it, otherwise, after reading your whole original post and all of the comments, I would have been firmly convinced you were simply a petulant 16 year old girl. I must say, if you speak to your MIL the way you speak to people on this board, I can't see how you expect her to respect you. Respect is earned.....not something that you are simply entitled to. You also are not entitled to a free place to live with no responsibility whatsoever.
My husband and I lived with one car for over a year. We both worked (an hour apart) and I was going to school 30 minutes in the opposite direction. The thing is, we didn't have a choice, so we made it work. It sounds to me like you are full of excuses. If you want to change your living situation, which I agree that you desperately need to, you need to adjust your perspective. Suck it up and get a job, or stop complaining and be grateful that you know someone willing to take you in.
Also, I'm appalled that you think you have more rights to things in this woman's house than she does. Regardless of where HER money comes from, she is the one paying for the heat, so she can do what she wants.
Your comment to @Kitchencolors is disgusting. You should be ashamed and apologize.....also, you should recognize that she had a ton of grace in not flaming you for that, and maybe you should gain some of that with regard to your MIL.
ETA: I didn't read through the whole thread before responding. OP sounds like it sucks but you're on her turf. She's a bitch, in her own house. This is how she lives her life. It wouldn't be your problem if you weren't there. Don't worry, I saw your millions of responses "we're working on that" so yes, I am aware you're "working on that." But that's still all the advice I've got.
she was using me and my husbands car until she got her own car. Which my husband traded in HIS car for in order for her to get so we didn't have to keep giving her rides
I know I'm just really freaking frustrated. It's really not your problem. Edit:changed wording
I appreciate you all acknowledging it. I just wish you could understand this frustration is built on top of a lot of other things. Not just a little bite of food. But that little bite of food triggered so,etching much more than that. It's none of your fault that I live with an alcoholic except for myself. Me and my husband even talked about a job situation to where I could work. Thanks to this thread and some of your thoughts. I might be coming at you guys rudely but I am definitely taking in what you say.. I will take everything you have said into consideration. Maybe I just needed a reality check. I really don't want to argue about it with you guys. We are May mummy's not enemy's. Plus I have enough bitching going on at home
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
Again, your frustration is understandable, but your outlet is not. Find a better way to get it out without attacking people
I adopted a teenager with Schitzo Affective disorder that also had a severe Reactive Attachment Disorder. She was lovely and beautiful and smart and funny and delightful and loveable...on stable days. All other times and there were more of the "other times" than good days, life in our house was a nightmare. She was emotionally abusive to the point that loving her killed a part of my soul for a while. People would say that they feared I all the happiness had left me and that I'd never be happy again. And it felt that way. Every single time she lashed out, the way she laughed with glee when my baby died and told me it made her happy to see me hurt like that, sick...very sick. If there was trouble to get into, she did...she found it. Despite the tight reign we kept on her, despite the hours and hours of specialized therapy, the special school, the fucking torture. It was hell. But I loved her, she was my daughter...she had become my daughter and she was ill, so ill. Her life was sad and lonely and tortured. I feared waking up in the morning and finding her dead in her bed. I worried all the time. I worried until I lost every single friend, my husband (then fiance) packed all his shit and left, until no one was left for her. I worried through her multiple stints in rehab, forced hospitalizations, suicide attempts, running aways. Everytime I let her back into my house and I loved her, but one day I just realized we were no good together, she needed me and I thought that meant I needed to be there for her in every way, but she was killing me slowly. So we parted ways for a while. I sectioned her, found her a spot at a recovery high school, found her an independent living program. And I loved her over the phone, through emails, occasional visits. And it is better now. She is amazing. She was worth it. Worth every single last toxic second of it. But it is better now because she had to be apart from us to realize what she could lose and she had to want to help herself.
Your MIL and you have a toxic relationship. She needs help, she needs to help herself. But you need to help yourself too. Staying is only going to make things worse. Talk to your husband and find a way you can support her getting help if she'll take the help. And help yourselves.
Looking back, I don't know how I survived that time. Maybe because she was so clearly ill. I think people often overlook alcoholics as being ill, but they are. And you just can't expect ill people not to be ill, not without help.
Good luck, honestly. You have my sympathies so long as you don't accuse people of being unable to read because they don't agree with you. The reading specialist in me can just not get passed that.
I'm happy to say he may be able to get me a job with him until we can hopefully get something accomplished with the army. I'm so glad I posted this thread. It seriously opened my eyes to a lot.