Things that are (or are not) appropriate

ksulli · November 2013

AprilMay9 said:
Um if anyone asked to rub my belly I would tp them.

But at least they would ask and not just go for it.

LaurenC109 · November 2013

I got married June 30th so I get a lot of these

Were you pregnant at the wedding? (I thought that was obvious considering how much I drank at my wedding)

Was this planned?

Is it a honeymoon baby? Must have been some honeymoon (I'm am so sick of being asked this one)

ksulli · November 2013

Some of my favorite responses:
were you trying? Yes/no, how's your sex life? Also, 'yes, with x months of charting and x amount of medical intervention, this was very planned.

Is it your dh's? Of course, when I whore around I only do anal.

are you going on bed rest since you had the m/c last time? Thank you for implying the loss was my fault, but there is no improved outcome from bed rest with an otherwise healthy pregnancy.

how are you feeeeeeling? Well the hemorrhoids are a b*tch, but otherwise pretty good, thanks!

it's a boy/girl AGAIN?? Yeah, we might put it up for adoption and try again for a girl/boy next year.

babybarnes87 · November 2013

I am also tired of the constant "How are you feeling?" questions I get at work on a daily basis.

I'm also cringing thinking about all the comments my FIL will surely make at Christmas about my weight gain and "eating for two." Ugh, insensitive!

Roufi · November 2013

ksulli said:
Is it your dh's? Of course, when I whore around I only do anal.

I diieeee!!!!!

Bees Everywhere · November 2013

Not approved: "Any day now, huh."

I got that so much the last few months last time and my reply would be "I hope not, still got a couple months to go" and the person would back away horrified like my belly was going to literally explode.

JuneDay2913 · November 2013

Not ok: Are you sure there is one baby in there?

Telling someone that you have gestational diabetes then they look at you and say "oh I could see you getting that" <------------ TRIPLE TP!

JuneDay2913 · November 2013

kbuckleyharp said:

NOT APPROVED:
Yea, I could tell, your face is a little fatter. Must be water retention.
Yea, I noticed your boobs are a lot bigger.
(These both came from the same person, a CW, male.)

I totally got the your face is a little fatter couldn't believe it so angry!!!

NJPita22 · November 2013

Wow I love this post.
With DD I got "who's the father?" Uh my fiancé. Thanks for calling me a whore.

With this one I've gotten "did you get pregnant before you were married again with this one?" Since we got married august 3.

"You're not going to try again for a boy are you?"

"You have to stop now" or my husband needs to get fixed (this is only my second child. FYI and I fully plan on having another)

"Are you sure you're pregnant?" No. I'm lying to you, this was all part of my master plan for....??

Response to I am so tired/ I have to pee all the time/ I feel fat... "why?" Why?? Really? Why? I have no idea.

myschlove · November 2013

Bellasmom02 said:

Not approved: "Please say you're not breast feeding. It will RUIN your boobs and you'll look gross."

whaaaa? oh my goodness! I'm pretty sure gravity ruins your boobs. its called a good bra! plus breast-feeding burns hundreds of calories a day making your body NOT look gross!

NYJodway · November 2013

are you going on bed rest since you had the m/c last time? Thank you for implying the loss was my fault, but there is no improved outcome from bed rest with an otherwise healthy pregnancy.

This is very close to what I actually said. I also explained different types of miscarriages and why my miscarriage had nothing to do with activity.

As mad as I was, this person is just totally clueless about pregnancy. With her own pregnancy, she had totally insufficient prenatal care and ended up in a pretty serious health situation, and delivering via c-section at 24 weeks. Since she doesn't ever plan to be pregnant again, I try to avoid conversations that could highlight her ignorance or what she could have done differently, because they might be more hurtful than helpful, especially since it's possible that she could have ended up in the same situation anyway, even if she had done everything perfectly.

Holljade · November 2013

I have to disagree with the "how are you feeling?" being not approved. I ask this same question to my pregnant friends.I ask out of genuine concern and to check in on them- I mean I don't really get the big deal about it.

ksulli · November 2013

Holljade said:
I have to disagree with the "how are you feeling?" being not approved. I ask this same question to my pregnant friends.I ask out of genuine concern and to check in on them- I mean I don't really get the big deal about it.

I think there's a difference between "how are you feeling" and "how are you feeeeeeeeling?" The first one is fine. The second one gets old and is somehow manages to come off as condescending. It's the one that the same person asks you at the same time every.single.day.

Sisimama10 · November 2013

Holljade said:
I have to disagree with the "how are you feeling?" being not approved. I ask this same question to my pregnant friends.I ask out of genuine concern and to check in on them- I mean I don't really get the big deal about it.

It's the way certain people say it. The coworker asking me is saying it to imply I look like death.

fourthnlast · November 2013

Not approved:

4 kids? Don't you know what causes pregnancy?

Yes, asshole.

