When and where will you have visitors after the birth?

ClaireBear90 · November 2013

Feel free to explain your choice or go into more details in the comments. By "visitors" I mean anyone who isn't there for the actual labor/birth. Birth location = home/hospital/birth center/wherever you are having the baby.

ClaireBear90 · November 2013

I am hoping to wait to have family visit until the day after the birth. The only exception to this might be whoever is watching DD. I want the time to rest and enjoy my baby instead of letting everyone come the same day when I'm totally exhausted. I also want DD to have a chance to meet baby brother/sister without lots of other people coming and going.

And then after a few days, friends will bring meals and obviously meet baby. Last time they were all really good about not staying for more than 10-15 minutes.

legallyginger · November 2013

My *ideal* plan is to have an epidural, have my parents/ILs hang out with us until I have to push and then kick everyone out. Our hospital does two hours of skin to skin, I think, so we will probably let everyone back in after that.

I'm going to ask friends/extended family to give us a couple days at home before coming to visit.

Momackf · November 2013

Friends will have to wait until I'm home. My sister the same day but only because she is watching my other three children and I would like them to meet her as soon as possible. The rest of my family with in the next day or so. I have to have a csection so I will be at the hospital with lo for a few days.

jwls84 · November 2013

Visits never bothered me (except for when ppl wouldn't leave), I have no problem having grand parents an aunts and uncles of the baby come that day! I want to show off my new baby to them and they are all so excited to see him/her.
Friends can come next day, my friends keep me grounded! If I didn't see my BFF's I wouldn't be sane with all the MIL drama I will be going through (although MIL drama is pretty much me just bitching

)

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · November 2013

I come from a family of 8 kids, six of whom still live with my Mom and Dad. My entire family is driving down to Key West for my baby's birth. My mom and sister will be in the room for my labor/delivery......and then my Dad, brothers, and younger sisters will be allowed to come in after I've gotten cleaned up and had some time with my baby. My hubby also comes from a family of four kids. His family lives five mins from us. My MIL will be there during my labor/delivery, and the rest of them will probably come the same time the rest of my family members do.

As far as anyone else.....I'd rather have a day to recover and rest before people start showing up.

theluckiest9 · November 2013

Same day but that's not for all potential visitors. That pretty much only applies to my parents and siblings and my best friend. Everyone else can wait.

My husband's family is overseas so it's a non-issue but I'd be ok with his parents and siblings meeting our babe the same day she was born after we had some time together - just as we'll do with my fam.

fish8412 · November 2013

We are only having my parents come to the hospital (after the baby is born and my husband and I have had a few hours to bond with her). Once we get settled at home (a couple of weeks), we will let siblings/aunts/uncles/cousins know we are ready for visitors. It will really depend on how the baby is doing and how I am recovering.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

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SassyFlats · November 2013

The current plan is to have only DH in the room during labor, unless I specifically request my Mom as well.

Then, we'll be alone with LO for a couple of hours to BF and bond. Once we're moved upstairs to our Mom and baby room, my parents, in-laws, any of our siblings, and the three friends I've already decided are cool for visiting will be allowed. ON CONDITION THAT my husband will ask people to leave when we need to BF, or if baby and I are too tired for visitors. He will be my gatekeeper and he has promised not to be shy about it.

Once at home, my mom and dad will be in town so I'm sure they will help with me/baby and going out to pick up food, cooking, etc. My mom is a cleaning freak so she will probably give DH a hand with chores. My dad will probably fiddle with things in our garage or something, whatever.

I have no clue what to expect from my in-laws. Hopefully food? And our close friends already offered pizza and movies. I love our bff friends. I know they'll do anything that we need, they always do.

