I REFUSE to be that mom who...

pennstated912 · November 2013

I usually say "Never Say Never" since I'll be a FTM, but I can say with certainty that I will never be the mom that blatantly insults her kids, especially in front of them.

One of my friend's sibs that I've spent time with at birthday parties and holidays just outright talks about how her son, "couldn't find his way out of a plastic bag" and that she "expects him to be single and live in her basement until he's 40" since he's a mama's boy. (Because you know, there's obviously no possibility of him ever outgrowing that...)

Btw, he's just short of 5 years old...

Galaxy8227 · November 2013

sugarland726 said:

It's been discussed a few times before, but I refuse to be the mom who lets her kid open up shower gifts or birthday gifts if she is not the person of honor.

My SIL does this all the time with my niece and nephew and it drives me crazy!!! DS knows he has to sit down and not open gifts that don't belong to him--it's not always easy to restrain him but I hate when 10 kids try to open another kid's present (unless parents asked for help).

Galaxy8227 · November 2013

vstevens said:

My favorite activity when DS1 was less than 6 months was mom & baby movie afternoons at our local theatre...they keep the volume reasonable, and all the moms at home with their little ones come to the theatre to get out of the house and see a grown up movie.

My theater didn't off this when DS was a baby but I intend to take DD on ML---DH said I should take her to all the "chick flicks" I want so I don't have to drag him

sugarland726 · November 2013

pennstated912 said:

I usually say "Never Say Never" since I'll be a FTM, but I can say with certainty that I will never be the mom that blatantly insults her kids, especially in front of them. One of my friend's sibs that I've spent time with at birthday parties and holidays just outright talks about how her son, "couldn't find his way out of a plastic bag" and that she "expects him to be single and live in her basement until he's 40" since he's a mama's boy. (Because you know, there's obviously no possibility of him ever outgrowing that...) Btw, he's just short of 5 years old...

There is a line between insulting your kids and being honest about their shortcomings. I am not so blind to DD that I think she is perfect and can do no harm. She is a narc, a tattletale, and shy to the point that it seems bitchy. I'm honest with others about those things because a) they are the truth, and b) I don't want to be perceived as the mom who can't recognize when their child is not perfect.

I am clear though not to call her those names in front of her.

buckeyebride22 · November 2013

Bookshelves said:

ach298 said:
I took my 1 month old to see The Hungrr Games. We went to the 11 am Tuesday showing (hubby was off work to go to a Dr appt with us). Side eye/judge all you want but the kid sleep through 85% of the movie, we sat on the aisle and if he fussed we left the theatre until he calmed down/feel back asleep. We lived 5 hours from family at the time and didn't have anyone we felt comfortable having watch our new son.

Honestly, I was a judgy bitch until I had my own kids. Now, I just shrug it off and keep moving. Except for car seat stuff. That shit bugs me.
So you're saying I'm a judgy bitch because I don't want to pay $10 for a grown-up date night, only to have it interrupted by fussy babies and toddlers? I'll claim that label.

She didn't say her kid cried the whole movie. She fussed a second and then got a bottle. I took DS to Snow White and the Huntsman during the day. He woke up towards the end and started to fuss so I BF him till it was over. If he wouldn't have calmed down in like two minutes I would have left. Honestly teenagers are more disruptive in a movie then he ever was.

litzo27 · November 2013

Meh. Personally I think it's ok to say "never" about some things.

Are there things about the way I parent that I did not anticipate? Sure - letting them win, letting the grandparents spoil them, food in the car, and many many others.

But the examples that OP had mentioned I'm on board with. I would never bring a child to an event that's specified as "adult-only". That's not about parenting, that's about courtesy and tact. And, no, I will NOT let my kids be disrespectful, run around causing havoc in restaurants or walk around barefoot in the supermarket. Those things are not negotiable.

missimone · November 2013

pennstated912 said:

I usually say "Never Say Never" since I'll be a FTM, but I can say with certainty that I will never be the mom that blatantly insults her kids, especially in front of them. One of my friend's sibs that I've spent time with at birthday parties and holidays just outright talks about how her son, "couldn't find his way out of a plastic bag" and that she "expects him to be single and live in her basement until he's 40" since he's a mama's boy. (Because you know, there's obviously no possibility of him ever outgrowing that...) Btw, he's just short of 5 years old...