Nicole Zook · November 2013

Holljade said:

I have to disagree with the "how are you feeling?" being not approved. I ask this same question to my pregnant friends.I ask out of genuine concern and to check in on them- I mean I don't really get the big deal about it.

I agree with you but i think that it depends on who it is coming from. A good friend or someone that you know and know is genuinely wanting to know if you are doing OK, or someone who just doesn't really know what to say. There is a difference. From my pregnant friends i don't mind it because i know that they are just trying to really make sure i'm doing OK. (and we can all be honest with each other about it) From random people or coworkers, it bothers me. Like what are you trying to imply?

BiggerinRealLife · November 2013

Nicole Zook said:

Holljade said:

I have to disagree with the "how are you feeling?" being not approved. I ask this same question to my pregnant friends.I ask out of genuine concern and to check in on them- I mean I don't really get the big deal about it.

I agree with you but i think that it depends on who it is coming from. A good friend or someone that you know and know is genuinely wanting to know if you are doing OK, or someone who just doesn't really know what to say. There is a difference. From my pregnant friends i don't mind it because i know that they are just trying to really make sure i'm doing OK. (and we can all be honest with each other about it) From random people or coworkers, it bothers me. Like what are you trying to imply?
---
Well, yes, it is different from a good fried. But we're talking about inappropriate here, and my good friends rarely piss me off with their inappropriateness.

etr152517 · November 2013

Approved..
Congratulations, we are thrilled for you guys!
Parenting is the most frustrating, exciting thing you will ever do and you guys will be great!

Not approved..
From MIL - (insert name) had to have a c-sec because she couldn't push the baby out of her hole. Hopefully that doesn't happen to you.
From DH's male friend - I can't wait to see how this little girl has that big guys baby!
From same male friend - (touches my belly) well, there's not much going on there yet huh?!

Um, unless youre my dr or husband my vaja is never an ok topic of conversation. Ever. And I don't need his friends invisioning that. Plus, theres PLENTY going on in there. Trust me! Ugh!

Wurrkingurrl · November 2013

Not approved... Ur breastfeeding (or not breastfeeding, cloth diapering, not cloth diapering, etc.) why on earth would you do that?!

I didn't tell you how to care for your child, don't tell me how to care for mine!

Bees Everywhere · November 2013

MaiTaiBeth said:

I've let fam and friends know we did IVF and I'm so happy to have these babes. However, it is nobody's biz at work how they were conceived. I think next time I'll say..... well one night we had some wine and candles lit and gee do you want to know more?

haha! I love it! Why in the world do they think it's their business!?

jennypenny1014 · November 2013

myschlove said:

Bellasmom02 said:

Not approved: "Please say you're not breast feeding. It will RUIN your boobs and you'll look gross."

whaaaa? oh my goodness! I'm pretty sure gravity ruins your boobs. its called a good bra! plus breast-feeding burns hundreds of calories a day making your body NOT look gross!

I wish I could love this comment a bajillion times. I dropped 30lbs post partum, in under 3 weeks, thanks to BF'ing (well, and normal PP weight loss, but I fully credit BFing for it happening so fast, since I only gained 11lbs when I was pregnant, so that was all gone after my 8½lb son came out)!

hlm184 · November 2013

Not approved:
"Wow, you've put on some weight."

"I knew you were having a boy because you got really mean."

Cecilbear · November 2013

People really say these things?! I haven't told many people yet--and no one at work--and now I'm afraid. Thanks for the heads-up. I guess I should steel myself now

avidkeo · November 2013

Im pretty lucky at work, because everyone knows we had a MC right before getting preg with this one, so no stupid "are you trying" or any comments like that.

I have had the odd comment, but I'm pretty good (at the moment!!) at just letting it roll off me. I think part of it is because I work in a hospital, so the staff are pretty good, and know a bit about preganancy.

I did have one of the midwives (not mine) say she was surprised I was going to find out baby's sex at my scan, I just replied that its a surprise either way, this is just a bit earlier. I was a little stunned that a midwife would make a comment about that sort of thing.

I am not looking forward to comments from patients when I'm showing more, ATM I just look fat rather than pregnant but I know it will come. For patients who do know I get "should you be doing this job while pregnant" but I'm prepared for that and just explain that I stand behind lead all day and get less radiation than most. Still, explaining that to every patient is going to get very annoying. I feel like I'm in a Zoo and should have a sign on my door "Pregnant Radiographer in this room, don't worry, she is immune to radiation!"

Holljade · November 2013

@ksulli @sisimama10 Oooooh I get what you are saying. I'm slow. Pregnancy isn't doing my brain any favors.

Rogue237 · November 2013

Not approved: "Are you eating again?" I will smack a co-worker. It's a small office, we have no HR!

Holljade · November 2013

When I told my mom about the pregnancy she said "Wahooo!"Followed up with a " this one was planned right?"

Ugh.

Haysgriff · November 2013

One of my colleagues helpfully informed me today that I am expecting a girl (this is news to me, we're not going to find out) the reason why she knew this? From behind I look a lot wider and I'm carrying all my baby weight on my hips and bum!!

