Prego Jealousy

Mariefg2 · November 2013

So my husband and I are TTC starting in March of 2014 and someone I know just got pregnant. I was shocked at myself when my first reaction was jealousy. Someone please tell me I am not crazy to feel that way. I don't want her family or children I just want my own bump...

SmileyJay · November 2013

You aren't alone. The very basis of jealousy is seeing someone having what you want for yourself. Of course you don't want HER child, but you want to be in the place where she is at right now. It's just 5 months away

On the flip, if you are really bothered you may talk to DH about moving the timeline up. 5 months won't make or break it.

KIR2DS4 · November 2013

We're on the Spring 2014 train too and I don't find myself getting jealous....I think if I did we would just TTC right now. I agree with pp who said maybe talk to DH about the timeline.

AlanaB2010 · November 2013

Another one for the "Spring 2014 train" (I love that). The wait is brutal!

Irishcurls · November 2013

We're looking at Spring 2014 too! Though honestly, I get a little skeered and think maybe Summer 2014. It really wavers for me; I am jealous of the teeny little babies but NOT jealous of the pregnant women. If that makes sense.

LittleLunarMouse · November 2013

You're not crazy, I'm in that same boat myself, and actually had the same exact situation happen. A friend announced she was pregnant and my first reaction was jealousy. Of course I was happy and excited for her, but I just wished more than anything I could be in her shoes right at that moment. I didn't beat myself up over it, and you shouldn't either. It's only natural to be jealous over something you want so badly

Twinkie0612 · November 2013

MandJS said:

There is no limit to how many people can get pregnant. You will probably encounter many MANY more pregnant people between now and March. And please be aware that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. So you may not be pregnant quickly.

If you're not already, however, may I suggest you start tracking your BBT? Take your prenatals, too. Read TCOYF, too. Charting and taking care of yourself are great ways to increase your chances of successfully TTC and, it gives you at least some "control" over the situation. Because at the end of the day, you really don't have much control over when, or even IF, you get KU.

This is great advice.

I also hope that you don't experience infertility issues. If you are jealous of pregnant women and aren't even TTC yet, you will never be able to survive infertility.

obxlaurak · November 2013

I'm not jealous. Sure I wish I was pregnant right now, but whatever. Good for them!

BUT, I have noticed that I feel like I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE.

Melissa51212 · November 2013

I am the same way and we are also waiting to till spring 2014 but I joke my ovaries are in pain haah

AlanaB2010 · November 2013

So I wonder why the Spring 2014 train exists? Why is everyone not, say, on the Winter 2013 train? Or maybe this pasta sauce posting is just bringing out the lurkers like myself. For us it's post-birth childcare scheduling (dream world means being pregnant in May, having baby in Feb., off til June, DH home with baby til Aug., parents with baby from Aug.-? after their cross-Canada trip). It may take months, years, decades to get PG but we decided we'd wait til May and just see if by some chance it worked out. That's the explanation - does that sound insane to anyone? It sounded insane as I typed it.

Melissa51212 · November 2013

I actually have to have a small procedure done in order to be allowed to TTC hence why we waiting till the spring 2014 train to even start but I am trying to not stress out knowing that it could take awhile but after the procedure we are okay to!

Irishcurls · November 2013

My husband is in the military. So even then, Spring 2014 is sort of a soft timeline.

DoubleUp8 · November 2013

I am on the 2014 train too! We would like to take care of a few financial things (especially growing the nest egg). We bought our first home in March and wanted to take a year to save up some money after all the expenses of moving and house renovations. We did a lot of the work ourselves which has made for a fun but stressful 2013!

erinmc1 · November 2013

I used to be incredibly jealous, even before my husband and I had trouble TTC. The other ladies are right, though. It's more about wanting to be in the life stage that those women are in, at this point. Once we started TTC, it was a whole 'nother can of worms, especially jealousy for pregnant women who weren't in any position to raise a child.

You can make your peace with it. We can't have children, ever. We adopted our son, and we know that another baby means another adoption, which can take years, too. But I'm not jealous anymore. Someone else's pregnancy resulted in me being a mom.

Mariefg2 · November 2013

We want to have my degree before we have our first. That is why we are waiting until the spring. School is what will eventually pay the bills so we want that to get our ducks in a row if we can. Any time after I get my degree would be a good time to get KU in my opinion.

always4278 · November 2013

I have baby fever so bad right now so I completely get the jealousy. I would love to be at a place in life to be ready to TTC but my boyfriend and I are not. We have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old and that is wonderful but there is way to much that has to happen before we try for our second. First I really want to get engaged and married for one thing. I know it is all backwards but it is still important to me. My bf just went back to school last year and is extremely busy so I know to have a child now would put a lot of the work on me because he simply wouldn't have the time. I graduated with my bachelor's degree in nursing this past May and I have a good job and my life is very stable. I guess I just feel like I'm ready for family life but my bf is trying to gear up to finish up his degree and not there yet. Our time line is realistically like three years.