All other family and friends can visit after a few days. Hopefully short visits, but like I said, DH will be my gatekeeper. He will be in charge of making sure visits stay short enough so we all get rest and bonding time.

kiwimommy429 · November 2013

I voted same day after bonding time. Once I get home, I don't want any visitors for a while besides my doula and my parents. That may change but right now I really think I'll want alone time and peace once we're home.

aLsMay24 · November 2013

My mom, sister and DH will hopefully be there for the delivery. So they will hopefully go get my dad while I try and nurse/bond for a while. Later in the day I hope is when the ILs will stop by to meet him and bring DS. But I don't want everyone hanging around all day for the entire time we are there. It's too much stress and pressure on me. A quick visit from friends doesn't bother me at all but since we've moved I don't think there will be any of those this time around. Plus I'm hoping to get out of the hospital a lot sooner this time.

ufsandra85 · November 2013

my mom is planning to fly up and be here for the birth and to help. i think everyone else will be at the hospital or home. i work at the hospital so i am sure i will have a ton of visitors

KariB509 · November 2013

DS was born at 4:30am. My MIL stayed at the hospital all night so she saw him after we had bonded and I had nursed. It was after I was transferred to a mother/baby room from L&D. After she left, we all took a nap (DH, me and DS) then later that day had more visitors (my mom, my sister, etc). More people came the next day as well. I didn't find it annoying or overwhelming. I was happy to show DS to our family.

lizardknitter · November 2013

I voted at least a week. I remember from DD's birth that people had issues leaving when asked (they daudled and made excuses for why they needed to hang around). Like last time, only DH will be there for the birth. I'm planning on a birthing center, so we should be on our way back home within 6 hours of birth. I want some time for DD to adjust to having a brother and for us to adjust to having 2 kids. I imagine my parents (the only family within a 6 hour drive) will come over in a day or 2, but won't stay long. Everyone else can plans visit and wait.

saisongbird · November 2013

I want to have some time with just DH and the baby. Once I've nursed the baby, rested, and we have both had some bonding time, THEN we will call our families and text my BFF, who is like a sister to me. I don't even know if I want our families at the hospital during L&D, even though they will probably not be cool with that.

maganonymous · November 2013

I voted next day in the hospital, but I'm really on the fence about same day after bonding time and next day. I guess it depends on the timing of the birth. If it is in the afternoon/night, then I would probably ask everyone except our parents to wait until the next day. If it is in the late night/morning, I think I would be ok taking visitors in the afternoon on the same day. Who knows...that might change when the time comes though...

clo1982 · November 2013

I have no set plan and will be telling everyone that we will let them know. This doesn't apply to immediate family. They will be welcome in the hospital, especially with dd, the day after my c/s if I'm up to it. Unless there is a drastic change from last time where I puked all day and was completely out of it for about 24 hours after surgery, no one but dh will be in the hospital the day I have this baby. When we get home they will be encouraged to come over so they can entertain dd, cook and clean for me!! I feel no obligation to entertain any of them so I don't worry about that. As far as friends, we will play it by ear this time. Last time it was too much. We had a revolving door of friends so quickly after I got home and I was in a ton of pain and really just didn't want them there. I'd say maybe a week after I get home friends can come. I hope for sooner because that'll mean I'm feeling up to it but I won't let guilt guide me this time.

babylimas · November 2013

My family lives close and I'm sure they will be at the hospital as soon as possible. I think the baby will be in an incubator and I won't be able to hold for a long time. So I will appreciate my family there to distract and help!

erind0213 · November 2013

It will depend what time the baby arrives really.

MIL..DH and my mom will be there for delivery then after we have an hour of skin to skin per hospital policy.

Depending on when we deliver I will welcome family at the hospital.......Although I prefer guests wait till we are home.

SomersIsles · November 2013

Everything is definitely dependent on the actual time but ideally I'd like a couple hours of privacy before visitors. The only person who will be present for the labor and delivery will be DH. My mom and MIL can kick rocks if they think they're coming in. I definitely want skin-to-skin time and general bonding time... and I'm such a shower freak that I'm hoping I can squeeze in a shower before visitors?? STM+, is that even possible?

We've entertained the idea of not telling a soul that we're driving to the hospital so that way people aren't waiting to hear... I have a feeling that if people know we're heading in, some may go and wait in the waiting room (don't ask me why....). But honestly, i'm not really one to be pushed around by how others feel.... if they want to go to the waiting room and wait, and then wait some more, so be it.

I'm very obsessed with doing everything I can to ensure breastfeeding is a success. A good friend of mine tried and failed within the first week and I know that it's sometimes super simple and sometimes feels impossible. I have it in my mind that a few hours of initial bonding will increase my chances of success. Who knows if that actually makes sense....