LOL this is hilariously ironic only because there's no way he became (or will continue to be) a mama's boy w/o her assistance. By talking about him that way, she's self-deprecating. It would be incredibly different if he were 15 or 25, but 5yo?!

valigrl21 · November 2013

I refuse to be a mom who has kids that don't know how much they are loved. DH and I tell our DD all day long about how much we love her and shower her with hugs and kisses.

Other than that though, I just try to keep an open mind and try not to sweat the small stuff.

Unknown · November 2013

This content has been removed.

missimone · November 2013

litzo27 said:

Meh. Personally I think it's ok to say "never" about some things.

Are there things about the way I parent that I did not anticipate? Sure - letting them win, letting the grandparents spoil them, food in the car, and many many others.

But the examples that OP had mentioned I'm on board with. I would never bring a child to an event that's specified as "adult-only". That's not about parenting, that's about courtesy and tact. And, no, I will NOT let my kids be disrespectful, run around causing havoc in restaurants or walk around barefoot in the supermarket. Those things are not negotiable.

Exactly...*singing* R-E-S-P-E-C-T

SunflowersBride · November 2013

The only thing I will say about the wedding situation, is that most invitations don't specify that the event is "adults only" because it's technically considered rude. So all you will have to go by is the fact that your children's names will not be on the invitation, and I hope people do realize that means the kids are not invited. I would have been really pissed if people had brought uninvited kids to my wedding, or called me to ask if they were invited. Fortunately, nobody in my circle would do that.

I will never be the mom who drives a minivan

miam4 · November 2013

I REFUSE to be that mom who...

keeps the child bed in the masters! I do not want my children to sleep in my room as my MIL did with all her kids! Before being a mom I am a wife and I enjoy my privacy.

(please God help me to be strong with this decision!)

pennstated912 · November 2013

sugarland726 said:

pennstated912 said:

I usually say "Never Say Never" since I'll be a FTM, but I can say with certainty that I will never be the mom that blatantly insults her kids, especially in front of them.

One of my friend's sibs that I've spent time with at birthday parties and holidays just outright talks about how her son, "couldn't find his way out of a plastic bag" and that she "expects him to be single and live in her basement until he's 40" since he's a mama's boy. (Because you know, there's obviously no possibility of him ever outgrowing that...)

Btw, he's just short of 5 years old...

There is a line between insulting your kids and being honest about their shortcomings. I am not so blind to DD that I think she is perfect and can do no harm. She is a narc, a tattletale, and shy to the point that it seems bitchy. I'm honest with others about those things because a) they are the truth, and b) I don't want to be perceived as the mom who can't recognize when their child is not perfect.

I am clear though not to call her those names in front of her.

Oh no, I completely agree with you! By no means will my child be perfect or well-behaved all of the time.

But this girl walks an extremely fine line. The majority of the time, her son is within earshot of these comments. I should've clarified on the name calling that she persistently uses and rolls her eyes at him at questions he genuinely wants the answers to or doesn't understand. Even if my kid isn't the brightest crayon in the box, I would never want him to think I think that way of him.

goldenB · November 2013

Regarding the 'bringing children to a wedding debate': I would find it very rude if my child is not invited to a wedding. Weddings are not only a celebration of the union between two people, but also the union of two families. Children are very much a part of family and I probably would not attend a wedding if my children were not invited. In the end it is up to the parents whether or not they want to look after their children there, and not the bride/groom to dictate what they should do.

Just my 2cents.

ababymaybe · November 2013

I had kids at my wedding but I don't think its rude at all to make it an adult only event. It isn't personal.

I will never be that mom who forward faces my kid at a year and posts on FB like it's some accomplishment on the kids part. Wtf?

BuckeyeMommy4 · November 2013

SunflowersBride said:
The only thing I will say about the wedding situation, is that most invitations don't specify that the event is "adults only" because it's technically considered rude. So all you will have to go by is the fact that your children's names will not be on the invitation, and I hope people do realize that means the kids are not invited. I would have been really pissed if people had brought uninvited kids to my wedding, or called me to ask if they were invited. Fortunately, nobody in my circle would do that.