That being said sometimes the waiting is so hard! This week at work two of the 5 of us announced they are pregnant. The other two's partners have had vasectomies. So I'm the only one not pregnant who still wants more kids. Lol. I am so happy for them, but a part of me just feels that pull to have a baby too. But really, as someone previously posted, its that I'm jealous that someone is at that point in life and I want to be there too. I know the wait will be worth it though and I can't wait for the day my bf decides he is ready

ClaireB84 · November 2013

We are ttc as of januari 2014 because of our wedding next year and my wish to actually fit in my dress

in case we so get pregnant right away. perfectly good reason to wait you'd say, but other girls pregnancies make me so so jealous. It's not that you don't feel happy for them, but wanting it for yourself so bad makes it hard to see others experiencing it I suppose. Just like when you were younger and your siblings had birthdays and got all the gifts hahaha

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

1. When you start TTC, you are automatically more aware of the pregnants and the babies.

2. Try not to be jealous, you do not know their journey/what they went through to have that baby.

^THIS is me!!! Wasn't even thinking of babies until it randomly one day in late July/early August and it was like a freight train ran over me. I understand the little twinge of jealousy everytime you hear of a friend/family pregnant or having a baby. Heck I even get teary eyed when I'm grocery shopping and someone in front of me has a tiny baby in a carrier in their shopping cart!!! Anyone else do the same??

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

I'm not on the Spring 2013 train but I'm hoping to talk to my hubby again about TTC toward the end of next summer...he just started a landscaping business and is waiting for it to get off the ground and get going really well. And for him he means like 10 years from now when it is doing really well. LOL!! Its pretty sad.

kdc5836 · November 2013

^THIS is me!!! Wasn't even thinking of babies until it randomly one day in late July/early August and it was like a freight train ran over me. I understand the little twinge of jealousy everytime you hear of a friend/family pregnant or having a baby. Heck I even get teary eyed when I'm grocery shopping and someone in front of me has a tiny baby in a carrier in their shopping cart!!! Anyone else do the same??

I do this all the time!! Any baby or baby bump I see in public I get sad wishing I had one. We are actually going to start trying next month, so hopefully the wait will be over soon. I know it won't happen immediately but at least in the meantime I will know we are doing what we can to make this dream come happen for our family

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

@kdc5836 - that is exciting! I'm kind of glad you feel the same way. I feel like a psycho when that happens and try not to let anyone see that it makes me sad. Best of luck for you!!! Try using Fertilityfriend.com if you want to be serious about "temping" (checking your temperature daily) and checking for all your signs of ovulation! They also have great resources like lessons and quizzes!

kdc5836 · November 2013

I just downloaded the fertility friend app and will start temping with this next cycle. I am so excited been wanting to start trying for a over year and husband is finally ready too!!

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

Yeah, I will be so excited when my husband finally gets ready!! Good luck!!

kdc5836 · November 2013

@barefootbluejean204I've been off BC for 15 months just waiting as patiently as I can. Now that it is so close I am going insane trying to pass the time, but all I can think about is TTC!

magdalina.h · November 2013

The only time I was jealous of someone's pregnancy is shortly after my son passed away.

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

@kdc5836 - I know what you mean. Also as an update - last night my hubby and I were watching a movie (Heart of the Country) and at the very end of it (not to be a spoiler in case you watch it!) they show her very pregnant - I started crying and hubby asked me why and I said "cause you don't want kids for another 10 years" he started laughing and said he was exaggerating when he said that. I said "so we can talk about it again next year?" and he agreed. LOL - all my worrying for nothing...I could have slapped him!
[-(

@magdalina.h my mother experienced a loss at 32 weeks. She keeps a blog https://www.lisanotes.com/kali-infant-loss/ if you would like to read it - it is very comforting. I miss my angel sister and know I will get to meet her one day!!

CJAA14 · November 2013

AlanaB2010 said:

So I wonder why the Spring 2014 train exists? Why is everyone not, say, on the Winter 2013 train? Or maybe this pasta sauce posting is just bringing out the lurkers like myself. For us it's post-birth childcare scheduling (dream world means being pregnant in May, having baby in Feb., off til June, DH home with baby til Aug., parents with baby from Aug.-? after their cross-Canada trip). It may take months, years, decades to get PG but we decided we'd wait til May and just see if by some chance it worked out. That's the explanation - does that sound insane to anyone? It sounded insane as I typed it.