SomersIsles · November 2013

lizardknitter said:

I voted at least a week. I remember from DD's birth that people had issues leaving when asked (they daudled and made excuses for why they needed to hang around).

@lizardknitter, just curious, what kind of excuses did they give?? Seems so rude!

lalaith50 · November 2013

I do NOT want anyone even in the hospital except H. I mentinoed this to him recently and he was like "well you should probably tell my mother that soon.." so I'm a little nervous about that discussion but normally she is very nice and understanding. I'm torn between telling her that explictly, and just not telling them when we go to the hospital. Ha.

beachcomberbride · November 2013

I know that my MIL will want to be there ASAP after baby is born, but I am going to insist that hubby gives me at least 4 hours with Jr before she comes over. She's high intensity and she's going to want to hold him and be all over him, so I want to imprint with him before that happens.

SurpriseAt39 · November 2013

In the hospital, for labour and delivery, just me, DH and DD.

After baby is born, I'd like it to still be just us, but MIL and FIL live 5 minutes from the hospital, so I suspect even if we ask them to wait until I'm home, they will come anyway.

When DS was born it was rather awkward...MIL arrived about 10 minutes after he was born, before I was stitched up and I was about to breastfeed. I'd rather not deal with that again.

My sister plans to use vacation to come visit and help with DS. I'd be fine if she came to bring him to the hospital.

bumpuser1282882 · November 2013

I'd really prefer immediate family only, but I know my boss likes to visit the staff, so I'm expecting she will show up.
As for when we leave the hospital, I've already informed MIL she is not staying at our house (she lives 3 hours away and would need a place to sleep). I think she is arranging to stay with my mom.

SmittyPants · November 2013

DD's delivery was rough and I was overwhelmed by the people wanting to visit right away. I'm going to play it by ear this time. If we're all adjusting well ( DH, DD, myself, and the new baby) then I see no reason to wait. If we need more time then we need more time. People will meet him eventually. Frankly, our comfort is more important than their excitement.

jwls84 · November 2013

@somersisles, I always had time to shower before visitors. In the hospital I delivered in there is a 2 hour minimum before visitors can come in your room.

aracelyluna · November 2013

I voted sometime after bonding/nursing. With DS he was born at 2:18- DH, mom, And mil were with me the entire time and our dad's Andy sister waited outside the entire time too! So I saw them pretty much like 30 minutes after and they met Jorge in the nursery. They left soon after to rest at our house and came back later that day. This time mom will be with us and dad with DS and once lo is here in laws Andy sisters will make it to town. Probably won't have friends until we get home.

SomersIsles · November 2013

I'm wondering if anybody plans to, or maybe already did with a past birth, NOT tell/call anyone until after the baby is born. How'd that go??

benevolentforce · November 2013

I'm not sure what will happen yet, but if we're still overseas, no one will be here until at least 3 weeks after birth (my ideal - not because I don't love my family, but rather because I'd like the time alone at first). If we're in the states, who knows how things will go. We'll know for sure where we'll be in about 2 months, and then can finalize plans.

linzandjer11 · November 2013

We'll already be home since we're doing a homebirth. I'm probably going to request that we're left alone for at least half a day, so that we can adjust and have a little peace as a family of 3 before the whirlwind of in laws and friends come to visit or drop off food.

Andreabills · November 2013

I voted same day after bonding time. My mom and possibly dad will be at the hospital when I am laboring. Mom is actually REALLY good at keeping people posted on progress, so that is one less thing for DH to worry about. My MIL lives about 30 minutes from us and I imagine she will be at the hospital while I am laboring as well, just not in the room the whole time.

I also am not one to worry about other people's feelings above my own needs. If I need more time with LO, I will have more time with LO. Everyone who is in the waiting room is using that location for it's intended purpose-waiting. DH is really good about gate keeping so I have no concerns about anyone getting through that I don't want in there.

SmittyPants · November 2013

SomersIsles said:

I'm wondering if anybody plans to, or maybe already did with a past birth, NOT tell/call anyone until after the baby is born. How'd that go??