I will never be the mom who drives a minivan

I have always said I would never drive a minivan. EVER! I currently own a Chrysler Town & Country

With #4 on the way, it made the most sense. I am determined to switch back to an SUV eventually when all of the kids can buckle themselves! Although the new Honda Odyssey with it's own vacuum is pretty sweet! Lol

bethughknee · November 2013

BuckeyeMommy4 said:

The only thing I will say about the wedding situation, is that most invitations don't specify that the event is "adults only" because it's technically considered rude. So all you will have to go by is the fact that your children's names will not be on the invitation, and I hope people do realize that means the kids are not invited. I would have been really pissed if people had brought uninvited kids to my wedding, or called me to ask if they were invited. Fortunately, nobody in my circle would do that.

I will never be the mom who drives a minivan

I have always said I would never drive a minivan. EVER! I currently own a Chrysler Town & Country With #4 on the way, it made the most sense. I am determined to switch back to an SUV eventually when all of the kids can buckle themselves! Although the new Honda Odyssey with it's own vacuum is pretty sweet! Lol

I have a friend who was NEVER going to be a minivan mom and then she got pregnant with twins who make babies 3 and 4 for her. They bought an Odyssey last week. She wears REALLY big sunglasses when she drives it to hide her shame. It happens.

sugarland726 · November 2013

goldenB said:

Regarding the 'bringing children to a wedding debate': I would find it very rude if my child is not invited to a wedding. Weddings are not only a celebration of the union between two people, but also the union of two families. Children are very much a part of family and I probably would not attend a wedding if my children were not invited. In the end it is up to the parents whether or not they want to look after their children there, and not the bride/groom to dictate what they should do.

Just my 2cents.

A reception, like any party, can have guests dictated by the hosts. I did a play date this weekend and I didn't invite all the children from the class, I chose to invite certain ones. That is my prerogative as the host. It is you prerogative as a guest to choose to attend or not based on your children being invited or not.

jessicacss · November 2013

I will never let Chloe run around with no shoes on. Other than that, it's all up to the fates

missimone · November 2013

@BuckeyeMommy4, MH always jokes that I'll soon be driving the Odyssey and of course I always proclaim "NEVERRRRR" lol he thinks the commercials are so cool

goldenB · November 2013

sugarland726 said: goldenB said: Regarding the 'bringing children to a wedding debate': I would find it very rude if my child is not invited to a wedding. Weddings are not only a celebration of the union between two people, but also the union of two families. Children are very much a part of family and I probably would not attend a wedding if my children were not invited. In the end it is up to the parents whether or not they want to look after their children there, and not the bride/groom to dictate what they should do.
Just my 2cents. A reception, like any party, can have guests dictated by the hosts. I did a play date this weekend and I didn't invite all the children from the class, I chose to invite certain ones. That is my prerogative as the host. It is you prerogative as a guest to choose to attend or not based on your children being invited or not.

*EDIT* quote tree not working
Fair enough, but a play date is different from a wedding (in what it symbolically represents). I know that with my friends/family, and also culturally, it is considered very rude for children not to be included in the wedding (but not the same applies for baby or bridal showers). Also, DH and I have friends that share similar values as us so this hasn't been an issue in our circle.

Bottom line is that I am a package deal - if you are my friend you need to love me, my husband and my kids.

sugarland726 · November 2013

@goldenB, I suppose the difference in thinking between us is that I don't feel that my daughter not being invited to a wedding means that my friends don't love her. I just view it that they wanted a wedding and reception free of children, and also free for the parents of their children. Different strokes.

goldenB · November 2013

sugarland726 said:

@goldenB, I suppose the difference in thinking between us is that I don't feel that my daughter not being invited to a wedding means that my friends don't love her. I just view it that they wanted a wedding and reception free of children, and also free for the parents of their children. Different strokes.

@sugarland726 - you are still the Queen of Etiquette in my books

I will also add that I probably wouldn't bring my children to a wedding because let's face it, I like to drink my 'mommy juice' in large quantities once in a while (especially if it's a friend's wedding, and not family). It's just the part about the being invited that I would be slightly offended about.