Don't I just feel fabulous!!

Serenla · November 2013

P&B715 said:

NYJodway said:
NOT APPROVED:

"Oh, have you thought about going on bedrest this time, since you miscarried last time?"

Someone said that?!?!? Neck punch!!! Not approved definitely.

People say really stupid shit about previous mcs. One of the gems I got was "Oh good, I'm glad this one survived." Thanks asshole, thanks.

Serenla · November 2013

fourthnlast said:
Not approved:

4 kids? Don't you know what causes pregnancy?

Yes, asshole.

You should look at them with wide eyes and ask, "No, how?"

Serenla · November 2013

Approved:
That's great! You will be a great Mom!
You look great with the bump!

Not approved:
You have lost weight? Aren't you worried?
You should not be doing_____.
Oh you won't have time to do anything fun again.
You're so young! Why did you have kids before you were 30?

fourthnlast · November 2013

Serenla said:

Not approved:

4 kids? Don't you know what causes pregnancy?

Yes, asshole.
You should look at them with wide eyes and ask, "No, how?"

Yeah, maybe they can throw out some pointers. Someone is going to ask me that on an extra snarky day and they will get a TP.

irisheyez7 · November 2013

P&B715 said:

Not approved : it's about time! (DH and I have been together for 10 years married for 2.5, we've been too busy enjoying the non kid life!)

THIS! Drives me crazy! We get this ALL THE TIME!

tcwink · November 2013

Serenla said:

P&B715 said:

NYJodway said:
NOT APPROVED:

"Oh, have you thought about going on bedrest this time, since you miscarried last time?"

Someone said that?!?!? Neck punch!!! Not approved definitely.
People say really stupid shit about previous mcs. One of the gems I got was "Oh good, I'm glad this one survived." Thanks asshole, thanks.

Someone said to me, "If this pregnancy lasts, are you worried something will be wrong with this one since you've had three MCs before?"

This comment was from a relative that I don't talk to much but my Mom does. I was pissed she even knew about my previous MCs.

tcwink · November 2013

Sorry for the double post. Stupid phone!! :-B

BiggerinRealLife · November 2013

Serenla said:
Approved:
That's great! You will be a great Mom!
You look great with the bump!

Not approved:
You have lost weight? Aren't you worried?
You should not be doing_____.
Oh you won't have time to do anything fun again.
You're so young! Why did you have kids before you were 30?

Ha! You got told you're young, I got told my eggs would dry up if I waited any longer. (I JUST turned 30.) One person said when I told them I say pregnant, "Oh good! I was starting to worry you were infertile!" I let most things roll off my back, but that one made me stabby. Yes we waited to have kids. It was the best choice for us as a couple and this baby is going to have an awesome life with parents who have an awesome marriage because of it, douchebag.

speechie517 · November 2013

P&B715 said:

Not approved : it's about time! (DH and I have been together for 10 years married for 2.5, we've been too busy enjoying the non kid life!)

We get "Wow that was soon. You didn't waste any time, huh?" because we just got married in May. I just tell them, "Not really, we've been together for ten years".

Serenla · November 2013

BiggerinRealLife said:

Serenla said:
Approved:
That's great! You will be a great Mom!
You look great with the bump!

Not approved:
You have lost weight? Aren't you worried?
You should not be doing_____.
Oh you won't have time to do anything fun again.
You're so young! Why did you have kids before you were 30?
Ha! You got told you're young, I got told my eggs would dry up if I waited any longer. (I JUST turned 30.) One person said when I told them I say pregnant, "Oh good! I was starting to worry you were infertile!" I let most things roll off my back, but that one made me stabby. Yes we waited to have kids. It was the best choice for us as a couple and this baby is going to have an awesome life with parents who have an awesome marriage because of it, douchebag.

I know, why do people get judgy about age. I'm going to be 27 when this child is born sorry I'm too young for you.

ksulli · November 2013

Serenla said:

BiggerinRealLife said:

Serenla said:
Approved:
That's great! You will be a great Mom!
You look great with the bump!

Not approved:
You have lost weight? Aren't you worried?
You should not be doing_____.
Oh you won't have time to do anything fun again.
You're so young! Why did you have kids before you were 30?
Ha! You got told you're young, I got told my eggs would dry up if I waited any longer. (I JUST turned 30.) One person said when I told them I say pregnant, "Oh good! I was starting to worry you were infertile!" I let most things roll off my back, but that one made me stabby. Yes we waited to have kids. It was the best choice for us as a couple and this baby is going to have an awesome life with parents who have an awesome marriage because of it, douchebag.
I know, why do people get judgy about age. I'm going to be 27 when this child is born sorry I'm too young for you.

I was 27 with DD, but was living outside Boston & going to Mass Gen, which has a lot of fertility patients who were older- I felt like a teen mom in the waiting room.

Marusika · November 2013

DH asks me "what have you done all day long"? X(

But, the belly rub doesn`t bother me.

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