When I go into labor we only plan to tell my parents since we need them to watch DD and my husband's parents since they're awesome and will leave us alone until we contact them again. Last time my DH posted "It's go time!" on Facebook. Big mistake. We ended up having to turn our phones off because people kept calling to ask if she was here yet and what time they could come to the hospital.

BrideNamedMeg · November 2013

So much depends on the time of the birth that it's hard to say! Also how long your labor was, complications, etc. With DD I was in labor for about 24 hours (not all of it active, but I didn't get much sleep in that time). It was just me and DH in the room, but my mom and my sister came to the hospital because they knew I was in labor and hadn't heard from us in awhile so they figured it was close. They came in about an hour after the birth (which was late to begin with 10:00pm) but that was okay with me, I was happy to see them. I was tired, but also pretty pumped up by the birth. My IL ended up coming that night as well, probably around midnight. We had a few visitors in the hospital, but not a ton and it never seemed like too much.

DS was born at home at 2:00am, so besides my mom and sister who were there to watch DD and help out, we didn't have visitors until much later in the day. My mom stayed until around 10:00am to watch DS and DD while MH and I slept then she went home to sleep. I think my SIL came over in the morning and brought bagels, my IL's came over later that day.

So I guess I'm fine with same day visits, especially since we'll be at home. My family is very helpful overall and no one seems to overstay their welcome - plus they bring food

jrw526 · November 2013

With DS we told family they were welcome to wait in the waiting room but that we wouldn't be taking visitors until we were moved into the recovery room. MIL and BIL got to the hospital just about the same time we did. DS was born about 20 minutes later but it was another 3 hours until they him. Our families aren't pushy so it worked out well for us.

lillybelle30 · November 2013

Whenever they choose to visit. This is my 6th baby. We've never set parameters and never had anyone make inappropriate visits so its never been an issue for us.

ClaireBear90 · November 2013

saraboespflug said:

SomersIsles said:

I'm wondering if anybody plans to, or maybe already did with a past birth, NOT tell/call anyone until after the baby is born. How'd that go??

This is what DH and I are planning as of right now, although not sure how it will fly with MIL. I guess we will wait and see, we will be FTP and want it to just be a special time we share together.

I was super private about going into labor . . . and thank goodness I was because it took me two days to have DD. I didn't want anyone showing up at the birth center or calling DH to find out if I had had the baby yet. But I didn't tell anyone beforehand that I wasn't going to make my labor public. I wouldn't tell your MIL if you don't want to . . . chances are she won't even care when she gets the call that her grand baby has been born!

ntdane · November 2013

I voted SS because it depends on how far along I am when the twins are born, if we have to schedule a c-section, and if any NICU time is needed. The closest family is 4.5 hours away and if I go into labor we will be calling them ASAP to come pick up DS from our neighbors. My family is 10 hours away and my mom will be on her way as soon as I call, which is great. We're planning on her staying a couple of weeks to help out, and she was great about checking in but not being all over us when DS was born.

I found with DS that I didn't mind visitors. DH didn't spend every minute there and I was almost a little lonely once in awhile. People were really good about checking with me and not overstaying their welcome.

Excitedmum35 · November 2013

saraboespflug said:

SomersIsles said:

I'm wondering if anybody plans to, or maybe already did with a past birth, NOT tell/call anyone until after the baby is born. How'd that go??

This is what DH and I are planning as of right now, although not sure how it will fly with MIL. I guess we will wait and see, we will be FTP and want it to just be a special time we share together.

With DS I was induced on my due date but we only told my mum that was happening as she was looking after my older child. We purposely didnt tell mil or any other family or friends as we didnt want questions and we didn't want mil hanging around the hospital. As it was mil came to visit whilst I was trying to sleep as she wasn't concerned about how I was feeling- just about her grandson! Rude!

Nickiechan · November 2013

My plan is the same that we did with DS. No one will know I'll be in labor... and we will make the announcement to IL and my family after DD is born. I didn't want to have my feeling interfere with them waiting etc... I rather not worry about what they are doing while I need to focus. My MIL was a bit upset about it, but I don't care... I didn't want her hounding me or DH at the hospital or at home... because I knew she would be 'calling' all the time for updates.

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