But as a FTM, I know enough not to say 'never say never'.

twobluelines · November 2013

For me anything that i've said " I will never," or "I refuse" have been about my behaviour not my child's. I hope very much that I will never say "i'm fat and ugly" in front of my child because I don't want my daughter to grow up with body image issues. I will never teach my child that her self-worth is determined by her waist size. I will never teach my child different = bad, or that less able = less worthy. If my child turns out to be gay, or transgendered I don't want her to ever doubt that I will love her as much as I do in this very minute. I will have succeeded as a parent if she is happy and well adjusted and open-minded even if she watches tv before the age of 2 or gets a piece of candy as a bribe to get her vaccines.

Jen4033 · November 2013

megngregk said:

I think hard to say as a FTM here too, but I definitely have a list of things I don't want to do/be like. My main one: I refuse to ignore MH's/my relationship's needs because I'm a mom.

I haven't read everyone's replies, but mine is I will never be a mom who swears at my child. I'm not talking about my child will never hear a swear word from my mouth, but I mean I will never do it AT to TO them. I've seen some parents dropping the F-bomb left & right in normal conversation with thier child & It just gets me. It is un-needed.

@megngregk- I absolutely agree with you that this is SOOO important. It is obviously something no one plans or conciously does, but it is something very easily fallen into. From personal experience, DH & I had a rough go the first year of DS's life. After a little counseling we realized where we had both gone wrong. Having conversations with each of my parents, it turns out that this was the cause/start to all their issues as well, which eventually led to my parents divorcing when I was 11 after about 23 yrs of marriage.

So I guess all I'm saying is it is a very valuble thought to have going INTO the whole parenting thing.

tootsscott · November 2013

To add to the not inviting children to weddings..

We welcomed all the children to the ceremony, which in my opinion is the important part of a wedding, but made sure to include on our wedding invitations 'Adult Only Reception'. It was a formal event and most of our friends had young children at the time. We didn't want kids running around, and even though we can all say 'it's the parent's responsibility to watch their kids'.. they don't. Often times, in my experience, it becomes both parents delegating the responsibility to the other so that they can have some fun. It was our names on the insurance for our wedding and I didn't want to be responsible for someone else's kid breaking a light stand, or breaking something because their parents weren't watching. By not having children at the reception it allowed the parents to have a night off and have fun, and we didn't have to worry about anything.

We had some drama because my sister wanted my niece to attend the reception (she was the flower girl, 7 years old at the time), but I insisted that if I wasn't allowing other children at the reception, i wasn't making an exception for her.

Piach · November 2013

I have a 3 year old and the two things that I strive for right now are:

I will never be the mom at the playground/pumpkim patch/mall/beach etc. playing on her smartphone & ignoring/not watching her child.

I will never think my child is perfect.

I totally judge at the playground, mostly becuase I see kids doing unsafe or harmful things. This past weekend, DD had sand thrown at her multiple time by a two-ish year old. I hate having to repremand other people's children, but then to have the mom say that her child couldn't have been throwing sand was ridiculous. 1 - you weren't watching your kid, so how would you know & 2 - a two year old will throw sand, it is in their job description $:\$ ">

sugarland726 · November 2013

Piach said:

I have a 3 year old and the two things that I strive for right now are:
I will never be the mom at the playground/pumpkim patch/mall/beach etc. playing on her smartphone & ignoring/not watching her child.
I will never think my child is perfect.
I totally judge at the playground, mostly becuase I see kids doing unsafe or harmful things. This past weekend, DD had sand thrown at her multiple time by a two-ish year old. I hate having to repremand other people's children, but then to have the mom say that her child couldn't have been throwing sand was ridiculous. 1 - you weren't watching your kid, so how would you know & 2 - a two year old will throw sand, it is in their job description $:\$ ">

I love reprimanding other people's kids, mostly because when their kid is doing something wrong, most moms don't scold as much as I feel is necessary. And if the mom isn't paying attention, I sure as hell have no problem scolding that child. I love that her LO was so precious and perfect that he couldn't have been throwing sand. LOL.

dltate29 · November 2013

I know there are a lot of things I am thinking of that I certainly hope I will never do as a mom but I don't think I can say I will never until I am actually in those situations.