My DH and I are doing the same thing! My job revolves around a school calendar and I will finish my Master's degree Dec. 2014 so Feb. baby would work perfect for having time off. I keep thinking the same thing, that I hope it works perfectly so we should wait until May but I know it could not work at first and then what difference would it make that we tried to wait to time it then. Waiting is hard and pregnant friends/coworkers are popping up everywhere!

Glad to hear someone else has the urge to plan even the most unplannable things!

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

It sucks cause all my coworkers are always dropping hints like "have them while you're young!!"

:-S

EKP110913 · November 2013

I definitely get jealous. The hubby and I aren't TTC yet but are not trying to prevent either. We aren't TTC because we just got married and are trying to save up and prepare financially. I know logically it makes sense to wait and have our financial ducks in a row, but deep down I secretly hope for an "oops" moment

Hang in there ladies. You are totally normal!

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

@EKP110913 This is me EXACTLY. hubby just started a business so we're trying to wait until it gets off the ground and we're more stable financially (even though I have a steady job). But all of my coworkers tell me "If you wait til you can afford a baby you will never have one!" So hard to wait but it is the best thing for baby I suppose.

jennalking2013 · November 2013

I haven't really been super jealous of anyone else's pregnancies yet. Don't get me wrong, when three of my friends got BFP all within a months time, I was definitely envious. But I wouldn't really call it jealous, I wouldn't think.

CJAA14 · January 2014

My DH and I have not been trying to prevent it and are on our 7th cycle but haven't had any luck. I keep hoping that it will happen when I said would be "perfect", in May but I had been hoping too that it would happen before then. I have been temping and charting and using opks so we have been doing things pretty much when we need to and I thought without telling my DH the lack of pressure would help our luck. Silly thought I know.

ej1234 · January 2014

Hubby and I are going to start to TTC in the upcoming few months. I am so excited, but nervous of course, as this would be our 1st. And def have the jealously thing going on. I look at baby stuff all the time! [its pretty much consumed my evenings after work; R&R time] lol!

Although, I almost feel like he might have a time in mind but I'm finding it hard to get this "exact time" out of him. (I just don't want to be caught off guard that day when it happens; I'd rather be on the same page *together*), you know? Any thoughts gals on how to help him open up about this without making him feel pressured?

Mariefg2 · January 2014

EJ, I totally get what you are talking about.

I cant say that there is something that is going to work specifically for you. For my Husband I would tell him that I want to talk about how a baby would fit into our future and I want him think about it and to tell me what he thinks over dinner or coffee. Giving him a couple of hours notice always gets me a good response. However not all husbands are equal.

I have known some women get to control all of the decisions. The wife in this situation decided how and when because she would be the person who stays home and although a child effects everyone it impacts mom's more in my opinion and that is why some dads in my opinion let the mom/wife make the decision. Hopefully this helps.

ej1234 · January 2014

Thanks Marie! We did have a discussion and it went well. I discussed some confusion I had with some of the comments he had made about TTC. We still don't have a perfect "date" in mind but I'll keep my fingers crossed! We both agreed it's our next step and would fit well into our lifestyle

ombradellarosa · February 2014

I wouldn't say I am jealous exactly but I definitely have the hyper-awareness thing going on. I feel like my eyes are magnetically attracted to every baby and baby bump in my vicinity. We are waiting until June to start TTC and I just want to fast-forward there already! I am trying to focus on just enjoying this time with my husband as a couple but since TTC is linked with graduation in my mind, I really want the wait and the schooling both to end!

NerdyLucy · February 2014

ombradellarosa said:

I wouldn't say I am jealous exactly but I definitely have the hyper-awareness thing going on.

Same here.

michellerenee1987 · February 2014

I think it's normal! I know I am! Three of my friends in the last week or two have announced their pregnancy! 3!!!! I'm like a mess thinking when will hubby be on board for. Or second!? Makai is gonna be 3 know June and i know we have time! I just can't help but be jealous a little of them their husbands are all on board, they all want this. And my husband is my worried if he'll ever get laid again after a second kid.

TheTrunchbull · February 2014

I'm at the point where if I see a cute bump or an infant, I feel like my ovaries hurt. I'm not jealous exactly, but I desire it for sure.

LimaD · February 2014

Joy2611 said:

I'm jealous of tomato sauce, too.

it took me wayyyy too long to get what you were saying. lol

rlpointer · February 2014

I'm right there. I have some major baby fever. The hubs and I are going to start trying April/May which seems like a really long ways off. It seems like there are pregnant women everywhere - everywhere I go, Facebook, blogs I read. Other things my baby fever is held at bay because my 16 month old has a meltdown and I wonder if I could really do it all again. But mostly I'm the same, my ovaries hurt whenever I see a pregnant lady (which is ALL THE TIME)!

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