Kismc · November 2013

Piach said:
I have a 3 year old and the two things that I strive for right now are:
I will never be the mom at the playground/pumpkim patch/mall/beach etc. playing on her smartphone & ignoring/not watching her child.
I will never think my child is perfect.
I totally judge at the playground, mostly becuase I see kids doing unsafe or harmful things. This past weekend, DD had sand thrown at her multiple time by a two-ish year old. I hate having to repremand other people's children, but then to have the mom say that her child couldn't have been throwing sand was ridiculous. 1 - you weren't watching your kid, so how would you know & 2 - a two year old will throw sand, it is in their job description $:\$ ">

Yes! Yes! And yes!

ach298 · November 2013

Bookshelves said:

I took my 1 month old to see The Hungrr Games. We went to the 11 am Tuesday showing (hubby was off work to go to a Dr appt with us). Side eye/judge all you want but the kid sleep through 85% of the movie, we sat on the aisle and if he fussed we left the theatre until he calmed down/feel back asleep. We lived 5 hours from family at the time and didn't have anyone we felt comfortable having watch our new son. Honestly, I was a judgy bitch until I had my own kids. Now, I just shrug it off and keep moving. Except for car seat stuff. That shit bugs me.
So you're saying I'm a judgy bitch because I don't want to pay $10 for a grown-up date night, only to have it interrupted by fussy babies and toddlers? I'll claim that label.

No @Bookshelves, I'm not saying that at all. I said I took my kid to a 11 am Tuesday morning showing (and one that was a few weeks after opening night at that), not that I took my kid to a prime time date night showing. I was referring to the OP (and even then I only called myself a judgy bitch, not anyone else), who seemed to judge moms for taking kids to older movies (i.e. not kids movies) regardless of circumstances.

bellamatson · November 2013

I'll never be the mum who slaps my child in front of other people.

I'll never be the mum who lets my kids run around the grocery store throwing items on the ground and being disrespectful.

& I will never let my son disrespect people or talk back to elders. However, if someone is bullying my son... I will never punish him for standing up for himself.

Rebis58 · November 2013

I'll never be that mom who judges other moms for decisions that are different than mine (I mean things like formula vs breastfeeding, cosleeping vs crib, etc - not safety issues or negligent behaviour)

I'll never be that mom who can't hold an adult conversation or stops caring about the things that go on in the lives of my friends/family members without kids

I'll never be that mom who stops being a wife or paying attention to my husband's needs.

Lizlaurenw · November 2013

I will never make my child show physical affection towards someone, if my kid doesn't want to give you a kiss or hug, your not getting one. She needs to learn that it is her body and she chooses what she does or doesn't do with it

mommabird77 · November 2013

After having a child, especially after having a child with special needs, there is no "never."

jamiecal · November 2013

As a FTM, I don't like to say never, but...I've known kids who always bring a friend to family parties, and I think that's ridiculous. Once in a while is fine, but even if there aren't other kids in the family to play with, there's so much value in spending time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. that I see no reason for a kid to always think they're entitled to bring a friend along for everything.

DH's sister has always had a friend with her at every single family party, and I think it really takes away from family time. Friends are important, but so is family. You don't NEED to bring a friend to Grandma's 80th birthday party. Here's a thought - spend some time with Grandma while she's still around! Learn what it was like to be 16 in the 50's instead of sitting in the corner with your friend of the week gossiping.

So I guess my "never" is more of an "always." I will always make sure my daughter knows the importance and value of being present and spending time with family. I will be the mean mom who makes her go to family parties without a security blanket of a friend along for the ride - even if it's the most boring day of her life. She'll survive!

FormerlyKrista555 · November 2013

At least 60% of these are making me chuckle. But, I understand. I probably said most of these before kids too. It's natural.

Just don't beat yourself up if you turn out to be a different mom than you thought you would. You're going to make mistakes. Your house will not be spotlessly clean 100% of the time. In fact, for your own sanity, you'd be better off to let some little things slide. Otherwise you'll be tense and your kids won't have as much fun because you're constantly worried about a mess (picture Kate Gosselin here). You're going to be "that mom" more often than you think. Your relationship with your spouse will have some challenges: not to say that you won't be stronger as a couple because of it, but you WILL have those hard moments because of exhaustion and difficulty in getting alone time.

But you'll all be ok. Just don't set your expectations of yourself too unrealistically high. You're not perfect and that's ok.

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I REFUSE to be that mom who...

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I REFUSE to be that mom who...

keeps the child bed in the masters! I do not want my children to sleep in my room as my MIL did with all her kids! Before being a mom I am a wife and I enjoy my privacy.

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